Minor Irritants

[Luung]

+1 for the James Blunt & Sly Willy!

Ken, I was going to don the robes myself & book myself into the local temple for a month. I've got to detox off of dope mate,seriously. They say it isn't addictive but it fuckin' well is, at least in the amounts I consume & the amount time too!.. And at the mo it's the only way I can see to get myself off of the poxy stuff, I've tried going 'cold turkey' & I just lay awake all night twitching awkwardly having nightmarish daydreams & filling the bed with buckets of sweat & then the next day I can hardly function... So full credit to you mate!.. I'll catch up on your thread when I get the time!

I actually hate fat female Falang Buddhist nuns, they really give me the shits!.. And when they walk down my soi I always try to either ride or drive through muddy puddles right next to them so that they're white robes get covered in shit... Maybe I ain't quite cut for temple life?

[williethepimp]

+1 for the James Blunt & Sly Willy!

Ken, I was going to don the robes myself & book myself into the local temple for a month. I've got to detox off of dope mate,seriously. They say it isn't addictive but it fuckin' well is, at least in the amounts I consume & the amount time too!.. And at the mo it's the only way I can see to get myself off of the poxy stuff, I've tried going 'cold turkey' & I just lay awake all night twitching awkwardly having nightmarish daydreams & filling the bed with buckets of sweat & then the next day I can hardly function... So full credit to you mate!.. I'll catch up on your thread when I get the time!

I actually hate fat female Falang Buddhist nuns, they really give me the shits!.. And when they walk down my soi I always try to either ride or drive through muddy puddles right next to them so that they're white robes get covered in shit... Maybe I ain't quite cut for temple life?

thx Lung.....cannabis ain't addictive?-another urban myth.....its highly addictive,in fact anything that's nice is addictive,specially if you've got the gene(like I have).

Ive never seen a falang nun-that would be worth going to CM just to see-5555

fuckers who park anywhere with no regard to other road users /pedestrians

the paralympics

nouveau double barrelled surnames

women wearing burkhas

beggars in the uk sitting next to cash machines

quotations from the bible

The Royals-especially the minor ones

Harry fuckin Potter...

[bumblebee]

Strangers who approach me with the line "Hello my friend." 80

[Hefe]

Frozen butter patties in restaurants! :mad:

[Lefty]

Strangers who approach me with the line "Hello my friend." 80

Does anyone do that other than Indian tailors?

[Luung]

Does anyone do that other than Indian tailors?

Yeah, blokes who want to punch me in the face!

@ Willy +1 again for Harry Potter & the paralympics, keep em' coming man!

Thai waiters/waitresses who try to twist your arm up your back for a tip by giving you your change in one baht pieces... They get nothing, just my wrath!

Cunts who've got to stuff stuff in your face, snide watches - cuddly toys - roses - pythons - small children - endangered mammals - car parts - bits of shit for hanging off key rings - Kiley Minogue CD's - cameras - funny little plastic things that werr around with lights flashing - sticky rubber models of penises that stick to anything they are thrown at - begging bowls - frilly knickers - little wooden frogs you can play silly tunes on with sticks - garlands - beads - lottery tickets - wallets with broken zips - fluorescent bangles - Zippo lighters with skulls stuck on the front - Old editions of Encyclopedia Britannica - fake Hill tribe regalia - bras - hand made green cigars - funky wigs - silly hats & any other shit they can get there fucking little hands on while you're either trying have a drink or eat a meal in peace. :nurse: :growl:

[Lefty]

Frozen butter patties in restaurants! :mad:

Always dine out with a lb of your choosing and get her to hold the butter patties between her cheeks until they soften up.

[Jimslim]

and.. James Blunt...

Spot on there Willie what a wining cunt , Paul Weller was once asked to duet with him and his reply was "I'd sooner eat my own shit !"

Add Bono to the list , sanctimonious bastard who pays zero tax in his own country and lectures the rest of us on or moral responsibility to save the planet .

Oh and yer man from Coldplay - another dick !

[KenW]

Phones. The mobile phone in Vietnam has reached plague proportions while politeness and good manners disappear in correlated fashion.

I have sat in an eatery and seen four VNese at an adjoining table shouting down their respective phones at once, after which they're face to face only until either one of them got another incoming call, or they began to play with the bloody things, scrolling and all that crap of fiddling they go on with.

And they shout so loud into them I'm darned sure the person at the other end could just about hear them without the device.

Now they all have this stupid habit of moving off from their group to answer, then pacing back and forth, gesticulating and shouting all the while. Up and down. Up and down.

If I want an uninterrupted conversation about something serious with my maid, something I want to explain to her, or she to me, I am best off to phone her, even if she is standing in the same room. For if I try face to face her phone will ring without fail and I am left ignored in mid sentence while she answers the bloody thing. So rude.

Like we now see groups of smokers huddling outside work places - in civilised legislatures like Australia anyway - and special cancer (smokers) rooms in airport terminals, my prediction is in the future we will see pacing strips outside workplaces where call takers can go to pace up and down while shouting over the top of each other. In airport terminals a shouting room, where they can all go to bend back the walls.

Far as I'm concerned they can all go to hell.

Now there's a dick who jogs past my house every a.m. mobile phone in each hand.

Ooooo he must be SO important!

[williethepimp]

Spot on there Willie what a wining cunt , Paul Weller was once asked to duet with him and his reply was "I'd sooner eat my own shit !"

Add Bono to the list , sanctimonious bastard who pays zero tax in his own country and lectures the rest of us on or moral responsibility to save the planet .

Oh and yer man from Coldplay - another dick !

Good for Paul Weller!

That James Blunt ...he's now became rhymin slang for a cu@t.....as in "don't be a James..."-he's actually a posh twat ,a captain in the household cavalry..grrrrrrrr....

Ditto with Bono,never seen anyone sooo far up his own arse...it stopped me liking u2......even with all the good stuff theyve written..

ditto with coldplay...no feckin talent whatsoever ....just endless hype....

in fact anyone who is known by a bullshit feckin nickname.... eg sting,the edge,lemmy....(okay lemmy gets a pass)

rock stars who sell out doing corporate shit......iggy pop FFS advertising feckin car insurance....

"would u like fries with that?"-NO-I FECKIN WOULDN'T -IF I WANTED FRIES I'D HAVE SAID-a portion of fries also please"

answering "security questions" when I try to pay a bill online...

cheeky kids........fuckers who drop their push bikes in front of shop door doorways,making you step over them..-happens all the time in the uk...

people who say "enjoy" ......It actually happened with me in a builders yard one day.....

being asked for a tip....

[Flatpack]

In Thailand

Indian tailors that talk to me in a cockney accent, as if all life stems from fucking down south. I tore into the last fucker for insulting me, nothing against southerners but im from the north and proud of it.

Waitresses who give me a menu and then just stand there waiting for the order. No go and fuck off and leave me to make a decision, come back when I call you.

Cleaners in hotels who insist on knocking on my door to ask if I want the room cleaning even though I have put a 'do not disturb' sign on my door. I usually open the door with a hardon and say 'do I look like I want my room cleaning right now'.

Arabs anywhere on the planet.

Girls without cocks

In the Uk

The list is too long so I will water it down to just about everyone and anything.

Flatpack

[williethepimp]

In Thailand

Indian tailors that talk to me in a cockney accent, as if all life stems from fucking down south. I tore into the last fucker for insulting me, nothing against southerners but im from the north and proud of it.

Waitresses who give me a menu and then just stand there waiting for the order. No go and fuck off and leave me to make a decision, come back when I call you.

Cleaners in hotels who insist on knocking on my door to ask if I want the room cleaning even though I have put a 'do not disturb' sign on my door. I usually open the door with a hardon and say 'do I look like I want my room cleaning right now'.

Arabs anywhere on the planet.

Girls without cocks

In the Uk

The list is too long so I will water it down to just about everyone and anything.

Flatpack

I fekkin hate that shit...OI OI saveloy ..one twat said to me.....and Lover-lee jubber-ley....if I had a £1 for every time I heard that one....fukkin Del boy's got a lot to answer for.....

who teaches them that shit...I'd loved to hear someone teaching those phrases-I'd have to set about him/her.....fukkers.

[HubbaBubba]

Waitresses who give me a menu and then just stand there waiting for the order. No go and fuck off and leave me to make a decision, come back when I call you.

This seems so prevalent in Thailand. I don't get it. Why can't they wait a few minutes. Even in some nice restaurants, they do this. Leave me the fuck alone!

[Hefe]

This seems so prevalent in Thailand. I don't get it. Why can't they wait a few minutes. Even in some nice restaurants, they do this. Leave me the fuck alone!

Oooh, the one that really gets me here in the States is when one is paying one's bill in cash the waitperson will take the loot & sweetly ask: "Do you want change?"

What f*@%ing brass .... do I want my own money returned to me! :growl:

....and lefty, I got your reference to the Marlon Brando method of butter softening.... :ass:

[pdogg]

....and lefty, I got your reference to the Marlon Brando method of butter softening.... :ass:

I tried watching Last Tango but couldn't get through the movie. Maybe I was in a bad mood or maybe I just don't get it.

[dixon cox]

Its strange how we all appear to be irritated by the same things.

Yes, but perhaps not all to the same fucking bollocking cunting extent.

[Luung]

Oh yes Lung all are extremely fucking annoying, also add these people who come up waving a card saying they are collecting money for various causes from orphans to cripples, if I want to give to orphans I will take it to the orphanage, not some scamming fucker on the beach.

One I have noticed in Phuket is some British fucking yob pulls you up asking do you speak English then attempts to foist a scratch card on you, you win a tshirt,then they want you to go to an office for a presentation on trying to sell you some password for a holiday club, they start at around £5000, I went there just to see and they ended up offering me a password for £100, but its still fucking useless as they were claiming 5* hotels for $20 a night, I got them to pull up an example of a 5* in Pattaya, the hotel they showed me was one of the shitty Eastiny goup hotels, I pulled the same hotel up on Asia Rooms for $18 which showed it at 2* which is about right, I asked them to pull up the Marriot in Pattaya which showed as $166, I pulled the same on Asia Rooms for $141, after this they gave up, not before I had drunk half a bottle of their vodka and a lobster dinner, they wont be so quick at inviting the likes of me again

There aren't many creatures walking God's earth that I despise more than some two legged maggot who's trying to cream money off of anyone under the pretence of working on behalf of worthy causes & charities! :growl:

Add to our list celebries & anyone else for that matter who broacasts the fact that they give to charities... If you're going to do it, do it graciously & for the right reasons, for fucks sake!.. (NB. Please exclude me from that comment, I only mention work that I do when it's relevant to a certain thread).

Funny that you mentioned the word 'yob' regarding the 'Holiday Club' rep... We've got one up here & I really don't like the bloke, but he happens to be another 'secret' one of us, BTW? He could even be lurking as we speak? Anyway, a very close family member of mine came out for my 50th Birthday a little while ago & during the evening I asked him what he thought of the of lads he'd met? And he replied, "Yeah, they're all alright, except for that cunt over there, he's a definite wrongun"!.. And guess what, he'd pointed straight at the holiday rep!.. I ended up ejecting him later that night!.. Tell's you all you need to know really.

BTW, I've taken em' for the free meal n' piss up too, in Jontiem a few years back. The prat who was trying to sell the holiday scheme there was a real fuckin' yobbo too!

[Luung]

Right, busy Monday morning, but a mile of posts have appeared that must be addressed. We have transended 'minor irritants' & launched us into the realm of the 'Incredibly hateful'!!!

Also, before I start I'd just like to mention that I'd promised myself that I'd try to avoid excessive bad language, but this is just one of those threads where that isn't going to be possible, this is all just far too emotive.

I'll just say one thing before I start, try India, it's fucking even worse, they'll actually chase you down the road, but at least they're not putting on Cockney accents!

Does anyone do that other than Indian tailors?

I remember when you started this thing & I knew then it would blossom Lefty, we now have yet another syndrome... The 'Pakkie talior syndrome'... And this one is rather upsetting!

In ThailandIndian tailors that talk to me in a cockney accent, as if all life stems from fucking down south. I tore into the last fucker for insulting me, nothing against southerners but im from the north and proud of it.

Welcome to the forum Flatpack & thanks for being astute enough to realise that we're not all the fakin' same dauwn Souuth! I used to be the same as you when I was in the States, I'm actually a Londoner & all I ever got, "Gee, are you an Auuustraaalian"?.. Nothing against the Aussies man, but my fists would start clenching & I'd just want to start punching holes. In the end all the Londons where I was were walking around in T'shirts with, "I ain't fucking Australian"! written on them... It gets you like that.

The type of 'article' I hate most is actually a 'Mockney', which is either some middle class cunt or wanna be prat from 50 miles away who puts on the accent, they're fuckin' pitiful!

I fekkin hate that shit...OI OI saveloy ..one twat said to me.....and Lover-lee jubber-ley....if I had a £1 for every time I heard that one....fukkin Del boy's got a lot to answer for..... who teaches them that shit...I'd loved to hear someone teaching those phrases-I'd have to set about him/her.....fukkers.

Willy, when you find him, I'll hold him, you hit him!!!

How the fuckin' hell do you think I feel, I get emotional about this!!! "Fuckin', "lubbly jubbly jeezer," called behind me by some poxy fuckin' Pakkie as I'm staggering down the Beach Road with a hangover!.. I feel my shoulders go tight, my fists clench & I'm squeezing venom through clenched teeth at them. and they fuckin' know it, I'M ON EM'! I've even got some Thai cunt who dose it to me up in a restaurant that I go to in Chiang Rai, he just don't know how close he's come to having a fucking clay ash tray stuck in his face... There's another cunt does it up in Mae Sai too, he's nearly gone in the fucking water before now!

In spite of technically being a Cockney (genuinely born within the sound of Bow Bells) I'm actually a South Londoner & overall we hate Cockney's, more than any Northerner might ever possibly believe, it's fudal out there!

I've got a pretty strong accent, without exception there isn't one American FM whom I've met in person that can hardly understand a word I say! But I verhimently detest that culture & all that it stands for, in fact I've spent most of my life running away from it & maybe it's a bit more than just a small part of the reason why I live in TH.

You know, I even have geezers come up to me in bars on the other side of the fuckin' world & they plonk themselves down right next to me & say things like, "Corr, you're a real Cockney geezer ain't yerr"?.. FUCK!!! My theeth are clenched again, the snout wrinkles up, my eyes squint at them & I'm growling under my breath like some fuckin psycotic Pitbull! And I just want to go 'POW'!!!

That's how it gets me man!

Anyway, you'll like this... I do come from just around the corner from where 'Only Fools & Horses' set, I even know the block of flats at the begining of the credits 'Nelson Madella house' (remember)?.. Well get this, we actually had a 'Winney Maddela' road about 10 mins walk away from my place! how about that for political correctness gone mad!

Them fucking Paki tailors are a real pain in the bollocks, they try talking in an Austrailian twang in Phuket, I have a really nice nice shirt that cost around $200 US ,this cheeky cunt says ,I have material to make shirt like that, I tells him to fuck off, what an arsehole.Its strange how we all appear to be irritated by the same things.

Ditto, I concur, well done for telling them to fuck off & pointing out that their fabrics are cack!.. But please tell me, what the fuckin' hell was you doing in Crazy Dave's with 'Only Fools & Hoses' playing over & over a-fuckin-gain 24/7?... Apart from inflicting that stuff on yourself, you're meant to be on a health kick aren't you?

Spot on there Willie what a wining cunt , Paul Weller was once asked to duet with him and his reply was "I'd sooner eat my own shit !" Add Bono to the list , sanctimonious bastard who pays zero tax in his own country and lectures the rest of us on or moral responsibility to save the planet .Oh and yer man from Coldplay - another dick !

Spot on remarks 'Slim'!.. What a 9 carrot fuckin' cunt Bono is!.. And that prick from Cold play too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVODj1h3Cds

Good for Paul Weller!That James Blunt ...he's now became rhymin slang for a cu@t.....as in "don't be a James..."-he's actually a posh twat ,a captain in the household cavalry..grrrrrrrr.... Ditto with Bono,never seen anyone sooo far up his own arse...it stopped me liking u2......even with all the good stuff theyve written.. ditto with coldplay...no feckin talent whatsoever ....just endless hype.... in fact anyone who is known by a bullshit feckin nickname.... eg sting,the edge,lemmy....(okay lemmy gets a pass)

The only good stuff U2 ever did was when they had William Orbit producing their stuff for then JMHO. but even then I couldn't bring myself to like them.

I used to love reading 'The NME' when I was a youth & I remember when they all got fed up calling Brian Ferry 'Byron Ferrara' they started calling Sting, 'String', I liked that, he's a class turd too!

And what type of cunt calls himself 'The Edge'?

I'm so relieved you left Lemmy out of it mate.. We've just avoided going necleur again, phew! Do you know he's even got me pissed up in Stingfellows nightclub (London) before now, all because I staggerd up to him one night & asked him if he'd buy me a drink because I was skint & when I tried to buy him a drink back about a month later he got me pissed again! I used to love the Lemmy all nighters at the Brixton Acadamy too & when he was in Hawkwind he was my man!

Here's the original version of Lemmy's Motorhead by Hawkwind... Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah... Where's my fuckin' syringe!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wfzGkldPnc

:growl:

[williethepimp]

Great post(s)lung....yes we have transcended the minor irritants into major irritants I think......it must be particularly galling as a Londoner to be greeted with lovely jubbly etc...its bad enough for Northerners like me and Flatpack.....

.....telesales people who start with "how are you today"....fuck off-don't be chummy with me-I don't fukkin know you!

Bin men who look in the wheely bin to see if you've filled it with the permitted rubbish....you're a bin man u cunt....not a forensic scientist -empty the fukkin bin!

women driving 4 wheel drive vehicles bringing the kids to school....

tony blackburn (I won't even give that prick capital letters)

Nice anecdote about Lemmy Lung-I just knew he was a decent skin.....

finally....foreigners(mainly yanx ) who assume that all Brits love Maggie Thatcher.....I hated the cunt...

PS....pearly kings and queens-wtf is that all about Lung?

BTW-What would you call a person who would love to be a cockney?-a closet pearly queen?

[Luung]

That's my fuckin' Dad!

[Flatpack]

Was going to just stick to Thailand but after the day ive had I need to vent.

Immigrants, all of em

The labour government for letting the twats in.

Drivers who insist on putting their foglights on when its raining

Leaving the bloody things on when they are in heavy traffic, of course I can see you, im 2 feet off your fukin bumber.

Girls who say to me 'oh you holiday in Thailand, watch out for those ladyboys' yeah of course I will because I would rather fuck you because you have a face like a welders bench.

Girls who want me to meet their friend and come out with the immortal line 'shes got a lovely personality' ie shes a fat ugly cunt.

Guys in Patts who think its my first day in Thailand because im with a ladyboy and feel its their duty to tell me while sat with their mates and not a bird in site. Ive probably forgot more about Thailand than those pricks know.

Tradesmen who have 'specialist' on the side of their van. Yeah thats because you know fek all else.

Tradesmen who have 'solutions' on the side of their van ie plumbing solutions. Whats difficult, theres a bath now just fukin fit it why do I need a bastard solution to it.

Call centres who ask me what ive been up to today, shaggin your mum now can we get on with business.

Councils regarding parking. Heres an idea lets build council run carparks and then paint every spare bit of road in double yellows so the public is forced to use them. Thieving robbing twats.

Vent over for now, sorry for the bad language.

[Jimslim]

A nice couple of videos there Lung

Paul Weller is the coolest guy on the planet and Lemmy is a legend , I saw an interview with him once when he claimed to have shagged a transsexual so we can proudly claim him as "one of ours "

[williethepimp]

That's my fuckin' Dad!

55555-seriously what's all that pearly king and queen thing about...I'd happily hunt down and kill any silly cunt wearing that gear....now,pearly necklaces,theyre a different matter.

Was going to just stick to Thailand but after the day ive had I need to vent.

Immigrants, all of em

The labour government for letting the twats in.

Drivers who insist on putting their foglights on when its raining

Leaving the bloody things on when they are in heavy traffic, of course I can see you, im 2 feet off your fukin bumber.

Girls who say to me 'oh you holiday in Thailand, watch out for those ladyboys' yeah of course I will because I would rather fuck you because you have a face like a welders bench.

Girls who want me to meet their friend and come out with the immortal line 'shes got a lovely personality' ie shes a fat ugly cunt.

Guys in Patts who think its my first day in Thailand because im with a ladyboy and feel its their duty to tell me while sat with their mates and not a bird in site. Ive probably forgot more about Thailand than those pricks know.

Tradesmen who have 'specialist' on the side of their van. Yeah thats because you know fek all else.

Tradesmen who have 'solutions' on the side of their van ie plumbing solutions. Whats difficult, theres a bath now just fukin fit it why do I need a bastard solution to it.

Call centres who ask me what ive been up to today, shaggin your mum now can we get on with business.

Councils regarding parking. Heres an idea lets build council run carparks and then paint every spare bit of road in double yellows so the public is forced to use them. Thieving robbing twats.

Vent over for now, sorry for the bad language.

pretty good rant there flatpack.....plumbing solutions,its newspeak innit,FAF

A nice couple of videos there Lung

Paul Weller is the coolest guy on the planet and Lemmy is a legend , I saw an interview with him once when he claimed to have shagged a transsexual so we can proudly claim him as "one of ours "

Good on Lemmy,coming to think of it,lemmy does look like he'd shag anything.

Hey guys,is it only Brits who can rant?.....c'mon yanx,you must have something to bitch about....

[Luung]

Fucking hell Lung thats a good old rant this morning and Wille not far behind, I reckon we must be the 3 miserablist cunts on this forum, every fuckers got it this morning from the poor overworked Binman to the lovely little paki on the corner trying to earn a crust for his 4 wives and 17 children, well I concur Fuck Em.

BTW Lung my observations from Crazy Daves was from 1 visit at 530am one morning last January, I shat like a Ethiopian with dissentry for 3 days after, I am sticking to my health kick for now but must admit I saw all these fat cunts necking a full English in a bar this morning while on my way to the beach and was tempted,good job I only had 20bht with me for water or I might have fell off the wagon.

Yeah, it took a bit out of me that one.

55555!.. I laughed out loud when I read, "I shat like a Ethiopian with dissentry for 3 days after"!!! That's what'll usually happen to me if I'm silly enough to enter that place. I pop in rarely from time to time, just for nostalgias sake. Crazy Dave was a real scream years ago, but now he's the perfect example of how far & how quickly you can go down the pan if you live here full time!

Keep going with the fitness regime man, if you can keep it up it'll have a positive effect on every single aspect of your life!

[Luung]

A nice couple of videos there Lung

Paul Weller is the coolest guy on the planet and Lemmy is a legend , I saw an interview with him once when he claimed to have shagged a transsexual so we can proudly claim him as "one of ours "

You know, I nearly wrote, "But it could have very easily been Stigfellow's Pattaya", because I've heard that statement... And it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest... In fact I'd be surprised if he didn't!

I don't know if you were ofay with the Hawkwind version of Motorhead? Most people are only aware of the later Motorhead version... But what did you think of it? I fuckin' love it!!! More folksy, stings & Woodwind going in the background, not to 'heavy', I think it's superb & it knocks spots off the cover version.

Anyway, just listen to his comment at the end of this little collaboration with Dee Dee Ramone