Taking A Shit In Thailand

[pdogg]

I know which one I'd prefer right now but alas it is the less appealing of the two that cannot be put off any longer. Wish me well chaps I'm going in.

Did you make it out or are you still reading the paper?

 

[bumblebee]

No matter how healthy that position is supposed to be, those knee popping toilets are hell on earth to the average westerner I reckon.

[soiboy]

Did you make it out or are you still reading the paper?

 

squattoilet.jpg

 

The good thing about squat toilets is that you maximize butt cheek separation, but at the expense of knee strain and leg fatigue.  A couple of tricks I’ve learned over the years is that if it is at least a reasonably-sized and moderately clean facility, it is best to remove trousers and underwear completely thereby allowing a good and stable wide stance while poised over the hole (and avoiding fecal splatter on your clothes).  And, always put back on your shoes because those porcelain foot plates get very slippery when wet.  Also, it is best if you have something to hold onto, especially something that allows you to relieve some of the weight from your legs.

 

Many years ago I was on a project that was out in the boonies, so we rented rooms for a couple of weeks at a local guy’s house.  The toilet was in a clean and reasonably sized room that also did shower and laundry duty.  During my first use of the toilet I noticed that there was nothing to hold onto for stability and weight relief, but looking up I noticed an exposed ceiling beam situated perfectly over my head.  If I was to hang a piece of rope from that beam I would have something to hold onto and pull myself up with a little bit while having a deeply spiritually moving movement.  So, the next time I went to use the toilet I took a length of rope and a chair with me.  I was standing on the chair, and having thrown one end of the rope over the beam I was busy making a big loop on the other end to use as a hand-hold.  Well, the owner of the house came into the bathroom at that very moment carrying a bunch of dirty laundry.  His eyes went wide and he shrieked, “Oh!  No Sir!  No!”  I wondered what the commotion was about, and quickly realized that he thought I was going to hang myself!  I then showed him the actual intended use of the rope, but that only made him think I was crazy as well as being suicidal.  For the duration of the trip whenever he saw me go into the bathroom he would give me a few minutes then proceed to knock on the door and repeatedly ask, “OK, sir?  OK?”  He was convinced I was going to off myself in his bathroom.  Ah, squat toilets…good times!

[bumblebee]

Lol thanks for the chuckle Soiboy. That's the thing if you can support yourself somehow it does take the strain off the kneecaps but having only the use of one reliable arm just now only adds to the misery.

[pdogg]

These posts were in the Pattaya Times but moved to a separate thread for the discussion of squat toilets, bum sprayers etc.

 

[JustSumGai]

at times I've thought about cutting the bottom off a 5 gallon paint pail and fitting a toilet set on one end.

[bumblebee]

The bogs back home sorta fit in the middle with paper instead of a bum hose whereas here they cover the extremes of a nice sit down toilet and a powerful enough hose at one end and an unclean squat at the other extreme with a bucket of water to clean up the mess.

 

Man we have too much free time on our hands.

[KendoUK]

I got caught short on a long bus ride, once I got off I scrambled around the back of the nearest Petrol station, it was a proper sitdown toilet but no paper or bum gun. Just the array of plastic bowls. Even after washing my hands I was shy to shake hands with anyone that day.

[williethepimp]

great story soiboy....yeah its important to remove your trousers and undies otherwise you risk shitting in them ....BB,,it must be tortuous tryin to have a shit on those things with one good arm.....if you cut most of thebottom out of a bucket you can shit thru that....better still(,having had to do it myself many times over the years(....take said bucket,half fill it with water,and shit into the bucket.....then tip its glorious contents down the squat thai toilet.....simples..........

[SiamSam]

...take said bucket,half fill it with water,and shit into the bucket.....then tip its glorious contents down the squat thai toilet.....simples..........

 

Such a science 

[pdogg]

 it is best to remove trousers and underwear completely thereby allowing a good and stable wide stance while poised over the hole (and avoiding fecal splatter on your clothes).  And, always put back on your shoes because those porcelain foot plates get very slippery when wet. 

 

At home, I always get naked before taking a dump even though I have a Western toilet.  That way I can spray with reckless abandon. 

 

I also take a shower after each and every shit.

 

Because of this habit, I don't like taking a crap in public restrooms.  I don't want to be like George Costanza who takes off his shirt when doing his business.

 

 

[bumblebee]

You are a genius Willie. And now I can position the target to my desired location. 

[seven]

 Ah, squat toilets…good times!

Great story, soiboy

I can however understand the owner finding you with a noose standing on the toilet.  .

[williethepimp]

You are a genius Willie. And now I can position the target to my desired location. 

you're welcome BB,-555,i know all there is to know about shitting in buckets....done it many the time in the back of a builder's van.......

[xyzzy]

I like the bum sprayer so much I installed one here in my bathroom. Unfortunely one needs to heat the water here in winter or it will be phucking cold. My bum sprayer hose sprung a leak at a connection and flooded the bathroom floor but I caught be before it soaked a lot of the carpet in the hall. So no bum sprayer here now until I can get one with a heater and put an emergency drain in the bathroom floor near the toilet. 

[Lefty]

These posts were in the Pattaya Times but moved to a separate thread for the discussion of squat toilets, bum sprayers etc.

 

bumsprayer.jpg

I have one of them in my house here in the US, thanks to the kindness of a forum member whom I am sure wishes to remain nameless. They are sure nice for doing a clean job, but the water here is a lot colder than in Thailand and it takes some getting use to. But that is okay, I am now though and love the feel of the cold water soaking my puckered bung hole. 

 

One thing that helped with BMs in Thailand was eating one Dragon Fruit a day. When I did that, the turds shot out like they were coated in axle grease and there was seldom any residue left for the hose to remove. 

[Lefty]

  I was standing on the chair, and having thrown one end of the rope over the beam I was busy making a big loop on the other end to use as a hand-hold.  Well, the owner of the house came into the bathroom at that very moment carrying a bunch of dirty laundry.  His eyes went wide and he shrieked, “Oh!  No Sir!  No!”  I wondered what the commotion was about, and quickly realized that he thought I was going to hang myself!  I then showed him the actual intended use of the rope, but that only made him think I was crazy as well as being suicidal.  For the duration of the trip whenever he saw me go into the bathroom he would give me a few minutes then proceed to knock on the door and repeatedly ask, “OK, sir?  OK?”  He was convinced I was going to off myself in his bathroom.  Ah, squat toilets…good times!

That is literally the funniest story I have read in a long time. I am literally LMAO over here. Good one. 

[RocketSquirrel]

Today, for the first time, I tried the Japanese style "smart" toilets at Terminal 21. Very nice angle adjustment. Good temperature control. The bum dryer also worked quite nicely. So while in Thailand, when nature calls, I suggest heading for the nearest Terminal 21

[deepthroat]

Ok, this just confirms that at heart, I am still a 5 year old boy. I couldn't stop laughing reading this thread.

 

Rocket, that's right... part of the reason I love staying at the Terminal 21 hotel when in BKK.

[Quinn]

Many years ago I stayed awhile on Koh Chang - just a few guest houses there and no road - but a number of beach bars. Staggering back one night after a rake of Mekong Whiskey I felt stirrings in the trouser department. I sprinted into the nearest beach bar and headed for the toilet. Phew - just in time to abandon the jeans and squat over the open bog. Much relief. Then I took stock and realised there was - as expected no bog paper. Peering outside there I spotted a line of freshly washed clothes - no doubt belonging to the hairy arsed backpackers who were flopping at this beach shack. As is well known backpackers arrive with a $50 note and a clean shirt - and it's two weeks before they change either. 'Nuff said. Swiped and wiped with a crisp fresh shirt. Sorted.

[bumblebee]

555 thanks for a good laugh Quinn.  I recall back in my younger days staying in a dorm room in a hostel in Amsterdam.  It was so packed they put mattresses on the floor but fortunately I had a lower bunk.  There were no blinds or curtains so the street light partially illuminated the room at night.  I was finding it hard to sleep one evening and something caught the corner of my eye.  I could make out a guy knocking one out, obviously inspired by what he had seen in the windows earlier.  When his frantic hand movement finished he reached out and grabbed the nearest thing to hand to clean up his mess, in this case a fellow traveler's white T-shirt.

[Hefe]

Was reading this article & was reminded of our "bum hose" preferences...  This is about US president LBJ: 

 

When White House plumbers went to look at the shower in his private home, they discovered “one nozzle was pointed directly at the president’s penis, which he nicknamed ‘Jumbo.” Another shot right up his rear.”

 

 

I'm assuming he didn't give a nickname to the nozzle....

[thaibound]

regarding 'taking a shit in thailand' i have found it best to just wait until i go home.

 

although the flight can be a bit uncomfortable.