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Tales of Asia: amusing anecdotes of our travels.


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Quinn’s witty tale, in the general knowledge quiz thread, of his experience of a hole in the ground toilet in Penang, Malaysia after copious amounts of Guinness got me thinking of similar amusing tales most of us must have, of our times, not just in Thailand but around S.E. Asia in general.  Not only toilet tales, although my intro one will be such  yarn, but reminisces that can only happen in that part of the world.  
So feel free to share your amusing ditties of fun times on your travels. 
 

I’ll kick of with this tale of improvisation and needs must in Cambodia.  Some of you may have read the trip report On the Road to Sihanookville and this is just one incident on that long, memorable day many moons ago.   
 

We had been on the road for quite a time heading south from Phnom Penh to Sihanookville when the more pressing of the two daily calls of nature became urgent.  Ninewives and I just needed to get to some toilets and lay some serious cable.  We spotted a roadside petrol station and indicated to the mini van driver to pull over, presuming there had to be some type of latrine on the premises, and sure enough there was, phew.  Both of us popped into adjacent cubicles and the ensuing sound effects were quite impressive for anyone unfortunate to be nearby.  
Job done, I turned around to grab some tissue....nada, nothing, zilch was the depressing view.  I asked NWs if there was any in his section but the response was in the predictable negative.  The only option was one of those small scoopers and a basin of water....errrr no, how is a guy gonna dry his toot after that, not to mention the inevitable  mess on the fingers.  All of a sudden Ninewives gives a yell of joy and excitingly declares I’ve solved it.  
What’s the story I call back to him.  
“Now I know why the Cambodia’s have these useless Riel notes” he says and throws a bundle over the low-ish partition to my delight and laughter.

*1000 Riel is about 25 cents (the US dollar is used there also)  so 10 x 100 worked out as quite reasonable toilet tissue :)

More of that day’s adventures can be had here.

http://www.ladyboyreview.com/index.php?/topic/723-on-the-road-to-sihanoukville/

 

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  • bumblebee changed the title to Tales of Asia: amusing anecdotes of our travels.
5 hours ago, bumblebee said:

*1000 Riel is about 25 cents (the US dollar is used there also)  so 10 x 100 worked out as quite reasonable toilet tissue :)

Those old 100 riel notes used back then were dirty as fuck, soiled from years of use but for your purposes perhaps better than a crisp new 100.   I remember meetingup withyou guys that night after you arrived.  One of the most fun nights I had in Southeast Asia!

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15 hours ago, Pdoggg said:

Those old 100 riel notes used back then were dirty as fuck, soiled from years of use but for your purposes perhaps better than a crisp new 100.

I doubt the ones we used ever saw the light of day again :)  True that day alone had 3 or 4 tales that will be recalled again no doubt whenever beers are shared among ladyboy lovers some day in the future.  :drinks:

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2 hours ago, bumblebee said:

I presumed all the guys here have a least one funny tale to tell of their times in the region.  But so far zilch... no pressure gents :)  

You mean like on my first full day, on my first trip to the Philippines, when I met up with a hot ladyboy I had been chatting with for several weeks, had a magical afternoon and night with her and some of her other ladyboy and gay friends in a private room at a Karoake bar, followed by dancing the night away at Alcohology in Mango square (including hanging with the DJ's on stage), only to discover that my brand new Sansung cell phone had been pilfered by one of my dates friends? 

Of course, I ditched the girl, and kept on my mongering adventures.  Fortunately, the experience introduced me to dual sim card cell phones (since I needed a new phone) in Asia which we did not have state side at the time!

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My funny/sad story (depending on your point of view) is telling the first lb I'd had on my first trip that I loved her :ninja:. Yes I was mao, we shared a taxi back from her digs to mine on Sukhumvit Rd. And as she was climbing into another cab I was (drunkenly) clinging on to her and slurring "I lurve yous (maaate). I's really does (*hic* *slur*) .. I's luuuv yous, yaaah!"

I saw her again in Pattaya several trips later and she'd unfortunately hit the ladyboy menopause by then... heavy beard shadow, thinning hair and shoulders like a rugby full forward. I didn't recognise her, she recognised me, and a Benny Hill like chase ensued down soi 6 to my room at the Old Vic (she caught me! :wink:)

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16 hours ago, Jimmy Cargopants said:

I didn't recognise her, she recognised me, and a Benny Hill like chase ensued down soi 6 to my room at the Old Vic (she caught me! :wink:)

But who was really chasing who Jimmy...:)

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Ah - Back to normal ! I continue:-

Many years ago I stayed awhile on Koh Chang - just a few guest houses there and hardly any road - but a number of beach bars. Staggering back one night after a rake of Mekong Whiskey I felt stirrings in the trouser department. I sprinted into the nearest beach bar and headed for the toilet. Phew - just in time to abandon the jeans and squat over the open bog. Much relief. Then I took stock and realised there was - as expected no bog paper. Peering outside there I spotted a line of freshly washed clothes - no doubt belonging to the hairy arsed backpackers who were flopping at this beach shack. As is well known backpackers arrive with a $50 note and a clean shirt - and it's two weeks before they change either. 'Nuff said. Swiped and wiped with a crisp fresh shirt. Sorted.

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not sure how amusing it is but I travel by bus a lot, being a cheap S.O.B and early on I found the Cambodian bogs primitive, can't deal with a bowl of water clean up.  Early on I was at a rest stop shopping for snacks and saw a Khmer girl pick up a pack of tissues, like ya wipe yer nose with. Lightbulb over head moment.  It's a cheap small pack, and works fine for TP.  I'm amused by learning curves travelling about. 

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On 9/22/2020 at 3:08 PM, bumblebee said:

Good point Woodie and a question I have often touched on with PD over the years.  Actually a thread I thought might have gathered legs recently is the Tales of Asia one,  as I presumed all the guys here have a least one funny tale to tell of their times in the region.  But so far zilch... no pressure gents :)  

well, some folks just ain't good joke/story tellers I spose. Now, if you expanded that thread to amusing AND memorable crappy moments, I bet more would post :)  I'll never forget one bus trip across Cambodia.  They hooked us in at the circle coming out of Poipet, which is usually controlled by the "taxi mafia" with a NICE bus going around the circle and stopping.  So we got on. A short drive down the road and they off loaded all who got on with some excuse about needing more people on the bus.  Little while later a REALLY CRAPPY wore out bus pulls up and they start loading folks and their produce n products onto it.  The aisle was filled over half way back with bags of god knows WHAT.  I do recall someone had a floor fan with the blade off and in a bag hung on it.  There were I guess about 5 bags of rice stacked by the driver and shifter. The guy had to climb OVER em to get to his seat to drive.  There were about 4 or 5 people standing in the steps at the doorway you come in. Off we went.  We were in the back.  Got dark and they pulled over at some point in the middle of nowhere with some woods on either side and people started getting off to pee. I tried to vault over some of the piles of stuff in the aisle to go out and let go and almost busted my ass falling in it all.  Adding to the mess was the boards they keep. As people get onto a full bus, the assistant goes back, pulls down some boards from the racks in the back and shoves one end under a seat, across the aisle to the other side seat. That's after they run out of plastic stack stools :)  You can imagine how lovely the ride was on a worn out bus that is THIS OVERLOADED. On  the way back to the bus, I just climbed up on the rear tire and climbed in thru the window.  

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One of my trips coincided with a trip by my ex-partner on her one and only trip to Thailand. We hung about a bit in Bangkok and Pattaya but mostly did our own thing (she was with her new partner). Alison is a very proper lady, and a bit of an innocent abroad. One evening I took her to soi 6 to have a look at where I was staying, the Queen or Old Vic hotel. Now Ali has an Asian look because of a Chinese background, and the hotel staff saw this young woman who was going upstairs with me and immediately demanded her ID. When I explained what that meant to her, she almost died of shame!

(At least they didn't think she was a ladyboy ...I think).

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 Back in 2013 I was staying at Majestic Suites in BKK ( a great hotel ) , I had picked up this cutie from Temptations in NEP and asked her to meet me at my room a little later and also asked her if she would put  sexy dress on with no panties on . She did as requested and we had a great time in the room .

  The next morning I went down for breakfast ( alone ) , the lady at reception called me over and said very discretely " Sir , next time you have a guest come to your room please ask her not to change in the elevator as we have CCTV in there ... she put on a great show "    

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1 hour ago, stoolpusher said:

The next morning I went down for breakfast ( alone ) , the lady at reception called me over and said very discretely " Sir , next time you have a guest come to your room please ask her not to change in the elevator as we have CCTV in there ... she put on a great show "    

Busted lol, brilliant.

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A guy I worked with in Bangkok years back had a mate and his girlfriend passing through on their way to Australia.  The guy wanted my friend to show him the naughty sights of Bangkok but the gf was a bit prudish and disapproving of it all.  Anyways he eventually talked the reluctant gf into letting my mate take them on a tour of Patpong.

The guy was all on for seeing a ping pong show, as is the case with many newbies for whatever reason :), but the girlfriend was having none of it.  After much arm twisting and reassurances the poor girl gave in and went up the stairs with the two boys to catch the show.  My mate said she kept her arms folded and tut tutted away as the boyfriend pretended to be only mildly curious and kept telling her it’s a one off, a when in Bangkok experience.

After a bit of gogo dancing, the ping pong girl eventually came on stage.  She commenced to shove some balls in her pussy and fire them in various directions.  Unfortunately for our fiend, one of the balls hit his girlfriend slap on the tit and left a damp pussy juice stain on her top.  Not impressed! :obscene:

 

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Many years ago, before I found "the true path", I was in Angeles City with a friend and hooked up with an experienced bargirl from a bar called "Barhoppin", at least that's as far as recollection goes. Gullible as I was, her sad story of working in the involved a long term relationship with a onelegged American who had recently booted her out. (Never stopped to consider how a onelegged man can effectively "boot someone" - shades of the busy onelegged man in a bumkicking contest, I suppose.

Anyhoo, she was good company for a greenhorn, not that one, sir, so on we went. I'd recently discovered Dr Stayhard's medication for flaggin libido, Cialis in tabs supposedly 100 mgs in dosage. So I began to medicate every morning on commencement of the relationship. After an enthusiastic participation on my part she began to complain words to the effect: "Bubba, enough's enough! I've cum 9 times and you're cock is still rock hard! Please, please, honeyko! Give it to me up the arse, my puki's fuckin sore!"

Not having really been a dedicated arse man in the past, I gingerly applied the lubrication and the rest is ..........:yahoo: It wasn't till years later that learned I was tempting fate in not moderating the dosage by 90%.

Edited by bubba
slight addition.
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I once asked my gg Khmer gf at the time, how does a one legged person use a squat toilet? Her old Mom CRACKED UP bigtime :)  Mom and Dad had been shoved together by the KR back in the day. Usually Mom was pretty somber.

Cialis always worked for me for 2 days :O  Maybe into a 3rd.

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The years preceding 2008 had been ones of political upheaval in Thailand, and around this time various parties sprung up associated with the family and associates of Thaksin Shinawatra, and the political situation was tense.  The powers that be weren’t too keen on him as any observer of Thai politics at the time would know.  And into this mix BB found himself spending a night on the Thai military compound in Dusit in Bangkok.  
 

The father of a gg I knew was a high ranking officer in the army and was away at the time in the USA according to my friend.  She said we could spend the night in his house as she didn’t  want to travel all the way to her place out of town.  It was dark when we arrived at the gates of the compound in our taxi, and she told me to bend down till we got to the house as she didn’t want to be seen taking guys there in case word got back to her old man.  The lights were off in the car, and with plenty of trees shading the road it was easy to keep out of view.

The house was one of those old traditional basic wooden structures on stilts, not the flash modern place I’d imagined a high up military man might live it.  But on the bright side the bed was comfortable and we tucked in for a good nights sleep or so I thought.  It was around 3 or 4 am or so when it got quite noisy, and peeking out into the night we could see the headlights of various military vehicles milling around.  “This is very unusual.” She said in a not very reassuring voice.  “What do you mean?” I nervously replied.  
 

“I have never seen this before.” was her follow up utterance, with the next sentence making me nearly shit myself.... “I think it might be another coup...”  It took me a few moments to take in the significance of what this might mean, here I am on a military compound in Thailand and it’s possible the whole city might be in military lockdown till god knows when.......and also the fridge is empty. 
 

Finally things calmed down, and the vehicles disappeared into the night.  She put on the radio to hear if there was any news of anything going down, but nothing was being reported, we fell back to sleep after deciding to deal with anything that might have happened in the morning.  
 

The morning came round after a restless few hours, and after phoning around various friends in Bangkok we were reassured all was normal in the outside world, no coup phew!  Time to get out of here and back to my normal life in Thailand I thought. “Put these on, I can’t be seen leaving here with a guy.” she said and threw a few items of female garments and a wig onto the bed.  “Seriously.” I replied, and the nod back told me I had no choice.  I reluctantly  got into the clothes, quite frumpy really, not what the hot ladyboys I had been ogling over the years would be seen dead in.  She even produced a lipstick to complete  the look.
 

A taxi was called, and as the house was raised he was able to reverse right up to the door, so I was fumbled out of the house and into the back of the car in nano seconds, like a celeb avoiding the paparazzi.  To add to the whole bizarre situation the driver had 70s disco music playing on his sound system, and till the day I die I don’t think I’ll ever hear the Tina Charles number “I love to love..” played in such unusual circumstances.  
 

Ya gotta love S.E. Asia.

565FD654-6817-49C3-8BC8-90C5B2E7B1AF.jpeg


 

 


 

 

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14 hours ago, bumblebee said:

“Put these on, I can’t be seen leaving here with a guy.” she said and threw a few items of female garments and a wig onto the bed.  “Seriously.” I replied, and the nod back told me I had no choice.  I reluctantly  got into the clothes, quite frumpy really, not what the hot ladyboys I had been ogling over the years would be seen dead in.  She even produced a lipstick to complete  the look.
 

Looking good BB!   :biggrin:

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This could have happened anywhere but...

The first time I was in Asia was 2011 when I was sent to China with my job. I flew into Beijing from Dublin/Frankfurt and then was to get a connecting flight to Wuhan, where I based for the first week. All good, (plane was the Lufthansa A380) landed in Beijing and found my way easily to the gate for the Wuhan flight. It's my first time in China so all excited and wide eyed. I'm sitting there minding my own business waiting for the flight and I see the the girl that checked me in with what looked like two Policemen walking towards me. It seems like they're looking for someone. Then I get this sinking feeling...

Yeah, she's pointing at me! Fuck! Over they come. She spoke only a little English. So, in pidgin English she says I was to go with two policemen.

What! What did I do? This is not good. In China for the first time, just landed and getting arrested. The girl is mortified and just keeps saying Just go please... OK, so off all we all do. This is bad. Baaad.
All sorts going through my head...show trials, westerner guilty of crimes against the party....First time in China remember. Jaysus. I'm just off the fucking plane and I know I haven't done anything so what the fuck am I being arrested for?
The two lads say nothing. Not a word. We're walking for about 10 minutes. 10 minutes can be a long time! It looks like they're walking me back to the check in area, a good distance from the gate.
Eventually get to the desk where I checked in and I'm really sweating now. They pull out my suitcase and bring me to the side. I'm trying to think what's in it. Couple of bottles of whiskey for my hosts but apart from that just normal stuff.
So they put the suitcase down and one of the cops puts his ear to it and gestures for me to do the same. OK.... The fucking case is buzzing!! WTF!
So, I opened it and it's my electric toothbrush! The button must have been pressed during the flight or something. Jesus Christ. Laughs all around. I'll never forget the relief! Fucking hell. Two cops look relieved as well. All buddies now. The check in girl was laughing her head off!
Phew!

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12 hours ago, Kylemore said:

All sorts going through my head...show trials, westerner guilty of crimes against the party....First time in China remember. Jaysus.

I can only imagine how uneasy you felt.  It’s one thing getting talked to by the cops at home but in another country far from home is a whole different ball game.  

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