Paultain 2007-2010

[paultain]

Pancake is one kool ladyboy! Think she has her scuba certification and is also quite tech saavy. Great looking too! :p

Pancake is really something else all right......... sorry I've been distracted as I'm posting the last TR (EDITED VERSION) on another 3 str8 homophobic forums, if you say the wrong thing, they always come up with " You queer guy fucker" but to my surprise, every one are gentlemen about the whole thing, and very interested...........I guess thing are changing.

It seems, because I actually did it, and don't give a fuck, but explaining how I, and the LB's really are, the relationship between us LB mongers, and how the LB scene we delve in..... and I think there is a better understanding, as I write............. as they put it..... an education!

As on this forum, I am willing to help out by posting a continuation of these yarns, although not many are reading it, but purely for the benefit for the newbies that will soon come around on this forum.

I'm having trouble getting the photos for the TR, so I'm going to post text only, until I get to 2010.

[paultain]

The next morning we got up bright and breezy, and after we both showered then dressed, I get a phone call from the old ticket tout saying that there would be a delay on the pick-up of about 30 minutes. Pancake was messing about in the mirror, “Hey, Miss Saigon… your boyfriend just called” “What boyfriend?” “He says he cannot pick us up till after 30 minutes more!” “Baaaa, Paul… You mean the old man, with the sweet mouth?” “Yep!... He said he was very tired because he dream about you all night, and had to jerk-off too much!” “Baaa!” she laughed.

It was too early to change any money or pay bar, but I had enough left over from the last few days, but still took my allowance out to change later. We sat outside the hotel waiting on a mini bus, but for some reason a private car came instead. This was better as we now had no time limit, and could stay as long as we liked.

We arrived at Nong Nooch Village, the driver told us where he was parking, and I gave him 100 baht… “King chow naa” (for something to eat) as he would be waiting there for us till we felt like going back. I gave her a tour of the beautiful gardens there, until show time, then went into the theatre to watch the 30 minute show which included traditional dancing and music from different parts of Thailand, kickboxing, martial combat with different types of weapons, and an ancient battle scene including elephants.

As soon as that was finished, we all go outside to the elephant show for 30 minutes, which includes elephants playing football; basketball, darts, bowling, riding tricycles, and painting T-Shirts, which was quite entertaining, and funny. We had lunch there and then went back to the hotel where I changed money paid the bar, and her. Hit the room for a couple of hours of messing about, then got ready to head out for the night.

First stop was the Silver Dollar, for a steak in LK Plaza, customers were still asking for business cards, and then we walked to Soi 7, but stopping on the way for a few drinks in my mate Noi’s bar on the second road, to listen to some music. If I go to Soi 7 before 9pm when my mate John shows up, I usually sit at the bar next to his, which is the ‘Irish bar.’ The owner is an old friend for about 8 years. She is married to an Irish farmer, and has a 7-year-old son with him. He comes over 2-3 times a year.

My mate John and her are good friends, and pipe the same music from one bar into both bars, so as to keep the volume down. She’s got a little fat old cashier with glasses, which her and I are always abusing each other, but it’s really all in good fun, and the owner just sits there giggling at the shit we both come out with. I always call her “Pooee (fatty),” and sometimes when I get there after and my mate John arrives, I unintentionally forget to have a drink in the Irish bar, and rudely walk past it, to John’s bar. Alas, I will soon know about it, when I get a tap on the shoulder from one of the girls of the Irish bar, “Cashier want to show you something!” I would look round to the cashier, and she would be giving me the mafia look, and would run her finger across her throat and then point the finger at me (you’re a dead man).

So Pancake and I are sat in the Irish bar, and we remembered a few nights back after we went to the movies, and later talking about it with Pooee. Pooee wanted to see it so I slipped her 100 baht to go and see it the next afternoon. “Hey Pooee!.... Did you go look movie?” “What you think… I stupid Paul?... You give me money… I go look movie, but have DVD already outside. So I buy DVD instead and take my loom and 8 lady from bar look movie… Ah! What you think of dat?... Have 9 people look movie for same, same money for one person, I not stupid naa!” “No Pooee! You vely vely smart lady!”

I still wasn’t feeling so good with the fever, and the shitty Pattaya rain didn’t help it ether. I wasn’t enjoying my cool beer and was taking longer than usual getting it down my neck. Just then while I was chatting to the owner, Pancake nudged me with her elbow and whispered, “Listen to this bullshit!”

Now sitting next to Pancake was a young English guy in his early 20’s, and looked like it was his first time in LOS, and his first night out. Sitting facing him was a girl from the bar chatting him up. She was giving him her version of the do’s and don’ts. The thing that got Pancake was, she added that it was customary to pay her 2,600 baht for ST. It wouldn’t have bothered me so much, but the fact was she was in her late 20’s, and was a fat ugly dog. I wouldn’t wipe the floor with her, let alone fuck her. I remember thinking ‘poor kid,’ and thought about taking him under my wing, but then I bit my lip, and said to Pancake, fuck it he will learn the hard way like everybody else, when the next girl he fucks only asks him for 800 baht for the whole night. Then if he had an ounce of sense, he would figure things out himself.

My mate John turned up at 9pm, so we courteously paid the bill, and said we were going over to him, no sooner we moved it started to piss down monsoon style. The cold beer wasn’t agreeing with me, and the rain seems to make the fever worse. I was just about to call it a night, when I suddenly remembered what I should be drinking, ‘Hot Whisky’ or ‘Hot Toddy’s.’ Now it has to be Irish whisky with me and not Scotch. My mate John didn’t have any Irish whisky, so I told him to send out for a bottle, but the tight ass wouldn’t, saying that I’d be the only fucker drinking it.

So I thought to myself, ‘Right Paul, its lesson time for this twat.’ Hmm, now where can I get Irish whisky from? Oh dear I got an Irish bar next door. So I slipped over to Pooee and showed her how to make one, everything was there except the cloves (I’m going to have to bring a bag of them the next time.) So each time I got a round in, excluding myself, I just waved to Pooee for the next hot whisky, so I had two bills in two bars going at the same time. So I’m spending money in both bars, so everybody is happy, and after about 6- 8 hot whiskies, the fever broke while I was standing at the bar, in the pissing rain.

When it came to midnight I was feeling great, and while standing with John, I shouted over to Pooee, “How much whisky did I drink?” Pooee holds up the bottle and shouts, “More than half, no have much left inside!” Then I turn to John and said, “You see you silly twat… If you would have got that bottle that I asked for…you would have sold most of it to me in one evening!” “Nuff said, I’ll remember the next time.”

Around 1am, we made a move for EZY, as we got word that Soi Bukhaow was flooded, and as Pooee saw us ready to leave, gave us an umbrella, to get to the beach road and onto a baht bus. Most of walking street was underwater, and dead, as everyone abandoned the bars to get back to their hotels. At EZY, Karl was there alone, so we both had a drink till about 4am, waiting for the flood to subside, then made our way back to the hotel. It was on the news the next morning; a young English guy got electrocuted wading through the water, on his way home from one of the bars in Walking street, when he touched a bare live main cable, which was submerged in the water. Poor guy! RIP.

[paultain]

We got up late the next morning, and after that piss up the night before. We both didn’t feel like doing much, so we just took it easy. Now we have today, the whole day tomorrow, and I will be leaving the following day, around 9pm. Did a bit of shopping for nick-nacks, to take home, and had some Thai food. I told her we will go some place special tomorrow, but today we will take it easy and just have dinner tonight, and a few drinks in another mate’s bar, and then an early night.

So after we ate, we made our way back to the hotel through Soi Honey. “I go speak with you boyfriend!” “Ohheee Paul, you vely bad man, you vely vely bad man!” Pancake laughed. The old ticket tout mentioned the ‘Tiger Zoo’ but I told him no as the Tiger Zoo was just the same as the ‘Crocodile Farm.’ Everything in it was the same, but the Tiger Zoo was 45 minutes away, versus the Crocodile Farm was no more than 10 minutes away. The only difference was at the Tiger Zoo, they have dogs living with tigers, and usually piglets, suckling on a female tigers teats, and for some reason the tigers don’t eat them… well not yet anyway.

No, I said to him, I want to go to a special place, and not the usual places around Pattaya. “You can go anywhere Paul, just say it.” I told him I wanted to go to ‘Muang Boran’ (Ancient City). His eyes lit up, “You know Paul of all these years I have been doing this, nobody has ever asked me to go there.”

The ‘Ancient City’ is the place that Amy took me to in 2003, but from Pattaya it was just a matter of getting transport to there. The old tout said he had a car at my disposal anytime I wanted to go. I asked him how much, and he gave me a price of 1,800 baht, knowing that the entrance fee was only 50 baht per person, and it would work out not much more than a day trip around Pattaya, I booked it for the next day.

Back to the hotel for a few hours of you know what, then early evening took her to the ‘Green Bottle.’ Then we made our way over to Pattayaland 2, to the Shamrock Bar, to visit my old friend Terry, whom I know from the 80’s. Terry used to have the bar on the corner of Pattayaland 3 back then, on the little side street that linked Pattayaland 2 to Pattayaland 3. When they started to call Pattayaland 3 ‘Boys Town,’ the first chance he got he moved next door, which was the opposite corner and on Pattayaland 2.

So we are sitting there at the bar next to a bloke that must have been a first timer, and we started up a conversation. Terry turned up and greeted me, and the four of us had a drink and chatted away, and as Pancake was totally passable, nobody had a clue. The newbie, said at one point, “This place is amazing… Look at that old guy with that beautiful little thing…and she’s all over him.” Terry and I looked round to the stool next to us and saw an old guy with a real beauty, and she was stroking his face with her hands saying, “Oh, my ‘dag-ling’ I want to go with you, my ‘dag-ling’ I like you too much.” Terry and I looked at each other and then looked at newbie, then burst out laughing. “What?… What are you guys laughing at, fair play to the old guy.” Terry said to me, “You tell him!”

Then I said, “She’s not all over him… She’s taking the piss!” “What do you mean?” “Well! You might think she is calling him ‘darling’ but she can’t pronounce it properly…this is not the case…she is speaking Thai, and is a common piss taking thing they do!” “And?” “Well! She is actually saying ‘dag-ling’, and is Thai; ‘dag’ – means ‘ass’… and ‘ling’ – means ‘monkey’… so she is sitting there rubbing the old guy’s face and calling him a ‘Monkey’s Ass.’ Newbie fell off the stool with laughter. Terry added, “That reminds me of the time, way back in the 80’s, when you solved that little problem with my mate, who opened that ago-go bar…tell him Paul.”

“Ok!... Back in the 80’s, I had a restaurant a few streets away, and after thing got quite in the evening I would come round to Terry’s for a beer and a chat. We were mostly a hand full of expats that live in Pattaya, and would all meet up there in the Shamrock. Terry had a mate from Australia with a few million under his belt, and decided to open an ago-go bar. Terry helped him out with, location, builders, and paperwork, etc. They managed to get a place just facing the Shamrock, and spent a few months fixing it up. Money wasn’t a problem, and he wanted the best and most luxurious ago-go bar in town.

It was high season, and I didn’t have time to go to Terry’s as I was busy with my own customers, until one night I managed a break, and went over for a beer. Terry and 4-5 local expats were there, plus this Australian guy with his head in his hands. I sat down beside him and noticed he was a bit upset. “What’s up with you?” “Ah, Paul I’m sitting here trying to figure things out!” Then Terry came over and they both explained to me the past events. When he obtained the building, he spent two months and a small fortune refurbishing it, and for the past four weeks he has advertised for staff and dancers, but nobody has came looking for a job. He even upped the salary and was paying the highest in town. Still nobody came looking work, and it’s no good if you don’t have the staff, no matter how great the place looks.

I was always busy, so I never saw the place opened, and while they were explaining things to me, I gazed over to the bar, which was well done up on the outside, with big flashing lights and décor, and with a big sign “The Key Hole Ago-go.” The doorway in the shape of a keyhole, trimmed with running lights around the edges, and was well attractive. Terry gives me a tour of the inside of this luxurious but empty bar, and I remember thinking, the Thais should be fighting to work in a place like this. I even came to the point where superstition set in, thinking the building was jinxed or haunted, and Terry also mentioned this because of the problems I had with my building.

We went back across the road to Terry’s, and they all started trying to figure it out, which they have been doing since it opened. As I was sitting there with my beer, and not understanding what the problem was, and listening to the rest of the guys, while I was staring at the bar. The subject was changed and we went on to other things, but I was still staring at the bar.

Now through the conversations, I noticed that a couple of Thais stopping outside the bar, looking at the advert for staff with the attractive salary, then looking up at the sign, then laughing and walking on. I didn’t pay any attention to this, until a little later, a few more Thai’s stopped looked at the advert for staff, then looked up at the sign, laughed and walked on. Then I thought that was strange, why are they laughing? Then as I sat a little longer, it happened the third and fourth time. Right there’s something going on here; they are all laughing at the sign. So I’m running the sign with the name on, through my mind, and as I knew for registration purposes, you must have the Thai translation of the name also on the sign, and I thought maybe it was wrong. Then I thought again about the name “Key Hole”…Key…Key…Well ‘Key’ means ‘Shit’…Oh no!

The twat has only gone and called his bar “The Shit Hole.” So I stopped whatever conversation was going on and said, “I know how to solve the problem!” “How?” “Change the name!” “What do you mean?” “You called your bar ‘The Key Hole,’ but the Thai translation is ‘The Shit Hole.’ I just notice several Thais job hunting, looking at your sign and laughing… Can you imagine a Thai working in your bar, and a friend asking her where she works, “Ah! I work in the shit hole!” Now how embarrassing would that be?”

He was actually relieved, and it made sense to him, and to prove it he ran across the road, stopped a few Thai’s passing by, asking them to read the sign, and sure enough they laughing started, and they would explain that it wasn’t a very nice name, and because of it they wouldn’t work there. Boy did I get some drink that night. Around midnight Pancake and I went back to the hotel, as we were getting picked up the next morning at 7am.

Terry found me later saying that as soon as he changed the name, they were queuing up to get a job there.

[paultain]

We were up early the next morning, and got picked up at the hotel to go to the Ancient City around 7am. We stopped on the way to get the money changed, and arrived at the Ancient City about 10am. Now some folks may get confused with the Ancient City of Ayutthaya, but no, it’s not that. If you are in Bangkok, I highly recommend setting aside an afternoon to go here, there is even a bus route on the website.

When we arrived, we left the car and driver outside, gave him 100 baht for something to eat, and paid the entrance fee of 50 baht per person. Warning, this place is massive, and there is no way you could walk around it and see it all. You can pay a fee to take in the car/taxi that you came in, and get around it that way. Or upon entry, there is the stand there with around 100 bicycles for hire at 50 baht.

We rented out two of them, armed with a map of the place, and we set off. As I described before, this place is amazing, with all its life sized copies of famous ancient buildings, monuments, forts, etc. that is dotted all over Thailand, in actual fact there are some additions since the last time Amy took me, and to date a hell of a lot more. They all can be entered, climbed, walked upon, with no restrictions, and a great place to take photos.

I know some bluffers that went there, taking a shit load of photos of them standing by a monument from Ayutthaya, a building from Chang Mai, or on an ancient fortress on the Laos border, and going home and telling their friends they traveled all over Thailand, when they actually never left Bangkok. That’s the great thing about the place, if you didn’t have time to travel all over Thailand to see these places; they are all right here in easy reach.

This looked like it was the highlight of Pancake’s holiday, and I remember the smiles, with her eyes lighting up, when we jumped on the bikes and slowly made our way down the road, in this beautiful, quiet, serene place, which totally took you back into ancient times. The only things modern in this place were the bikes we were riding, and the cold drink stands.

I can’t describe everything there, but some things I will not forget. After taking a look at a few sites we came to one of my favorites, which was the ‘Old Market Town.’ It’s a 10th – 13th century town, and we parked the bikes to take a walk around it, walking into the old houses, shops etc. We went from room to room, and saw how they lived in those days. There is a little museum there, and old photos of women in the klong (pond or river), water up to their chests, fishing with umbrella shaped nets. As soon as Pancake saw this I couldn’t stop her talking the rest of the day, telling me things like her mother used to fish like that, and other thing about her grandmother, with a bit of her family history thrown in. But at the same time, she learned a lot about Thailand that she didn’t know before. Take any Thai to this place and there will be a big interest for both of you.

As I was here before, I kind of got carried away a bit. I took her to one particular house in the old town, which was for the wealthy man of the town. And give her a tour of the rooms, this is the living room and in those days they did this and that, this is the bedroom and they would use this for that, and they used this room for cooking, and how they lived in those days, etc. etc.

I was only repeating what I had learned from Amy, but Pancake stopped dead in the middle of the living room, “You know Paul!... I stay with you 9 days…and I think about how you know too much about Thai… you speak Thai… Know everything about Buddha… Like too much Thai food…and you very good cook for Thai food… I think you Thai man in life before… and now you come back farang, ha, ha, ha! You show me this house… I think this house yours before in past life, ha, ha, ha!”

A few more places, then came to the fort, I explained to Pancake that they use these places for Thai movies regular, when the story is in ancient times; the fort was used for historical battle scenes. We then went to the floating market, where we had Thai food. I explained to her that American movies are also made here, using this floating market instead of the real one in Bangkok, as a back drop, it costs less, is not so busy, and the film crew are more in control.

I had to laugh at Pancake, when we came to a monument from Chang Mai, “Why! Why!” “What’s up?” “This before my home… Why they take away and put here?... shit, no good no good… Now I no have my home!” I burst out laughing, “Sweetie!... This is only a copy!” “No, no!…This same-same!” as she thoroughly inspected it. She was right pissed off at the thought, and had me rolling on the grass with tears of laughter, when she took out her telephone and said, “I telephone mum… have or no have my home! Maa! have temple or not outside?…go look, go look!” Her mum must have reassured her that it was still in Chang Mai, as she started to laugh on the phone with her mother. “What did your mum say?” “Mum think me crazy,” as she burst into fits of laughter.

There were 116 things to see there, and I guess we saw just over half of them, until we thought about heading back to Pattaya. So we parked the bikes for the day, rejoined our driver and car, and headed back to home sweet home. We got back to the hotel around 8pm, tired after a long, but great day, all the same. Paid the bar and her, showered, dressed and went out to eat, this time at KISS, at the bottom of Soi Diana, on the 2nd road.

Later we walked down Soi 9, then down the Beach road a little bit to the corner of Soi 8. I just wanted to know if the old lady was still there who sells great home made Steak & Kidney, Chicken & Mushroom, Steak & Onion pies, Cornish Pasties, and Cheese & Onion Pasties, and Sausage Rolls. The old lady sells them from a little kitchen no bigger than a bus shelter and good value also. So I got a couple of pies there to take back to the room.

Then, as it was my last night, back to Soi 7, the Irish Bar and then into John’s bar just to have a final drink with them. Sitting at John’s bar, Pancake got a bit carried away, and started kissing me for some reason. Just then, I noticed a GG sitting behind the bar staring at us, “Mung arai khrap? (What are you looking at?)” “You know Paul, that’s the first time I ever see two men kissing!” With a serious smile on her face, “You come back to the room; you can see more than kissing!” “Ohhee Paul, I not sure… maybe!” “Pancake! What do you think?” “Paul! your last night and you not get pussy yet!… No problem for me, but she not stay all night naa!”

So I got Pancake to sort it out between them, and then off the three of us went back to the room. Pancake’s first time with a GG, and the GG’s first time with a LB, and me, ‘the old school,’ directing the traffic. We had a great session, and a good laugh, teasing Pancake to eat some pussy, and the GG laughing at Pancake’s reaction. This went of for a few hours then paid the GG off as agreed. You know when you’re out looking for it, it’s difficult, and when you’re not looking for it, it seems to fall into your lap.

No rush to get up the next morning, as it was the last day, and I didn’t worry about checking out as I always pay for the extra day on check-in. I prefer to pay that extra day, as normally the flight is after midnight, and I wouldn’t be leaving until after 9pm, so I can keep my luggage safely in the room all day, while I’m out and about, or maybe I want a couple of hours sleep, or a shag. Well when we finally got up, we had around 12 hours to spare. If I was leaving around midday I wouldn’t pay the bar, as I think it’s best to keep her mind busy, knowing she will be on a downer after the past 10 days, and she would have the chance to meet some bloke that night, and cheer her up a bit. But I am not leaving until the evening, and wanted to spend the last few hours doing something with her.

When I paid her bar-fine for the last time, I mentioned the next time I come, I will stay in a cheaper hotel, so I can stay longer, and she said, “Next time you come, I change bar so you not pay big money 500 baht, I work bar have only 200 baht bar fine!” Which I thought was sweet of her. Then trying to pay her, she wasn’t having any of it, “No, no!… You pay me enough already!” That was also sweet, but I had to insist and force her to take it. I could see she was on a downer already, after all it’s the last day of her holiday also, and god knows how long she will be pole dancing, and short timing being treated like a piece of meat, until the next decent bloke comes along.

So as she needed cheering up, we jumped on a baht bus to Mini Siam, and spent about 2 hours there. Right next to it is a good Go-karting track, where I had to pry Pancake into one of the go-karts, with a shoe horn, while she said, “If I die I come back as a ghost and yak yak you too much.” We spent about an hour and a half there, kind of killed two birds with the one stone, and made a nice afternoon of it. All good fun, and not so far away from the hotel.

We went back to the hotel and started to pack, the fridge was more or less full, and I had a lot of toiletries I didn’t need, so it was a bit like, “Hey Pancake you want this, you want that?” “Yep!” It turned out she had just as much gear to take back to her room, as I had. After packing, I popped down to reception to get the scales, to make sure I wasn’t overweight. Believe it or not the receptionist told me they don’t have it any more as people kept taking them home with them, so I popped across the road to the 7/11 and weighed my suit case on the scales there.

We then went to the Royal Plaza, as I wanted a couple of photos of her in traditional costume. In the mall, there are a couple of studios there, which do that. Then we headed upstairs to eat our last meal together, and back to the hotel to check-out around 8.30pm, and waited a little for ‘Mr. T’ taxi to come, which did if not a little earlier.

Packed the taxi with my gear, and Pancake’s, as it was just as easy to drop Pancake off at her room in Soi 7 with all that gear, on the way to the airport. I dropped her off and kissed her goodbye, and went on with the rest of the leg home. The driver had a DVD screen in the back, so I watched a couple of movies on the way to the airport.

It was an uneventful check-in, but as I had the Buddhas in my hand luggage, going through security and the x-ray machine, they recognized there was Buddhas inside. A whole commotion then began with security, and a few of them gathered to ask me to open my bag, which I had a funny feeling it would happen. As it’s a crime to take out antique Buddhas, but this was not the case as they are new, so with a smile I invited him to open the bag himself, “No, no sir, please you open the bag!”

No sooner he said that, the queue at the other x-ray machine next to me were all Arabs, with their penguin dressed wives, and they all noticed this little commotion, and boy you never saw these people move so fast in all your life, leaving me standing there alone all of a sudden, just with the security. I had to burst out laughing with security, while I was getting all these suspicious looks from these Arabs, from what they thought a safe distance. Anyway the lads in security checked the Buddhas out to make sure I wasn’t smuggling them out of the country, even checked the medallion and prayer on them. I told them from what temple they where from, and that was that. The flight was with KLM, but never again for the fact that the food was shit, going and returning. The highlight of the meals was fucking ‘Cup-a Soup.’

[paultain]

Now straight on to 2010

The Three Musketeers and a Few More!

(Photos are jointly contributed by Fie Dollah, 69Billy, SLBT, and Paultain)

First Night

So at long last, after a couple of years of emails & posts, I finally met up with my mucka SLBT, just a few hours after touch down in LOS. Eventually, we met up in La Bamba, and I say eventually, because it took a couple of phone calls to see where we were going to meet up, but because of the two Celtic cousins, me with my Irish accent and him with his Scottish accent we couldn’t understand a bloody word each other were saying.

He said to meet him in the PBR (hotel) but I thought he said the FLB Bar on WS. So as it’s my first night and a bit too eager, I sort of put the cart before the horse so to speak, and jumped on a motorcycle taxi, and told the driver in Thai (more or less), “don’t spare the horses boy, I’m on a mission from God!” and even forgot to haggle. (not like me at all)

So he dropped me off at the mouth of WS, and I strolled up a basically empty street at around 7-ish in the evening, and I just thought it was too early for things to kick in. Waltzed into an empty FLB Bar, with only the staff, but had no customers. So I’m thinking is he away for a piss, or has he buggered off on me. Wile I stood there like a twat, I said to the mamasan, “Where’s SLBT (real name)?” “SLBT who?” “Didn’t you have a customer sitting here just now?” “No! We no have customer yet, from we just open!” “Oh! Ok! Thanks!” And then walked out.

Now I’m walking up and down WS like a twat, trying to solve the puzzle in my head, wile keeping an eye out for him, in every bar I passed. Then walked down to the Pattaya Beer Garden and thought, “Haa!...Maybe he said the PBG!” So I walk inside, and took a good look around, but as it was kind of dark with candlelight and romance in the air, I could hardly see a bloody thing, and I had to squint up close to people like the Gestapo. Actually the staff there was giving me worried looks, as if I was the bloody Gestapo, and the only thing missing was me asking everyone, “Papers please!”

Anyway, it was back up WS, still on reconnaissance, and popping back into the FLB Bar, “Is he here yet?” “Who?” “Ahk forget it!” So I did this for about 45 minutes, not yet acclimatized, with my tongue hanging out, as I still haven’t had a cold one down my neck. This is the only time I regretted not having a mobile phone, and to top that off I left his phone number back at the hotel.

I had some stuff with me to drop off in the EZY Bar, and thought Karl for sure has his number, so I headed there. Again an empty bar with just the staff, but at least I’ll get a cold one down my neck, and as usual no Karl, only Lita behind the bar, “And where’s Karl?” “He’s upstairs, he’ll be down soon!” “Yeh sure he will… have you got SLBT’s number?” “Yes I think so!” “Give him a bell, and tell him I’m here!” Well she must have got mixed up with the numbers, because when she called a guy with the same name, he answered with, “Fuck off, and leave me alone!” So we quickly thought… woops! That might be the wrong SLBT.

I just about gave up, and headed down to an empty La Bamba, and no sooner I ordered a drink for Masha and me, the Celtic hooligan pops his head in the door, with his lady in hand, “Where have you been Paul, I’ve been waiting in the PBR for you?” “The PB what?”

We had to get one of the Thai’s to translate the conversation we were having, as we hadn’t a clue what each other was saying, or maybe we were just too sober to understand anything yet. But finally we found where this Irish twat went wrong, and as soon as that was sorted, the 3 of us baht bused it up to Drinking Street, to meet up with Nan, who I fancied bar-fining, but never met her before.

Things started to rock n roll, and was a great laugh with all the bar staff, and had a laugh winding up Nan, but at that time I was 50/50 if we were going to click or not, but actually fancied a GG there with tattoo’s more, because she looked like a right dirty slut. Went for a piss at the toilets there, with a few Thai guys sitting outside having a laugh, and gave him 40 baht, telling him it was for 4 times, instead of pissing about with small change.

Inside I thought it was very clean and well looked after, with all sorts of accessories there like, cold towels, cologne, combs, etc. and each time I came back the Thai guy there would laugh and put 3, 2, 1 fingers up, reminding me how many times I had left. At the last time I went in for a piss, still impressed with the toilet, I checked again what the accessories were, then came out to the Thai guy with my arms stretched out, “Where’s the hair gel?” “What?” “Where’s the hair gel….. You got everything else except the hair gel!” “But, but, mister….. you don’t have any…….aahhh you joking!” And turn to the other guys and said, “Ha, ha, ha, farang have no hair, and look for hair gel!” The rest all laughed and took the piss out of me, and I don’t know why as it was a simple question, but maybe I missed something.

It was time to head down the road, so I bar-fined Nan, still not too sure about her, and we bar-fined two other older GG’s from the bar, as it was quiet, and they wanted to come along and have some fun, as somebody mentioned a disco, which I hate and wasn’t in favor of. I don’t mind the X-Zyte disco with the live band, which all the LB’s like to go to, but the disco’s with the boom, boom, boom, that damages your inner organs, is not for me.

So we all walked down the second road till we reached Soi 2, with every intention to do a bit of bar hopping before anything else, and I was keeping a look out of a Thai mate I hadn’t seen for a few years. His name was Yout and use to own a bar in the Soi 2 complex, but I heard on the grapevine he moved to the second road between Soi 2 and 3, and is one of the best guitarists in Pattaya. I just caught a glimpse of him as we passed, and it was a big hug & handshakes, as we were glad to see each other again. So we parked the tribe there for a couple of drinks, when Yout (who doesn’t play much these days) ask did I want the band to play anything, so I called out a Thai rock song, and the answer came back, “We don’t know how to play that!” “Ahk for fuck sake, give me the bloody guitar and I’ll do it myself……. Any of you clowns can sing the dam thing?” “Aye! I can!” said the lead guitarist. “Right lads lets go!” So I started, he started to sing, and the rest eventually joined in following my lead.

Just then for a laugh SLBT got up to sing, but couldn’t find anything in the bands song book, so we just went back to our table where SLBT started to sing down the neck of a bottle…….. And do you know what!...... he sounded better than the bloody band playing behind him.

[DownLoLarry]

If you want to purchase the complete book, click HERE.

All proceeds to benefit the Father Ray Foundation!

Follow Paultain across 30 years worth of Southeast Asian hedonism, as told from the local pub. You'll be taken from Manila to Pattaya and points in between, on a roller coaster ride of chasing tail, getting pissed, and the odd cameo of famous faces and (in)famous places. There is no better way to learn the ways of the mongering world than from this firsthand account. The Paultain Experience is a must read for the uninitiated and the veteran whore monger alike.

[Lin]

very nice Paultain:goodjob: ....happy to see Pancake again.....

[paultain]

If you want to purchase the complete book, click HERE.

All proceeds to benefit the Father Ray Foundation!

Cheers for that Larry

[paultain]

very nice Paultain:goodjob: ....happy to see Pancake again.....

Yes Lin, our favorate

[paultain]

First Night continued

Then the whole tribe of us baht-bused it to the mouth of WS, all the wile Nan saying, “Paul we go disco?” “Nope!” “Ah Paul, why not?” “No like disco!” as Nan put an immature face on, making it 60/40 about keeping her.

Passing the tourist police volunteers, I ran into ‘Boy Scout Paul’ in amongst them, and had a quick laugh with him. SLBT asked me how I knew him, and I told him I took the piss out of him in my last TR and my book, and he loved it. Then told him there were a few good guys in the volunteers, that you would always meet up with them at breakfast in the Canterbury Tales, and was handy if you know a few of these guys, when you get a bit of agro on the street.

Then we all piled into EZY, with most of the talent sleeping on the sofa’s, and still no Karl. SLBT told Lita to bell him and get his ass down, but she wouldn’t even attempt it, so we thought Karl must be having his periods and run out of pads. Then SLBT rang the bell to liven the place up, but all they did was get in a queue to get their drinks, then a quick ‘chok dee’ to SLBT, sat back down on the sofa’s drank up and went back to sleep. Well it was one drink, and we were out of there.

Still the girls were going on about a disco, as we walked down Soi BJ, and I’m thinking the X-Zyte which I didn’t mind, but the girls went the opposite direction up WS towards Buddha Hill, now it 80/20 about keeping Nan.

At the end of WS we all piled into a lift, went up one floor, straight onto a disco floor, with the boom, boom, boom rave music blasting away. I only took two steps and stopped, but the rest of the tribe carried on pushing, and disappearing through the crowd to the other side of the disco to find a seat, thinking I was still with them.

Standing there I got my ass pinched 3 times by passing GG’s… Well it was ether that or they were trying to steal my wallet, (but I keep it in my front pocket) wile thinking was I brave enough to put up with the crap music, when Nan made her way back, “Are you not coming Paul?” “Nope! I told you I don’t like discos!........ tell SLBT I’ll see him tomorrow!” and turned and got back on the lift, dying to get out of the place.

So taking a stroll back down WS struggling to get my hearing back I reached the Rolling stones bar, had a beer there, but the band had just finished for the night. But then I noticed some great music coming from the bar on the opposite side of the street, and the music was that good I knew there was something up. So I moseyed in there to find it was a 7 piece black American band from NY, with even a brass section, along with a female R&B singer. They were there for 3 months, and just about the best band I have ever heard in Pattaya, and I managed to get about the last 40 minutes out of them.

So to show my appreciation I wanted to buy them a drink when they stopped for the night, so I called the mamasan over and asked first what the bill would be if I did. She said something like 2000 baht (for 8 drinks), so I took 700 baht out and said, “You want this or not?” as it was now after 3am with thing winding down, and WS was pretty dead. “Ok, Ok!” So I had a chat and a laugh with the band over that one drink, and then headed down WS, but I didn’t get far.

Spotted 2 LB's under a lamp post, and invited them to one of the bars that was still opened for a drink and a chat, as there was very little punters around, and very little business. One was 24 and worked in a salon in Sunee area; the other was 22 and worked in Naklua. Both were trying their luck at night on WS, for a bit of extra cash. We all know to be weary of FL’s, so I interrogated them over a couple of drinks, and even said to the 22 yr old, “You’ve been in the monkey house for stealing… haven’t you?” She put her head down and nodded yes in shame.

I felt sorry for them and gave them 500 baht each, to help them out, and started to walk away thinking I could catch someone in Soi Diana or Pook Swan. "Where you go now?" "I'm heading back to my hotel!" "We go with you" “No! I’m looking for some one for LT!” “Yes yes LT! …. You pay already!” “Oh all right then!”

We took a bat bus to Soi Buakhao, and I took them into a Thai bamboo hide-a-way close to the hotel, and shared a small bottle of Sang Som & coke, with a few Thai dishes (300 baht for the lot)

24 yr old got a phone call from her room mate who was 20 and worked in the Big C, “Where are you?” “We are here with a farang!” 5 minutes later, the little cute 20 yr old turned up and joined us, but during that 5 minutes, the 24 yr old was saying things like, “Wait till you see her, she’s dead cute….. You’ll really like her!”

When we finished around 5 am, we all headed back to the hotel, and the 20 yr old just tagged along without saying anything. Walking through the hotel to my room, ‘Da’ the manager had a right worried look on his face, as if to say, “I hope that Irish twat knows what he’s doing, with that tribe of his!” And for hours it was a right old session, which never seemed to stop, until around 3pm, I told one of them to go and get some Thai food for all of us, got out 500 baht, and left it on the table. But we were all shagged out and fell asleep instead.

The one in the blue is the 20 yr old that works in the 'Big C'

The one in the red is the 22 yr old that works in Naklua

The one in the black dress is the 24 yr old that works in the salon.

[paultain]

Day 2

Around 7pm they got up to head home, and asked me was it ok if I give the 500 baht I left on the table for food, too the 20 yr old, as I paid the other 2 already 500 baht when I first met them.

I kept the 24 yr old that second night (the best one), and after the other 2 left, and as it was pissing it down with rain, I just took her across the road from the hotel for a meal, then went straight back to the room, and soberly, simply shagged all night.

The next day, I took her back to her salon on my bike, dropped her off there, and gave her 1000 baht, telling her I needed to get some pussy that night, she gave me 500 baht back, with a smile and a thank you. (don’t know what that was about)

[paultain]

Day 3

That third night I did a bit of bar hopping, around the Soi 7&8 area, looking for suitable pussy, but got quite merry calling in on my bar owner mates, and eventually found myself strolling back up WS. And Lord-and-behold, who did I bumped into, but the whole 3 of them, “Hey Paul we go with you?” Merry as I was, I said “500 baht LT?” “Yes of course!” and off we all went and did it all again, only this time it was earlier, (around 11 pm instead of 3 am) and the sessions started in the room around 3 am.

My mate John owner of Heavens Door Bar & the old cashier of the Irish Bar in Soi 7

(But the second night at that little bamboo place, there was a spot of trouble!)

A word of warning though, that little bamboo place I took them too, I wouldn’t recommend it to any of you guys, as it attracts Thai mafia/drug dealers, and very unpredictable. The first night we were there it was a great night with them, and me and the gang leader got on like a house on fire, actually talking about Buddhism. But the second night, it started off just as merry, but later I noticed that they were all on something, and what ever it was, it was in high doses. And the gang leader now had Buddha tattoo’s all over his face.

And one of them took his shirt off, thinking he was ‘Ong Bak’ and wanted to fight with everyone that looked at him. Another ended up lying on the Soi Buakhao road not far from the PookSwan, with foam coming out of his mouth. Pook & Dave actually saw me picking him up off the road. Then the little guy who owned the place, called in his clique who stood on stand-by as things were getting out of hand.

Seeing this, and didn’t want to loose face, the tattooed gang leader produced a berretta 9mm pistol, and was going around pointing it at everyone threatening to shoot them, but me being the only farang there I was kind of left alone……. Well that is until I looked him straight in the eye, and then he came flying over to me and pointed it at my head saying, “You think I won’t do it!” So now I lost the head a little bit, and stood up, and pushed my forehead against the nozzle of his pistol, “Go on then do it!” But doing this I put my hand on his, but he didn’t realize I had my thumb under the trigger, stopping him from pulling it.

He thought he was going to frighten the only farang there, but now he is in a dilemma…. If he doesn’t shoot now, he’s going to loose face, and above all to a farang in front of his gang. So he hesitated finding a way out of this, then he looked down at my Buddha medallion that was around my neck, and said to everyone there, “I can’t shoot this farang, his Buddha is stopping me, it’s very strong!” Well fuck my old boots, I remembered being given the medallion by my father-in-law, many years before, which he used in the Vietnam War, and was given to him to protect him, which he came out of the war without a scratch. So he told me no harm would ever come to me wearing it. Fuck me that’s the first time I actually saw it working.

So saying that, he didn’t actually loose face (can’t go against the power of Buddha), and quickly threw the pistol to a 14 yr old, who packed it in a bag and jump on his bike, and took off. (The usual way of doing things the world over, getting kids to transport weapons.) Then he quickly took off before the cops turned up, so I just check-binned and took my 3 LB’s back to the room, and let them get on with it. Mind you, when I sobered up the next day, I nearly shit myself, when I remembered what I did, and gave the place a wide birth from there on in.

Unsurprisingly, a month later a Thai guy was shot right by the place. And to top that off, some of you might remember in January a body of a woman was found on waste ground in Soi Buakhao. Well it was the little guy who owns the little bamboo place that found her, as he smelt a foul smell coming from his toilets out the back, thinking it was a dead cat. And found the decomposing body naked from the waist down, hands tied to a tree. Police said, they believe the woman was a farang, and she had been tied to the tree, gang raped, and then battered to death. All done on the same spot, at the back of that little bamboo place. Most places are Ok, but this wee place is getting a bit dicey!

The little shit that almost spoiled my evening

Father in-law back in the VN days

[paultain]

Day 04

So after I got rid of the 3 LB’s around 3pm, and had the room to myself. I sat there nice and relaxed taking a shit, which is the time I mostly do my deep thinking, and I thought to myself, “Fuck me…. 3 days with a 4-som, one LB, and then another 4-som… If I see another cock I’ll cry!” So I went on the prowl that evening determent to get me a bit of real pussy after the couple of nights with 4 cocks in the bed.

I thought I would start at my mate John’s bar the ‘Heavens Door’, have a laugh, and get a few cold one’s down before carrying on the mission. John has a few stunners there I wouldn’t hesitate to take, but as I pop in there as many times when I can, and always take LB’s with me, it would be no joke taking one for the night, then turn up the next with a LB, then there would be some shit flying around. Besides that, it would be like robbing apples from your own orchard, as I don’t bar-fine anyone from places I regularly frequent, including La Bamba, and EZY. But of course if the right one came along, I would most likely break my rules, but that’s never happened YET!.

So standing there with John and the lads about an hour into the evening, this stunning angel in a blue dress sat down a few stools away. She wasn’t short like the rest of the GG’s, a real beauty, and actually was a free lancer. I thought she was a LB at first, as the needle on my LB radar was going nuts, and pointing to, “I’m having that tonight” no matter what she was.

I parked myself beside her, got her a drink, and after a little chat, found she was indeed a real GG, and we got on like a house on fire right from the start. As I was a bit shagged out, I thought she would be good company for the rest of the night, irrespective if I took her back to the room or not. So I said, “Fancy knocking around with me bar hopping tonight?” “Yes Paul… Why not!” “Right drink up…. And we’ll hit a few bars!”

And then it was off on my trusty iron horse, bar hopping around town, with a laugh and a joke on the way.

Shortly after midnight I got a bit hungry, and reckoned she must be also. So I took her for a nice cheep Thai meal just off the second road, opposite Soi 4 & 5, and over the meal I thought I’d play a fast one as its now around 2am, “Right girl! Where do you stay?..... I’ll drop you off at your room.” “But, but…. I thought I was staying with you tonight!” “Oh you want to stay with me…….. What, LT?” “Yes, LT!” “Ok! How much?” “Up too you!” “1000 baht?” “But I normally get………” “Woe, woe there girl…… your talking to a poor man that’s got no job!” “Oh! Sorry I didn’t know…… Yes 1000 baht is Ok!”

Well I thought to myself ‘1-0’ for playing the fast one there, and no sooner that was sorted out, we were back in the room, shagging our brains out, and she turned out to be fantastic in the sack, and a 3-holer. But the element of Mars Vs Venus was still there, as GG’s are a bit hard to read, unlike LB’s which is easier for me as its Mars Vs Mars.

I was thinking she was a keeper, but is she going to step up to the mark, with my usual antics the rest of my holidays. Next morning, to test the ice, I carefully came out with, “So do you have any LB friends?” “Oh no way!...... LB’s are very bad, always take drugs, always steal from people, always fighting, and they have AID’s!........ You like LB’s?” “Well….. eeemmm…. Hhaaa….. Well I don’t mind talking to them, as they are a good fun, and joke a lot!” “You fuck LB before?” “Hell no!.... are you crazy girl?...... do I look like somebody who fucks LB’s?” “No, no sorry!” “Well then!”

Well fuck this, if I keep her, that’s the end of the 3-soms with a LB I had planed, and the end of LB’s for the rest of the holiday. So I probed a bit further with, “Ever been with another girl then?” “Baaaa, no way!.... disgusting!” “Oh well then!.... lets go for breakfast, before I drop you off at your room!” And handed her wages, “But. But, you see me again?” “Well I got to meet a few friends today, but I probably see you tonight at Johns bar, but I’m not sure what my friends are doing tonight!” (What a pity)

[Luung]

As on this forum, I am willing to help out by posting a continuation of these yarns, although not many are reading it, but purely for the benefit for the newbies that will soon come around on this forum.

It's a shame you feel like that Paul, I for one am really looking forward to reading this in full, I've had glimpses & it seems sensitively written, informative & entertaining... But you've got to understand that a lot of us just haven't always got that much time (hence the banal posts from me) & there's absolutely reams of this stuff to wade through... All in good time mate.

Anyway, I'm for any man who really knows how to treat a female impersonator!

[DownLoLarry]

Seeing this, and didn’t want to loose face, the tattooed gang leader produced a berretta 9mm pistol, and was going around pointing it at everyone threatening to shoot them, but me being the only farang there I was kind of left alone……. Well that is until I looked him straight in the eye, and then he came flying over to me and pointed it at my head saying, “You think I won’t do it!”

The LOS is as friendly as it appears on the surface!

[paultain]

It's a shame you feel like that Paul, I for one am really looking forward to reading this in full, I've had glimpses & it seems sensitively written, informative & entertaining... But you've got to understand that a lot of us just haven't always got that much time (hence the banal posts from me) & there's absolutely reams of this stuff to wade through... All in good time mate.

Anyway, I'm for any man who really knows how to treat a female impersonator!

Cheers Lung

Actually I wrote that expecting all the old school boys, have read it over and over again, and it was just something to read for the newbies on a slow night.

[paultain]

The LOS is as friendly as it appears on the surface!

Yep! Sometimes I make the mistake in going to the wrong places, thinking I'm a native.

[paultain]

Day 05/06/07

Made a few phone calls to SLBT, but failed to get another meet-up with him before he left for BKK that day, but mind you I was a wee bit busy myself this past few days. But I realized the other musketeer and partner in crime 69Billy, was just arriving that afternoon. As I knew what time he was checking in, I waited for an hour before phoning him, knowing well he would be hitting the streets as soon as he dumped his suitcase in the room.

“Ah, me old Turk…. Where are you?” “I’m sitting having a beer with my mate who has a kebab restaurant in the New Plaza…… and less of the old turk, you Irish twat!” It was just around the corner from my hotel, so I eagerly jumped on my bike and went straight round to greet him. I knew Billy from quite a few years back, only through the old forums, and emails, and basically we knew each other inside out. We always saw eye to eye on everything, and at times were brothers in arms on some subjects, great comradeship, with a laugh and a joke all the way.

I spotted the back of him right away, and parked my bike out in front of the restaurant. There he was, sitting out side with his mate the owner, knocking back a cold one, nice and relaxed, with a big smile on his face that had the expression, “Girl’s I’m home now!” As soon as he saw me his smile turned to laughter, and shouts all over the street, “Ha, ha, there’s the Irish gay guy!” And as I sat down, he turns to his mate, “You better watch your ass hole, because he’s the biggest gay guy from Ireland!” His mate looks at him all confused as if to say, “What the fuck are you on about Billy….. You’ve been bringing a shit load of LB’s here; all the years I’ve known you!” Then I gave him my book that he ordered a wile back, but wouldn’t have it unless it was signed.

We sat there that sunny afternoon, and over a couple of cold ones got to know each other better, and I found out he was only a year older than me, but if you stand us together, it’s hard to tell which one of us is the prettiest. Then we made plans to meet up at Di Di’s bar that evening, and then parted, because I think the old turk needed his ‘old age pensioner’ midday nap, before being able to go out on the hunt that night.

Later that evening we met up as planed at Di Di’s, where apart from Billy, the ‘Lord Buddha himself of the LB’s’ and fellow Irish man ‘Gizmo’ was sitting there. Who turned out to be a great guy, and just like Billy a ‘walking encyclopedia’ on the LB scene. After a few beers, laughable yarns, and taking the piss out of each other, I parted as the bar was a bit quite and nothing there at that time took my fancy, but I left with every intentions of meeting up with Billy later. I avoided John’s bar in case the girl I had the night before was there, so I drove up to Soi 6 trying to figure out what was going to be on the menu tonight, LB or GG, but I really didn’t care.

My LB radar must have been switched full on, because I simply pulled up and parked the bike outside the ‘So What Bar’ and walked inside to an empty bar, with only Hansi the owner sitting there, a bit down in the dumps, as business was so slow. As I was sitting with Hansi, the girls all left me alone, and were all sitting outside, so I didn’t know what was what. So I rang the bell for two reasons; 1 to help out Hansi a bit; 2 knowing if I rang the bell, the whole staff would have to come in to get their drinks, and I could see them up close as they came to me one by one for ‘chok dee’, and sure enough about 3 of them ticked the box.

Keeping them in mind, I told Hansi I would go down now to his other bar, ‘Lucky Love Bar’ and ring the bell there. So I strolled down, and was greeted by Om, and had a drink and a chat, then rung the bell again, to see what was cooking there, but nobody was ticking any boxes. Then I went back up to ‘So What Bar’ and sat outside this time to see which one of the 3 victims I was going to take back to the room.

[paultain]

Sitting there I had to laugh, as there was this Scottish guy standing by the side walk trying to negotiate with 2 LB’s of the ‘So What Bar’, for a ST back in his hotel room, instead of using the ST rooms at the ‘So What’, along with trying to ask the question, “How Much?” As he had a very strong Glasgow accent, the 2 LB’s hadn’t a clue what he was on about, and the only thing they could understand was when he said “Short-Time” in his sentence, they kept pointing up to the rooms above the ‘So What’.

This seemed to go on forever, as I actually finished my beer and ordered a second one, wile he was still standing there telling them how beautiful they were, which they still didn’t even understand that, and were getting a bit frustrated. But the guy was very polite, and never lost his temper, so I thought I’d butt in and help both parties out a bit. As quick as a flash, I cleared up the matter that it was ST back at his hotel and not the ST rooms of the bar, as he didn’t like to use them. Then he asked me to negotiate the price, and I quickly offered 1000 baht each, 300 for the bar and 700 for each of them for ST which was the normal rate, and they accepted without a hitch, with a smile.

So he relaxed with a smile and sat down and bought me a beer, “Thank God you were here mate……… I don’t normally pick-up anything in this street, but I just thought I’d take a stroll down here anyway……… and when I spotted these two, they just blew my mind how beautiful they were, and just had to get them back in the room!” So I answered, “Yeh! Your right there mate, they’re not too bad at all……… so you’re a fellow BM then?.....what forum are you on?” “What’s a Forum?.... what’s a BM?....... is that on the internet thing?” “Ahk! Forget it….. It would take too long to explain….Just enjoy your self tonight with those two!” “Ahk I will for sure Paul……. Fucking beautiful aren’t they?” “Aye mate!...... Ha, ha, ha, you better watch that one there……. I heard she has a right big cock on her!” All of a sudden his eye’s lit up as if he saw a ghost, “A fucking what Paul?” “Eh! Cock!” “Oh Jesus no! ……you’re fucking kidding me Paul!” “For fuck sake I thought you knew….. You’ve been standing there for over a half hour talking to them….. Are you a newbie or what?” “Hell no Paul!...I’ve been coming her for 20 years!” “20 years and you still can’t tell the difference!....... you should be ashamed of your self you old goat”

“Ha, ha, ha, Aye your right there Paul, I am ashamed!..... I better do something as I don’t want to upset them after all that!” So he gave them each 300 baht, for wasting their time, along with me explaining that he didn’t know they were LB’s, and it was better he knew now than back at the hotel room. Actually the LB’s burst out laughing when I told them, and quite proud of them selves, because he thought all along the were real girls, and turn to the rest of them outside, “Ha, ha, ha, farang yak yak me long time… not know I ladyboy………look give me 300 baht only for yak yak….. ha, ha, ha…….. I vely specieeaal Lady of cheow-er.

“Ahk again!...thank fuck you were hear Paul…here I owe you another beer for that mate… that would have been a disaster!” “Really!... Why?” “Oh don’t get me wrong Paul!.... I got nothing against them, or the guys who go with them…. To each his own, and I think they’re the most beautiful thing on the planet….. But it’s just not my cup of tea!”

Well we had another beer and a nice chat, but I could see the hesitance in his conversation, wile he glanced from time to time at the LB’s, and kept saying, “Fuck me Paul they are really beautiful!” So the time came he paid his bill and left thanking me, and now I can concentrate in making my own selection, and get back to Billy. Next thing I know he’s back, “Ahk come on Paul your pulling my leg!....... they can’t be LB’s….. You’re just taking the piss out of me!” I don’t think he got 6 meters until he turned and came back, so to prove it nice and quickly, I grabbed him, and one of the LB’s he paid 300 baht into the bar, and got her to get her cock out….. well that did the trick I thought, but just then he ordered another round of beers. And I thought, ‘what the fuck is this man doing!’

“Fuck me Paul that’s an eye opener that is!....... So the other one I was chatting too has a cock also?” “Aye man! ..That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” “Bloody hell!....... Is there any more LB’s in this bar?” “For fuck sake you idiot, they’re all bloody LB’s… this is a LB bar man!” “Jesus!..... Now don’t get me wrong Paul, but you seem not to have a care in the world, when I saw you first sitting outside having a beer in front of everyone passing, knowing well this is a LB bar!” “That’s because I don’t give a bollick what other people think, and all of my mate don’t ether!........ Some guys use that back door, for particular reasons, and want to hide the fact!” “Sooo Paul… Then you must be into these LB’s also!” “Fuck me the penny dropped!” “But Paul! …You don’t strike me as a guy who would be!” “Ha, ha, ha, you want to see all my mates!..... it would surprise you, and make you even more confused!”

He sat back down with me again, and started asking me questions like, “So Paul! What do the guys who take these LB’s do when they get them back in the room?......... do the LB’s always fuck the guys?..... Cause I wouldn’t fancy that!” So I explained to him it was up to him, how far he wants to go, from just a cuddle and affection, just a good BJ, just anal and a BJ, all the way up the scale. But as soon as I mentioned anal he went, “Ho I love anal Paul….. But it’s a bit like trying to win the lottery, when picking up the real girls that will do it!” “Well then! You can’t go wrong with a LB… You’ll always get anal……… I mean what’s the fucking difference between a female’s asshole and a LB’s asshole?” “Em well Paul!.... one of them nags you fucking head off!” He said with a straight face.

So after I wiped the tears of laughter away I said, “Exactly!.... a hole is a hole……. Now stop fooling your self and give it a go…… because you wouldn’t be sitting here otherwise, asking all these questions……. And fuck what anyone thinks……. At the end of the day, they all won’t be carrying your coffin on the last leg to you grave!........and if you go through life thinking that there’s something missing, you shouldn’t take it to the grave ether…. Grab that missing thing in your hands…… and if it don’t work out, then fuck it… at least you’ve satisfied your curiosity!.... I mean is going with a LB a life threatening situation or something, or are you afraid you wont get into your heaven if you do?..... Heaven and hell, is right her right now, all around you, and it’s up to you how you use it to your own satisfaction!”

“Aye your right there Paul, fuck them!........ So what do you think I should do then?” “Well saying it’s your first time, you would be better off taking only one, and give it a test run to see what you think, and if it’s not to your taste then just move on, it’s no big deal!” Then I did the last push by telling him how generally feminine they are, in the room as well as outside etc. Then he simply bar-fined one of them for LT, and took her back to his hotel, but shit!... It was the one I had selected for the night.

[paultain]

Well fuck me after all them lectures, it’s now almost midnight, and I felt like a ‘LB John the Baptist’ converting the unbelievers, and Billy must be cursing me up and down, “Where the fuck is that Paddy!” I thought about going to Pook’s, but just then as I took my last drop of beer, I noticed a cute little thing across the road trying to pull punters into the ‘Red Light Bar’. So I gave her a wink, paid my bill, and shot across the road, and dragged her into the bar instead. Now I was in a hurry, “Name?” “Apple!” “Drink?” “Yep!” “Bar-fine LT?” “Yep!” “1000 baht?” “Yep!” Now why the fuck didn’t I do that earlier on that night, instead of lectures to the weak. That was all done half way down a bottle of beer, but I’m sure Apple didn’t know what the hell was going on.

“Right girl drink up, I got to see if I can catch my friend!” Paid the bill, and bar-fine which was 300 baht because of the time, but I did see Apple arguing about the bar-fine and the time with the cashier, so there might have been an attempted to charge me 500 baht. We quickly jumped on the bike and shot off to Soi 8 to see if Billy was there, but there was no sign of him. So I did a little circuit down Pattaya Klang, checking if he was still in Di Di’s, but it was empty, and drove back to the ‘Blue Dragon’ and parked there for a drink, when Apple said, “Where’s you friend?”

“Ahk I think he’s gone back to the old people’s home, in case he’s late for his coco, and before they lock the door for the night!” “Old people what?” “Yes, yes! He very, very old man, and stay in big house for old people, same same hospital that have nurse for take care old people who cannot do anything!” “Aaaaa poor man!” “Yes! And he must go big house before 10 O’clock, and take his medicine, and nurse put him in bed because he cannot do alone!” “Aaaaa poor man!” “Yes that’s why he not here, because if he not go big house before 10 O’clock, they lock door, and he have to sleep in the street!” “Aaaa poor man!” Then I showed her a snap-shot I took earlier of him a Gizmo from my camera, and first she thought I was talking about Gizmo, “Aaaaa poor man!” “No, no, not him…the other guy!” “Baaaa Paul….that’s Billy!..... he not old man, he vely strong man, always he take 2 LB’s go back loom……. Baaa Paul, you joking with me again!” So I sat there thinking, is there any LB in this fucking town that doesn’t know Billy!

Anyway, as a lot of guy here know, Apple is fantastic in bed, and that’s all I would say on that matter. But she’s also very pleasant to be with, and I was really temped to keep her for the rest of my holidays. But right now, it was too early in my holidays to do so, and I was still in ‘3 day rule mode’, but almost broke that rule.

We knocked about for that 3 days, doing the usual, markets, malls, dinners, movie, and a bit of bar hopping meeting my friends. I wanted to take on a couple of day trips somewhere, but looked like she had already been to them many times before. Walking around all these places hand in hand, seemed to give her a good feeling, and probable she was glad of the break from daily routine of the meat market of Soi 6. She also seemed not to mind the 1000 baht a day Vs the lost of revenue from the daily multiple ST’s, she could have had.

I was always honest about my financial situation, and how hard it was to scrape up the money for each annual holiday, which she completely understood. So when it came to the third day, before I could get any excuse out, she turned to me and said she had arrange an appointment with a special doctor who came to town today to get her ass done, and she wouldn’t be able to do any fucking that night, so I said it was fine, and as usual came out with the excuse I needed some pussy that night anyway.

She then showed me how much of a ‘heart of gold’ she had, when she asked me for my phone number, which I answered I didn’t have one. She then offered me a phone, as she had a spare one, so I could contact her when I needed her. Also if I couldn’t afford to pay the bar-fine, all I would have to do is call her, so I could meet her after work around the corner. I refused, as I didn’t want to be under any obligations to her, but I was seriously picking up with her again, after I got a few more strays in first.

Took her back to the bar that afternoon, and paid her bar-fine, so she wouldn’t get her salary cut or loose a holiday, which she thought was real cute of me to do so, and with a kiss, I left her there thinking I’ll pick up with her later in a few days.

[paultain]

Day 8/9/10

Early that evening I passed Di Di’s on my bike, and spotted ‘Gizmo’ sitting there on his own, and figured Billy shouldn’t be to far behind. But first I went on a reconnaissance mission, of all the nooks & crannies, between Soi 8 and Soi 2, leaving out Soi 6 of course. The purpose of this was to spot any LB strays, working in the beer bars in that area, which was hard to spot from passing on my bike, as there would be only 1-3 in amongst the GG’s in some particular bars.

I knew that the beer bars beside the ‘U-Too Bar’ between Soi 4-5, always have a few LB’s, and sure enough as I passed I spotted one, trying to pull customers into her bar, but couldn’t get a good look at her. Spotted another 3 LB’s in the beer bars in Soi 3, so all that was ear-marked, before heading back to Di Di’s to make a report to Billy, as I know he prefers the ‘hunt for the strays’.

Parked my ass on a stool beside ‘Gizmo’ but still no Billy, so ‘Mr. No-Phone’ here got Gizmo to call Billy up to tell him we were there at Di Di’s, and Billy came round 5 minutes later. During our conversation, I reported to Billy what I saw on my patrol earlier, which interested him a lot. But standing there with the two ‘Guru’s’, I couldn’t help thinking how the one that I saw on the second road really looked like up close, and how her personality was.

So I excused myself from the Guru’s ‘LB prayer rituals’, and told them I’d be back in 10 minutes, as I wanted to take a closer look at these LB’s, and if one of them was any good, I would return with her. It was just to satisfy my curiosity, but also because as I just told Billy, I knew he would be up there as quick as a flash, and I didn’t want his sloppy seconds.

Thought I’d start with the bar on the second road beside the U-Too Bar, and parked the bike right in front of where the LB was sitting in one of those concrete table and benches. Sat down at the table facing her, and got her and myself a drink, so that I could interrogate her. She looked Ok, a 22yr old farm-fresh that couldn’t speak much English, and I guess she thought she was in for a chance of a bar-fine that moment, but I told her I was only looking around on behalf of my friends.

Just then a cheeky young 19yr old LB with short blond hair came creeping up behind me, then sat down beside me. Then she started talking to me in pigeon- English (Tinglish) in that false high-pitched voice, only it was 2 octaves too high. And as I have suffered for years with ‘tinnitus’ on one ear, and her high-pitched voice in the other ear, I started to get a migraine headache right away, “For fuck sake girl, I know you’re a LB, now will you please talk normally, your giving me a headache!”

Then she started to speak normal, which was in a normal female’s voice, but her pigeon-English disappeared, and was now speaking in perfect English. So I got her a drink, then paid her bar-fine, and took her back to the Guru’s sitting at Di Di’s. Billy looked her up and down, “Yes very nice, that’s your usual style Paul, where did you get her?” “That bar on the second road!” “Any more there Paul?” “Yes there’s one that I know of!” “Right let’s take a look!” So we went back up to the bar, but Billy didn’t fancy her, by whispering, “For fuck sake Paul!... That LB looks like a bloke!” “What was that Billy?” “Yeh man!... look at her chin! …. If I wake up in the morning with that beside me, it will frighten the shit out of me!” “Why is that Billy?” “Well by that time, when I’m having my early morning shag... all I’ll be doing is fucking a guy with a big fucking beard!” “Oh! I see what you mean now!” Then later we split, Billy going on his hunt for the night, and I took the 19yr old to La Bamba’s.

Nok was there in a party mood, and actually bought us a couple of drinks, then started to chat to my 19yr old the usual girls talk, as she has never seen her before. I was busy talking to ‘Batman’, and paid no attention to the two girls chatting away, when suddenly Nok became surprised, and knocked back, “What!... you’re a virgin!” I spun round, “A virgin!.... Well I hope your not going to be complaining about a sore ass tonight, or I’ll take you back to the bar right now!” “No, no!... It’s Ok!... I’ve been using my collection of dildos for a long time now!... It’s just that I’ve never been with a man before!”

“What! Not even a young boyfriend before?” “No Paul!... It was very difficult for me in Germany!” “Germany!.... What were you doing in Germany?” “I was born there!... My mother is Thai, and my father is German……. They bought a house up-country a few years back, and sent me over here to make sure the mortgage and power bills were paid, as my grandmother who lives there cannot understand how to do things like that!.... They only have two more payments to make, and they want to make sure everything goes Ok, and they will be coming after a couple of months!”

“What the fuck are you doing in Pattaya?” “I just came down to have some fun Paul, as I was bored up-country with my grandmother!” “And what the fuck are you doing working in a bar?” “I’m not Paul!... I just hang out there!... I don’t get a salary because I don’t need it…. As my dad sends me plenty of money every month…. I am good friends with two LB mamasans there at the beer bars, and just help them pull in customers to their bars… But I can come and go as I like, and at any time I like…. Most time I go there around 9 O’clock, not like the rest of the staff….. Sometimes I just stay my room and watch TV…. That’s why everyone was shocked when you paid the bar-fine, because you’re the first guy to do it!” “So what does your dad think about you being a LB?” “Nothing!.... he’s the one that got me these bolt-ons for my 18th birthday, and he’ll get me bigger ones when I’m 20!”

Nok was shocked at all this, and for a laugh she went and got a big box of condoms with about 100 in it, and the same amount of sachet’s of lube, that they get handed free from the government heath board, “Ooohh Paul!..... Tonight you fuck farang LB…… How many times you fuck her tonight?” wile she took out about 8 condoms and the same amount of lube, “You better give me the whole box Nok…. It’s party time!” Man you wanna see that virgins face when I said that.

Then I said I would take her up WS to show her the EZY bar, but she had always avoided that area, as her dad was an ‘old school monger’ back in the days, knew most of the bar owners in that area, and was afraid they might tell her dad the next time they were in town, as she wasn’t supposed to be in Pattaya at all. So I just took her to Stringfellow’s, where I had a drink with Bob and the new owner, wile she watched the display of cock fondling as the girls pole danced. Then it was back to the hotel, where I took a shower first, followed by her.

[paultain]

After her shower, she came back into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around her as they usually do, and sat down on the bed, just sitting there with her legs closed, took the towel off, and threw it over the chair. But in doing so, her legs slightly parted, “What the fuck is that?” “What’s what?” “That thing there, between your legs, girl!” For fuck sake I thought she just given birth to a baby goat, while sitting on the bed, and then she closed her legs with a cheeky smile, “Open them legs wide girl, till I get a good look at that thing you’ve got there!” She opened her legs wide, revealing a bloody great big monster.

In Buddhism, she must have been a buffalo in her past life, and got reincarnated into a LB, but managed to keep the cock, because that’s what it was…. A buffalo’s cock! For all the ‘horse cock’ porn, all the ‘horse cock’ photos on the net, and all the ‘horse cock’ LB’s that I’ve seen, they wouldn’t hold a tiny birthday candle to this monster. I thought if she ever did porn, she would blow ‘Long Mint’ off the scene completely. It was longer than any cock I ever saw, but it was real thick, and if she ever did porn, they would have to put it in the bestiality section.

And when ‘IT’ (and I mean ‘IT’ as a third person) lay across the bed between her legs, I thought it was fully erect, until I got down to take a closer look, and started to inspect IT with my hand, and must have accidentally tickled IT, because then it just grew, grew, and grew……. Man that was some scary shit!.... As I wondered what kind of language did it speak, because surely it had a brain of its own, and must have been some sort of mutant cross breed, coming from the mix blood of her German dad, and Thai mother.

So ‘Miss Buffalo Cock’ and me, started to get down to business with a bit of fore-play, and for the next hour, I was getting, “Do this position, do that position!…. Lick here, lick there!.... do it this way, do it that way… try this, try that!” For fuck sake, she was like a traffic cop, directing traffic on a busy cross road, and we were all over the room, never mind just the bed. Then it suddenly dawned on me, “Wait a fucking minute girl!.... You say you’re a virgin, and you’re going at it here like a fucking pro!” “Aye!.... I watch a lot of porn, and I chat with a lot of LB’s on the net, and learn everything….. So I want to try it all out!”

During that night she got a few phone calls from her mother in Germany, but didn’t answer them, as we were so busy. But the next morning she called her mother back in case she was worried, as her mother calls everyday to make sure Miss Buffalo Cock was all right, and wasn’t attacked by thugs or anything, but sure if she ever got attacked, all she would have to do was to pull her big buffalo cock out and wave it around a bit, using it as a lethal weapon. That would soon frighten the shit out of the thugs, and they would be running down the road screaming.

Anyway she had to call her mother back today of all day’s, as her mother was also calling to remind her she had to pay the mortgage today. Of course she was bull-shitting her mother that she was still up country with her grandmother, and when the call was over, she asked me to take her to the bank to make the money transfer. And before we left the room, I handed her a 1000 baht as I normally do, but she refused to take it telling me she had more money than poor little old me, but it would be nice for me to pay the 300 baht bar-fine, just to keep her mamasan friend sweet.

She noticed to pool on the way out to the bike, “Waow! Nice pool!” “Have you got a bikini?” “No!” “Well I’ll get you one in the market, after we go to the bank!” At the bank I watched her transfer 60,000 baht into the mortgage account, telling me there was only one more payment of 20,000 baht, the following month, and the house is theirs. She was also going to draw out some cash out, but I told her she didn’t need any wile she was with me…. Well I’m still the man no matter how poor I am!

Then we hit the market, to find a suitable bikini for her, which she seemed to be pulling and jerking the crotches of them all, testing them to see if they were strong enough for that monster of hers, and asked me to get her a wrap-around also. Then went to her bar to pay her bar-fine, where she introduced me to the LB mamasan, “Paul! This is the mamasan!” “Where?” “There!” “Where?” “Are you blind?..... right in front of you!” Fuck me I was looking at her right in the eyes, but I thought it was just an older Thai bloke with long hair, and if Billy thought the one the night before was rough, this one would make him puke. Then she introduced me to the other mamasan in another bar there, which was even uglier. I politely smiled, said hello, and then when across the road to eat, where I took the GG.

Good place to eat.. big selection….. many kitchens!

http://www.pattayaphotoguide.com/?JvzRUw3skcyBBDKA

[paultain]

Then it was back to the hotel for an afternoon swim in the pool, where Miss. Buffalo Cock was reluctant to take off the wrap-around, as the bikini bottoms were not really holding things together down there, and even attempted to swim with the wrap-around still on until the bartender of the poolside bar gave her a polite bollicking, “No outside cloths in the pool!” So she had to take it off in the pool, but didn’t come out much after that, and only waited until everyone had their backs turned.

Did the usual that night with dinner and barhopping, then back to the room, where for the second night she refused to use the lube. And when I asked her why, she told me the LB’s she was chatting to on the net, told her it was very bad and would make problems with her ass hole. Personally I think they were taking the piss, because she was a virgin, so she would get the ass ripped off her the first night. But she didn’t have any problems, but the next morning I felt a friction burn coming on at the end of my cock, even with using the condoms. So it looked like I would have to cut her loose, before I have the cock ripped off me, if I carried on like this.

So after breakfast, and as the idea of using the hotel pool wasn’t working out so well, I managed to take her for a day trip to the Sanctuary of Truth, paying the bar-fine on the way. It was a nice afternoon giving her a tour of the place, wile I prepared her with my usual excuse that I wanted to get some pussy the next day, and she would have to go back to the bar.

In the evening I took her to the central shopping mall, for a steak and a movie, but she just couldn’t walk passed the phone shop, and dragged me in there for 20 minutes, inspecting every bloody phone that was in the place. She had her eye on a phone that was 34,000 baht, but it was the same make, shape, and color, as the one she had in her hand. “Paul where’s the ATM here?” “Why?” “I need to draw out some money, because I want to buy this phone!” “But it’s the same one you have in your hand!” “Oh no Paul!... this one’s old, and that one is the latest!” “Well how old is that one you’ve got?” “3 months old!” “What!....only 3 months old?” “Yes Paul!... and when I buy that new one, I’ll give you this old one so you can call me when you need me!” Aaahhh for fuck sake, here we go again with the bloody phones! So after I gave her a lecture on ‘Murphy’s Law’ i.e. ‘if it’s not broken, then don’t fix it’, I dragged her out of there sharp-ish.

Didn’t fuck her that night, well not much anyway, as I wanted to give the old cock a rest, and didn’t want the friction burn to really set in, spoiling the rest of my holidays. And the next afternoon dropped her off at the bar.

I was getting a bit fed up with the mongering now, so I thought I’d go and pick up Apple that night, and keep her for the rest of the holidays. And today is the day that that the rest of the mongers will be arriving.

[SiamSam]

Just want to mention I truly enjoy reading your stuff.

[paultain]

Just want to mention I truly enjoy reading your stuff.

Thanks Sam