Paultain 2007-2010

[paultain]

So it’s now September 2007, and I almost didn’t get the time off from work to get a trip in that year. But a with a few body swerves, I managed to get a couple of weeks off, and was locked and loaded, sitting on a plane to Thailand. It was the usual midday arrival, and I got through passport control and customs without a hitch, and changed enough money for the limo to Pattaya, plus the hotel, which I like to pay up front on check-in.

Got a limo for 1000 baht, and on the way to Pattaya the driver mentioned, “Lucky you not go to Bangkok…have rain too much!” “Pattaya Ok?” “Yes I think so!” So the whole journey I was watching the sky, as we got closer to Pattaya, which was quite clear and sunny, and around 3pm we were off the highway, and cruising down Pattaya Central road towards the beach. Still the sky looked great, when the driver asked, “Where your hotel Sir?” “Soi Bukhaow!” “Ah Ok! I know Sir!” And just as we turned into Soi Bukhaow, the driver started moaning, “Oh no! Oh no!” I sat up and looked through his wind screen, only to see the whole street ahead was flooded.

It had been raining monsoon style for six hours solid, and had just finished as we arrived. The driver asks me where my hotel was, I told him it was still a long way farther. We both thought it may not be so deep, so he took it slowly and tried to drive on, but it just got deeper and deeper. The last straw was when my driver blew his horn at some farang to get out of the way, who was pushing his motorcycle, which the water level was pretty close to his saddle. The poor guy moved to one side to let us through, but there must have been some kind of roadside excavation at that spot, because all of a sudden, he and his motorcycle simply disappeared under the water, and seconds later he bobbed up gasping for air.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I burst out laughing at the sight of that, but the last laugh was on me. The driver must have thought to himself ‘fuck this’, and reversed back to where it was shallow enough to basically kick me out of the limo, and told me to walk the rest of the way. Needless to say he didn’t get a tip, and now I’m wading through this water that was over my knees, with my large suitcase on my head. It took me about 20 minutes to reach my hotel, but I was smiling all the way thinking, ‘honey I’m home.’

Checked in, and had a shave and a long shower, and got dressed ready for the flood to subside. My room was at the back of the hotel, so I just stood there looking through my window, which was overlooking a small ‘U’ shaped two story compound, where several Thai families lived. It had a field in the center with a couple of chilly bushes, still under a meter of water. Then I noticed an old lady standing on her balcony, shouting and pointing at three younger members of her family, who were wading through the water, with plastic laundry baskets. She had a better view, and was telling them where the fish where, and the younger ones were catching the fish using the laundry baskets as nets. I smiled and got a flashback of the 80’s, when after the hurricanes, the guys use to sit on a bar stool inside the flooded bars, with a bottle of beer in one hand, and catching fish with the other.

I waited and waited, but the only thing that was going down was the sun, and I realized there was no drainage in the back, so I walked the corridor to the front, which was over looking Soi Buakhaow, and sure enough it was bone dry, as if it had not rained at all. So I was out through the lobby like a rocket, thinking I shouldn’t stray too far just in case it rained again. I decided just to go to my mate Manchester John, the owner of the ‘Heavens Door Bar,’ in Soi 7. After a few detours, and a bit of hopping over puddles, I managed to get there pretty dry.

[paultain]

The ‘Heavens Door,’ is a normal GG bar, John always employed 2-3 LB’s to pull in the punters, from the street into his bar. John reckoned the GG’s were a bit lazy at this task, and besides that, his LB’s were better lookers, and worked harder to get punters sitting on his bar stools. And once he had them sitting at his bar, he did the rest with his PR, as John is a very friendly chap, and would circle the bar chatting to everyone.

Of course the staff are mostly new faces, apart from the service staff, as John likes to employ at least 40 bar girls at any one time. He told me he never turns down anyone that asks him for a job, knowing full well they come and go like the wind, and when one girl leaves, she normally takes a couple of her mates with her. I guess this is safety in numbers when working in a new bar, so they are not picked on or bullied by the regular bar girls in that new bar.

So as they didn’t know I was a mate of the boss, and as I was just about to make a beeline for the bar, a LB kind of pounced on me, grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bar, not realizing that’s where I was heading in the first place. I grabbed a stool and she parked herself on the stool next to me. For the first minute or so I kept my eyes straight in front, arguing with myself, ‘What do you think Paul, that’s a cracking bit of stuff right beside you, will you go for it or not?’ The reason for this was, my mate didn’t know I went with LB’s as well as GG’s, and the rest of my mates who drank there were a bit too butch for that sort of thing, so when I took a LB, I would avoid the bar.

But here is a beautiful little thing with a great tit job, and a great feminine figure, the best looking of the staff, and all I could think of, was whether to let the cat out of the bag or not, to John and my butch mates. Impatiently this LB rubbed my arm to get my attention, “Hello, what’s your name?” I turned to her and replied, “Lum Pawn,” ‘Lum’ meaning ‘Uncle,’ and ‘Pawn’ instead of Paul, because Thais find it difficult to pronounce it, and normally spend the next 15 minutes trying to get their tongue around the ‘L’ sometimes trying replace it with an ‘R.’ Through the years I found it easier to just say that, and when I do, as usual there’s a big burst of laughter from them.

So I continued, “What’s your name?” “Rose!” “You know Rose; you’re the most beautiful Ladyboy that I have met this holiday.” I think she figured I didn’t realize that she was a LB by the look on her face, but the compliment made her burst out laughing again. “Would you like a drink?” “Yes please!” At this particular time the conversation was in Thai, but normally I don’t reveal that at least the first half hour or so, I find it best to quietly sit and just listen, and if I don’t like what I hear, I move on. And of course most guy’s know, speaking Thai is a plus, and it must have been at this particular moment.

Rose, explained to me that she worked down in Phuket, where she called herself Apple, and came to Pattaya three months earlier. She also told me that her tit job was a gift from a female farang admirer down in Phuket, as I couldn’t understand how she could scrap up the money for implants, as she was only 22 years old. “So your name was Apple last year, and now its Rose this year, what name are you going to call yourself next year?” “Ha, ha… I don’t know yet Paul!”

I confirmed this all with John later, when he normally turns up at 9pm. In actual fact he told me she just turned up one day, didn’t ask him for a job, and simply started pulling the punters in, on the basis of lady-drinks, and the percentage from the bar-fine. But she was so good at it, and so popular, that John hired her with a monthly wage just in a matter of days, for fear of losing her. Well we kind of clicked right away, and I knew it wouldn’t be a one night-er, we were very relaxed with each other. At some point in the conversation, Rose asked me did I like LB’s, and I told her I like both LB’s and GG’s, and like to mix it when I’m on vacation.

Now this is still early, around 7-8pm in the evening, just before John’s arrival at 9pm. Nobody is pissed, and I’m actually having my first beer, when she says “Can I go with you?” Worrying about what my mate is going to think, I said “Ok, but I pay 1000 baht LT minus what ever the bar fine was, thinking this will throw her off the idea, but she said “Ok!” Then I told her it was not for just one night but for a week at least, but I will want a bit of pussy also, probably the last week I told her. Now I thought this would surely put her off the thought, and when my mates turn up, everything’s hunky dory, nothing happened, so there’s nothing to explain to them. But no! She smiled and said, “Ok!” I thought she didn’t get me right so I explained again, and I still got “Yes ok, I want you happy!” Now how in the name of god can I get out of that? And why in the name of god would I want to get out of that?

She then told me, the bar-fine was 300 baht, but I thought it was 200 baht, as John’s bar was my regular bar, I never took any girls from it, as one of my rules is not to steal apples from my own orchard so to speak. Although she agreed on 700 baht for LT, I normally give 800 baht at that time in 2007, so that’s what I paid in the long run, irrespective of what I took back to my room.

[paultain]

So just before John turned up, I knocked back a few drinks and started to get a buzz on, and paid the bar for Rose, for the next five days, and I didn’t give a flying fuck what he or the other mates thought of me bar-fining a LB. So when John did come, we were glad to meet, and the drink started to really roll in, and then I told him jokingly that I paid for Rose, 5 days bar-fine, to see his reaction. Well as for me taking a LB, he didn’t bat an eye, and as the rest of my mates came in, I hit them with it right away, “by the way, I’m with her.” All I got was, “Paul to each his own, this is Thailand,” then carried on with the craick and the drink. That surprised me a bit, and made me think, ‘Fuck it! I am not hiding the fact that I like the odd LB from time to time anymore, and I will avoid nothing from that night onwards.’ And of course, we were there until 6am, before we thought about going back to the hotel.

I don’t go on the piss every night, as this is the thing that eats the money up the fastest. There are other things to do in the evening, bowling, shooting, movies, and dinner in a nice restaurant, etc. So as we both came back at 6am, were hung over, and slept till late, the day started with getting our shit together and going out to dinner, lets say the Green Bottle, to treat her to a nice big steak and a few drinks…for say around 800-1000 baht. Then there is a bit of my daily budget left over for the next day. It all balances out in the end without even thinking about it.

As Rose had only been in Pattaya 3 months, nobody had the time or decency to take her anywhere, and was mostly wham bam thank you mam. So I’d let her know that she was on holiday and just a tourist, and I would play the tour guide. Every day we would go too some of the usual places, Nong Nooch Village, crocodile farm, tiger zoo, go-karting, Koh Larn, Sanctuary of Truth, Doing the usual, and stupid things, like the tiger or crocodile photo etc. etc. A little bit of shopping, in the Tuesday and Friday market, to buy her some dresses etc. It doesn’t cost the earth.

The few times we went to the Heavens Door Bar, she would whisper in my ear, “Is it Ok, I go call customer in bar for boss?” “Sure Sweetie!” “And Paul you not order me drink, I can get Lady-Drink when I yak, yak, with other customer, save your money!” “OK no problem Sweetie.” After all, we bunch of yoyo’s that gathered in the bar must be a bit boring for her, and it gives her the chance to line up the next punter anyway. Just over ten days later I did need some pussy, so I told her, “Tomorrow I want some pussy, and you must work in the bar!” “Ok Paul!... But how long you take lady?” “Not sure! Maybe a couple of nights!” “Ok Paul! I understand!” “And listen Rose!... if I take lady back to this bar… I don’t want any trouble from you… Right!” “Not worry Paul!... I no problem for you… Lady is Ok… but not other Ladyboy naa!… I not want lose face naa!” “Ok Sweetie!... only lady!”

[paultain]

The next night, I took a GG back to the bar, the usual craick with John and my mates, And Rose, quietly hiding in the background. Took the GG back to the room, and she turned out to be useless. Tried a different GG the next night who was all full of promises, and took her back to the Heavens Door bar, where Rose again still quietly in the background, but with the odd smiling glance, until the GG went to the toilet. Rose quietly came over and whispered in my ear, “Paul now you take lady 2 nights, you not forget about me tomorrow naa!” “Yes, yes Rose!... But the girl last night doesn’t count … Because she was a bad fuck … So I must see if this one is better tonight!” “Ok Paul I understand!” So I took this GG back to the room, and that wasn’t so great also, and I started to think I must be jinxed this trip. So I got shot of that one, and picked up another GG the following night, and brought her back to the Heavens Door bar, looked across to Rose, and this time she was looking at me with, “What the fuck is this man doing?” written all over her face.

Again when the GG went to the toilet, Rose came over, “What you do Paul?” “Ahk Rose!… number two lady no good fuck also!” “Ha, ha, ha, you see Paul! … lady cannot fuck better than ladyboy, naa!” “Yes Rose! … But I like to eat pussy also!” and I started to take the piss by making tongue actions, as if to be licking pussy, knowing well it would disgust her, “Baaa Paul!… You vely bad man… How many days you have left Paul?” “Two days!” “Ok! If she not good fuck tonight you take me tomorrow, for your last day, naa!” She quickly ran back to her stool, as she saw the GG coming back from the toilet. And at the end of the night, it was back to the room, and fuck me it was another starfish.

So as promised my last night I went to the bar early on my own, to the delight of Rose, as she knew by me coming alone it was her turn. Paid her bar-fine, and took her out to dinner, and then did the rounds to say goodbye to all my bar owner friends, then back to John’s bar for a night cap. John pulled me to one side, and told me she was a bit anxious the past three days, always talking about me to the staff. Needless to say that last night was one to remember. Rose had a heart of gold, a happy go lucky personality, and great girlfriend material. Which in the last couple of years, she has been going steady with a very nice young boyfriend, which I wish the best of luck too.

[paultain]

June 2008, and I’m sitting on a KLM flight from Amsterdam to Bangkok happy as Larry, didn’t really care too much that the meals served on the flight was crap, and kind of figured it must be cut backs, because of the high price of oil. Besides, I had a lot on my mind, because in the past two weeks I had been planning a bit of charity work, after seeing the flood victims of Burma on the news, with a tear in my eye. So I was running through my plan in my head, and alterative plans in case it didn’t work, most of the flight there.

My plan was to give 600 euros out of the 2000 euros than I scraped up, to go to the aid of the flood victims, as I figured I was only going to be there for 10 days, hopefully I wouldn’t need the whole 2000. There were plenty of charities to donate to, and donation stations all over Pattaya, which I knew about from the news on the net. But I never trust them, knowing full well a good percentage would go for their administration, and not to the people who really needed it.

I figured if I went to the old abbot I know in the temple on the Naklua road just outside Pattaya, he would help me out with transport, and a respectable monk to negotiate for me, while I went and got as much rice and drinking water, as I possibly could for the money I set aside for it. I knew that going alone, I would not get a good price, and taking a Thai was better, but taking a monk, well nobody was going to haggle with him. Then take it too Utapao Airport, where I knew there was a hanger full of volunteers packing all donations onto pallets, and then loading them onto a Thai domestic airline, who was flying the cargo in free. All this I knew before I left Holland.

I brightened up as soon as the plane hit the tarmac in Bangkok, and was through the usual obstacles in no time, hailing a taxi to Pattaya, which I got again for 1000 baht, and practiced my Thai on the driver, all the way there. Arriving in Soi Bukhaow, I remember thinking, ‘thank fuck it’s not raining’ because of what happened the year before. I checked in with no reservations as usual in the ‘Sawasdee Siam Hotel’ that afternoon, and as usual haggled getting a superior room for 650 baht a night, without much effort. By the time I unpacked and showered, got the mini bar emptied, and stocked up the fridge with supplies from the 7/11 across the road, it was very nearly 5pm. And all the while I was thinking a game plan for the first evening.

Just across the road, directly from the hotel was the ‘Pook Swan House,’ a LB only bar, which I never had the nerve to go into alone, thinking LB only bars were too intimidating for me. But it seemed to be very lively while I was doing my shopping, and as I never had been in there before, I thought it was a good idea to start there on my bar hop, to see what the craick was. So I just crossed the road and parked my ass on a stool there.

[paultain]

I had just ordered my first cold beer, when a miserable looking guy sat down at the end of the bar, with a mug of tea in his hand. So I said, “All right mate?” “Aye, and yourself?” “Not too bad, I just arrived an hour ago.” So he slithered across, and parked himself down on the stool next to me. He introduced himself as Martin, and said he was the manager of the bar. The bar was packed out with stunning LB’s, gyrating on poles, and I felt a bit at ease sitting with another guy. Less than a minute, I asked him, “Fancy a beer?” and it was like I just got half way through the sentence, he was waving his finger at the couple of old GG’s behind the bar, that did all the serving, “Beer for me, his bill, his bill… no, no his bill!”

Sometimes I like to play the naïve first timer, and I let him think that, so I could weigh him up better. He was telling me all about himself, how he had a bar down the street, then managed a bar associated with Pook in the LK plaza, and finally here. I think he mentioned living in Pattaya for six years, and was full of advice for this newbie sitting with him. The old beer was nice and cold and was going down a treat, so I got another round in. “No, no, his bill, his bill!”

And as I played the naïve newbie, he must have thought I didn’t know the score about the LB’s and the bar. Because he said, “You know Paul!... These are all LB’s,” figuring I was a GG only man, and to stupid to tell the difference. So I said, “Wow! No shit?” ”Yep!… But I’m going to get rid of half of them… and replace them with GG’s, eventually having an all GG bar.” I got the feeling he was quite anti-LB, and because of this I started to take a slight dislike to him, but anyway I got another round in, “No, no, his bill, his bill!”

As he wasn’t keeping up he started to store his beer behind the bar. I kind of used his conversation to glanced around and weigh-up the talent, without getting hassled. But just then a very passable cute little thing got off the pole, came up behind me, and proceeded to give my shoulders a massage, without speaking a word, while I listened to this guy Martin. I could sense he was getting annoyed with this, and went to push her away saying, “No, no!” And before he could finish his sentence, I quickly got another round in but this time I included her, and I actually didn’t turn around to see what she looked like. “No, no, his bill, his bill,” as he stored his beers behind the bar.

I remember thinking at this point, ‘when the fuck is this guy going to get his hand in his pocket.’ But as I stopped him in his tracks, he pulled me, “That’s a LB you know!” I just replied, “Listen mate, I will fuck anything that looks that good!” and his jaw dropped.

She had a couple of sips of her drink, then got up and did a bit of pole dancing. I guess she did that, so I could get a better look at her, as she was behind me all the time. Very tasty indeed I thought, so I waited until Martin went for a piss, I called her down and parked her on his stool, and got the girl behind the bar to move his drink away back to the end of the bar, where he originally sat. When he returned, I guess he got the hint.

This little cutie and I, had the usual introductory chit-chat, and she told me her name was Pancake, so I got another round in, but of course leaving Martin out. I explained to her I was going walk-about, Stringfellows, La Bamba, then Ezy. “I go with you?” Mmmm, I thought why not, walking into these joints with my own carry-out, I would get less hassle, and would be more relaxed to weigh-up the talent. So I asked her how much, “Up to you!” “1000 LT?” “Yes, no problem!” I ordered another round, but she turned it down, “No, no I have enough,” and I remember insisting as she gets the percentage on her drink, but she wouldn’t have none of it, besides that she didn’t drink alcohol at all.

[paultain]

Just then a nice old guy sat down on my other side, and was getting playfully hassled from another LB, “I go with you ST 2000 baht?” He politely answered, “Sorry honey, I can not pay too much, I am a poor man,” and looked away. Then she said, “Oh, come on, farang not poor man, farang have big job, big money naa?” “No honey, I poor man but I buy you one drink, because you nice lady!” “Ok, thank you.” Then she paused for a minute and asked, “Ok, if you poor man what you work?” and I was bursting with laughter inside, when he pointed to the nearest construction site and replied, “I work same, same here!” She pondered over the answer a little and then said, “Ohhhh, I see… So how much you can pay?” He said, “1000 LT.” Another pause and then, “Ok, I go with you … I like poor man, also, naa!” as she laughed her head off, and this was only 7:30 in the evening.

We both introduced ourselves, and I asked him what did he really do, carpenter, electrician, crane driver or what. He kind of whispered to me, “None of them, actually I own a few companies back in the UK, and have a few million under my belt, but nobody needs to know that here.” Then I asked him, “So what’s she gonna say when you bring her back to your fancy hotel?” “I am staying here Paul,” and points to the same 3 star hotel I was staying in. He lectured me how he had it rough growing up, with ‘going to school with no shoes on his feet, etc. etc.’ It was a bit like the Monty Python sketch, ‘24 of us living in a shoe box in the middle of the road,’ but in general we had a good laugh.

So I paid my bar bill, and paid the bar for little cutie, which the bar fine was 500 baht. Ahk well, I thought it’s only for one night. As I had a few beers in me already and it was only around 8:00, still early, and I wanted to visit the bars recommended in the LB forums, as all these years I only do my own circuit, I find there are plenty of LB’s dotted all around the beer bars in Pattaya, without having to go to these places. But I did want to know what all the fuss was about. As I knew I was going on the piss, I jokingly told her, “We only walk-walk… drink-drink… and see my friends… No sex tonight…only go as friends …Ok?” “Ok, ok.”

So we walked to Soi Diana, stopped at the New Orn Bar, which was another LB bar and had a drink, nothing there, so moved on. Then we stopped at a couple of GG-only beer bars further down the Soi going towards the 2nd road, the girls couldn’t keep their hands off her. “Suay mak maa! (very beautiful)” “Khap kung ka (thank you),” she would sweetly reply. Then walking down the 2nd road towards Soi Yamato, we stopped at an old lady street vendor who was selling jokes, and as I chatted on for 10 minutes, checking out the things on the old lady’s stall. Pancake didn’t say a word, but at the end of it all, Pancake said something in agreement. Just then the old lady’s jaw dropped, and said to Pancake, “You know! If you didn’t say anything, I would have thought you were a real girl.” ”Khap kung ka,” Pancake giggled.

Then we hit Stringfellows, I can’t say I was impressed, but mind you it might have been too early, plus we had to sit outside because of the no-smoking law. Pancake was chatting away with some of the LB’s there, so I got them some drinks, and had a bit of a laugh. I hinted to Pancake about a three-some, just to see how thick the ice was, so to speak, but a little sulk appeared in her face, “I cannot, I don’t know she too much!” “Ok Sweetie! … Never mind then,” and then moved on. Walked on down Soi Yamato to La Bamba, past all the yobo bars, where I have read from LB admirer forums, calling it ‘the walk of shame,’ I call it ‘the walk of fuck you mate.’

I have sat in those bars from time to time and listened to some twats… “Look at that faggot, with his bum boy in a skirt!” “Listen pal! You’ll get a better shag and blowjob from that LB, than that fat little cow you’re sitting beside…Look at you!...Sitting there stinking of sweat, with your sleeveless vest, with the big flag painted on it…your baggy shorts hanging all the way down to your knees to hide them fat hairy legs…and your casual sandals…pppppffff… That LB is way out of your league…and well you know it… That LB has got standards…and would be ashamed to walk down the street with the likes of you!”

“Wait! Let me look into your eyes… Yes,yes! Just as I thought…there is nothing but envy in them…and if you think its only faggots that go with them…think again! The majority are straight guys…just like you… The only difference is, they have got the balls to try it out…you don’t… So don’t point the finger at something you know nothing about…try it first…then see if you still want to queer bash… For fuck sake this is the 21st century, stop living in the dark ages.”

Another bloke butts in, “He does have a point Joe!” and Joe said, “Ah well! … I never thought of it that way, apart from insulting my good looks (laughing), you do make sense.” Then I would take the piss, “Joe! How long have you lived in Pattaya?” “12 years Paul!” “And in that 12 years, are you trying to tell me you never had one blowjob from a LB?” “Ahhh well err…mmmm, yeh but, no but… For fuck sake get that Irish hooligan a beer, and change the subject, before he starts picking on me again.”

Hit La Bamba, but only a hand full of LB’s were there and it was pretty dead. Tried it out again about the three-some, but got the same result. So I then asked her, what about her own bar, had she a friend there, maybe for another time? “Nop!” And told me she didn’t like anyone there, and was getting bullied by the older ones. What about a room mate? “Nop!” She doesn’t share her room with anyone. So I started to think, ‘This LB, is not into LB’s… I must try another approach then!’

[bumblebee]

Good to see you posting your adventures Paul. Lots of tales to set the mood for anyone with an upcoming trip.

[williethepimp]

yes Paul,eminently readable,good on yer mate.

[paultain]

Good to see you posting your adventures Paul. Lots of tales to set the mood for anyone with an upcoming trip.

God help you poor bastard, your not reading it all over again

[paultain]

yes Paul,eminently readable,good on yer mate.

'Eminently readable' fuck me! don't tell me I got to go back to English classes again, cause that phrase has got me, but thanks mate I actually know what it means............ I know, I know!........ hard to be leave!

[bumblebee]

God help you poor bastard, your not reading it all over again

Lol nah, scanning for the highlights that I remember from before. Always a pleasure to re-read a good yarn again.

[pdogg]

Great stuff Paul!

Thanks for posting it here!

[JaiDee]

Thanks for posting Paul, it's always good to read someone ELSE'S adventures!

[paultain]

Great stuff Paul!

Thanks for posting it here!

Well I did promise you I would post it

[paultain]

Thanks for posting Paul, it's always good to read someone ELSE'S adventures!

Cheers JaiDee, hard to follow yours though

[paultain]

Well now that she is not into LB’s, I thought I’d grill her on the subject of pussy. So we drank up and paid the bill and walked across the Soi to the Boomerang Bar, where I was greeted by the owner. The two of us were very warmly welcomed; the owner, Pancake, and I all sat down, Pancake in the middle, and had a few drinks, while telling funny stories about ourselves in the past. Little Pancake was cracking up with laughter. But the owner didn’t realize she was a LB, and it made me think, ‘Fuck me! Have I picked up a real girl or what!’

So as we say back home ‘the craick was 90,’ in the Boomerang, and I noticed this little GG, I had my eye on last trip, but didn’t get around chatting to her. So again just for a joke I said to the owner, “I thought the little GG was a LB, and we come here now to pay bar for her, so we can have a three-some.” I said this because the little GG was slim and her tits weren’t that big. The owner relayed what I said to the little GG, “Ieee lady 100%,” she chuckled. The owned went on then telling her about the three-some, adding that she knows me a long time and I was a good bloke, “Aow ka (yes please), I go with you!” Well I thought, that was quick, and it was just a wind-up, that actually worked. I could see Pancake slightly warming up to the idea; I guess she was more threatened with another LB, than a GG. Also the fact that it was only the first night, and we haven’t got to the room yet, she couldn’t weigh me up properly, as I found out the next morning.

When the GG chuckled back, in agreement, Pancake whispered, “Paul what you do?” I jokingly whispered back, “I want to see you eat pussy!” “Baa Paul!... pussy vely stink too much,” she chuckled back. “You know Paul I never do before!” “That’s Ok! I’ll teach you!” She then pondered on it for a moment and said, “I tell you what Paul, I watch you eat pussy, and she can suck my cock… naa!” “Now we’re talking girl!” But as I was half stewed already, and still had to go to EZY, we will ear mark it for another day. That cheered her up to no end, as she thought it was just a one night stand, and now I’m letting the cat out of the bag by talking about another night even before we get to the room. (That’s the drink for you.)

Anyway, after a bit of fun and a few drinks, we left Boomerang and headed up the Beach road towards Walking street. Some friends of mine back home asked me to get them real Buddhas, not the usual tourist plastic/brass ornaments that they sell everywhere, but true Buddhas made and blessed by the monks (It’s amazing how many Thai’s in Pattaya, don’t know where to get them). The only place is on the Naklua road, across the road from the temple there, and I would have to leave a free afternoon just to get them.

I spotted an old lady selling bits and bobs, including a few real Buddha’s outside the Royal Plaza. I mentioned too Pancake I had to get a few for my friends, and that I was wondering how much they were. Now some may know, it’s forbidden to ask to BUY a Buddha, that’s disrespectful, you can only use the word RENT in this matter. Use the word BUY and the vendor will not let you have it.

Pancake must have thought I didn’t know this, its one thing able to speak Thai, but it’s another thing when it comes to things like this. So she said, “Ok Paul, I sapeak for you… Paul you not say anything naa!” I ignored her and picked one up, and she watched me examining it to make sure it was real and blessed (You would know this by a prayer written by a monk on the base, a gold leaf should be somewhere on it and a medallion.). I ask the old lady how much for rent, she replied 650 baht. I politely answered “No thank you, I will get them in Naklua for 400 baht.” The old lady realizes I knew a bit too much and simply said ok 400 baht, without a whimper, that is because it’s also disrespectful to haggle in this subject. Pancake was quite impressed, and I told the old lady I would pick them up the next afternoon, as it was also disrespectful to be logging them around bar to bar when being on the piss. A few steps further, she stopped and said, “How you know these things Paul?” “Oh I forget to tell you I was ordained a Buddhist monk, and lived in a temple for 6 months, outside Bangkok (Just to get my head straight).” Boy was I getting strange looks from her walking up the street.

Just before we entered walking street, I spotted this massive eagle beautifully carved out of wood, and I wondered what the price was (I still laugh about this every time I think about it). I went in and ask (jokingly in Thai) the old lady how much was the eagle, she got the calculator out and punched out 4500 baht, I said it was too much, she asked me how much I want to pay, and I said 1000 baht. Pffffff, she went, and then punched out 4000. As it was way out of my league to begin with, I told her no thanks, and we both walked out of the shop. We just got a few steps up the street when the old lady came running out after us and shouted, “Aye! 1000 baht, for one wing!”

[paultain]

Eventually we made it to the ‘Ezy Bar (an LB only venue),’ it was pretty dead, but Karl was there on his own, so we had a bit of a session going through his music collection. Then around 4am we went back to the room, but I was feeling still pretty fit, so I had a great session with Pancake, which turned out to be one of the best. Next morning she said, “You know Paul, you hurt me yesterday, when you say ‘no sex’, but now I happy!”

So I called Pancake into the bathroom that morning to shave the hair off my back (Veet hair remover) which she was quite glad to help out. Ack, sure it’ll give her something to do, and saves me time looking for a salon to do it. Isn’t it a sin growing old, when the hair starts to fade away in the places where you want it to grow, and grows where you don’t want it. I take a tube of Veet with me always for my bloody ears. Because, if I leave my ears for a week, I would have tree’s growing out of them. Using Veet instead of shaving my ears with a razor makes them soft and smooth like the day I was born. And when the bedroom activities get a bit passionate, with the ear lobe nibbling and the tongue in the ear starts, there nothing worse than giving them a tongue full of stubble.

Anyway, when that was done I felt a couple of kilos lighter, and as it was Friday, I suggested we go to the Friday market which was at the end of Soi Bukhaow, where it meets Pattaya South road. Down to reception, take my budget for the day out of the safety deposit box, ok maybe a little bit more saying I was going out shopping. I keep everything in the box, never in the room, and only take out what I think I need daily. That way if something happens, I have only lost a day pocket money.

Just outside the hotel, there is a little money exchange, directly facing the Pookswan, and first thing, change my day’s allowance, give Pancake 500 baht to pay the bar, and 1000 baht for herself. And as I didn’t like that guy Martin, I never bothered drinking there again, I just stood out side while she paid the bar, and then quickly moved on.

Jumped on a baht bus, and jumped off at the market. Browsed around for a couple of hours, and I asked her to pick out a nice dress to go out that evening. There is always nice sexy gear there for them, and cheap enough, you should get a nice dress for 300-600 baht. I’m not the type for over priced labels from Big C, either for myself, my companion, or even my mother. If she likes it I buy it, if she doesn’t like it, then she gets nothing, as simple as that. At the end of the day, she’s only going to use it for pole dancing, and attracting the next punter.

In the area between the market and the temple, on the Pattaya south road, it is packed with small Thai food joints, and I would always recommend them. So we were both hungry, and looked around these joints, to see if anything would tickle our fancy. Normally the food is in big pots as you enter the joint. Usually I pick a favorite dish, she picks her favorite dish, and a third dish maybe just to try out. Sit down to 3 different dishes, 2 plates of rice, and a couple of soft drinks, for just slightly over 100 baht.

Selecting 3 dishes, which you both share, picking at each dish placing a spoonful on your rice plate and then mixing a mouthful of that dish with the rice. As some dishes can be quite spicy, try to have more rice than the dish in every mouthful. The rice kind of dilutes the spiciness of the dish. If you do this a few times, trying new dishes, you might find you end up with a list of Thai dishes that is your favorite. Some you will not like, some you will, that’s why it’s best to order 3 dishes, as you may have selected something you can’t eat, and end up sitting there watching her eat. Anyway, finished eating then went across the road and into the temple.

Every trip I make, I like to call in the temple to check out the medallions, and have a chat with a couple of old wise monks. I had to literally drag Pancake across the road, as soon as I told her I was going into the temple for some reason. I sensed she had a problem entering the temple grounds. Now in my past experience, with the witch not able to enter the temple, I was taught how to deal with it.

If someone has a problem, without interrogating them on what the problem is, just simply say I borrow your problem, and then you can enter freely to pay respect. Normally that person then has the chance to pray for that problem to go away. Therefore, when exiting the temple grounds, I wouldn’t have to give the problem back, as the person has prayed for it to disappear, and the problem does not exist anymore. If it’s some kind of superstitious evil they think they have, then I just convince them that entering with me, I would be their balance, a ying and yang thing so to speak. It’s just pure psychology more that religious superstition.

So I borrowed the problem from her and Pancake calmed down. We both climbed the temple steps, shoes off, and entered. I sort of quickly walked to the right side where a donation box is hung on the wall hovering over some bits and bobs. I made a donation for her of 100 baht, normally Thais give something like 20 baht if that’s all they can afford. I then quickly picked up a lotus flower, a couple of joss sticks, a candle, and a slither of gold leaf, handed the whole thing to her and said, “Now you go pray for good luck.” There was Pancake again, with that strange look, from the night before. I think she was looking for a bloody halo, hovering above my head.

She went on to pray, first putting the flower in a vase, burning the candle and joss sticks and setting them in their appropriate place, and after her prayer she would walk right up to the Buddha and look for a place where the bronze is showing through, and cover that spot with the gold leaf, while I checked out the medallions.

Now on the left side there would be one of the elder monks on duty, he’s there to give out blessings and advice. Another donation box is for this, and usually for gifts for the monks, which is them orange plastic buckets, full of things they need. Do not walk past this monk upright, always stoop when passing. When you’re with a girlfriend of any description, receiving a blessing from this monk, and if you cannot squat properly, then simply kneel. Do not sort of sit with your legs to one side, he may stop the blessing and complain to your partner that you are sitting like a woman.

Dress appropriately, shirt with sleeves, no shorts, and do not tuck your shirt inside your pants, when greeting a monk (Sawasdee Khrap) with hands clamped together, don’t just simply have your hands at chest level, as you might do for anyone else. Tuck your head down a little, and have your hands at nose to forehead level. The higher, the more respect you are giving. A lot of guys know all this, but it’s good advice if you ever find yourself in a temple, or meeting a monk at a wedding, etc. If the person you are greeting is younger than you, then you can have your hands at chest level, and that younger person should have their hands clasped in a higher position. (Respect to elders)

Anyway, we left the temple, and Pancake now had a spring in her step. I remember thinking, ‘Oh, that must have done the trick.’ Walked around to the Beach road, to where the old lady was with the Buddhas, and picked them up. Checked out what was on the cinema at the Royal Garden Plaza, and then headed back to the hotel. Walked all the way, and chatted about our plans for the next day. “Have you been to the crocodile farm?” “Nope!” ”Have you been to Nong Nooch Village?” “Nope! I never go anywhere!” Ahk fuck me I got to play the tour guide again.

So we walked through Soi Honey to get to the hotel, and here I always use an old friend that sells tickets for trips such as these. I greeted him and told the old man we wanted to go to the crocodile farm the next day, and while he was writing out the tickets, and I had the money in my out stretched hand. He seemed to ignore me, and was more interested in Pancake. As usual little Pancake didn’t speak, and I laughed when he said, “Your girlfriend is very beautiful… Where does she come from? Does she speak Thai?” and just when I opened my mouth to tell him, the old twat ignored me again, and turned to her while he broke into English and said, “Doooo yooouuuu sa-peak Englishh?.... Wherree yooouuu come from, Vietnam?”

Pancake was fast on the ball and answered in English, “Yessss!” Without saying anything more we got the tickets, and pissed ourselves laughing all the way up Soi Honey, at the thought of that poor old guy, thinking she was a tourist, let alone it was a LB he was trying to chat up (Pancake was fair skinned from Chang Mai, with a little Japanese thrown in). Back in the room around 4pm, showered, and had a couple of hours of lovin’. Then sat and figured out what we would do that night. I said we can go to my mate’s bar in Soi 7, but not drink too much as we arranged a days outing the next day, but first we go eat. So we showered, got dressed, and set off for the evening.

[paultain]

So later we’re standing outside the hotel in Soi Bukhaow when Pancake asked, “Where we go eat?” Now there is a dish I crave when I’m back in Holland, and that is ‘Hoy taught (stir fried mussels).’ The best place for this is the market across the road from where Soi Bukhaow meets the Pattaya Central Road, and famously cooked by two old ladies. They started cooking around 6 and normally sold out before 8 in the evening. Some guys who speak Thai will know that ‘Hoy means ‘Mussels’…but it’s also another nick name for ‘Pussy.’ I think it’s because of the shape and smell.

I like to joke with the young waitresses anywhere I order this dish. The waitress comes to take your order, “Kin ally ka? (What would you like to eat?)” You normally answer, “Phom kin hoy taught khrap! (I would like to eat stir fried mussels!)” Simple enough. But if you say it like I do, “Phom kin hoy … (pause)…. Taught!” It works something like this.

The waitress comes over, “Kin ally ka?” Look her straight in the eyes, and with a dirty soft voice, “Pohm kin hooooyyyy” (I want to eat pussy) you see that girl going red hot, and giggling like crazy. At the same time look her up and down, she starts to move her little notebook and pen to cover her pussy with embarrassment. Then after that little pause, finish the sentence off “Taught!” You get a burst of laughter, and something like, ‘Shit! I thought he seriously wanted to eat my pussy.’ Anyway, two dishes, and two soft drinks cost about 70 baht.

After we finished eating, all we had to do was to walk around the corner, to get to Soi 7. Funny enough Pancake’s room was just off it, and she wanted to pick up a pair of jeans and T-shirt for the trip the next day, and touch up her hair at the salon next to her room. So I pointed out my mates bar (Heavens Door Bar) and said see you later.

So I walked into John’s beer bar, and there was him and about six of the other lads there. We normally sit at the back of the bar, behind the speakers, so we can talk easier without the music blasting in our ears. “Are you on your own tonight Paul? That’s not like you!” “Aye! I couldn’t find anything I fancied!” “Pfff, boy you must be feeling poorly!” “Ach, the novelty has worn off, and I can’t wait to get back to Holland.” Trying to say that with a straight face was hard. “For fuck sake, get that Irish twat a drink before he kills himself.”

We all had a bit of craick for about a half hour, and as John and I were waffling on, the other six lads, stopped dead in their tracks. One of the lads said to the others, “Jesus will you look at that!” Although the bar music was blasting away, it was as if you could hear a pin drop, and they were all looking towards the road. “Oh man… I would kill for something like that.” Then John turned to see what all the fuss was about, “Holy shit! Look, look, she’s coming this way… She must be going to the toilet, and passing through this bar.”

So they were all getting ready for this girl to get close enough for a better visual examination. I was the last to look, and by that time she was half way down the side of the bar, and I got off my stool. She walked to the back of the bar, turned and ploughed right through the six lads, gives me a peck on the cheek, and sat down on my stool. Yep! It was Pancake, in the dress I got her that day in the market, which was very conservative just above the knee, nothing flashy, and she could have worn it at any classy joint without anyone batting an eye.

The seven of them just stood there with their drinks in their hands, wide eyed and kind of stunned, “You jammy bastard… you jammy, jammy bastard. I looked all innocent and said, ”What?… What’s up with you guys?” My mate John turned round and said to the others, “What a wind-up merchant this twat is…and there’s me thinking he was going to kill himself too.”

We all drank there till about 2am, and none of the six lads figured it out, the whole night. But for the first hour John was all over her like a dog on heat, saying, “Now be careful Mick with that cigarette, don’t be getting any ash on princess!” And it seemed every ten minutes he was rubbing her arms or shoulders saying, “You got a bit of ash there princess…. For god sake Mick, will you watch that drink of yours, don’t spill it on princess.” Moving Mick’s drink away from her to a safer distance as Mick was a bit pissed.

I just couldn’t get my head around how he was acting, surely he knew what Pancake was, and was just taking the piss. But after an hour, he quietly pulled me to the side and whispered, “Where the fuck did you get that one Paul?... That is absolutely adorable.” That stunned me, and I burst out laughing, “You mean you don’t know what she is?” His eyes lit up, and his face began to turn green, “Noooo, you’re kidding me…you’re taking the piss again Paul!” ”Nope!” and Pancake butted in, “I Ladyboy, he, he, he!”

But that didn’t stop him from guarding princess from Mick’s ash or drink for the rest of the night, with the odd, “Would you like another cushion princess… Sit on this stool its more comfortable princess.” I think he just didn’t see anything male about her. When we got back to the room, the first thing Pancake said was, “You know Paul!… your friend have bar… He likes Ladyboys sure!” I told her he was a happily married man, with a wife back in the house, which is seven months pregnant. But he had no problems with LB’s, as he always had 3-4 of them in his staff.

The next day the usual money routine, then hopped on the mini bus to the crocodile farm. It is normally two times of the day you can go here, early in the morning 7-8, returning around 2-3 afternoon, and midday, returning around 6 in the evening. So if you had a drink the night before, best to go later. I remembered, on entering the gateway of the crocodile farm, someone will always take a photo out of the blue, and will be mounted on a plate, ready for us when we are leaving. It makes a nice souvenir, so I had to make sure I wasn’t walking in with my finger up my nose or something like that.

I got Pancake to pose with the tiger, then both of us on each side with the tiger in between, and after the crocodile show, I told Pancake to go inside and sit on the crocodile for a couple of photos. “I not need photo with crocodile Paul!” “Oh come on girl!” “No I scare!” “For fuck sake girl, will you grow a pair of balls, and get in there!” She just realized what I said, “Huh! My balls are right here!” Grabbing her crotch, like a rapper. “There you go; now you know where they are, get in there!” “Ok, ok but crocodile eat me, I come back same same ghost and yak yak you too much!” “Don’t you worry Sweetie! Crocodile only eats pussy.” Some guys like to take them out shopping and buy them something with a label on, so they can go back to the bar a brag to the rest, stirring a bit of jealousy. But a nice big photo with a tiger/ crocodile, sure they can’t wait to show the rest, but that doesn’t cause jealousy, just “You’re a fucking nutcase girl.”

On the way back, we stopped at the temple on the Naklua road, to see the abbot to arrange things with him about what I was going to do. He was very happy to help, and said he would arrange some things before hand, so it wouldn’t take up too much time, and he asked me to come early the next morning. Then it was back to the hotel, showered, and a bit of ‘you know what’ till about 8pm. I said to Pancake, “We go eat now,” and as we ate Thai food for the past couple of days, I asked her would she prefer western food tonight. She said, “Yes, good idea!…but farang food expensive!” “What farang food you want to eat?” “Sa-teak!”

I told her we can go to the ‘Green Bottle’ and have a nice steak there, and that a couple of steak dinners and a few drinks would cost around the 800 baht mark. “No, no! I hear some LB’s in my bar talk about a place in LK Plaza (just around the corner) have good steak and not expensive. But I not sure where and what name.”

So I said ok, we go look and if we can’t find it, LK Plaza is on the way to the ‘Green Bottle’ anyway. So we walked around the corner into the Plaza and found it, and it was called the ‘Silver Dollar.’ It can’t be more than a year old, and was French/Canadian, and new, clean, and ambient. Service was second to none, and the food was fantastic. I have been there a few times since, and every time I see what ever customers are there, when they pay the bill, they always are asking for business cards, as to recommend the place to others. The two of us had a couple of steak dinners, and drinks, and was around the 600 baht mark. I would recommend the place to anyone, on a budget or not. The food is great.

I then said to Pancake, “You want to go look movie now?” “No Paul, I tired, and I eat too much, we go back loom, look TV, and have exercise in the bed naa! I not want me fat.”

Early next morning it was pissing it down with rain, and to top that off I had a stinking high fever, which I normally get from the rain, and I really felt like shit. But it wasn’t going to stop what I had already arranged for this morning, and now I just wanted to get it over with. So the usual routine, safety deposit box, allowance, but plus the 600 euros for the flood victims, then got an umbrella for 90 baht in the 7/11 across the road. We then walked through Soi Honey to the second road, and jumped on a Baht bus to the temple, where they were waiting for us with two pick-up trucks.

The abbot told me he already arranged things with a couple of phone calls, to a farm, and the water company. It was just a matter of going and picking it all up, but he still gave me a monk to go with me to make sure things would go as arranged. We drove for miles, with me dying in the truck with this fever, and glad to get out at this farm. The monk did his thing with the farmer, and then we piled on one of the pick-ups, 20 sacks of rice, each sack would feed a family for a month. Then we drove to the water company, the monk did his thing again, and we managed to fill the second pick-up with bottled water. I still had a bit of change from the 600 euros, so I was able to get 5 water filter systems also.

Then it was another long drive to Utapao Airport, where I knew there was a hanger full of volunteers packing all donations onto pallets, and then loading them onto a Thai domestic airline, which I think it was Asia Air, who was flying any charitable cargo in free, and the monks were picking it up at the other end. I knew all this before I left, and had it all planed out well. My fever didn’t go away, but it lightened up, after I got all that done, and it was like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

The monk gave us a ride back into Pattaya, and I asked them to drop us off at the ‘Tiffany Show.’ This was now the afternoon, and Pancake asked, “Why you come here?… No have show Paul!” She was thinking it would be better if I went back to the hotel to bed, because of the state I was in. But I wanted to let off a few rounds in the shooting gallery, in the basement of Tiffany’s, which Pancake didn’t know existed.

I had to drag Pancake in out of the rain, as she hadn’t a clue what was going on. I started with firing a few rounds in first, and then I ask Pancake would she like to have a go. “Oh, yeh, yeh… give me, give me.” She was like a kid opening Christmas presents on Christmas morning. I gave her instructions, but normally the rules are only to use the instructors there, but the guys knew me so it wasn’t a problem. Let her get the feel of it first with a few rounds, then let her carry on herself.

I made the mistake of stepping back with my camera, and asking her to pose for a photo, thinking she would pose like the James Bond poster, with the gun pointing straight up. Nope! She was waving and pointing at me and the other three instructors, making shooting noises with her mouth, “Puhhh, puhhh, puhhh,” like a kid playing cowboys and Indians, only with a fully loaded revolver.

The three instructors and I were diving for cover in split seconds, hitting the floor, behind stools, and under tables. “Where every body go?” she called out, as she stalled. And my little voice from under the table was going, “For fuck sake, put the gun down!” “What?” “Put the fucking gun down!” “Oh! Ok!” Nobody was going to make a move until she put the gun back on the bench, in case it went off accidentally. We all came up from cover laughing our heads off, and gently give her the do’s and don’ts.

So just over an hour we spent there, and as we all survived, and nobody was killed. Then we moved on just a short walk, where there is a bowling alley, and we played for a couple of hours there. Then we were getting pretty hungry, so from there just another short walk, we were at the Big C. Went in the MK there, which is Chinese based food. Very good and cheap, I especially like the food off the steam carts. Checked out what movies were showing and went in to watch one of them.

It’s now around 7pm, and we jumped in a baht bus, to the central road, and walked up Soi Bukhaow, taking a break by stepping into an internet café to check our e-mails, and the two of us went on cam frog, to wind-up a couple of lonely Thai guys/girls who seemed to be all masturbating. “Oh, beautiful girl, that guy with you is a lucky man.” Even some of the girls were trying to arrange a three-some, and meet some place.

We then walked up to the Pook Swan, and I asked her did she want to have a drink there. Nope! And just as we were passing, two LB’s were sitting on motorcycles across the road from the bar, the same side we were walking. And as I passed them, one shouted out in Thai to me, “Why the fuck you go with her, she ugly?” Pancake, which was twice as beautiful as that jealous bitch, ignoring this walked on with her head down, you could see the hurt in her face. I had to bite my lip, as the old saying goes, ‘never mess with a Ladyboy, because you taking on a woman’s temper, in a man’s body.’ So a few steps up we were at the hotel, and parked outside there was one of them ‘VW bus’ cocktail bars, so we sat there and tried out a few cocktails, and had a bit of a romantic evening. That’s when she told me about the bullying. Anyway, a few hours there having a laugh with other Thai customers there and watching the world go by, paid the bill for the cocktail, which came to nothing really. So cheap it’s not worth talking about. Then hit the sack.

[mildcigar2001]

It is so refressing that you treat your "dates" as people. On some of the boards (both GG and LB) they seem to see them as little more that "LBFM." I'm borderline agnostic (but a believer in Karma nonetheless) and I'm glad to read about punter and LB treating each other as human beings. I often think what twist of fate allowed me to be born in the "First World" vs. the "Third World," and the choices those in the 3rd world have to make to make ends meet.

[

Every trip I make, I like to call in the temple to check out the medallions, and have a chat with a couple of old wise monks. I had to literally drag Pancake across the road, as soon as I told her I was going into the temple for some reason. I sensed she had a problem entering the temple grounds. Now in my past experience, with the witch not able to enter the temple, I was taught how to deal with it.

If someone has a problem, without interrogating them on what the problem is, just simply say I borrow your problem, and then you can enter freely to pay respect. Normally that person then has the chance to pray for that problem to go away. Therefore, when exiting the temple grounds, I wouldn’t have to give the problem back, as the person has prayed for it to disappear, and the problem does not exist anymore. If it’s some kind of superstitious evil they think they have, then I just convince them that entering with me, I would be their balance, a ying and yang thing so to speak. It’s just pure psychology more that religious superstition.

So I borrowed the problem from her and Pancake calmed down. We both climbed the temple steps, shoes off, and entered. I sort of quickly walked to the right side where a donation box is hung on the wall hovering over some bits and bobs. I made a donation for her of 100 baht, normally Thais give something like 20 baht if that’s all they can afford. I then quickly picked up a lotus flower, a couple of joss sticks, a candle, and a slither of gold leaf, handed the whole thing to her and said, “Now you go pray for good luck.” There was Pancake again, with that strange look, from the night before. I think she was looking for a bloody halo, hovering above my head.

She went on to pray, first putting the flower in a vase, burning the candle and joss sticks and setting them in their appropriate place, and after her prayer she would walk right up to the Buddha and look for a place where the bronze is showing through, and cover that spot with the gold leaf, while I checked out the medallions.

[pdogg]

I often think what twist of fate allowed me to be born in the "First World" vs. the "Third World," and the choices those in the 3rd world have to make to make ends meet.

You got that right MC!

We like to think we are responsible for our success but 90% is that we were born in Falangland. Think Bill Gates would be good a physical work in the Congo? Perhaps he wouldn't make it to adolescence contracting malaria.

[paultain]

You got that right MC!

We like to think we are responsible for our success but 90% is that we were born in Falangland. Think Bill Gates would be good a physical work in the Congo? Perhaps he wouldn't make it to adolescence contracting malaria.

I agree with you both MC & PDogg

Half the battle is to take a little time and understand them and their culture, but make sure they understand you as a person, but not your culture, as that only confuses them. Then a better treatment from each other will happen, making the holiday go a lot better.

[paultain]

So the next morning I’m sitting having a shit, pondering over what to do that day. Pancake had been working in Pattaya for a year now, and only knew the bar and her room, more or less. I decided to be her tour guide for the rest of the holiday. I didn’t arrange anything the day before because of the weather, thinking it might be a bit dodgy today. I thought about going to Koh Larn Island, but it might rain later, and I didn’t fancy getting caught in it on a beach, then I would have to spend the whole day with crazy John and his missus. Then I suddenly remembered, I had to do my annual inspection, at the ‘Sanctuary of Truth,’ which was a massive temple traditionally made of wood, and was built on the beach.

This is an ongoing thing I have with the project manager, that started about 6-7 years ago, when I first visited there, and has been a bit of a laugh between him and I ever since. I was ashamed of myself living in Pattaya for 6 years in the 80’s and didn’t know this place existed. So when I first went there, I thought it was a magnificent work of art, and wanted to know all about it. That first time, walking around the place with a safety helmet on I noticed 4 Thai’s sitting around a beautifully hand carved pillar about 2 meters long lying on the floor, and they were having a smoke. It was more or less in position, and just needed to be placed upright. Walked around for another 20 minutes, and came back to these guys, still sitting there having a smoke. Went to see the dolphin show, and then returned, and they are still sitting having a smoke. Just then the project manager walked in as I was going out. And at that time I was wearing a T-shirt with “Same Same” on the front and “Only different” on the back. I didn’t realize he was trying to figure out what “Same Same” meant, and as we past I could hear him behind me going, “Ha, ha vely good vely good!” I spun round to see him pointing at my shirt laughing, “Ha, ha, your shirt sir, ‘Same Same, only different,’ vely good vely good, I never see before.

So now that we have the introductions over with, I started to ask him a load of questions. I asked him how long they have been building the temple, and I think he told me something like 28 years. Then I asked him when it will be finished, and as he smiled he said probably another 30-40 years. As we talked we were standing right next to these 4 guy’s still sitting and having a fucking smoke. “So you’re telling me I won’t live to see this completed?” “Sorry sir! Probably not!” “Any wonder its gonna take you another 40 years, with guy’s like these 4, they have been sitting around that pillar, having a smoke for the past two hours, and you the manager just watching them!” “Oh, Sir!... They are artists …you can’t rush art…oh no, you can’t rush art sir!”

So I thought I’d wind him up a bit, “I’ll bring some Paddy’s from my old country over on my next trip, and they will have it all done in two weeks!” “Paddy’s?…what country?” “Irishmen, from my country Ireland, and they will finish it in two weeks.” Then he looked at me with a strange look and said, “How many men?” I took my helmet off and scratched my head as I gazed around, “Hummmmm, I think about two!” “What?... Only two men… finish two weeks?” He paused, stared at the floor, trying to figure it all out. Then he burst out laughing, “Baaaa, Sir!… You know…you are more funny than your T-shirt, Sir.” So I told him not to call me sir that my name was Paul, and he introduced himself as Dang. And I told him jokingly that I would be inspecting the place every year, so he better get his finger out.

Meanwhile, back on the throne (toilet), I decided to take her there, and figure out the rest of the day as I went along. The usual money routine first thing, and took the umbrella just in case. Walked through Soi Honey to the Second road, and jumped on a baht bus to the Naklua direction.

I must have had the luck of the devil the whole day, as I was expecting the baht bus, to turn in another direction, at the dolphin roundabout, get off and pay him 20 baht, then catch another baht bus on the Naklua road to Soi 12, get off pay him 20 baht, then get a motorcycle taxi down Soi 12 to the Sanctuary, as it’s too far to walk, and pay him 20 baht. It should have been 60 baht total, but as luck would have it the baht bus followed through and down the Naklua road. So I was going to give him 40 baht, as we were the only two in the bus, and it’s a long way. Stopped him at Soi 12, and I was about to give him 40 baht, when he asked, “Where you go?” “Temple” “Ok, I take you!” “How much?” “40 baht, ok?” So we jumped back in and he took us right up to the gate.

Into the reception at the gate to get two tickets 500 baht each entrance fee. And Dang was there, “Ah, welcome back Mr. Paul… Ohhhee, you have beautiful lady with you,” and gave instructions to reception, to only charge me for one person, and the beautiful lady can go free. “Dang! That’s discrimination; why not she pays and I go free?” “Ohhhee, Mr. Paul, you know, when she is such a beautiful flower, everything in her life must be free (Do you hear that! This fucker is trying to chat up my bird!)” “I go look temple… Finished yet?” “Ohhheee, Mr. Paul…when you go back your country?” “After one week!” “Yes, yes, I think finished after two weeks more, ha, ha, ha.”

So we took a little walk from the gate to the top of the cliff, but usually you can take a horse and carriage. It’s a great view there, of the temple roof. Then climb down the cliff face by a steep set of traditional wooden staircases. There is a restaurant there were we had some Thai food, and waited for the dolphin show to begin. After the dolphin show they were all lining up to get their photos taken with dolphin, and as Thais are crazy about dolphins, Pancake couldn’t wait to get a photo with one. She runs down to the jetty, and did a nice pose, kissing the dolphin. And I remember thinking to myself as I took some photos, ‘Ah, right Pancake! There you go kissing that bloody, smelly, fishy thing…and you’re afraid to eat a little pussy… I’ll have a word with you later.’

After that we took a look around the temple and took some photos. I was trying to take a photo of Pancake with the whole temple in the background, when the temple’s photographer came up to us, “Can I help you?” and took my camera and took a couple of photos of both of us in the shot, gave me back the camera and walked away, he didn’t even tout or push about taking his photos to sell to us.

We went into the workshop, where they were all carving, and Pancake sat down and had a go at carving a bit of wood. Not many people know this, but having a go yourself is all part of the deal. We took a look inside the temple, and of course I went over to the spot to see if that fucking pillar was up yet and sure enough it was, and no lazy buggers sitting there, having a smoke.

Back to the restaurant for a couple of cold drinks, while we watch a Thai traditional music and dance show. Then we made our way to the wooden staircases to go back up the cliff face, and noticed a foreign couple waiting at the foot of the staircase. The girl had crutches and what looked like a broken ankle, so they must have been waiting on some sort of transport, as she couldn’t climb the staircases.

On the way back to the gate, we decided to go to the Carrefour shopping mall, Pattaya Central Road. Now to get back, I was thinking; motorcycle to Naklua road and a couple of baht buses = 60 baht, or there are some baht buses parked there to take you wherever, for 100 baht. So I decided to take the latter, to save all the hassle. But just then a 4 door pick-up truck with the ‘Sanctuary of Truth’ logo on it, pulled up along side us with the foreign couple in the back, and the driver enquired, (this conversation was in Thai, so that the couple didn’t know what we were saying) “Where you go?” “Carrefour Shopping Mall!” “Hop in then!” “How much?” “Nothing! This couple already pay.”

The couple got dropped off first, and then he dropped us off at Carrefour. It turned out that the driver was an old policeman moonlighting. He and I waffled on about Pattaya in the good old days, and how things change. I tipped him 40 baht, he gave me his telephone number and said if I needed to go anywhere to give him a call. In Carrefour, we did a bit of shopping, and got her another dress and shoes, for around 800 baht. In Carrefour there are a load of Thai food kitchens, for those who don’t know, it’s a matter of first going to the cashier changing money (normally I change 200 baht) for a swipe card with that amount on it. Then simply walk around the little kitchens, and selecting a dish here, a dish there, the kitchen swipes the card, then the two of you sit down to a nice meal, and when you’re finished, take the card back to the cashier to get your change, that is, whatever you had not used.

As we ate, we decided to go to Koh Larn Island the next day, and have an early night watching TV in the room. We then walked to Soi Bukhaow, and looked for the guy on the street who barbecued whole chickens on a spit, so we could take one back to the room for later. They barbecue the chicken with a parcel of herbs inside the chicken, and on ordering, they chop it up, with two spicy home made sauces all for 90 baht at that time. Fuck that KFC shit, this is the nicest tastiest chicken you’ll ever get in Pattaya. Just because it’s sold by the roadside, some people are afraid to give it a shot. So back to the room we went, and I remembered a thing that Pancake came out with, “You know Paul… I vely happy, I have holiday with good friend, like you.” I remembered thinking ‘how sad.’

[paultain]

We got up nice and fresh, did the usual routine, (no use to mention it) only as she was stuffing her purse, I noticed it was getting a bit thick, “Haven’t you got a bank account?” “Yep!” So first I marched her over to her bank to deposit the money, lecturing her on not to carry too much money around, and the reason why I change a little bit each day, and besides that, she didn’t need any money while I was around.

We then took the ferry to Koh Larn Island, to my favorite beach, ordered some food from my friend and relaxed. The weather was getting a bit murky, and black storm clouds and a rumbling of thunder in the distance were surrounding us. Nevertheless, we managed to get the whole morning in ok, and at midday, we ate. Weather was now on the brink of lashing it down, and I knew it wasn’t a good idea, taking the baht bus back, over the steep hills, to the jetty, in heavy rain. So after we ate, we left the beach early, and went back to the jetty area.

As we were a bit early, we headed to the shooting range, which was not far from the jetty. I didn’t want to go to Crazy John’s too early, so I thought why not. But this time I more or less tied Pancake to the chair, there was no way I was going to let her loose with an M16 rifle after the last time. The last couple of hours we spent with Crazy John and his misses before taking the last ferry back to Pattaya. John’s wife would be telling Pancake the usual crazy stories and jokes.

As usual, Pancake asked me the same question as everyone else does when I take them there, “How you know these people? I think these people are good…but a little crazy.” I would answer, “They don’t think straight when they are drunk, just like anyone else who is drunk. They are poor and my friends, so I will not pass them, and must give a little business to them when I can.”

The sun is almost down, and the horn from the last ferry is blasting; 45 minutes later, we are all back to shore on Pattaya. Went to the Royal Plaza, and I messed about a bit, by shoving her into the haunted house, so that I could have a laugh when she came out onto the balcony, with a guy and a chainsaw, running after her. Checked out the movies and times, and as we had an hour or so to wait, we went to the top floor to eat. It’s the same deal like the Carrefour, only now more expensive. What you would pay in Carrefour, say 200 baht, you would pay around 500 baht in the Royal Plaza for the same food. Not a few years back it was just as cheap as Carrefour. Tesco’s is another one with a food area, same deal, and just as cheap.

After we ate, then watched a movie, and then walked back to the hotel. On the way, walking up Soi Honey, as I just thought I’d book a trip for the next day, with my old friend, the ticket tout. The old twat ignored me again with, “Oh, the beautiful princess from Vietnam, come to see me.” Iin English, he started to ask her some personal questions, while I was standing there with a hand full of cash. “Phee! You want my money or not… or are you going to chat up my girlfriend all night?” “Ohheee, Mr. Paul… If only I was a young man again I…etc (with a right silver tongue). Pancake lapped it up, even got a bit shy, and answered everything in English, and played along with it. “I think she like too much, Nong Nooch Village.” So I got a couple of ticket for there, and ask for an early pick up at the hotel as it was further out of Pattaya than the crocodile farm. So we walked back to the hotel, and had a couple of cocktail from the ‘VW bus bar.’ Watching the frolicking going on in the Pook Swan, from a safe distance, then hit the sack.

[DownLoLarry]

Pancake is one kool ladyboy! Think she has her scuba certification and is also quite tech saavy. Great looking too! :p