Jokes Thread

[duke007]

[duke007]

[duke007]

ffs Fenton 

Btw... Is there any decent boozers near Victoria Hall as I'm there tomorrow night 

[duke007]

30 minutes ago, Fenton said:

Hanley is like the walking dead at night, you think piccadilly gardens is bad m8 555.

There's a Wetherspoon's not far away From the Hall (Reginald Mitchell). If the Tontine is still open thats an ok place.

Ask the doormen bud.

I avoid the place like the plague

I'm there to watch this mate, will probably be  better than watching the Liverpool v Man United game for me 

[Woodie]

On 3/25/2022 at 1:34 AM, Ashoka said:

Get an alligator and let them play together!

No, alligators are pussies. Get a crocodile. The game will be shorter!!!.

[duke007]

[seven]

I almost forgot how damn good this guy was

'Herbie who lost both his arms and legs through voting conservative.' 

 

[duke007]

[duke007]

[duke007]

[duke007]

[Pdoggg]

1 hour ago, Fenton said:

Pure gold 555

Is Jeff Bezos Dr Evil's secret identity?

[bumblebee]

Not sure if this is real or photoshopped:)

[Woodie]

36 minutes ago, bumblebee said:

Not sure if this is real or photoshopped:)

Oh, now come on.

Is she smiling or not?.

[duke007]

[Woodie]

Mmmm

[Woodie]

1 minute ago, Woodie said:

Mmmm

What nationality was he?.

[duke007]

[ciobha]

10 hours ago, Fenton said:

Dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot. 
It caused severe pain to-ma-toes. 

That is soooo bad.

[duke007]

5 minutes ago, ciobha said:

That is soooo bad.

Agree mate 

[Woodie]

Subject:: How Beautiful This is.
To:

 

How Beautiful This Is!

 

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. 

 

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" 

 

Melissa's father thinks a bit, saying, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" 

 

"Vladimir Putin," she says. 

 

"Why Vladimir Putin?" her father asks in shock. 

 

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little Jewish girl could have enough love to give him a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad and maybe start loving people a little bit.  And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to President Putin, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." 

 

Her father's heart swells, and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." 

 

"I know, "Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, we could shoot the bastard!"

[duke007]

[duke007]

[seven]

An obese monkey in Thailand has been sent to a special facility to lose weight. Officials realised the monkey was over weight when a bunch of black guys kept hitting on it.

[seven]

Watch Ricky Gervais new Netflix stand up special. Lets see if you snowflakes are offended.

Some absolute gems in there. The guy's a comedy genius.

Nothing is sacred for him, which is great. I'm certainly no fan of Louis C.K. so he can have it.

Turning his attention to a new brand of 'woke comedy', in which he says comics are required to sign a waiver before their sets promising not to say anything contentious, he told the audience he would rather watch American stand-up comedian Louis CK masturbate. 

______________________

 

Us tranny chasers should like it. 

 

Four minutes into the special, Gervais dives into material about the trans community, seemingly calculated to draw controversy.

“Oh, women!” he starts. “Not all women, I mean the old-fashioned ones. The old-fashioned women, the ones with wombs. Those fucking dinosaurs. I love the new women. They’re great, aren’t they? The new ones we’ve been seeing lately. The ones with beards and cocks. They’re as good as gold, I love them. And now the old-fashioned ones say, ‘Oh, they want to use our toilets.’ ‘Why shouldn’t they use your toilets?’ ‘For ladies!’ ‘They are ladies — look at their pronouns! What about this person isn’t a lady?’ ‘Well, his penis.’ ‘Her penis, you fucking bigot!’ ‘What if he rapes me?’ ‘What if she rapes you, you fucking TERF whore?'”