randiuno

This article has been making rounds on my ladyboy friends facebook pages. One of my so cal post op friends called me crying after she read the article as it confirmed that she would never find a real relationship... What say my fellow mongerers.... http://www.salon.com/2013/10/22/im_attracted_to_trans_women/ ________________________________________________________________ I’m attracted to trans women After years of confusion and shame, I'm ready to stop hiding the truth about my desires -- and I'm not alone By Thomas Matt A version of this story originally appeared on The Weave. I never thought I would have to come out about being attracted to women. But that’s the funny and sad position I’m in these days. Although I don’t see anything different about my sexual orientation, most people do. About four years ago, I was an exchange student in Thailand, a country known for its large, open transgender population. While most men avoided trans women, I saw no difference between them and cisgender women (women who were born biologically female). I was attracted to trans women, in other words, and I spent the next three years of my life in confusion and shame. The heteronormative world in which we live had successfully convinced me that being attracted to transgender women meant I had a fetish. I began questioning my sexuality and even my masculinity. I didn’t even know what to call my sexual orientation. Finally one day, after hours of searching, I came across two terms that described what I was feeling. Trans-attraction and trans-orientation. Neither one is official or common, but their use is growing due to the increasing demand for a way to categorize people who are attracted to transgender people. When I saw these words, a feeling of relief washed over me: I was not alone. I don’t always describe myself as trans-attracted, but the label helped me feel like I had a place in the queer community and it helps others understand my sexuality. My year in Thailand made it a second home for me, and I returned last spring for a study abroad semester. Once again surrounded by the transgender community, I started thinking about my sexuality almost every day and this inner conflict re-arose. That was when I started reading queer theory. Julia Serano, a transgender activist and writer, pointed out that it is not acceptable to consider attraction to trans women a fetish, because that reduces them to fetish objects. Trans women are treated as if they are not worthy of love. In her speech, titled “The Beauty in Us,” she said, “Because our culture deems us undesirable, our lovers and partners are often expected to explain why they choose to be with us.” After reading that powerful speech as well as many other queer theorists, I stopped feeling so backward. It was the shaming of trans-attraction that was ridiculous — not my sexual orientation. advertisement However, I wasn’t ready to be open, because I wasn’t yet aware of the desperate societal need for me to do so. I didn’t realize just how damaging my shame could be to trans women. It wasn’t until I fell for a transgender girl in Thailand that my own toxic silence finally melted away. When we met I thought that she might be transgender, but I was not sure. Regardless of what might be between her legs, I found her confidence, independence and grace inspiring. We started seeing each other. We met three times before she told me she was transgender. It breaks my heart when I remember how nervous she was. She was afraid to tell me for two reasons: One was fear of rejection. It must be so painful to be turned away and shunned by someone you like because he does not see you as a “real” woman, whatever that means. The other devastatingly sad fear that she had to deal with was fear for her safety. I could have exploded into a violent rage and responded with my fists, or even a weapon. This certainly happens to transgender women, often when all they are doing is searching for love. According to Trans Murder Monitoring, there were 265 trans people murdered in 2012 alone. Somehow, facing those fears, she mustered the amazing strength and courage to tell me. I watched relief pour over her face when I told her that I didn’t care. It’s a strange world that we live in when two people who are attracted to each other have to come out to each other. Later that evening, she turned to me and said, “I feel free.” Finally being open about my sexuality was liberating for me, too. So why bother coming out? I could easily hide this, since I am attracted to cisgender women, too. I decided to be open about it, though, because of how few openly trans-attracted people there are in the world and how this silence contributes to stigma about trans people and sexuality. Although trans attraction is hardly a rare phenomenon, it remains hidden because almost all trans-attracted men are in the closet. As a result, the common assumption is that men who date trans women are desperate and simply put up with the fact that the woman is trans. Yet, we are not just OK with it; we are just as attracted to trans women as we are to cis-women, regardless of their biological sex. A few weeks ago, in September, DJ Mister Cee, a prominent figure in the hip-hop community, was “caught” with a transgender woman. After being outed and admitting to being attracted to trans women, he was so ashamed that he resigned from his job at the radio station Hot 97. His trans attraction was turned into a scandal. The only thing that should be considered scandalous is the fact that he had to hide his attraction in the first place. I’ve had enough of this shaming. It’s created a disgusting culture of trans-attracted men using trans women for sex but never forming a committed relationship with them. Most trans-attracted men are only trans-attracted at night. Then, during the day, they run back to their heteronormative relationships with cis-women of whom they are not ashamed. Even men who are in committed relationships with trans women will often tell those women that they could never introduce them to their friends or family. Imagine a woman who has been to hell and back trying to transition into who she really is only to be told by her lover that he is ashamed to be with her. The hardship that trans-attracted men go through (and believe me, it is hard) does not even come close to what trans women have to go through in their day-to-day lives. That is why it’s so important for trans-attracted men to start coming out of the closet. Personally, I am proud to be attracted to women who are so strong. Thomas Matt is a Global Studies major at St. Lawrence University. He's studied in Thailand twice, where he became interested in issues concerning gender and sexuality. More Thomas Matt.

I saw this article which was really interesting. Obviously, my fellows who have moved to Cambo will disagree with much of the article, and since I can't afford to leave the states and live in Cambo anyway, I'm probably not qualified to comment, but I found this very interesting... Especially, the part about what a thai girlfriend would think about moving her to Cambo. Enjoy http://www.khmer440.com/k/2013/07/7-reasons-why-you-really-shouldnt-move-to-cambodia/ ______________________________________________ 7 Reasons Why You Really Shouldn’t Move to Cambodia Posted on July 3, 2013 by Gavinmac Lately, there have been a lot of Westerners moving to Cambodia or making plans to move to Cambodia. This is partly due to the difficult job market in many Western countries, and it’s partly due to Cambodia becoming a more “mainstream” destination for tourists and expatriates. Some of the recent interest in Cambodia has come from Westerners living in Thailand. Rising prices in Thailand and stricter Thai visa regulations have already contributed to a noticeable influx of shifty-eyed, tattooed sexpats creeping across the border into Cambodia. Fortunately, a lot of those dudes haven’t made it past Sihanoukville. There has been such an overwhelming interest in moving to Cambodia that two recent books have been published on the topic. Lina Goldberg published the excellent “Move to Cambodia: A Guide to Living and Working in the Kingdom of Wonder” in late 2012. Earlier this year, Khmer440 contributor Gabi Yetter released her own very well-received manual, “The Definitive Guide to Southeast Asia: Cambodia.” Both of these books provide helpful information and optimistic encouragement to readers who are considering relocating to Cambodia. It’s the optimistic encouragement that I have a problem with. I personally believe that there are significant drawbacks to moving to Cambodia that could probably fill an entire book. Maybe not a real book, but definitely one of those silly e-books. Unlike Ms. Goldberg and Ms. Yetter, I don’t have the necessary work ethic or attention span to write a whole book about anything. So I’m just going to offer these 7 Reasons Why You Really Shouldn’t Move to Cambodia. 1. You will die younger in Cambodia. This is a big one. The average life expectancy for Westerners living in Western countries is about 75 to 80 years old, depending on the country. Unofficially, the average life expectancy for Western expatriates living in Cambodia is 57.4 years old. There are a number of reasons why moving to Cambodia will shave about twenty years off your life. Cambodia has a lot of common diseases that you would never catch in your home country, like Typhoid, Dengue Fever, Hepatitis, and Malaria. The medical care in Cambodia is atrociously bad. The ambulances are unreliable; the doctors are unqualified; the hospitals are unsanitary. Even easily treatable illnesses can quickly become life-threatening if Cambodian doctors get involved. Sometimes expats in Cambodia succumb not to illness, but to traffic accidents or other hazards. Expats like to ride motorbikes, often helmetless, presumably because they think it makes them look cool. This can be rather dangerous in a country with reckless local drivers, no enforcement of traffic laws, and poor emergency medical care. Private ambulances in Cambodia will actually refuse to take patients who are seriously injured, because they don’t want to risk transporting a dying patient who won’t be able to pay the hospital bill. But perhaps the primary reason why expats tend to die young in Cambodia is that many of them “lose the plot” and develop unhealthy habits involving drugs, alcohol, and prostitution. This leads to weekly reports of expats in their forties and fifties being found dead on their bathroom floors from a “heart attack” or “fall.” Cambodia is full of dangers, and very few of the locals even know basic first aid. If you start choking in a restaurant in a Western country, your waiter or another customer will quickly perform the Heimlich Maneuver on you. If you start choking in a restaurant in Cambodia, the locals will all stand around dumbfounded and stare at you until you turn blue and collapse on the floor. Only then will one of them spring into action and attempt to revive you by vigorously rubbing tiger balm on your forehead. 2. Cambodia is a horrible place to raise a child. If you have a child or you are planning to have children, you definitely should not move to Cambodia. World Health Organization statistics show that a child born in Cambodia is ten times more likely to die before the age of 5 than a child born in France. All of the diseases that kill adults in Cambodia are even more dangerous to young children. Kids are also more likely to be involved in accidents requiring emergency medical care, because kids are fragile and kind of stupid. While children may be coddled and overprotected in Western societies, they are simply left to their Darwinian fate in Cambodia. Cambodian children are often seen wandering the streets without adult supervision or perched helmetless on the front of passing motorbikes. Last year a “mystery illness” killed 60 children in Cambodia. Nobody really cared. Raising any child in Cambodia presents grave risks that you wouldn’t have in a Western country. If your daughter develops acute appendicitis in your home country, you can take her to the emergency room at a modern hospital. A knowledgeable doctor will promptly diagnose her condition, a skilled surgeon will remove her appendix before it bursts, and she’ll be back to normal in no time. If your daughter develops acute appendicitis in Cambodia . . . well, she’s probably screwed. Just start over with a new kid. Let’s assume that your children are lucky and that the Cambodian diseases, traffic accidents, and poor medical care don’t kill them. Their future will still be quite bleak. The educational system in Cambodia is absolutely dire, from the primary schools through the universities. The only way to properly educate your child in Cambodia is to pay about $15,000 per year to send her to a top international school. This is going to be hard to afford if you moved to Cambodia to teach English for $9 an hour. You may fancy the idea of moving to “wild” Cambodia, but the true test of being a good parent is whether you place your child’s safety and security above your own interests. That’s why many devoted parents from third world countries will do anything possible to sneak their families into Western countries where their kids will have a brighter future. As young Western citizens, your children enjoy the same wonderful opportunity that you had to grow up in a civilized country with good schools, quality health care, free speech, seat belts, career prospects, democracy, Fig Newtons, and long life expectancies. They would kindly appreciate if you don’t fuck all that up for them by raising them in a corrupt, oppressive third world shithole. Your choice. What amazes me is that the Westerners who decide to raise their children in Cambodia remain in total denial about what terrible, selfish parents they really are. Some have even started a Yahoo group called the “Cambodia Parent Network,” where they exchange tips on how to raise their doomed offspring in a country where no responsible Western parent would ever voluntarily raise a child. Cambodia Parent Network? Good grief. That’s like starting the Chernobyl Gardening Club. 3. The infrastructure sucks. Even compared to neighboring countries like Vietnam and Thailand, the infrastructure in Cambodia is truly appalling. The schools, hospitals, roads, and utilities are all of very poor quality. Trash piles up in the street. Rats and roaches abound. Main roads in the capital city are now gridlocked during rush hours, and traffic only gets worse each year. There is no mass transit system and nowhere to park your car. Sidewalks are impassable. Internet connections are relatively slow. The tap water is dodgy. There are no zoning laws and no effective law enforcement. The noise pollution from karaoke parlors at 2 a.m., barking dogs at 4 a.m., and construction workers at 6 a.m. can be unbearable. Many expats report regular power outages in their neighborhoods, sometimes lasting 3-5 hours a day. That will put a major damper on your online porn habit. Cambodia does have excellent nightlife, but there’s absolutely nothing to do during the day – no decent parks, cinemas, museums, malls, libraries, etc. Just walking outside between the hours of 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. can be quite unpleasant due to the heat and humidity. Oh, and Cambodia smells really bad. If you’re thinking of moving to Phnom Penh, you need to know that the entire city stinks of garbage, smoke, urine, and rotten fish. Not just the Walkabout. 4. Living in Cambodia will destroy your financial future. Let us agree that the hallmark of a successful life is living as long as possible while simultaneously acquiring as many material possessions as you can. Like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, but with a hot young wife too. You may be able to find a hot young wife in Cambodia, but unless you are transferred there by a multinational company, you’re not going to make any decent money working in Cambodia. If you’re one of these guys who just decides to move to Cambodia to “teach English” or “open a bar,” you will guarantee yourself a life of relative poverty. You’ll likely start out making about $8 – $10 per hour, which would be the bare minimum wage in many Western countries. You may be thinking, “But I heard I can teach English and live like a king making $1,200 per month in Cambodia.” You can’t. You’ll be able to afford a relatively crappy Khmer-style apartment with tiled walls, bars on the windows, unreliable electricity, and loud, annoying neighbors. Near Russian Market, of course. You won’t be saving any money, and you won’t have health insurance. So if you get sick and and can’t teach for a few weeks, you’ll be on the verge of selling your passport for noodle money. Unlike the minimum wage earners in Western countries, you won’t even be paying into social security, or a pension plan, or any kind of retirement benefits. So just plan on working in a low paid teaching job in Cambodia until the day you die. Of course, your lack of retirement planning will be the least of your concerns when you’re lying on your deathbed in a dirty Cambodian hospital at age 57. Because you’ll have no savings, you won’t even be able to leave money to take care of your wife and kids when you die. Keep in mind that your kids will already be well behind the financial eight ball because you raised them in an impoverished country with an inadequate school system and few legitimate career opportunities. I know what you’re thinking now. “I’ll just move to Cambodia for a few years, then I’ll move back home and get a good job that pays well.” Not a chance. The job market is extremely competitive these days in most Western countries. Cambodia still has a notorious reputation, and it’s hard to get a good job when the hiring manager who reviews your application says, “This candidate has a fascinating resumé. I wonder if he’s a pedophile.” 5. Your mother will be so disappointed. If you move to Cambodia, you’re probably going to have to tell your mother at some point. Of course she’ll tell you that she supports your decision, because that’s what good mothers do. But deep down, she will be crushed that you are moving so far away from her. You have a moral obligation to help take care of your mother in her later years. Don’t be a selfish ass who passes that responsibility off on your siblings so that you can live 8,000 miles away in Cambodia getting drunk by 3 p.m. every day. Yes, your mother will know what you’re really doing in Cambodia. You might as well just send her a Mother’s Day card that says “Thanks for raising me and all that, sorry I haven’t seen you in a few years, it just turns out that I enjoy drugs, alcohol and hookers much more than spending time with you.” And what if you eventually have kids in Cambodia? Are you going to deprive your mother of the pleasure of seeing her sickly, under-educated, half-brown grandchildren because you’re raising them 8,000 miles away from her? That’s a cruel, selfish thing to do to your mom. She may justifiably respond to this affront by cutting you out of her will. And since you’ll be working for peanuts in Cambodia, that inheritance would have been your only chance of acquiring any real money during your lifetime. 6. You’ll become an alcoholic and have to make friends with gossipy, alcoholic expats. Cambodia has long been a haven for fugitives and fuck ups, deadbeats and deathpats. And those are just the St. 136 bar owners. There are a lot of Western bar owners in Cambodia, because there are a lot of Western bars in Cambodia. Excessive drinking is by far the most popular pastime among Western expatriates. You will probably end up spending a lot of time drinking in these dingy bars, since there’s really nothing else to do for fun in Cambodia. Because Cambodia only attracts certain types of expats, you will end up making friends in bars with the kind of undesirable people that you would never associate with back home. Junkies. Whoremongers. Journalists. Even though you have little in common with these people, you will become friends out of necessity, because you need someone to drink with and they need someone to drink with. You will end up spending a lot of time with them, but you will never be able to trust them like your real friends back home. In fact, your new drinking buddies in Cambodia will never even bother to learn your last name. You’ll just forever be known in expat circles by your first name, which is always preceded by an additional descriptive term. Back home your name may be Robert Jenkins; in Cambodia you’ll be “NoseHair Bob.” Most importantly, your expat friends in Cambodia will not help you at all if you begin to spiral out of control. If you start routinely binge drinking in your home country, your true friends back home will express concern for your well-being and try to stop you from destroying your life. Your expat friends in Cambodia will hand you another beer and try to introduce you to their meth dealer. 7. Your Thai girlfriend will absolutely hate it. It’s not just Westerners who are getting caught up in the craze of moving to Cambodia. During the last few months, several new posters have actually joined the Khmer440 discussion forums to ask about getting visas for their Thai wives and girlfriends to move to Cambodia also. We all know that opportunistic young Thai women have been marrying or shacking up with older Western men for decades. But the unstated agreement in these relationships is that the Western man is supposed to improve the poor girl’s standard of living. The impoverished Thai woman reluctantly allows the older Western man’s unsightly, wrinkled penis to enter her vagina from time to time. In exchange, the Western man moves the Thai woman to a proper Western country, or he builds her an oversized house in her home province that is the envy of all her slutty, gold-digging friends. Then she waits comfortably for him to die. That’s the deal that your Thai wife or girlfriend signed up for. Moving a Thai woman to Cambodia does not improve her standard of living. It’s a shocking downgrade. It will seem to her like a cruel joke, not unlike bailing a black friend out of jail and then driving him straight to a Ku Klux Klan rally. The words a Thai woman longs to hear from her farang boyfriend are “Pack your bags dear, we’re flying to Paris.” Not, “Go buy some Purell, we’re moving to Cambodia.” Just the idea of setting foot in Cambodia is truly horrifying to many Thai women. You need to understand that all Thais look down on Cambodians, in the strange way that the poor bastards who live in Cleveland still look down on those losers from Detroit. Even the most open-minded Thai girlfriend is probably going to ask some skeptical questions about moving to Cambodia. “What’s Cambodia like?” she will ask. The correct answer is, “It’s a lot like your village in Isaan, except the people are poorer, everyone’s skin is darker, no one speaks Thai, and the food sucks.” So if you’re a struggling expat in Thailand whose meager foreign pension can no longer keep up with the rising Thai baht, please don’t punish your innocent Thai girlfriend by moving with her to Cambodia. There is a better solution. Do the noble thing that troubled expats in Thailand have been doing for years – break up with your girlfriend and then leap to your death from the balcony of your Pattaya condo. Gavinmac is a regular contributor to Khmer440 who is considering moving to Cambodia in early 2014.

Lovely Yuri...right here in Southern California...

Gravity -Must see...I saw it on IMAX 3D...Awesomeness. My Peanut Gallery Comment - With Tom Cruise and all the scientologist shoving their philosophy down our throats, I wondered how long it would be before Hollywood's Buddhist Mafia would make a box office smash...George Clooney to Sandra Bullock..."You have to let go"...and spoiler Sandra Bullock "No matter what happens it will be one hell of a ride"... The Dharma is strong in this one.... Peace and Cheers, Randi

Must protect the corporate brand at all costs. Sadly, starburgs will soon be shut down...sacrificed on the alter of Global Capitalism.

The winner is #19 from South Korea...

You need to jump in a tuk tuk right now and catch the sunrise at Ankor...nothing more surreal than staying up all night, then seeing the sunrise over the temple...

Yeah...Pub street was not my flavor...although the free show upstairs at the club opposite Ankor What? is worth the money...I did say free didn't I? Lol.

Yes...I would hit that again...

If you want a night tour, just go to Mikey's night bar and get one of the moto drivers to take you around to all the clubs. There is quite a scene...my favorite club was the zone 1...I would sit in a raised leather chair in a corner overlooking the dance floor and smoking my Cubano, while the local Cambodians did there circle dance...love the circle dance to cambo pop music... Getting nostalgic now... P.S. Would love to know if Lisa is still in Siem Reap...She was an absolute doll.

I think it was the same rule for Pub Street actually. I had a very enjoyable dinner at the Red Piano with my ladyboy friend one night, but I know she would not have been welcome without my presence...

On the far side of the river from Pub Street and the market...I think the closest bridge is the one near the Ta Prom Hotel. But just jump on a moto, and say Club Hip Hop and you will be there in two minutes for $1. Cheers, Now Zone 1 and Triangle...those two clubs were down some back alley, and I knew as a newbie to Cambo I was taking my life into my own hands...loved every minute of it!

I absolutely loved Club Hip Hop two years ago, but I never found a ladyboy inside unless I took her inside myself. Great music, high energy, and very young Asian crowd...just right for an old perv like me...And for those 2nd Amendment fans...I absolutely love the "No Guns Allowed" sign at the entrance....made me feel right at home being originally from South Central LA...lol. Cheers,

The "withering away of the dictatorship of the proletariat" . A person could do a doctoral thesis on this concept. But basically, in classic Marxist thought after the revolution in which the workers overturn the bourgeoisie, there will be a period of time under which the workers will have to be guided by a dictatorship of the leaders of the revolution. Thus, the communist one party state in all post revolutionary communist countries. In Marx and Engels theory eventually, the dictatorship would "wither away", and there would be no need for a hierarchy as workers provided in an equalitarian way for themselves. This concept of the withering away of the Dictatorship of the Proletariat is practically and intellectually one of the most difficult concepts related to post revolutionary communism. The problem is simply that the political elite in communism are still human, and once they are at the top, they will want to remain at the top, ergo...the modern Chinese princelings are the children and grandchildren of the party elite or the military elite. I hope the clears things for you Pac. Cheers, Randi

I stand corrected...I guess there is a reason why with most girls it is best to have one nice night, and move on the next!!!

I think I posted this before...but when I was 16 i was doing a research project in my local college library and ran across an old tome on Human Sexuality. There were only three full page plate photos in the whole text book, and one has remained emblazoned on my memory to this day. The picture showed three Thai ladyboys draped sexily over an Aston Martin in the Streets of Bangkok. I still recall every detail of that picture to this day, and amazement I felt as I read that they were transvestites and what that meant. Then my roomate in college had a huge porn stash, and magazine of the stash was a "swedish erotica" (?) hardcore tranny porn mag...This was pre-AIDS, and I recall that mag today with its money shot from behind of a huge load of jizm dripping out of her pussy and running down her balls... Yes...this was like crack for me...and the day I picked up my first TS streetwalker about 5 years later...my downfall to near homelessness on the streets of Pattaya was assured!!! Cheers, Randi

Thanks for the Report Woofer... Nice to know she still has the Tsunami in her...personally love to see a self created Tsunami as I fill a girl up with my hot sausage...mixed metaphor, but you get the drift. Although, I'm sure the old-timers on here may be bored if every guy who samples her wares post a report... Cheers, Randi P.S. Attached two pictures of Cherry, one taken by me and one by our fellow mongerer Turkey.

It has been two years, but these were places I had success and adventures in Siem Reap - Blue Sand Disco, Zone One, Triangle Bar. Not sure if any of these are still open.

I stand by my comments from 12 months ago on this topic.

thanks everyone

Anybody have any experience with Tune Hotel in Pattaya. They have a $28 per night deal for late November. The last time I saw a discount like that on Agoda, they were doing construction. Any info appreciated. Cheers, Randi

Very delicious...

Text of Article "Kuwait and other states could conduct medical tests in an attempt to “detect” homosexuals trying to enter Gulf states, a senior official has announced. Yousouf Mindkar said routine clinical screenings of expatriates entering Gulf Cooperation Countries (GCC) such as Kuwait would be introduced under new proposals. Persons who are identified as LGBT through the tests would then be refused entry into the country. A central committee tasked with the status of expatriates will view the proposal on November 11. Speaking to local daily paper Al Rai, the director of public health at the Kuwaiti health ministry said that whilst medical centres already conduct tests to assess the health of those entering Kuwait, they will “take stricter measures that will help us detect gays who will be then barred from entering Kuwait or any of the GCC member states.” He did not detail exactly what procedures these screenings would involve. Those under the age of 21 living in Kuwait found to be taking part in homosexual acts currently face prison sentences of up to ten years. Homosexual acts are banned in all GCC member countries, which include Saudi Arabia, Oman and the United Arab Emirates. Earlier this week Oman suspended their newspaper The Week, alleging it had printed an article that was considered sympathetic towards homosexuals. Homosexuality is illegal in 78 countries across the world and is still punishable by death in five countries, which include Iran and Yemen and Saudi Arabia."

Apparently Kuwait and other Gulf Cooperation States will be "screening" for gay expatriates....how do you do that I wonder...DNA testing mabe? http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/gulf-states-could-have-clinical-screenings-to-detect-homosexuals-and-stop-them-entering-the-country-8867046.html

It's a dirty job, but somebodies got to do it!!!