Paultain 2007-2010

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 11

There’s one thing about Miss. Buffalo Cock, I couldn’t help thinking about, and that annoyed me a bit. On the second day with her, I was taking about where we were going to go out that night, when she asked, “Paul! Will you take me to ‘Boys Town’, to the gay ago-go’s, because I don’t know where it is!” “Gay ago-go in ‘Boys Town’… What the fuck for?” “Well I never been before, but all the LB’s and GG’s I know always talk about it, and go there when they don’t have customer!” “What! You want to pay for some Thai guy to fuck you?” “Oh no Paul! .. I just want to see for myself, and what the guys do when they are dancing!” “Yeh right! …. There’s no fucking way I’m taking you there!” Then I lectured her on the consequences of hooking up with one of those guys, especially when she had a lot of money to spend on them. But I doubt if she paid any heed. (Remember this point as there is two more points coming up)

Had a late breakfast in the Canterbury Tales, where I had to meet Dave the owner, about getting my book published in Thailand, as there was a demand from the resident farangs living there, that couldn’t dependably order it online, or/and exchange rate problems, and also guy in certain countries ether couldn’t get it delivered, or might get a problem in some Middle Eastern countries if they did order it. So having this other outlet, these guys could pick it up in Canterbury Tales, any time they are in town. It wasn’t 10 minutes later that the wheels were set in motion for this project, and apart from having good food, books, and cheap accommodation, if you ever needed something out of the ordinary, or something you thought was impossible to get, there’s always somebody there can get it for you, and usually a much cheaper price.

Canterbury Tales Video link;

http://www.youtube.com/user/canterburytalesCafe#p/u

So over breakfast I drifted for a bit about the ‘Old Turk Billy’, as he spends most of his days sitting on the beach getting a sun tan (as if he didn’t have enough sun tan already), trying to sell silk shirts too passing tourist, and I guest he did that to get his energy back, as he spend the evenings shagging his brains out with his 3-soms. Well when you get to that age, I guess you got to take it easy during the day, if you’re having 3-soms every night.

And I thought and thought, about what we could do together during the day, that wouldn’t take up too much energy or stress for the old man. It would have to be something that an ‘old age pensioner’ would be able t do. Then I got a brain wave, ‘Lawn Bowling’, now that should be Ok for the ‘Old Turk’, after all it was invented for old aged pensioners, and it was something that the young people like myself could enjoy also. Not only that, but it was just around the corner from the Canterbury tales, right in the middle of town, as I know the ‘old git’ doesn’t like to go to far out of town.

So after I sorted things out, I paid my bill, and just drove around the corner to the Bowling Club, which is a few doors down from the X-Zyte disco, and spoke to the manageress there, as I took a look around, and took a couple of photos. She told me it was 200 baht per person for the whole day, and had a nice little inside bar/restaurant, and a bar outside. The drinks were very cheap, and the kitchen in there did a nice selection of food. Well I thought that would suit the old guy down to the ground, and should be a bit of a laugh some afternoon.

http://www.pattayasports.org/site/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=63&Itemid=128

Started off that evening’s mongering in the ‘La Bamba’, as I had to deliver a book to Rossco, which him and Sam the owner, seemed already to be a bit jolly, and must have had an afternoon session. But also there was an interesting character, and fellow BM who was a retired captain of the British Army Intelligence, which I had a couple of beers, and enjoyed a good chat with. Then I parted the good company, and headed up to Soi 6, with all intentions of picking up Apple…. Well that’s if I don’t get side tracked.

[paultain]

I wanted to hit a couple of bars first, before hitting Apples bar, so I slowly drove down Soi 6, to make a ‘bar crawl map’ of the street in my head, then drive back up Soi 6.1, and park the bike at the start of Soi 6, and walk my bar crawl. The map started with a big firm rounded pair of tits, jumping out of a sexy black velvet dress, outside the ‘My Friend You Bar’, so when I came around again, that was the place I was parking the bike for the night.

Miss. Big Tits, turned out to be very cute, and followed me into the bar, wile I was thinking, ‘mmmmm looks like pussy is on the menu tonight, I think I’ll delay picking up Apple for just one more night’. Behind me there were two guys just having a drink, and when I started to interrogate Miss Big Tits, I heard a very familiar voice behind me. I turned to study the face that belonged to the voice, and I just about recognized one of the guys through his long grey hair, and grey beard. This guy was Swiss, and an old friend from over 25 years ago, when I had my bar/restaurant in Soi Post Office, and he had one of the earliest bars in the next street, Soi Yamoto.

As soon as he also realized who I was, the drinks were flying, and we had a good laugh talking about the old days, especially about his bar. I can’t remember what he called his bar, but I think it had a French name, but should have been called ‘The Jungle Bar’. It was the same size as Pooks Soi 6, a double shop house, and he wanted to do something different than the rest back in those days, so he planted tree’s all around the inside of it, with a couple of twisted paths that went around a center feature, which was again trees, on a rock formation, that even had a water fall, with tables and chairs dotted around the pathways.

Well he did something different alright, because you basically thought you were having a drink in a jungle, but he never hired any bar-girls, and wanted to have the bar for couples. And to make it more authentic, he got himself a couple of large different types of lizards, a couple of harmless snakes, and 3 or 4 different types of monkey’s, all to freely roam, slither, and swing from tree to tree inside the bar.

But he had problems from day one….. The monkey’s were attacking customers, the snakes from time to time would drop off the tree branches, onto the heads of unsuspecting customers, frightening the shit out of them, and the lizards kept knocking over customers drinks on the tables. I think he was better off with bar-girls swinging from tree to tree to be honest, because he spent more time acting like a zoo keeper, that a bar keeper, and needless to say, the life of the bar was short lived.

(The following information is for the BM’s who were affected by this matter)

I asked him what was he doing these day, and he told me he was in the ‘Rotary Club’, and only doing charity work, in the poor villages up country, and actually just returned only that day. As soon as he mentioned the ‘Rotary Club’, I asked him about a certain BM (who was a well known member of the Rotary Club, which I was keeping an eye out for) who belonged and was banned several times on most of the LB forums, for threatening fellow BM’s that disagreed with him, telling them to watch their backs the next time they were in town, as he had friends in the mafia, and in high places, which he could even get them picked up by immigration at the airport.

I told my Swiss Rotarian friend all about it, that I was angry over the matter, and wanted to know his address, or where he hung out. Of course he wouldn’t tell me, as he knew me all to well from back in the old days, but went on to tell me that they knew all about it, and dealt with him themselves, as soon as they found out. He also told me, basically, the guy in question had a nervous break-down through stress of an on going project that wasn’t going too well, through-out the period he was on the forums, and was affecting his real life also. He has recovered since then, and is now off the forum and LB scene completely, and even rarely goes out to the GG bars.

I asked my Swiss friend what kind of a character was this guy in question, with the Rotary Club, and the charity work they do. He told me he was a fine up-standing gentleman; always hit the charity work full on, and like himself, spends a lot of time up-country in the poor villages, and wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. So after he told me all that, I kind of figured if I did meet up with him, I probably have a drink and a laugh with him, but that would be after I give him a bollocking for being such an ass on the forums. Bob (another Rotarian) of Stringfellows told me the same story a few nights before.

(For those who have read the book will know this character ‘Swiss Rene’)

My Swiss buddy was getting nagged on the phone, from his Thai wife to come home, but before he left, he brought up a mutual friend of ours, “You remember Rene?” “Of course I do!..... But I haven’t seen him since the old days!..... He must be long dead by now, with liver and kidney disease, because of the drink he put away night after night!” “No, no Paul! … Rene is still alive and kicking!....... But remember back in those days, he was the king of Pattaya, with his big house on one of the biggest plots of land, his beer bar, and his other restaurant in Soi diamond, and all the buildings that he owned dotted all around Pattaya?” “Yes!.... He was a very good business man!... His bar stool must be made of solid gold by now!” “No Paul!..... He lost the lot!” “He what!” “Yes Paul! All he’s got now is that little restaurant, where he sleeps in the back of the bar!” “Holy shit!” Then we both burst out laughing when he said, “Remember his wife Paul?” “Oh yes!.... she shot him a couple of times over arguments!” “Ha, ha, ha, well she is still with him after all these years!” “Fuck me man!... that’s real love that is!”

Well my buddy had to leave before his dinner was thrown in the bin, and him locked out of the house. The lady who owned the bar set me up a couple of free drinks, but I don’t know why, as I didn’t spend that much in the bar, but now it gave me a chance to interrogate Miss Big Tits. So I started with, “You wanna go with me?” “Yes!” And pointed up to the ST rooms above the bar. “No, no, we go my hotel!” “Ok, Ok! Hotel!” “LT not ST naa!” “Oh no!...I cannot do!” “Aaahh!... You have Thai boyfriend, and cannot stay with farang LT!” She put her head down and answered, “Yes! I have boyfriend…… Sorry naa!” “Me sorry also……..byyeeee!” And paid my bill and walked out thinking, ‘I better stick with the LB’s, as it’s less hassle, and less of a waste of time’.

[paultain]

So I thought I’d pop into Pook’s to see what’s cooking before picking up Apple later. And to avoid Apple, I came down Soi 6.1, entered Pooks through the back, and sat there at the back of the bar, which was not my usual place, as I normally sit up front by the cashier. It started to rain heavily, and the only customers in there was me and a French guy who was busy playing with ‘Cyber-Silicone Balloon’ who is drop dead gorgeous, but has got that much work done on her body, that I think the poor girl doesn’t know which part of her is real, and which part of her was manufactured.

Then along came Sue, who is quite a comedian, and I had a drink and a good laugh with her a week before on my rounds, “Hey Paul! You remember me?... Or you forget me already!” and parked her ass down on the stool beside me, so I got her a drink. I almost took her the week before, and now I’m thinking the same tonight, especially when she prick teased me by spreading her legs wide, and I mean really wide, by laying back in the stool with one leg on the bar, and the other in the air, exposing her tiny pink see through thong, showing her smoothly shaved package, distracting me from what was going on with my bar bill.

But having a laugh and a joke with Sue I had another distraction sitting out side, of a cute little thing, which every time I looked, she was looking straight back at me. I noticed this the last time I was having a drink with Sue the week earlier, only tonight this cutie was pouting her lips, and squeezing her bolt-ons together with her elbows, along with a real erotic look as if to say, you don’t know what you’re missing boy.

Any way I was in there for less than 2 hours, and was sitting chatting with Sue which I got her a couple more drinks, which ‘Miss Hair-Lip’ was doing the serving, but I simply couldn’t make up my mind whether to take Sue or the cutie sitting outside, and ended up thinking I’d better pick up Apple. So I went to pay my bill, and it came to 3,795 baht, which included 17 lady-drinks. Sue was the only one I bought drinks for, which was no more than 4.

Needless to say I went ape-shit with a little bit of shouting in Thai, but paid the bill and demanded a full account of the bill, signed by the cashier, as Pook is an old friend of mine, I would have a word with her later, because she was at a party that night. The cashier was a bit reluctant to do so, as it was an unusual request, and now she and Miss Hair-Lip has only just realized I was an old friend of Pook, and took 20 minutes to make up the full account, wile Miss Hair-Lip, got me a drink on the house, to try and butter me up. But that was the most expensive free drink I ever had.

In the meantime wile waiting on the full account, in a blink of an eye I got rid of Sue I was chatting with, as she didn’t seem to be bothered or query the bill, which made me suspicious, and immediately called over the cutie now sitting inside on her own because of the rain, and I started a new tab, for just a couple of drinks and the bar fine, telling Miss Hair-Lip and the cashier I was keeping an eye on them this time. Over a little chat I found her name was ‘Dear’, and that a 1000 baht for LT was no problem, so I told her to get changed into her street cloths, and got the full account for the first bill.

The rain stopped, but I didn’t want both of us to walk past Apples bar to get my bike at the top of the street, so I explained that to ‘Dear’, gave her the keys asking her to bring it down, and pick me up at the bar. ‘Dear’ must have just got half way up the street when it lashed down in monsoon style. Then I waited and waited for ‘Dear to return with the bike, which seem for ages, thinking she couldn’t find it. And Miss Hair-Lip was trying still to butter me up, by showing some kind of concern saying, “I think she stole your bike!..... I don’t know her….. maybe she bad lady!” Then she took out her umbrella and said, “I your friend!.... I go look for her!” As if to say, ‘I’ll help you, just don’t tell Pook about the bill’, but she only got as far as the front of the bar, and stood there looking up the street.

A little later, ‘Dear’ came back, and was parked out front, sitting on my bike holding an umbrella above her head. Still ignoring Miss Hair-lips accusations about ‘motorbike thief’, trying to keep my mind of the bill-padding, I asked ‘Dear’ did she have trouble finding the bike, “No Paul!... I find bike no problem, but because rain too much, I go my room and get my umbrella, so you not get wet when we go your hotel…. But I get very wet, and have to change cloths again!” Poor ‘Dear’ got soaked getting her umbrella, just to keep me dry.

About a month after my holiday, I got the whole bill-padding sorted out with Pook through email, got reimbursed, and two members of the staff were fired, one of them being a cashier, so I didn’t have to guess too hard who they might be.

The bill-padding just about cleaned me out for the night, but the night wasn’t over, but because of the rain I didn’t want to get more cash from the hotel. So I simply drove around to Soi 7, knowing I could pick up a couple of thousand from John or Ronnie of the Heavens Door Bar, which I did in a flash to cover me for the rest of the night. But ‘Dear’ seeing this, looked at me very strangely.

We spent the rest of the night at the bar, and then went back to the hotel when the rain eased off. But as we got back to the room, just sitting on the bed having a chat first, ‘Dear’ started to cry saying, “I ladyboy! What can I do Paul?” “What’s up Dear?” “I hate my life Paul!.... only work bar, bar, bar, and fuck farang!” Well I thought, this one’s out of here first thing in the morning, but she went on, “You know Paul!... I pole dancing around the bar, and when I finish, I go toilet and sit and cry… then when my turn to dance again, I wipe my eyes, and dance again and again, and go toilet and cry and cry!.... but what can I do?..... I ladyboy….. No have good job for ladyboy…. This is my life!”

So I told her it was bullshit, which I could show her hundreds of LB’s around Pattaya the next day, who are working as, receptionists, secretaries, cleaners, shop assistants, hairdressers, cooks, waitresses, tour guides, gardeners, traditional dancers, show girls, who have never seen a farang cock before. Some even work on building sites, and some are students, and if she would look closely, she would see them all around her, and they all have to work very hard of little money. Although she was discussed with her self, her job was easier than theirs, earned big money, and her job gives her a chance to meet some younger well-off guy that was able to take care of her.

Then I lectured her on the farangs that come on holiday to LOS, how we are all not laying in a bed of roses, how life is hard for most of us, and about the unlucky one that could never afford to come to LOS, and give her the real picture about the farang. Well that seemed to do the trick, as it looked like it cheered her up a good bit, thinking life isn’t so bad after all. And when I found out she had no dependents, I told her she should be saving her big money, and put her self through school to get a good job, or start her own little business up, as she was only 24 and still had plenty of shelf life left.

Then we simply took turns in the shower, and she turned out to be just that little bit better than Apple.

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 12

Woke up the next morning still wondering whether to get rid of Dear or not, but she seemed to have a real spark in her, and a totally different girl from what I picked up the night before. She seemed more relaxed now, very perky, a skip in her step, acting the clown, with a childish smile. And I thought to myself, this is the real her, or the girl she wants to be. So I up-graded her from a one night-er, to probation under the 3 day rule, to see how she would work out, as I was now tired of mongering, but I didn’t want to settle with a moody, and crying little nuisance, spoiling the rest of my holiday.

I told her up front, that if she wants to, she can stay for a couple more days, but I might need some pussy from time to time, which is always understood, and seems to work all the time for me. I find it easier to say that when they get to know you after a couple of days, than to imply that you want to fuck another LB, which is a little bit hurtful. And when I tell her up front, then there’s no surprise, and always expected when it happens.

I also told her up front my financial situation of not being well off, and what sacrifices I had to make, to scrape up the cash for my annual holidays, in all honesty, which surprised her, but she totally under stood. Told her about my daily budget and that the night before I over did it, mostly because of the bill-padding, so tonight we were taking it easy, as I had to pay back Ronnie the couple of thousand I borrowed from him, and we won’t be hitting any bars tonight. I also made it clear that she was getting no more than a 1000 baht a day, but as she is with me, anything she needed to buy, I would cover the costs, as long as it wasn’t extravagant.

She nodded her head with a smile, then said, “But at least we can eat!...... right?” as she rubbed her hand in circles on her stomach, with a childish frown pouting her lips, “Oh you little cow…. Of course!….. let’s go!.... but first we go to your bar to pay the bar-fine!” Then I told her about Apple, that I was suppose to pick her up again, and now I didn’t like the idea of passing her in Soi 6 on the bike with Dear on the back, to pay her bar-fine, and didn’t want to up-set Apple. And I thought it best to drive up the second road to maybe Soi 4 or 2, then come all the way back on the beach road, then up Soi 6.1, to the back entrance of Pook’s bar. Dear told me I didn’t have to do that, because she knew another way. And as we drove up to Soi 6, she showed me a better way, but also gave me a little insight to what goes on there after the bars shut.

Now most of us know when the bars shut in Soi 6, we can always pick up a few strays ether in Soi 6 or Soi 6.1, but did you ever think about where the rest of them go? Well they go here!

http://www.pattayaphotoguide.com/?3GzRUKpskcEF7CAA

As you are driving up the second road, past Soi 6.1 (which is one way from the beach road), and just past Soi 6 (which is one way from the second road) you will find a little kind of winding Soi, that has a couple of Thai gay clubs in it. Now the LB’s and some GG’s, after having a good day with a few ST’s, and a lot of money in their purses, go there when their bars shut for the night, to play with, and spend their money on the gay Thai boys in the those Thai clubs, which only kicks off when Soi 6 shuts down, and the clubs are quite a drug haven. It was surprising to know the names of very popular LB’s, who regularly go there to pick up Thai guys for the night, after a long day in the ST rooms.

The strays that you can pick up in Soi 6 & 6.1, simply had a bad day with no ST’s, and couldn’t afford to go there, otherwise if they had the money, they would be in there also. So hearing this, and remembering what Miss Buffalo Cock asked me, I put the two together and thought, “What the fuck!...... What’s all this shit we always hear from them, ‘I no like Thai man… Thai man very bad…. I only go with farang! ….. What a load of bollicks!” (But then there is still one more point in this matter to come.)

Anyway we went down that street to avoid passing Apple, and came back up to the rear entrance of Pooks, and went in to see if Pook was around, but she wasn’t. Although it was the different day staff on duty, the way I felt, I wouldn’t drink a free glass of water in there now. Paid the bar-fine, then went to the Big C, to the cheapest Chinese restaurant in there for a late breakfast. Man could that little skinny girl eat, and she seemed to be in her element, as I really could see the change in her, so I took a couple of snaps wile she was eating.

After a bit of window shopping, and checking what was on the cinema, we headed back to the hotel. We were just walking along the path around the pool heading for my room, when I heard a cry from the wilderness, “Paul!...Paul!” I paused, and looked all around the trees that surrounded me, but could see anyone, but just then a little bald head poked through the palm leaves, “It’s me ‘Fie Dollah’….. did you bring my book?” “Ahk how ya doing mate!.... Yes I got it in my room, I’ll get it now for you!” “Cheers mate!...I’ll be by the pool!”

So I got the book out of the room, and took it over to him, as he lay there sprawled out on a sun bed by the pool like a pink baby whale, with the sexy ‘Tar’ beside him. Unlike Billy, I didn’t know ‘Fie Dollah’ that well, as we only PM’d a couple of time about form me to bring him a copy of the book, but nothing more. I sat there with him, and had a good long chat, but not 5 minutes into the conversation, I took to him right away, and thought he was a good and pretty straight guy, and the kind of mate I like to have around me, and from day one we were true mates.

[paultain]

So ‘Dear’ and I got changed into swimming gear, and joined ‘Fie Dollah’ & ‘Tar’ and spent the afternoon with them. During our long chat, Fie Dollah said, “You know Paul, I’ve been coming here for 6 years now, and all I’ve done is bars, bars, and more bars, and when I read your TR’s, I wish the hell I could do something like that!” “Have you rented out a motorbike yet?” “No Paul, not yet!” “Oh right!....Well we’ll go some day to a place when you do….. Da (the manager) over there in reception rents bikes as well, and doesn’t scam anyone!”

Then I thought why wait, if I leave it for a couple of days he’ll probably never go anywhere, so just as the sun started to go down I thought a wee bit of a push here would be in order, and went to the reception, and booked a trip to ‘Nong Nooch’ for the very next morning, came back to the pool and said to Fie Dollah, “Right boy we’re booked for a trip early tomorrow morning….. that’s 650 baht each for Tar and you…. So that’s 1300 baht for you both!” “Ah nice one Paul!.. Here’s the money!” I went back to reception and paid for all 4 of us, and made sure we got an early morning wake-up call, and then told Fie Dollah to take it easy on the booze that night, as he wouldn’t want a hangover going there. Then we went our separate way for that evening.

After a playful session back in the room, there’s Dear rubbing her stomach again with the cheeky face and the pouting lips, “Alright! Alright! I get the message…. Get dressed I’ll take you to eat!” So I took her to the Central Shopping Mall, and went up to the Japanese place which I forget the name, for a couple of steaks, that one that is a real good steak but is served still cooking on a very hot plate, and usually served with bean sprouts, and was a bit of a struggle changing them to chips when ordering.

So we are sitting there by the window waiting on the steak, watching all the shoppers go by, when suddenly Dear saw a LB Friend with a guy in the crowd, and waved, but who ever it was must not have seen Dear, so she slapped her hand on the window to draw the LB’s attention. I turned round to see who it was, but didn’t recognize this cute LB, but I burst out laughing when I saw the guy she was with, oh yes! It was my Scottish mate that I had lectured in Soi 6 a few nights ago, when I picked up Apple.

“What in the name of God are you doing boy?” “Hey Paul!.... how’s it going pal?” “How’s it going!.... I should be asking you that!.... What’s all this then?” They both came in and sat down beside us, him with a big smile on, “Ake sure!... If your going to do something, you got to do it right!.... Am I right Paul?” “Aye, aye, your right!..... So I suppose it’s a waste of time, asking you how it went that night, as you’re with a wee cutie LB tonight!” “Well I was a wee bit nervous that first night, as that one I picked up was quite harden at the game, but I managed a couple of anal, and a fucking great blow job!.... Then I picked up a GG the next night, but it just didn’t cut it!..... And when I thought about what you said ‘not giving a shit!’….. I went out the next night with all guns blazing, and picked up this cute little thing here, and have kept her ever since!” “That’s a nice wee one, where did you pick her up?” “I picked her up in Soi 2 Paul!.... she’s 19 and was quite shy, so I thought that’s the one for me, as I would feel a bit in control with her, than some one that’s been at the game for a long time!” “Now that’s a very sensible thing to do, saying it’s your first time!” “I’ll tell you what Paul!... you were right about the feminine thing!..... It is just like being with a GG!..... Actually I’ve been with some GG’s that were more masculine that this one!..... she’s dead cute, dead quite, very feminine, and there nothing she wouldn’t do for me, and fuck what anybody else thinks!” “Well it looks like you grew a pair of balls mate… fare play to you!” “Aye your right there Paul!.... here boy, that’s a really nice one you got there!..... But tell me what the………” “Wow, wow, wow, there boy!...... don’t ask me any more fucking questions…… I’m waiting on a steak here!..... now on your bike, and enjoy yourself mate!... and the best of luck!” So he left us with a big smile on his face, “See you around Paul!”

After dinner, we drove around to Soi 7 to give Ronnie the 2k I borrowed off him, but I didn’t get off the bike as I didn’t want to get into a drinking session with him that I couldn’t afford, so I gave it to Dear to run over and give it to him, and he sat there with his thumb up, and then we headed back to the hotel. So we had an early night, knowing we had an early start in the morning, and woke to an early morning wake-up call. I sat and checked the photos in my cameras memory card, and look what I found. Wile I was sleeping, Dear got the camera out and took a few snaps of her kissing me, wile I was snoring my head off……… and thought, ‘Ahhhh wasn’t that cute…. This wee thing is starting to grow on me!

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 13

So we left the room to meet ‘Fie Dollah’ & Tar, who were ready to rock n roll waiting in reception, and in good timing for a change the mini bus just arrived. It was good to hear that they both went out for a few drinks, and came back at a reasonable time, as you still can go out to enjoy yourself, even though you booked something the next day, so long as you don’t over do it. Fie Dollah said the usual night owls around him were egging him on to carry on drinking, “Nope!.... I have an early start in the morning!...... going on a trip with Paul!”

Got to ‘Nong Nooch’, and started in the usual place, by the pottery art, where there is a few animals there for taking photo’s with, but wasn’t up to standard, compared with what I had in store for Fie Dollah later when I get him to rent out a bike. And I started to give them all a tour of the place, before the show started, which they didn’t know about. Here I managed to take a photo of the three of them, but as I was looking through the view screen, I laughed deviously to my self thinking this is going to be a laugh later when Fie Dollah sees this, because when he stood there in between Tar & Dear posing, he looked like a ‘Brummie Midget’ stuck between the two tall goddesses.

(The Brummie Midget)

The next place was the Italian gardens, where we took a few more photos. Me, still laughing into myself about the first photo, didn’t realize how small I was until we got some one to take a photo of us all together, but I didn’t check that one.

Then into the enclosed butterfly garden, where we didn’t see a bloody fly, never mind a butterfly. Then into the enclosed aviary, where Dear seemed to be very concerned about a little duck that had a broken wing, But Fie Dollah seemed to be even more concerned with these big ugly looking birds, that swooped just above our heads, making a hellish noise, “What the fuck are they Paul?” “I think they are vultures mate!” “Fucking vultures!... allowed to fly free, where tourists are walking in and out?” “Aye! These Thai haven’t an ounce of sence!” “Fuck me Paul!... you would have thought they would lock those dangerous ugly looking fucker up!” “Aye your right mate!..... But I’ll tell you what though!....... I couldn’t help noticing them watching you as soon as you walked in, and they haven’t kept their eyes off you ever since!” “What do ya mean Paul?” “Well look at ya!..... to them vultures, your breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even fucking desert, all wrapped up in one package!...... That’s why their eyeing you up, and leaving the rest of us alone!........ But we better get out of here before they jump you…. Because I would feel responsible, after dragging you all the way here….. Come on quick let’s go, and watch you’re back Fie Dollah!”

Then I took them up to the view point, by the French garden, where they could see a lot of the beauty around them. And of course took a few photo’s, but it was pay-back time for Fie Dollah, as he was taking a photo of Dear and I together, I couldn’t help noticing cheeky laughter as he was looking through his camera view, and now he was looking at an Irish Midget. He took the first photo, and still laughing wanted to take another one, but just as he did, and as Dear likes to fool around in the photos, she just managed to stoop over me, and kissed me on top of my baldly skull, just when he clicked…. Bastard!

To top that off, and as he realized now how tall these girls were, when it come for me to take his photo with Tar, he stood on the high step and told me to cut out the feet, that he wanted a bit of a close-up. This Irish idiot didn’t realize what was going on, and snapped away, as I was distracted about the time, and knew we had to get back, because the show was about to start.

(Irish Midget getting a kiss on the top of the head)

(The cheeky Brummie Midget standing on his orange box)

So far they all are enjoying it, but you can’t beat the show they put on. Got there just before the show started, and knowing the place we got good ringside seats. The music, the dancing, and the costumes from all different parts of Thailand…. The traditional drumming session…. The bamboo pole dancing….. The comedy Thai boxing…. Stick & sword fighting….. And finishing off, with an ancient war, which included elephants, all in 30 minutes. It’s always nice to see a lot of LB’s in that show, and also working around doing other jobs, far away from the bar scene, and there has to be around 30 employed in Nong Nooch.

[paultain]

Fie Dollah and the girls were very impressed with the show, wile I yawned a bit, telling them to get up quick, as it wasn’t over yet. We had to beat the Japanese to the good seats at the elephant show. It was the usual show, elephants unbelievably painting flowers, trees, which one did a bit of text, on T-shirts, elephants playing darts, basket ball, 9 pin bowling, and foot ball. But when it came to the elephants riding bicycles, it blew Fie Dollah’s mind, “Fuck me Paul!.... look at that!..... Elephants riding bicycles!.... If I hadn’t have seen it with me own eyes, I would have never believed it!” “Well it’s better that walking, isn’t it!....... Thailand’s full of elephants riding bicycles all over the place!..... it’s just that you don’t see them from a bar!” Mind you he gave me a funny look when I said that!

Well when that part was over, it was time to head back to the mini bus, but on the way the girls got quite excited when they saw the LB’s sitting in traditional costume, and wanted a photo with them.

Got back to the hotel around 1pm, and the four of us just relaxed the whole afternoon by the pool, where we met a few more BM’s that came round to have a chat, including ‘OTS’, ‘Shanksy’, ‘FatboyUK’, ‘Pink Panther’, and of course the night owl himself, ‘Big REV’ who actually only got to the swimming pool once in his whole holiday, as he was too busy drinking and shagging all night, and spent most of the sunny days lying in his pit, getting his beauty sleep.

Later I took Dear to pay the bar-fine, in stealth mode through the little Soi she showed me, then I had to take her to her room for a change of cloths, which was in Pattaya Klang, between a dentist and a gold shop, which she told me a lot of LB’s stay there, and her room alone was shared with 6 of the well known LB’s including ‘Cyber Silicone Balloon’ and ‘Chocolate’, but I forgot the other names.

Here:

http://www.pattayaphotoguide.com/?MBxRUuRtkcmD7CAA

Then Dears rubbing her stomach again as usual, so I let her pick a place to eat this time, and she wanted to go here;

http://www.pattayaphotoguide.com/?SLwRUtYskcPF9CGA

This market where you can sit and eat a lot of really good Thai food is where all the LB’s from the apartment where Dear stays, like to congregate, and a favorite spot for them to eat daily. It was handy for us as well, being just across the road from our hotel. Then I picked up a couple of barbecued chickens, from the little stall outside the R-Con hotel, gave one to the security guys on duty in the hotel car park, and one for the maids, keeping them sweet, for a couple of bucks.

Later that evening we arranged to meet up with the ‘Old Turk’ in the ‘Blue Dragon’.

http://www.pattayaphotoguide.com/?fFxRUTgrkchA7CAA

So the three of us were sitting there watching the world go by, then a little street seller came into the bar selling those wooden carvings of dragons etc. She had been tired walking all day and night, selling these items, and in her hand was a very nice eagle perched on a branch, with its wing spread out, “How much is that girl?” “2,800 baht!” “Ok I give you 150 baht!” Well I thought the girl was going to cry, and wouldn’t go any lower that 2,500 baht. Just then Billy said, “Be careful Paul!... It might be made of compressed paper!.... I see them selling them on the beach every day!” “Really Billy!... I got a few of them a couple of years ago, but they were solid wood!... the only difference is these are not varnished like the ones I got!” Anyway she wouldn’t budge, and I wouldn’t budge from my offer of 150 baht, so off she went.

About an hour later she came back and said, “Ok 800 baht!” Remembering what Billy just warned me about, I still wouldn’t budge, then she came down to 200 baht, so my final offer was 150 baht and a lipo from the bar, which she accepted. With Billy shouting at the same time, “Don’t buy it Paul it might be paper!” “Billy I only paid 150 baht for it!” “Oh! Well then it’s probably worth it even if it is paper!.... how the fuck did you get her from 2,800 down to 150 baht!... Man, remind me not to try and sell you any shirts….. You’ll be taking the food out of my mouth next!”

Then he gave me a little tip, by pouring a little drop of water on it some place, then you will soon know if its paper or not, which I could of done right there in the bar, with a drop of beer or soft drink, but I’m sure they won’t let you attempt it, and do a runner. A few drinks more and we let Billy get on with his hunt, and as it was a long day, we stopped to get some food to take back to the room, and headed back to the hotel.

Parked the bike, and just as we were passing reception heading to our room, the receptionist came running out with something in her hand, “Sir! Sir! Lady leave this present for you in reception!.... from lady name Apple!” And handed me a fancy box with hearts all over it, tied up with a pink ribbon and bow, attached was a letter. Well I was a bit embarrassed with Dear standing there, thinking that this is going to cause a fight, but Dear just said, “Now I understand how Apple feels!” and just carried on to the room, so I put the present in my suitcase, and didn’t want to read the letter in front of Dear, thinking it might upset her.

Unpacked the eagle, and put a drop of water on a little part of it’s tail, and sure enough I watched it blister into a soggy lump, and was able to remover that piece with my finger nail. Later I had to give Billy credit for that tip, and he gave me credit for the haggling. I was going to give it to one of the maids, but Dear liked it, and didn’t give a shit what it was made of, so I gave it to her instead.

[pdogg]

It was surprising to know the names of very popular LB’s, who regularly go there to pick up Thai guys for the night, after a long day in the ST rooms.

One of these clubs is Nab, not really my cup o tea, but probably interesting to see once. Not really the type of place you'd want to go alone or even with a ladyboy or a mate as most people there are part of bigger tables. Think one of those monster draft taps of Heineken is 800 baht.

Even more surprisng are the karoke joints such as the Soi Chaiyapoon scene where girls who have been hooking all day long go and barfine a Thai pretty boy.

Great stuff Paul!

[paultain]

One of these clubs is Nab, not really my cup o tea, but probably interesting to see once. Not really the type of place you'd want to go alone or even with a ladyboy or a mate as most people there are part of bigger tables. Think one of those monster draft taps of Heineken is 800 baht.

Even more surprisng are the karoke joints such as the Soi Chaiyapoon scene where girls who have been hooking all day long go and barfine a Thai pretty boy.

Great stuff Paul!

Your too right PDogg, glad to hear some one else knows about these places. I was in that karaoke joint, and it amazed me what goes on there.... it's like a cattle market, when they parade the the pretty Thai boys out (no girls), and sort of auction them off for the night...... one more point to make later, and this myth about "I don't like Thai man" is busted.

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 14

Dropped some laundry off with an old lady I knew around the corner, then took Dear for breakfast, and then thought I should get a memory card from Tukcom, and wile we were there Dear stopped at a stall where a lot of the LB’s go to get their perfume, but with a difference. The lady, who owned the stall, actually makes up the perfume on the spot, from mixing a large selection of different basic odors, which the customer would select a few, with the help of the lady, then she would mix them in to a fancy spray bottle.

Dear had been coming to this lady for a few years now, and knew her particular combination, and asked the lady to make it up, in a small bottle which was 400 baht, which she was about to pay for herself. But then I saw a larger bottle, which was 650 baht to fill, so I told the lady to fill that one, and reminded Dear that anything she needed I would buy, but she argued that the large bottle was too expensive, but me with my silver tongue got it for 400 baht.

Now Dear is looking at me funny, because all these years, she and her friends have always come to this lady for their perfume, and never once got a discount, as it was in a shopping mall and usually you had to pay what was on the price tag, unlike the open markets where you could haggle. Not only that, but a farang being able to do it, when they are Thai and can’t, and I still managed to walk away, with the lady owner laughing her head off shouting, “Don’t tell anybody you got it for that price!”

Then we went over to the Royal Garden Plaza, to do a bit of window shopping, when we passed an old lady standing by a stall inside the mall, selling natural scented oils, handmade soaps, and what I was more interested in was a pain killer spray made from natural material, and as I suffer from chronic bursitis in both shoulders, I’m always looking out for new things for it. Thinking I might be on a roll here, this silver tongue (in Thai) went to work, “Hi mother, how are you?..... What you got there darling?” and managed to get a bottle of that pain relief spray, a bottle of jasmine scented massage oil for later, at around 100 baht discount, with a couple of free bars of hand made soap thrown in, as I didn’t want to go too hard on the old lady, and Dear once again giving me funny looks.

Went back to the hotel, and got changed to join Fie Dollah & Tar by the pool, where I mentioned to him that I think I had a stalker, and told him about the night before getting a gift from Apple. Thinking this might be a good opportunity to see what was in it, and read the letter, wile showing it to Fie Dollah, without upsetting Dear who was nattering away to Tar, I went back to the room and picked it up.

We opened it to find a bit of an up market shirt in it, and then opened the letter, which read; (Which I still have in front of me here)

Attn: Mr. Black Heart,

Someone is thinking and dream about you. I hope you remember me I’m Apple, work bar Soi six. I wait for you everyday, I want to see you again, you good for me. I want to say thank you.

I give something for you, I hope you like it. When you have free time, can you come see me?

I wish you happy all the time.

Apple

Then Dear read it without getting upset, and again saying, “I know how she feels!” then it was put back in the suitcase for the rest of the holidays. Shortly after that the rest of the BM’s came to visit, and although the were 4 of us staying at the hotel, the pool became a meeting point for the rest, stopping by to give an account of what happened to them the night before, and to make plans for that evening.

[paultain]

Three other BM’s came round, ‘OTS’, who was a true gentleman and a wise one, ‘Shanksy’, who was a young guy that had his head screwed on the right way, very street wise, and there was nothing he didn’t know about the LB scene. Shanksy had to take ‘FatboyUK’ under his wing to teach him some of the ropes, because FatboyUK was a bit depressed, as he was there now 4 nights and slept alone.

He thought there was some sort of LB conspiracy against him, because as he walked into places like La bamba, or EZY, all the girls left him alone. But I think it was because he came into those places with a crowd of BM’s, which they do leave alone, to get on with a laugh and a drink, and only pouncing on strays that come in alone. He also had a little moan about the 600 baht a night room he was staying, in the older part of the hotel, which actually was good value, and wanted to check out. But Fie Dollah quietly told me they had arranged something that would cheer him up a couple of nights later. And of course ‘Big REV’, is still lying in his pit, recovering from the night before, so Fie Dollah used REV’s motorbike to do a bit of shopping that morning.

Before we all went our separate ways, I told Fie Dollah we were off on an adventure the next day, and it was best he rented out his own bike in case REV needed his, as we would be away for most of the day. But he could do what ever he liked that evening as we could go anytime we liked, going by bike.

Early that evening wile driving around trying to make my mind up where to have dinner, I spotted Billy having a beer at Di Di’s bar, and stopped for a quick one, when Billy gave me some bad news. The LB Buddha himself ‘Gizmo’ had taken ill and had been in hospital for two days, and we were a bit worried, as Gizmo was still recovering from a heart attack a few months before. The information Billy got was vague, and he was going to find out more wile Dear and I went to dinner, and after that we would meet up in the ‘Blue Dragon’, to go visit Gizmo, at what ever hospital he was in.

So after dinner Dear and I sat in the Blue Dragon waiting for Billy, when a flaunting, tall, full of herself LB came strutting in and sat beside us (Yes it was Benz). I got her a drink, but she waited until Dear went to the toilet, when her conversation changed with, "I super star.... I get 4000 baht ST!" So I laughed, and just to wind her up a bit pointed to Dear as she came back and said, "She's a famous porn star, and she only gets 1000 baht LT, but she is with me 2 weeks now, and I keep her one more week, till the end of my holiday..... we go everywhere together, and everyday we travel to nice places, swimming pool, restaurants, music bars, shows, shopping etc.

You on the other hand, sleep all day in your room alone, and in the evening you FL from bar to bar, until about 5am - 6am, and most times you go home with nothing!

Dear has got this last two weeks 14,000 baht from me, a percentage from the 14 x 500 baht bar-fines, and still has 14 days salary from her boss, and when she needs anything I buy for her, and she have very good holiday! ......... How much you get from customer this last two weeks?????" She flicked her hair, "Emmmm, emmmm!... I not talk with you anymore!...... You know too much!" "Good! I don't want to laugh too much!"

Then Billy arrived, “Well did you find out anything about Gizmo?” “Yes Paul!... He’s out of hospital and now back in the hotel but is not able to come out!” “Well shall we go visit him to see how he is doing?” “No, no, Paul! We’ll only disturb him!” “Why’s that then?” “Well I found out that two LB’s from Di Di’s, are taking real good care of him, if you know what I mean!..... They are doing shifts!.... one is taking care of him during the day, and the other is taking care of him at night!...... So if we go to visit him, we would most likely be disturbing his bedroom activities!... After all Paul!... that’s what he has come for, and not to see us!” “Yes your right Billy!... best to leave him, and let him get on with it!... maybe we will meet up with him at a bar later, when he feels better!”

So we had a beer in a couple of bars in Soi 8, before letting Billy get on with his hunt, as it was his last night before his girlfriend arrived by early morning bus, from up-country. I told him Fie Dollah was dying to meet up with him the last few days, so I arranged for all six of us to go out to dinner the following night. Then we parted, and Dear and I had an early night picking up a snack on the way back to the hotel. In the room I plugged in a memory stick with some music, which included some of my own music, that I did a few years back on the PC, using my guitar and drum loops, but I’m embarrassed about my singing, as the cigarettes have taken their toll, and I sound like a fog horn now. And of course Dear is giving me those strange looks again, so I explained to her, that anybody, and everybody can do this alone on their PC, that there were millions of young and old all over the world doing this, but it was just a hobby that anyone can do.

Although the music was rubbish in my opinion, she said she liked it, and wanted me to burn it on CD for her, but I guess she just wanted something personal from me. Then from the same stick, I had some favorite Thai songs, and one of them I sang along too for a laugh. Now doing a bit of haggling, ordering stuff, or having a little laugh in Thai is one thing, but to sing a whole Thai song is another (of course I’ve been practicing of years), and again I got the strange looks from Dear.

Then I got from my suitcase the last 3 books I had to deliver early the next morning, put them in a plastic bag, and left them on the table by the door so I wouldn’t forget them, which I should have delivered days before. Then curious Dear said, “What’s all this about books?... I see Fie Dollah have, and Billy have also!... what is this book?” “Oh!...this my book I write myself!” “What?” Again the strange looks, but turning into a confusing expression. I suddenly realized that I might be giving the impression that I was well off, so I had to quickly explain about the whole ‘in’s and out’s’ of the book, that again, anybody (right down to old grandma publishing her recipes) can do it themselves, and actually costs them more and not the other way around. That the book originally was done by accident, that really started off as a joke, and that all the profits went to the orphanage in Pattaya, so I was still the poor man, but it was my way of making merit.

Dear now understood it all, and with a funny expression said, “You can do this, you can do that, you can do everything!....... Is there anything you can’t do?” “Yes!........ Take it up the ass!”

(Oh! I forgot to tell her I’m a bit of an artist also…but I didn’t want to over do it)

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 15 (A long day)

Up bright and breezy the next morning, to find Fie Dollah sorting a bike out in the car park with Da. And then off we set out, first filling the bikes with a couple of whiskey bottles of petrol, from the shoe repair shop next door to the hotel.

Now the reason why I prefer to go to the crocodile farm by bike is, if you go by mini bus from the hotel, you will be doing the rounds of a few hotels until the bus is full, it will cost 650 baht per person, and you are timed, as you can stay only so long in the park before getting the mini bus back, of course waiting on the stragglers before leaving the park, and then the chances are you would be dropped of at your hotel last.

But going by bike, it’s only 9 kilometers away; a whiskey bottle of petrol at 30 baht can take you there and back; you can go anytime you like; the entrance fee is 300 baht for a farang, and 150 baht for a Thai (but you must not simply say 2 persons or they will charge you for 2 farangs!.... you must say 1 farang, and 1 Thai = 450 baht for the two of you!) so that plus the petrol is now 480 baht for the two of you, V’s 1,300 baht going by mini bus. Even if you add the 100-150 bike rental, you still saving more than half, but you can go when you feel like it, and stay in the park as long as you like also, but then, you still got the bike for the rest of the day to use.

Anyway I thought I’d take a different road from the last time, and went through Naklua, but hit the Sukhumwit highway just that little bit off the mark, for the right turn off the highway to the farm. Not realizing that the turn off was only a few meters away; I stopped to ask a Thai where it was, which was basically across the lanes of the highway, and I said to myself, ‘holly shit’ as we didn’t have much of a run to cross the three lanes, with those mad bastards driving like crazy down them.

So I took a big gulp, and said to Fie Dollah, “Right follow me!” and put the boot down across the three lanes to the traffic lights for the little turn off lane, and stopped in relief as the light was red. Fie Dollah came up and stopped along side me, “I think I’ve just shit myself Paul!” “What?” “I’ve never been so fucking frightened in all my life Paul!” “Ahk sure! If ya can’t beat them join them!..... Mind you!... that was the easy part!” “Ya fucking what!” I was thinking how I was going to get the Brummie Midget on a crocodile.

http://www.thaistonepark.org/index.html

The year before there were new roads being built the rest of the way, so I thought it might be confusing this time, but we got there, just slightly over shooting one turn off. Paid the entrance fee (1 farang + 1 Thai each) and started at the gate, where the fossilized Trees millions of years old stood, and took a few photos as we strolled through the bonsai garden, and waterfall.

Passing the aviaries with exotic birds in them, we went to feel the giant cat fish, which some of them weigh up to 500kg, and it was like feeding bloody sharks. Then on to the crocodile breeding tanks, where young crocodiles are separated into different age groups. Of course I was doing the tour guide again, and took them to feed the crocodiles in the swamp part. Dear and Fie Dollah enjoyed it, but Tar kept running 20 meters every time a crocodile would rise out of the water and snap his jaws, at the chicken caucus that was tied to the end of rope on a bamboo fishing pole that we where all teasing them with, just to see who was quicker than who, us or the croc’s.

Right now, off to the tigers to test this Brummie out before we hit the crocodile show, “Right Dear get your ass down there by the tiger, for some photos!..... Fie Dollah is next!” “Am I fuck Paul!” “Ahk man catch yourself on boy!..... It’s only a big pussy cat!” Then Tar had a go, and I had to shame him into it, “Come on ya big pussy!.... get your ass down there, we haven’t got all day boy!” “Well all right then!.... but thank fuck I got my running shoes on, just in case!” “You’re all right there man!..... they get a big feed in the mornings!……Anyway, they don’t like eating English men, as they recon they taste too bad, because of the bad diet you fuckers eat!...... just tell him your English, and he’ll soon leave you alone!”

[paultain]

Day 15 (continued)

The next stop which I always ignore was the little tiger cubs, and as soon as the girls saw them, they just fell in love with them, and begged for a photo, when Fie Dollah turned to me, “You’re a fucker Paul!” “What now!” “You didn’t tell me there were little one’s also!... Instead of me risking my life, with that big stripy thing the size of a horse over there!” “Well get your ass down there then!” “Naaa! It’s too fucking late now! … I’ve done the real thing now, and that would be a bit of an anti climax now!” As he grinned, and stuck out his chest.

After a quick look at the bears, which seemed to be in a bad condition, I checked the time for the next crocodile show, which there are 7 throughout the day, and as one just finished, we had time to go and eat, as Dear is rubbing her stomach again, so we all headed up to the restaurant there, to get a bit of crocodile down our throats. Some time I forget my self when chumming around with Thai’s, and some times I let them take the lead, as Thai’s in Thailand should know better.

Because, the restaurant there has an inside part, and an outside part, and I’ve always ate outside by the old lady who has a little kitchen/stall set up there, and cooks great tasty crocodile dishes for around 30 baht. But the only ones I see going inside are bus loads of Japanese/Taiwanese tourists being herded around like buffalo, and of course when you see that, you know it’s a high priced tourist trap.

So just as I was pulling a seat outside, the girls automatically went inside, because someone mentioned ‘air-condition’ because that someone was sweating his fat ass off after driving there, has been walking around for an hour or so, and as it’s around midday now, the heat of the sun was starting to get to the poor boy. (And we all know who I’m talking about) As I’ve never been inside before, I thought what can go wrong, and followed the rest in.

Cold drinks were ordered first, and THEN the fucking menu came. I nearly shit myself looking at the prices in it, which ranged from the starter of ‘crocodile soup’ at 300 baht a bowl and the rest of the dishes that averaged 600 baht up. And to top that off, only half the things on the menu were available, so I asked them didn’t they have a fucking cook then. But Fie Dollah wanted to try out a bit of crocodile, so fuck them, we ordered two starters; the crocodile soup, and deep fried crocodile in batter which I think was 450 baht, so that we didn’t get fleeced too much, and the girls ordered a couple of overpriced Thai dishes, and the four of us shared the lot. Thank fuck the show was about to start, as I couldn’t sit in there any longer.

Well we got into the show just in time, when Fie Dollah realized by the surroundings, that he has seen this place before, “Hey Paul!.... I’ve seen this on U-Tube!” So he got his new-fangled high-tec contraption of a phone, hooked up to the internet, and got the video he was talking about wile the show was going on. “Look! Look!” showing the girls the crocodile in a death roll, with the Thai guy’s arm in it’s mouth, and there’s me sitting there waiting for the show to end, so I could drag Dear and his fat ass in for a photo.

As soon as the show was over, I almost had to drag Dear by the back of the neck in among the crocodiles, after his nib’s had shown her the video. I had to ask the guy could I go in with her, as she wasn’t going in alone, and I knew I would take a better photo up close, than from the safety of the outside of the barrier, where Mr. Chicken-shit was taking his photos.

So I stood there just in front of its opened jaws, and took the first photo of Dear, which I thought was actually sitting on the crocodile, but then I got down on my knees and got a bit closer to its jaws, to get a close up, when I noticed this clown Dear’s ass and hands were hovering about 3 inches in the air above the crocodile, afraid to sit and touch it. “Hey! Get your ass down on it properly girl! Or I won’t take another photo until you do!......... And hurry up!..... I don’t know what this crocodile had for breakfast, but it’s breath stinks!”

(Mr. Chicken-shits photo…. He might as well had taken it from his home in Birmingham )

[paultain]

Day 15 (continued)

After I got over that hurdle, now all I have to do is get his fat as in. So I just come out and looked at him only, “There’s no fucking way I’m going in there Paul!” “Come on it’s your turn!” “No fucking way!” Wile standing there trying to convince him, it was a once in a life-time experience, and that he would be twice the man for it, “Twice the man you say!.... I’m worried about coming out of there half a man, with the rest of me down that fuckers throat Paul!”

So wile we were standing there arguing, just then a little English 6 year old boy and his 9 year old sister, who were waiting in line thinking Fie Dollah was going in next, but got fed up waiting, and politely pushed through us saying, “Excuse me sir!… if Mr. Chicken here is not going to do it, then me and my sister will!” and carried on inside followed by their mother who stopped and asked me, “Is it allowed if I go in with my kids to take photos?” “Ahk aye missus!.... just hold your breath when your in there, because that crocodile’s breath is stinking!.... I don’t know what he’s been eating, but my guess he’s been eating up at that high priced restaurant we just been too!” And all three went in to take photo’s, so I turned to ‘Fie Dollah’ and said, “That’s a fucking disgrace… letting little 6 and 9 year old kids show you up!” But I had to laugh at his response, “Aye Paul!.... But kids know no fear!”

Outside we got some ice cream, before taking a stroll around the rest of the place, when Dear disappeared into the shop, and came out with a silly ‘Orange fish hat’ on her head, which she bought herself, and carried on the rest of the tour with that silly hat on, which was quite comical. The girls fed the elephants bananas in the elephant compound, walked around other enclosures with different animals in, went over the crocodile enclosures buy the bridge there, until we came to an enclosure right at the back of the restaurant we were fleeced in, which had about 30 crocodiles all with missing legs and tails. Fie Dollah turned to me and said, “Well at least we know the meat was fresh we just had!” “What are you on about?” “Well look at it Paul!... The enclosure is right at the back of the fucking kitchen of the restaurant we just ate in!” “Oh yeh! I see what you mean!..... Probably that’s why only half the menu was on today!” “Why’s that Paul?” “The guy, who cuts the legs and tails off, has got the day off!”

We slowly made our way back to the gates, stopping for a photo from time to time, and Dear still acting the clown posing with the silly hat on. Thank God, she had to wear a crash helmet for the bike, or I would be a laughing stock driving through the towns, with her on the back with that bloody fish hat on.

On the way back, which was the opposite direction we came, and coming up to the finished new roads, I knew I had to make a turning at a junction but couldn’t remember which way, so I told Dear to watch out for the signs (in Thai) to Pattaya. Came to the junction, when Dear shouts out, “Go right!” And of course I follow her directions with Fie Dollah & Tar following us. Going up this one-way road I realized we were going the opposite direction towards Bangkok, “You silly cow! We’re going to Bangkok!” Realizing her mistake jokingly nudged me in the ribs and said, “What’s wrong with Bangkok?... What you got against Bangkok?” And knowing she was from Bangkok, I answered, “Bangkok’s full of stupid people, who don’t know their right from their left!”

Then about 2 or 3 kilometers up this road, it just came to a dead end, as the road hadn’t been completed yet, and as I stopped, Fie Dollah pulled up along side, and gave me one of his looks, with a cheeky smile, “It wasn’t me Fie Dollah!.... it was this silly cow here!” And Dear laugh and said to him, “What the problem!.... he not want to go Bangkok, because he have something against Bangkok…. Ha, ha, ha!” Fie Dollah said, “We’re on holidays Paul!.... we’re not doing anything better, so we’ll just take a bit of the sights in!” I looked directly behind me, and saw the skylight of the Pattaya high-rises, and as the one way road was not in use, we went back down it to the junction where we saw the sign to Pattaya ‘in English’.

[paultain]

Day 15 (continued)

Back at the hotel we managed to get a few hours in by the pool, where a couple of the lads came by and asked where had we been, when Fie Dollah said to them, “We’ve been out all day at the crocodile farm, and it was a great day out, and I totally enjoyed it!...... Look!... I even got my photo taken sitting with a great big tiger!” As he proudly, stuck out his chest, showing them the photo from his camera. “Lads don’t let him tell you how brave he was sitting with a big furry pussy cat!...... Mr. Chicken-shit here was too afraid to sit on a crocodile!.... and the worst of it all, was a 6 year old boy and his 9 year old sister, had to do it for him, and took his place!” Fie Dollah retaliated with, “Well it wasn’t me who got us lost on the way back!...... this stupid Irish tour guide, had us almost in Bangkok!..... I knew there was something wrong when I could see the Nana Plaza, ahead in the distance!” “It wasn’t me!... it was her over there with the stupid hat on!”

Took Dear around the corner to the little dress shops at the entrance of the New Plaza, and let her pick out a dress for that evening, which I think were 500 baht, but fuck knows what I got it for, then Dear and Tar went to the salon to touch up their hair. Then that evening we all met up in Di Di’s, this time Billy was with his girlfriend, and discussed where we were going to eat, which they left up to me, so I suggested the ‘Green Bottle’ for a steak, because one of us in the crowd….. And I’m not saying who… fancied a good steak tonight, just to wash down the crocodile. So the four of us skipped over there on our bikes, and Billy and his girlfriend followed in a baht bus.

The 6 of us all sat around a table, but not in couples, so that the girls would have a chatter, and having tried all the steaks in there, I recommended the best and most tender, which funny enough was almost the least expensive, so when the poor mid 40’s waiter came to take our orders, all 6 of us decided to have the steak, which was only the beginning of this waiters problem.

I know what you’re thinking; what’s the big deal with 6 steaks? Well I’ll tell you!

To confuse the waiter, it was randomly ordered that 1 wanted it rare, 3 wanted it medium, and 2 wanted it well done. To confuse him even more, the same steak was done in 4 different styles, plain, peppered sauce, mushroom sauce, and some other sauce, and of course all 4 styles were randomly ordered. And to confuse him even more, there were a few choices of what went with the steak, chips, baked potato, salad, etc. etc. And of course all was randomly selected. I could see it wasn’t going so good for the waiter, as he took a long time at the table scratching his head.

When the plates finally came, it was like a game of musical chairs, only with plates, “This is rare!.... that must be yours!” “I didn’t order a peppered steak…. Who did?” “I didn’t order chips!” And as soon as we sorted that out, we started to get stuck in, only to find Billy’s girlfriend didn’t get anything at all, and she sat there of 5 minutes thinking it was still being cooked, when Billy asked her, “Did you order a very well done steak or something?” “No! I wanted the rare one!” “Hey man! Where’s her steak?” “Oh! Oh! Very sorry sir!” “How do you make out that 6 people only eat 5 dinners?..... is it the miracle of the loaves and fishes or something?” “Very sorry sir!... I get it right away!” “Here! She wants it rare!...... so just take it out of the fridge and put it on a plate, it will save time!”

After dinner, we all walked up the second road to the ‘Malibu Cabaret’ to finish off the evening with a show. On the way up we started to pass the usual Indian tailor nuisances, trying to pull customers off the street. Fie Dollah and I were walking on ahead, with Billy and the girls 3 meters behind us, when one of the Indian tailors was just about to give the two of us a sales pitch, when Fie Dollah pointed back at Billy and said, “Sorry mate we brought our own tailor with us!” Man that just shut the tailor up before he even got a word out, with Billy shouting after us, “What was that?...... somebody talking about me?” Passing a very confused looking Indian tailor, who for a change, didn’t have anything more to say, as soon as he saw Billy. He probably thought Billy was too much stiff competition, and didn’t want to steal Billy’s customers.

Then we reached the Malibu, and the whole tribe of us parked ourselves at the bar, and although it’s mainly a LB show, we were getting more attention from the couples that were in there. We treated the girls to cocktails, but as Fie Dollah and I , were tired from a long busy day, and bloated from the dinner, we thought it best to join the girls and sip on a cocktail also, wile watching the show. On the other hand, Billy ordered a beer as he had done fuck-all the whole day only sit in his deckchair on the beach.

Billy’s LB radar spotted a few LB’s in uniform, standing by a set of steps, trying to entice customers up them, which is now a new LB massage place, above the Malibu, and gave us a nudge about it, wile having a moan about the show wasn’t as good as when it was on the second road, which I totally agreed with him. Then Fie Dollah started to notice the stares from the guys with their Thai wives and girlfriends, “Look at those fuckers staring at us with the girls, instead of watching the show!” And I said, “Aye! The fuckers are wishing they were in our shoes!” Then ‘Tonto Billy’ butts in, “They are only looking at you two fucking gay-lords, sipping you fucking cocktails like two old women!..... At least one of us is a real man, drinking a mans drink!” as he waved his bottle of beer in the air, shouting, “I’m not with these fucking gay-lords!..... I just sat beside them by accident!”

Come midnight, tired, and as the show wasn’t up to scratch, we all agreed to hit the hay after that one drink, even old Billy found it hard to keep his eyes open, and he had done fuck-all, but mind you, when you reach that age, the going get tougher.

[Guest Fiedollah]

The real picture of Paul and Deer getting ready for there night out. :D

[Guest Fiedollah]

Glad to see the report over on here Paul, good times buddy

roll on june 2011

[paultain]

Glad to see the report over on here Paul, good times buddy

roll on june 2011

Cheers my good buddy, anything to help out this forum. Just got finished the whole boat trip on the other 3 Str8 forums, and got this this morning;

"Sometimes i read your posts and think surely this cant be true, then you prove it with the pictures. Best trip report Ive read on here, much better than the usual ones."

LOL...... We better out do the last one, on this up coming trip!

I'm going to see if I can put it on the members section, than the advanced section, so you can read it, but see the reaction of all the members.

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 16

Just a bit of shopping that morning after breakfast, and as the football was still going on, when in the 7/11 I spotted a bunch of giant whistles, with all the team flags on them, but the mouth piece of them must have been 3-4 inches wide, which would be very difficult to get in your mouth, but I automatically thought about FatboyUK, and his moaning, and his surprise party was the next night. So I got it to present it to him at the party, just for a laugh.

I was talking to Dear about a couple of classic Thai movies I liked, but she had never saw or knew about them. One was ‘6ixtynine9’ a black comedy (& suspense) and old now, which is about a girl who just lost her job at a bank, and when back to her room to contemplate suicide, but as she closed her door of room number ‘6’ which had a screw missing, and as she closed the door hard, the number being loose swings down to the number ‘9’. The mafia had to deliver a few million baht cash to some dude in number ‘9’, but left it outside her door instead, range the bell, and disappeared as per instructions, which only was the start of her problems. (This movie I recommend to anyone to watch, as it is well done and the story is well written, and I’ve often wondered why Hollywood didn’t steal it before now, just like they did with ‘Bangkok Dangerous’ and fucked it up.)

The other was a year old, ‘The Queens of Lankazuka’ which revolves around a historical delivery of Dutch cannons to south Thailand in the 13th century, and all the folk lore & myths, that was involved in that part of Thai history. A bit like ‘Lord of the Rings’ with very good graphics in it. (Well that’s my Barry Norman for the day!)

Anyway we drove all around the usual places to get them for an early night in the room, but nobody had them. Then we spent the whole afternoon by the pool with Fie Dollah and Tar, relaxing from the day before, and we had the party the next night. The usual BM’s collected there for the daily meeting, FatboyUK got his room changed to the new block I was in, but still had a moan, but ‘lord and behold’ Big REV, actually got his ass out of bed, and spent the afternoon with us, which was the only day he did.

After dinner Dear and I met up with Billy and his girl in Di Di’s, where Billy and I had a laugh, with a fellow BM ‘Ericeric’ to whom I mistaken for another BM (sorry Eric), wile the girls gossiped. During this time Billy jokingly made a statement, “Every body knows me in Pattaya!” “What do you mean Billy?” “Well every time I come here, there are always BM’s coming up to me that I’ve never saw or known before asking, ‘Aren’t you Billy?’” “Yeh! Right Billy!” But funny enough a guy with his girlfriend (which we thought was a real girl) came into the bar, and stood at the other side of the bar, where he couldn’t keep his eyes off us. Billy and I noticed this, and thought he was staring at us because we were with a couple of LB’s.

As we carried on the conversation the stranger’s stares got more intense with sometimes a smile, and we thought if the guy keeps this up we must have a chat with him. But just then the stranger made his way around the bar to us, walked right up to Billy and said, “Excuse me I don’t mean to be rude!.... But aren’t you Billy?” “Ha, ha, ha! See I told you ….you Irish twat!...... I’m the number ‘1’ around here!” The stranger introduced himself as a fellow BM (I forget his name) and fellow Irish man, so we asked him and his girlfriend to join us, where he introduced a passable LB.

Billy carried on the conversation with, “No worries man!... I get it all the time!... guys are always coming up to me and recognizing me!” I was busy retaliating with wise cracks, when this stranger asked me who I was, “Oh! I’m Paultain!” “Oh my God!” and grabbed my hand with both of his and gave me a strong hand shake, “I never thought I’d have the privilege of meeting up with the famous Paultain!” then bowed with his hands stretched out in a ‘I am not worthy’ mode, with Billy looking at him with the expression, ‘What the fuck is going on!’ So I carried on the wise cracks, “Ha, ha, ha!... you see now you old Turk, you have just been demoted too number ‘2’ now!”

Anyway the fellow BM was a very nice gentleman, and had been on the scene for years, and a few drinks and laughs later, we all went our separate ways. Just to test the water with Dear about a 3-som, so we agreed I would take her to a GG ago-go bar, then she would take me to her favorite ago-go. So first I took her to an ago-go bar in Soi Post Office, where the girls dance nude there, where I wound up Dear about eating pussy, but to tell the truth, I was never so bored with the dancers, even though they were naked on stage, so we just had the one there.

Then Dear wanted to go to Obsessions where she worked before to meet up with some old friends, which I was never in there before. I was weary of the bad reports about the place, of bill padding and the mamasans in there, but as we went in and sat down, the (LB) mamasan just passed and simply gave me a nod as if to say, ‘Oh it’s you!... I will not be going near you anytime soon!’ But I think she was too busy fleecing a couple of Japanese guys that just walked in a little wile after us.

We got a drink for a couple of her close friends that came down from dancing, and Dear double checking the bill every time one was put in the pot. I told Dear I heard a lot of bad shit about the place, and about the mamasan in there, which I thought was the LB mamasan, but Dear told me that mamasan was trouble, but the worst one was over there, and pointed to an old lady in the distance, and described her as the real big mafia.

Sure enough it wasn’t long until big mafia came over, in the disguise of saying hi to Dear, then automatically asking me to buy her a drink. So after telling (all in Thai) her to fuck-off, that it might be my first time in here, it might be my last, that I was well aware of the bill padding, and the goings on in the place. So she apologetically, left our company quite sharp-ish, which Dear quite enjoyed. Dear then introduced me to what she described as a good mamasan, so I got her a drink instead, without her asking, just to wound up big mafia, who was giving me funny looks from the distance.

Then we called into Stringfellows on the way back to the hotel, where I found ‘Jen’ and Dear were very close friends, which Jen took Dear under her wings, and looked after her when she first came on the P4P scene in Pattaya. Of course Jen sits there with her tits out and a hard-on poking out of her skimpy G-string, I think just to wind me up as I was the only one there.

Then we went for some Thai food at the market in Soi Bukhao, just around the corner from the hotel, where as we were eating I mentioned it was a pity we couldn’t get those Thai movies we spent all day looking for. When Dear pointed over to an old guy selling DVD’s at the back of the market, and when we finished eating, we went over to take a look, but no sooner I asked the old guy about the two movies, in a split second he handed me both of them without much effort.

So back in the room I let Dear watch one in a doggy position saying, “Never mind what I’m doing…. Watch the bloody movie!”

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 17 (The party)

Today Dear and I went for breakfast, and a bit of long shopping until just after midday, and came back to the pool to find nobody there, so we just had a swim. When back to the room, showered and got into bed for the usual midday session, when Dear said she was too tired. Without any qualms about it, I simply got up and started to dress again, “Where are you going Paul?” “Short-time!” “What? Short time!...Why?” “Well if you are too tired!..... I’ll get somebody who’s not!” Got the keys of the bike and walked out.

Drove around to Pooks Soi 6, when all the guys where in there for an afternoon session. Fie Dollah, OTS, FatboyUK, Shanksy, and a couple of other guys including Pacman who just arrived. Now I’m paying for each beer as I go, because of getting shafted the night I got bill padded, and Suzy comes to me, “Remember me?” comical as usual, but I wasn’t having none of it, “Why you not talk to me Paul?” “Because it’s too fucking expensive to talk to you!....... and you know what I mean!” She just laughed but just couldn’t say anything, and guilt was written all over her face, as I still think she was in on the whole thing also. So fuck her, she was in the ‘no-go zone’.

After a few beers we all decided to do a bit of bar hopping, so we split up into two groups, Fie Dollah, OTS, and me in one, and the rest in another, leaving Pacman there to hold the fort at Pooks. The tree of us started at ‘Lucky Love’ but didn’t bother going in as there was just a couple of LB’s on duty, and pretty dead being it was early afternoon. So we crossed the road and started our bar hop in one of the bars there, working our way up the street, with Shanksy popping into every second bar we were in for a laugh, as he was still looking after FatboyUK, but Fatboy had problems with his visa card, and was running around trying to get some cash.

Each time the tree of us went into a bar, I told Fie Dollah I would be left alone, and sure enough each bar we went into, three girls would latch onto us, but who ever tried to latch onto me, was gone in 60 seconds, wile the other two lads were getting the usual fondling. This is because of a combination of stone face, accidentally speaking Thai, and a Buddha amulet, giving off the vibe, ‘this fucker has been here too long, and knows too much’. But there was one 45 year old that had a fantastic body and a good looking, in one of the first bars, that did have the courage to chat me up, who I would have no trouble shagging.

In mid stream, half way up the street, we ventured into ‘Pat’s Bar’, which we were greeted by a big Amazon type LB at the door, but carried on in and sat at the bar. A couple of minutes later Shanksy came in, but only got as far as inside the door, when he started to have a laugh with the big LB, who he knew quite well. The three of us sitting at the bar were trying to have an intelligent conversation, when I noticed the old lady cashier/mamasan hiding her eyes with her hands, and giggling. I turn around towards the door to see what all the commotion was all about, any to see Shanksy standing there getting a blow-job from the big LB who was on her knees.

“Look at this fucker here!” I told the other two guys, where we just burst out laughing. A couple of minutes later, more commotion and laughter, and we turned round to see now Shanksy on his knees giving the LB a blow-job. Now OTS is pre occupied with a little cutie and a boner, and again fie Dollah and I looked round to see Shanksy behind the LB, who was now bent over the bar, giving her one up the ass, with the mamasan in tears of laughter. A few minutes later, we looked again, to find the LB had Shanksy bent over the bar, giving him one up the ass.

“For Fuck sake! Will you two get a room!” Fie Dollah calls out, and just then a customer was just about to enter the curtain door only to be greeted by the sight of Shanksy’s big ass getting pounded, and walked out again, with the expression on his face, ‘Fuck me the girls are a bit too wild in here…. Their even fucking the customers as they come in…… fuck that I’m off!’ Shanksy came over laughing when he was finished, and explained, “We are old mates!..... I tried to get her into the toilets for a ST at 500 baht, but we didn’t get that far!.... It worked out better, because that only cost me a drink!”

We dragged OTS from his cutie and boner out of there to continue the bar hop, where a bar later I ran into the 45 year old again. Then as we were running out of time, we got to the last bar on that side of the street, but didn’t have time to do the other side because of the party that night. But in the last bar I ran into the 45 year old again, “Fuck me Fie Dollah!... I think I got another stalker!” “Your right Paul! That’s the same one alright!” So this time I got her a drink just for the effort, where I asked her did she shave, and to prove it, where it ended up the three of us standing at the bar, her with her jeans down to her knees, and Fie Dollah and I inspecting her pussy, with a bottle of beer in one hand and her pussy in the other, “Feel that Fie Dollah!..... It’s a bit rough wouldn’t you say!” “Aye Paul!.... she must have forgot to shave today!”

We all headed back to the hotel to get ready for that evenings party in EZY. But just as I parked the bike at the hotel, Da at reception came out to me and with a smile whispered, “Paul, there was a beautiful lady in a green dress has been looking out of the window of your room all day, very worried about you!” “Good Da! Maybe now she has learned her lesson!” I went into the room where Dear was glad to see me, “I was worried you might come back with another lady, and kick me out!” So I explained I expected sex a minimum of twice a day depending on how I felt, after all that’s what I was here for, and if she couldn’t deliver, then I was out for ST, but I wouldn’t kick her out just for that, as she was still a good friend to go around with. Although it only happened once, you got to keep them on their toes.

She got her hair done for the party, and is now wearing a new black dress, she bought herself that afternoon, and I had a hard time trying to give her the money for it, again explaining I would cover the costs of anything she needed. So I had a shower and dressed about to head off to the party.

[paultain]

The Party

Now this was a surprise party in EZY for FatboyUK, as he was a bit depressed, and done more moaning with “nobody likes me” the first 4 days he was here, and as he puts it “He couldn’t pull!”, and slept alone for those days. That is until the party, hence the, “For the man that can’t pull” on the cake, which was all secretly organized with out him knowing.

Fie Dollah, Big REV, Fie Dollah, and OTS was keeping the lad busy by bar hopping all the way up to EZY, wile the rest of us piled in there around 8:30 pm, followed in shortly after, with the lads dragging birthday boy with them. I got out the big red whistle I got for him wrapped in a nice package, “Here! I got you a birthday present” “Thanks Paul… what is it?” “It’s a big fucking whistle!” “What’s that for?” “Well the next time you feel like a moan, stick that in your mouth and blow instead…. I’d rather hear that, than you moaning all night!” “Ha, ha, ha!” “Don’t laugh! Now wear it, and don’t take it off until there are no normal human beings around you!” “Yes Paul, yes Paul!”

Now to fix “The man that couldn’t pull” up for the night. Although I make a point not to take the EZY girls, I did read the forum one of them that had a good rep, and thought she would be good for him. I looked around for her, and fuck me she’s only giving Big REV a shoulder massage, and him sitting in the middle of the room on a stool. Well I thought, “Fuck that fat bastard”, and as she was standing behind him giving the massage, I crept up behind them, slipped her hands away, and continued the massage myself, wile I whispered to her, she was birthday boys tonight and to take good care of him, and off she went.

So I’m standing there giving Big REV a massage, with him looking at the football on TV in front of him, when he realized something wasn’t quite right, and looked back over one shoulder and laughed when he saw me, “Fuck me Paul… you’re good at this!.... Any chance of me paying your bar-fine and taking you home for the night?” “Fuck off ya big fat queer!” I had to stop because he was getting a hard-on.

Mean time Billy came in with his 3-som for the night in hand, but left them for well over an hour, as he spotted ‘Big Lefty’ over in the corner, and thought it would be a good opportunity to sell him a silk suit for double the price, as ‘Big Lefty’ was twice the size of any ordinary man. Big Lefty, a nice big gentleman, but was no push-over, wanted a silk suit for $100, which was the going rate, but Billy was actually crying his eyes out, telling Big Lefty he didn't have enough silk material, and he was taking the bread out of his mouth, as Big Lefty was so enormous, he would need the amount of material for two suits, and Lefty should pay $200 for a suit. Anyway, they both spent the whole night haggling over the price.

So back to birthday boy FatboyUK, which seemed the party finally broke the ice for him, and carried on as if he hadn’t a care on the world, dancing all over the place, and taking the girl I set him up with, up to the ST rooms to give her a test run, and came back down a wile later a happy man, and would keep her for a couple of day.

Billy was still on about me and Fie Dollah, still calling us gay-lords after the other night with the cocktails in the Malibu, so we set him up for a photo with one of us on each side of him, and when Dear when to click, we quickly spun around and stuck our tongues in each of his ear…….. Man talk about him pulling faces. But it must have been a turn on for him, as he tried to fuck me up the ass in the next photo, as you can see the evidence doesn’t lie.

Anyway, that’s enough about that gay overpriced tailor, as a good time was had by all, and around midnight things were getting pretty merry, and Karl who’s got a memory like an elephant, put on my favorite Thai rock song, the same one I was singing too Dear in the room, but I didn’t know she knew the song, and we both sang a duet to each other, with the some of the girls coming up close to me, to see if I was really singing the bloody song, walking away saying, “He can sing Thai songs!..... He can speak Thai very good!” to the others, of course as if it was a bad thing.

Come 3 am everyone is talking about a road trip, which only five BM’s were going with Karl & Lita, and the rest of the EZY staff. It was 2000 baht for a farang, and 1500 for a Thai, and the BM’s that were going included Fie Dollar, Big REV, FatboyUK, and Juri who had just flown in that evening, and came straight to the bar. So the three musketeers had a meeting about it, when Fie Dollah said, “Are any of you guys going on this road trip?” When I asked, “What fucking road trip?” “The mystery road trip we are all going on as soon as the bar closes at 4.30 am!” Billy said, “What!... the fucking bar is closing early?...... Naa! Fuck the road trip, I have already got my 3-som lined up for the night!” “What about you Paul?” “Well how much is this fucking boat trip?” “2000 baht for us, and 1500 for a Thai!” “Dear! Check my wallet… have we got enough?” “Yes Paul!” “Right! Put me down for 2 more… Right Dear we better get back and pack something for this fucking road trip.” As everybody that was going on this trip, already had small weekend bags scattered all over the place.

Dear and I picked up the bike where I had parked it at the parking area in the Arab section, and when back to the hotel to throw some stuff into the large suitcase I came with, not expecting to go on this trip, otherwise I would have got a small bag from the market earlier. And poor Dear holding onto it like grim death, breaking a couple of nails in the process on the way back on the bike.

I parked it by the water company there, and gave the guy the key, firstly to show him a bit of trust, and in-case he had to move it as we wouldn’t be picking it up until after 2 days. And secondly, if anything happens to the bike, he was the first one to be picked up for it by the cops, as he had the key. Then we rolled into EZY for another hour or so of fun, before heading for the bus.

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 18 (The road trip)

The bar closed around 4.30 am, and we were all out the door with Karl locking up the bar, then the whole tribe of us were parading through the Arab section, and boy the looks we got was totally envious. We marched right up to a family mart, which was the meeting point for the bus, where some got a few nick-knacks for the bus, which came bang on in time at 5 am. We all boarded the upper deck, and all we knew we were going to Kanchanaburi, and nothing more than that..

Man those 6 hours to Kanchanaburi was long, sticky, grotty, and the hang-over started to creep in, as we have been partying all night. Stopping ever 2 hours for refreshments, but by that time it was hot coffee on the menu, as it wasn’t long into the journey, the sun was up. Balloon was bell of the ball, and looked like she was off her head a little on poppers, as most of the trip she kept picking up the mike, and being the comedian shouting things like, “I want you sperm in my mouth!” and “Fuck me, fuck me, please fuck me!”

We couldn’t smoke upstairs, and the only place was the toilet, or just outside it by the door at the foot of the stairs. So no sooner we were setting off, I went down for a smoke. Standing at the foot of the steps by the door puffing away, I heard these moans and groans, and thought it was coming from the piped music at first. But then I noticed it was getting louder but the music wasn’t, and realized it was coming from behind the panel I was leaning against, which the other side of it was the 6 seats, that I nicked named the VIP section.

I popped my head around the little wall panel, and found myself staring at Big REV sitting bollock naked, with 2 naked LB’s. One was bobbing up and down on his cock, and the other had her tongue down his throat. I quickly run back up to the upper deck and grabbed Fie Dollah, “Come on! Wait till you see this big Scotch twat down stairs!” We both slipped back down, and popped our heads around the panel, and there was the big fucker going hard at it, not realizing we were standing there. So we watched for about 5 minutes, until I finally said out loud, “See that ‘Fie Dollah’! … No flies on his shit, booking into the VIP lounge of the bus, so he can do what he likes!” “Aye Paul! It’s a fucking disgrace, and those are brand new fucking seats to!” “Aye Fie Dollah! Bloody favoritism!”

Big REV spun his head around with a startled look, went red with an embarrassing laugh, tried to jump up, to pull his shorts back up that was around his ankles, and almost knocked the LB who was still bobbing up and down on him, over the seat in front. Luckily for her, the big drink of water was too fat in that cramped up seat to make any decent energetic move, or the poor girl would have gone flying. “Eeemmm All right there lads?” “Fuck me do you hear that Fie Dollah… us stuck up in the economy section… wile Lord Muck here is down in the VIP section enjoying himself… it’s enough to make a grown man cry!”

We went back up to our seats, when I heard Tar say to Fie Dollah, “I’m horny!” in the seat behind me, because Fie Dollah had just told her what was going on down stairs with Big REV. The next thing I know was the two of them getting up, and started to go down stairs, “Where the fuck are you two going?” “Aaahh Paul!... She’s horny, so we’re going to have a quick shag in the toilets!” Not a minute later they both came back up, “Fuck me Fie Dollah!..... I know you said a ‘quick’ shag, but that was way to quick man, have you no stamina, or something?” “It’s too fucking cramped down there in that little toilet!...... She can’t get her legs opened wide enough, or bend over properly!”

Then half the girls that weren’t busy with any of the 6 BM’s that were there, all piled down stairs, because unknown to Big REV, that’s where all the girls play cards for most of the journey, as it was really reserved for the gambling. I went down for a smoke later, and popped my head around again, to see Big REV sitting there looking up at the ceiling, which looked like he regretted making that sly move sitting in the VIP section, because now he was trying to get a bit of sleep, but couldn’t because of the chattering, shouting, and screaming over the winning hands, all the way to Kanchanaburi. He had that look on his face, “Why me God? Why me!”

So finally after 6 hours the bus parked along side the river, where there was a shit load of barges all moored up along side each other. It was still a bit of a mystery tour, as we didn’t know we had to get on a bloody boat, thinking where is this fancy bloody hotel. Well hung over, we stood along side the bus, watching our baggage being dumped out of the bus, on to the street by the river bank, “Hey Karl! Where the fuck is the hotel?” “Calm down lads! All will be revealed soon, now follow Lita to your boat!”

I grabbed my big clumsy suitcase with the rest of them, and all followed Lita, hopping on and off 5 or 6 boats before reaching ours. It was 2 barges attached to each other, the front one was for the entertainment such as dancing and dining. The one attached behind that, was a double decked barge for sleeping, with just a bit of oil cloth on the floor, but at least we were able to change into shorts and sandals, but at the same time moaning, “We’re not sleeping here tonight are we?” ‘Fie Dollah’, Big REV, FatboyUK, and I, had a group meeting, “Right let’s have a word with this fucker Karl… we’re not sleeping here tonight… and if we are we’re high-jacking the bus back to Patt’s!”

So we scrambled back on shore, with the right hump along with the hang-overs, “Right Karl! We’re not sleeping on that boat tonight are we?” “No, no!... the hotel is up river a bit… there’s no roads, so we have to get to it by boat!” “Ahh! Well that’s alright then!” But he didn’t tell us it was going to take another 3-4 hours to get there.

Karl and Lita was busy getting essential survival supplies for the boat i.e. beer, whiskey, and mixers. So we all piled into a little Thai place across the road, and had some noodles for breakfast, and 30 minutes later we were all back on the boat along with a shit load of booze, where a little boat started to tug the barges down the river.

[paultain]

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued)

Day 18 (The road trip continued)

As soon as we got far enough out of Kanchanaburi town, the disco started, by a DJ, which had a DJ booth on the front barge, waffling away on the mic, just like any other disco, wile the girls started to unpack the booze. This front barge had, along with the disco booth, a couple of walls of large speakers, the toilet, and tables and chairs for dining, dotted around the floor. As the beer was just got, it was warm, and was packed into ice chests, and for those who wanted a beer right away, they had to drink it with ice until it cooled down in the ice chests, but I just stuck to the whisky and coke.

For a wile it started off, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” But after a couple of drinks we all soon got into the swing of things and couldn’t give a shit, with the comedian Balloon still off her head, from time to time would grab the DJ’s mike and shouting something funny, having us all in stitches laughing. But at the same time making sure everyone’s glass was full at all times, especially mine.

Lita does all the organizing of the trips, and as she had done this trip a few times, and as she booked in advance with the barge owner, the barge owner must have ‘Thai telegraphed’ every other barge owner on the river ‘The LB tribe is back’. Because we noticed all the way up the river, all the barges moored along side the river bank, in the middle of no where, all packed with Thai’s (because it was the weekend) with cameras in hand waiting like spectators. And instead of towing our barges straight up the river, the guy in his little boat that was towing us, would pull us up close to one side or the other, to pass the waiting barges, so they could get a good look and some photos, as they knew the girls would be in their bikini’s, and from time to time got their tits out.

We were the only farang’s on the river, and there were only 7 of us in total including Karl, and we thought it was a pity Billy wasn’t there. A few drinks later, the atmosphere was electric. Big REV, sitting there like lord of the manner, with his two girls he fucked in the bus talking to Karl. Juri disappeared into the second sleeping barge to get an oil massage from two other girls, and now the rest of the girls are in bikini’s prick-teasing any spectators we sailed pass.

We quickly learned that any of the little boats that were passing us on the river Kwai, were actually little shops. And all you had to do was wave to them to come along side, if snacks, cigarettes, food, etc. was needed.

[paultain]

Photos continued.....

[paultain]

Photos & videos continued......

(Video's from Fie Dollah)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKVy3HE_5CI&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR8kVwKD7XM&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L56AMax4ws8&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00V_wmevmI8&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUpVOcfFrRQ&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEnmoPd8yVc&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Epm9ZH54io&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fnbsRzJc-k&feature=player_embedded