bumblebee Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Many of the guys who frequent forums do so for the fact that they will be in Thailand for a holiday/vacation period and want to enjoy it to the max. Other guys live there and have to be more discreet, be it doing the bar scene or the internet route, which merge on many occasions as the girls realise the outlets for customers. I floated around the usual sites myself, Thaifriendly, Gayromeo, Cam Frog etc as do many of you LB connoisseurs. Basically the majority of us are out for a bit of no strings attached fun, meet them, dabble and move on to the next. But what about the LBs. I so often see on Thaifriendly for example comments "no lie man" "looking for boyfriend" etc. We all know the rules of P4P, but what about the genuine LBs who join these sites hoping to meet a guy who understands them and wants to form a relationship. It must be so frustrating for them meeting guys who seem to like them and then they disappear off the radar after having their wicked way. Is it any wonder they are so cynical about us. So what about sites like Thaifriendly, do you reckon if she is online she is fair game and/or do you sympathies with the frustrations of genuine non P4P LBs? . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duke007 Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 If they are on-line on TF after midnight (thai time) then most are fair "game" imho Ive been studying that site quite intensely over the last few months or so Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randiuno Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Well BB, I think I'm somewhat sympathetic to the girls. I have four very sweet and sincere ladyboy friends in the Philippines now who are just amazing people. College educated, working in fortune 500 companies as managers, and absolutely beautiful. They have all related that foreign men who just wanted to get laid have consistently lied to them about their intentions. One told me of a guy she had been chatting with for 3 months, but would only chat with her from his office computer, and could never video. I told her..."wake up, that guy is married, and is just wasting your time playing around at his desk at work. If he can't video chat from home, he must be married". She was hurt, but realized it was true. I have told each of these four that I'm not ready for a serious relationship, and therefore probably not for them, and they all continue to chat with me, although it is clear they are hoping at some point I will "settle down" and stop butterflying around at some point. These girls are not looking for any financial support, but are looking for a guy who will be honest and sincere with them. I also have a different group of LB friends who are not educated and are trying to either get a foreign bf to take care of them, or get a little financial benefit from the relationship. These are disappointed if you say you aren't serious, but are always ready willing and able to meet in a hotel, and are grateful for 1000 pesos at the end of the night. With one of these I maintained a "relationship" for over six months, and I know in her mind I was just an ATM with a penis...she was willing to say anything to meet me, and get a few pesos, and say anything to have me send a few pesos periodically for support. Unfortunately, it was a game, but for her it is a game for survival. Having seen where she lived, and the circumstances in which her family lived, I realized that what I spent on cigars and drinks in a month would make a material difference in her life. So I didn't mind helping, even though I know it was just a game. I had a unique experience with her. She let me read all her chats on yahoo messenger with all the guys she had chatted with for over a six months period. It was really eye opening for me. This kid is only 18, but admitted she had been seeing foreign men since she was 15. In these chats there were so many graphic and lewd comments initiated by the guys, that after a while I became sick, and really felt bad for her. However, the worst were the guys that said they were about to get on a plane, and then never showed up, and the guys who did show up, fucked her and then never returned one of her YM's after that. Whether she was just looking for a payday, or for true romance, either way the number of guys that just disappeared without showing up, and/or after fucking her was something to see. I realized that this 18 years old kid, had to have the hardest heart imaginable to be able to keep searching for foreigners, and was clearly a very damaged person. So, game or no game...I think if you want to play around just say so, and give a fair price for P4P, and don't mislead the girls for free ass if you know you are never going back to S.E. Asia after your vacation. My two cents... Cheers, Randi . 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xrayspecs Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 I do sympathise for the ones who genuinely want a relationship but from our point of view they are far more girls who may claim they are but are simply playing the game. Because of this it's very much a two way street where the chances are both parties will be very suspicious of the others motivations and also be jaded from past events. I doesn't help matters that most girls regardless of their motivations will treat you as a boyfriend after only the first night. It's very different from prostitution in the west and while it feels nice to get the attention it does make it very difficult to realise when a girl is actually genuine. The main thing that hit me when I first went to Thaliand was how they were all real people with their own individual lives and emotions. This is one of the reasons I find my trips such an emotional rollercoaster and each time there seems to be at least one girl that I feel I click with and have at least some genuine emotions for. But are they genuine themselves? Most men are simply out for a good time in Pattaya and most girls are simply in it for the money but the pretence of genuine feelings is often carried out by both sides regardless which makes it very difficult for the few that are looking for something more. So, I do sympathise for the genuine girls but both parties are in the same boat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rxpharm Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 I have not used any dating sites - to meet anyone, although I have checked out the ads on a few. I appreciate the replies here as it covers a range of views. I do have a question for users of these sites though: what is your real reason for doing so? Ultimately you can have a no strings attached "fling" in LOS or Philippines without having to go through this process - although I do understand in the Philippines it is easier to get some contacts ahead of time. Do you ever wonder that you are contributing to creating more jaded lbs because of your actions? To get their attention do you drop "hints" that if you have a good time with them you will continue to stay in touch, and see them again, and possibly send them some support? It is indeed a two way street, and I think it is ok to use these sites, but don't string the ladies along, and hint about actions you have no intention of keeping. Keep it up front - so you don't contribute to the very problems you complain about - flicks, huffs, stares, and more jaded lbs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimslim Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 I do have a question for users of these sites though: what is your real reason for doing so? Ultimately you can have a no strings attached "fling" in LOS or Philippines without having to go through this process - although I do understand in the Philippines it is easier to get some contacts ahead of time. Well said , I've never seen the point of it all either its not as if the girls are hard to find when you get there I know the Holy Grail for some guys is getting a girl who isn't on the game but I would imagine that would create its own problems , it wouldn't be very nice to woo someone over a period of time and arrange to meet , make plans and promises then dump then again after a few hours or a night . The genuine ones would be upset at that I'm sure anybody would . For me picking up someone from a bar is easier all round there is no questions as to my intentions and no chance of confusion Like Rxpharm I wonder have some guys really thought it through , do they really know what they want ? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4:17 Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Interesting topic, BB, and interesting, thoughtful responses so far. I can certainly understand why the girls get jaded. To a lesser extent, I even understand the guys that get jaded and make (to my mind) often ridiculous and somewhat narrow-minded generalizations about Thai girls, working girls, culture, etc. (before anyone flames me, I'm not directing that at anyone in particular; in fact this board seems to get a minimum of that sort of thing, unlike, say LBP). For my part, I suppose I'm a true butterfly man. I don't understand these guys that come here looking for love and a long-term relationship, but then I don't really understand the folks back home pining away for that sort of thing. Not knocking it, it's just not for me (and no, I didn't come from a broken home; my parents were very loving towards each other, and us kids, and they were together for more than 50 years). So I'm always very honest with the girls, both in P4P and outside that scene. It's hard for people from Southeast Asian cultures to understand someone who doesn't want to ever get married, doesn't want to be in a LTR, etc., as it is so ingrained in their own culture -- it's a very alien way of thinking -- even in Western cultures. But I'm just much more happy and content living the simple life on my own (guess that's why I love working girls). Were I ever to get involved with someone seriously again (I tried to conform to the norm, once upon a time), she would have to be just as bad a butterfly as I am (and of course I would let her butterfly, because I'd be doing the same -- if you love something set it free. ). Needless to say I'm not a jealous person. ... But my (rather sanctimonious) point is, I rarely have any problems with women or LBs, be they P4P or not. Frankly I'm sometimes mystified when I see or hear about some drama that some board member experienced. I think as long as you are honest about what you are up to/what you want, whether you are talking to a prostitute, the cashier at 7-11 or the business woman you met across the conference table, there's not going to be any problems on either side. At least that's been my experience. On the other hand, guys stringing along girls on some dating site just to get some and then walk away -- being the playa -- that's a bit despicable, at best. That's my long-winded 0.63 baht. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomcat Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 It's hard for people from Southeast Asian cultures to understand someone who doesn't want to ever get married, doesn't want to be in a LTR, etc., as it is so ingrained in their own culture -- it's a very alien way of thinking -- even . Times are changing on that score and very fast. In Taiwan men have to import brides from Issan due to lack of local girls interested. Same in Japan and South Korea...long term is dead. China may be an exception for the moment and im not about LOS but one hting is sure that long term is finished Anyway one should probably approach these dating sites with all the cynical neurons intact . . Just because its dating site it doesnt mean that no kissing on the first date...After waking up with most ladyboys in the cold light of day its usually a sober up and reality check , with the odd exception... for both parties i may add How many guys are actually ever going to end in in a long term reationship for more that five years. Around 1% and thats practically zero. Lets face it , always ends in tears....and probably not hers. I hardly know anyone where the relation ship has worked. Also some of these Honies dont age well either ... lets not go there eh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardhi Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Times are changing on that score and very fast. In Taiwan men have to import brides from Issan due to lack of local girls interested. Same in Japan and South Korea...long term is dead. China may be an exception for the moment and im not about LOS but one hting is sure that long term is finished Anyway one should probably approach these dating sites with all the cynical neurons intact . . Just because its dating site it doesnt mean that no kissing on the first date...After waking up with most ladyboys in the cold light of day its usually a sober up and reality check , with the odd exception... for both parties i may add How many guys are actually ever going to end in in a long term reationship for more that five years. Around 1% and thats practically zero. Lets face it , always ends in tears....and probably not hers. I hardly know anyone where the relation ship has worked. Also some of these Honies dont age well either ... lets not go there eh These things (relationships) should only ever be considered a long term lease. A pretty simple & hard nosed view but not far from reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardhi Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 I must admit, i am also amazed at the lengths some go to in this area. Bit like trying to pick up the girl working in a department store thing. But it just goes back to the old adage of trying to get something that is ordinarily unavailable. For me, it does nothing and I live here but for guys to keep on at it who don't live here - just seems self destructive to the guy and also to the girl. No good will come of it, so why bother? I am sure there is also the mental thinking "oh but I don't need to pay for it" (so its worth the effort) - that one will rear its head soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lone Ranger Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 75% playing the game 15% genuine 10% The long con Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4:17 Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Times are changing on that score and very fast. ... Interesting, Tomcat, I haven't been back to China/Taiwan or Japan since 2005; I'm not surprised things are changing and the old Confucian thinking may be fading somewhat/superceded by other ways of thinking. I think SE Asia is a little behind that curve, particularly here in Viet Nam, and in Cambo and Laos, I imagine. I wouldn't be surprised if Thailand is not far behind Taiwan and Japan though ... Sorry if I'm getting off topic. P.S. Ditto pretty much all of what Mardhi said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardhi Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Actually - I do correct myself, although its not fully related. The "instant opportunity" is an altogether different ball game. i.e your walking through the department store (or airport) stop at a counter where a pretty LB is working and mutually agree to shoot off to the toilets or changing rooms for some quick action on the sly is to be highly commended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randiuno Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Great thread...BB... I have decided that I am actually looking for a real long term relationship with a ladyboy/transgendered person. Here in the U.S., there are few quality tg girls to choose from...most are very damaged due to rejection by society. I have been encouraged by the number of college educated and working ladyboys in the Philippines...although it is only about 1% of the ladyboy population, the sheer volume of the number of ladyboys makes the 1% a much larger pool to choose from than in the U.S. So, even though I'm butterflying a little now, I know in short order I will be bringing a girl back to the states. My situation is different from many other guys since my whole family and closests colleagues know my preferences. Coming out of the closet has its advantages, although it also has its major costs if you are still relatively young and not retired. My story is I was willing to "sponsor" a young poor girl to get all her dreams. But it is so sad to see someone so distrusting from the use and abuse, that they can't even recognize when a sincere offer for a better life is staring them in the face. But I realize when you have been lied to and abused so many times, and guys have said anything to you just to bust a nut in your ass, you quickly decide that all foreigners are liars, and just decide to say anything to get as much as you can now. Very sad to see the effects of misuse play out. Anyway, I have decided to split my efforts....like I have done my whole life with real girls, but this time I'm searching for ladyboys. I have my legitimate ladyboy prospects that I'm being honest with about my butterfly nature and activities so they can decide if they want to hang with me, and then I have my 1000 peso ST girls that I will get freaky with and send away with cab fare and tip. I'm honest with them too...I say it will be worth your while to spend the afternoon or night with me, but I like lots of girls...and they understand, and don't expect anything more than maybe a follow-up for a few more pesos. Final point...one of my college educated successful Philippino ladyboy friends I have learned is from a very prominent family. I was told to google her family name by another ladyboy who is her friend. I was flabergasted and totally intimidated that I was talking to the scion of such a prominent family...When we first video chatted, she had a curtain behind her, so you couldn't see any details of her living circumstances. As she became comfortable with me, the curtain dropped, and I could see she lived in a house that would be the envy of almost any westerner...obviously, she was keeping her financial and life ciircumstances covered so that people she is chatting with wouldn't try to get with her just because of her financial situation... Anyway...I still have a lot to learn...I have many more trips to make...and many more girls to meet. More will be revealed. Cheers, Randi . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bumblebee Posted August 19, 2012 Author Share Posted August 19, 2012 Some very good and interesting points guys. Lone Ranger mentions the long con. I presume these are the girls who appear genuine but are working to a hidden agenda and a big prize further down the line, be it a house, a passport for the States or the EU etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TEXASMAC Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 BB, Wht I have nver heard of any of the sites you mentioned in your first post? I am such a rookie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beijo Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Mardhi - short term lease. Right on Randi - Be careful on bringing somebody back I believe we make a big mistake by expecting Thais (same Lao & Cambodia) to have the same values we have and feel sorry for them when played by a falang. I believe that love and relationship, including marriage have a totaly different meaning in the Asian culture than what we are used to, and I believe that our beloved LB's are not so much jaded but do what comes natural to them. Remember the words "I am looking for somebody to take care of me". Its not looking for eternal love, its simply looking for security and money is security and more money is more security. I happen to have some insight in the local non P4P Thai / Laotion community here in the US and I see older men importing young wifes from Asia. The young wifes come for a better future not for love and leave the old men when established in the country and can stand on their own or when she finds a better prospect, Old man goes back to Asia to bring back an other young wife and so on. Marriage just does not seem to have the same meaning we are used to and lets not forget the first loyalty is not to the husband but to the parents. In most cases I believe the LB or Asian GG will look at a falang husband as a means to get what they want materialy. How is that any different from the guys gaming the girls. I believe the only one who is getting a raw deal is the poor guy who is falling in love with a Thai LB or GG and expexts true love, honesty and a long term comitment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lone Ranger Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Some very good and interesting points guys. Lone Ranger mentions the long con. I presume these are the girls who appear genuine but are working to a hidden agenda and a big prize further down the line, be it a house, a passport for the States or the EU etc. I met a ladyboy on MyThai ladyboy dating site many years ago and got stung for a lot of money after being together for a three years. I am not going to go into how much and what happened. But just be aware of what your getting yourself into. In my humble opinion, if you are going on holiday just use the bars or freelancers and have a good time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duke007 Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I met a non p4p ladyboy who is an accountant in Bangkok named Nook, we became an item and she was 1000% genuine imho and that she "truly" loved me. She never asked for a penny and was more than happy to speak with me for a couple of hours each day on msn after she finished work and would wait for me to return to LOS. I met her family who welcomed me with open arms and even got told off by her Father once for buying her an IPod for a Xmas present, he told me not to waste my money on gifts and to keep it for myself...lol I ended the relationship because I didnt think it fair to her as she was approaching 27 years old and I didnt forsee a future of us being able to be together full-time, a crying shame but a reality as I didnt live there. Im sure the FM's here that have met Nook will endorse my comments Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamSam Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I ended the relationship because I didnt think it fair to her as she was approaching 27 years old and I didnt forsee a future of us being able to be together full-time, a crying shame but a reality as I didnt live there. That was honourable Mr. Duke. Do you know if she ever found what she was looking for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTel Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Im sure the FM's here that have met Nook will endorse my comments Having met Nook when She was with you in Pattaya I would certaimly endorse your comments, a absolutely delightful person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duke007 Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 That was honourable Mr. Duke. Do you know if she ever found what she was looking for? I did see Nook a few times afterwards and we stayed in contact, she was upset I didnt call her while I was in LOS in February and I havent spoken to her in a few months, hopefully she has/will find what she is looking for, my amogo Tel has hit the "nail on the head" in his description of Nook, I will add that she would be the "perfect" girlfriend for someone living in Thailand Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdogg Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Im sure the FM's here that have met Nook will endorse my comments Absolutely. She's a real sweetheart. Most women are looking for love. Most women want to be in a relationship. Most women prefer a rich guy. Most women prefer a handsome guy. Most women prefer a guy of their own ethnicity. Most women prefer an all around good guy. Most women prefer a guy around their own age or slightly older. I think ladyboys are like women in this regard. And the Thai boyfriend is good for sex. But I don't think that many Thai guys are looking for a LTR with a Thai ladyboy. There are many more ladyboys who want a relationship with a farang than the other way around. Though Walking Street is not the best hunting ground for this type of ladyboy. Just like women throughout the world, ladyboys want long term financial security and are willing to overlook lots of warts to get it/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrock Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I'm a terrible cynic fellas, and as much as I want to believe there are,at least, a few of these beautiful creatures that truly want a relationship, I can't help but think, it's all about the money. I ain't a young man anymore, and I find it hard to believe that a young, gorgeous, asian tranny, really finds any common ground with a middle aged, western guy. I ain't got fuck all in common with any of them, and the cultural divide is, at times, impenetrable. For me it's all about sex, thank fuck. Keeps it nice and simple. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beijo Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Duke - Yes there are exceptions to the rule, there always are and I am glad you found one and treated her right. But I stand by my above post even if many of you think its cynical. There are too many of us loosing sight of reality when on vacation in LOS and maybe its wishful thinking. Just like redrock says its all about sex and money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.