I finally met him, just hope that you don't.

[blind boy grunt]

 After years of trying to avoid him, or one of his many mates that have supposedly inhabited Thailand for God knows how long, I finally met him. I bet some of you guys have too.

No, I’m not talking about Elvis Presley secretly running a bar in Pattaya, not talking about him at all. Anyway, we all know that Elvis runs a Fish and Chip café in Birmingham. Or possibly shares an apartment with Jim Morrison and Princess Di in Morocco.

So, who am I referring to?  I’ll tell you then:  None other than the ubiquitous ex S.A.S man notorious throughout Pattaya.  I guess that most of them wear the British Army uniform, wifebeater, baggy shorts, sandals and socks. Terry certainly did.

WOW! Blind Boy, tell us the tale I hear you all plead silently, so then to put your minds at ease, I will. But, before I do so, let me state that the following stories he told me are exactly as told. None of the following have I conjured out of thin air.

There I was some weeks back, before my Achilles tendon decided that it no longer wanted to be attached to my Heel, when early one evening I thought that I’d mosey down to Jomtien beach, sit with a cold drink and watch the Sun go sinking into the sea.

Which is what I did, quite happily sitting on the beach wall minding my own business, when some old guy came and sat next to me. ‘Oh Christ’ I thought, it has to be the local loony, and it was.

“Hi” he said “I’m Terry, do you speak English?”

“Basically, I’m American” I replied.

But, Terry was too wise to fall for that ploy, even if I had told him that I was stone deaf using sign language, he would have still continued, and he did.

So, I got his life story. Up to the point where he joined the S.A.S. He was of course the guy that went over the balcony and into the Iranian embassy in London to rescue the hostages therein.

Mmmmm…Ho-Hum’ I thought, that character has to be the obvious choice for all these ex SAS men…. Nothing new there then

I was hoping desperately that that would be the end of it, but no, Terry proceeded to reach remarkable heights of absurdity.

He then explained that back in the 80’s the American Secret Service contacted him because they were worried about Presidents having a habit of getting shot now and then. They hired him to go to Washington, live in the White House for a month and teach the Secret Service how to handle presidential security and protection properly.

‘Oh my –my’ I thought… that is hopefully the end of it then…  But no, Terry was keeping the best until last.

“Do you remember the first Gulf war?” he asked.

“Vaguely“  I answered “those sort of things pass me by”

“Well, I’ll tell you… Before the first Gulf war MI6 were hearing rumours of Saddam’s intentions regarding Kuwait. And they decided that they needed more information. They put together a plan with the Israeli Mossad to get an undercover operative into Saddam’s house to ‘bug’ the place. I was asked to be the undercover man.

They decided that the simplest plan would have the best chance of success.  And they had heard that renovations were going on at Saddam’s place. So Mossad flew me to outside Baghdad at night, when I parachuted in disguised as an Arab. I got to Saddam’s house and knocked on the door and asked them if they wanted any Painting and decorating done. Luckily they did, I painted two rooms and managed to plant bugs throughout the place. And that’s how the allies got so much accurate information to help fight the war.”

I do hope that I never see Terry again, he’s a dangerous man.

Anyone ever meet any of his mates from the Regiment? If not hang around bars in Soi Buck, they’ll find you.

 

[seven]

Many of them in Pattaya.

[Quietguy]

On a flight back from los there was a guy sitting next to me who started chatting to me. He said he was 65 and had been in the Parachute Regiment. I was a bit dubious about this claim as he wasn't much over 5 ft tall and had as much meat on him as a butcher's pencil. He explained this away by saying he had been a crack shot in another regiment,  winning medals at Bisley shooting competitions, and had been seconded to the Paras to be a sniper. He said there had been a plan to assassinate Robert Mugabe by shooting him when he visited somewhere near the border with South Africa. He was taken to South Africa to carry this out, but unfortunately Mugabe didn't appear.

I know the Parachute Regiment does take specialists from other regiments on temporary secondment, so his story could possibly be true. But anyway it was an entertaining yarn and passed some time.

 

[Woodie]

Funny you say that. I met a guy a couple of years ago at a LB bar in Soi 4 Jomtien.

Like you I thought what have I struck here. I got his life history including his appearances at the Queens Garden Parties etc etc. He said he shook Prince Phillips hand.

I kept on buying him Soda waters. It's all he wanted apart from some gropes from a girl called Peya, or Keya or something like that.

It was one of those times when you just want someone to cause a diversion. It did not happen.

I kept on thinking of ways to get out of the situation. Nothing suitable came to mind. The conversation,(onesided), just went on and on.

I guess I have had worse social moments in my life, but not many!. 

Would much rather have been chatting with some of the girls. One I think was Sonny and the owner Aemy, or something like that. Geez my memory is getting bad.

Your post reminded me of the occasion, which is not good.

I guess we all have those moments that we try and blank out!.

[blind boy grunt]

16 hours ago, Woodie said:

Geez my memory is getting bad.

i guess so Woodie, happening to all of us. You have possibly forgotten that i was there that night too!

i recall it all a little differently, according to my recollections a guy walked in as you and i were talking at the bar. He was wearing a big Cowpoke hat and kept annoyingly asking the boss to play Country and Western music. Luckily the boss was wise enough to play deaf. He did indeed mention Garden parties and hand-shaking, i must admit though that i thought that he was refering to Queen Victoria and Prince Albert.

it was fun though when we had to throw a bucket of water over him and Sunny to seperate them.

[Quietguy]

5 hours ago, blind boy grunt said:

i recall it all a little differently, according to my recollections a guy walked in as you and i were talking at the bar. He was wearing a big Cowpoke hat and kept annoyingly asking the boss to play Country and Western music. Luckily the boss was wise enough to play deaf. He did indeed mention Garden parties and hand-shaking, i must admit though that i thought that he was refering to Queen Victoria and Prince Albert.

it was fun though when we had to throw a bucket of water over him and Sunny to seperate them.

Did this guy have corks on his big Cowpoke hat?

Was he Jimmy Cargopants?

[Quietguy]

On 2/18/2021 at 2:59 PM, seven said:

Many of them in Pattaya.

Real ex-Forces guys call them 'Walts' - short for Walter Mittys.

[blind boy grunt]

6 minutes ago, Quietguy said:

Did this guy have corks on his big Cowpoke hat?

Was he Jimmy Cargopants?

i would never say his name Cowpoke, privacy is all to me. yee-Haw!

[stoolpusher]

Respect to all that have served .

[Woodie]

7 hours ago, blind boy grunt said:

i guess so Woodie, happening to all of us. You have possibly forgotten that i was there that night too!

i recall it all a little differently, according to my recollections a guy walked in as you and i were talking at the bar. He was wearing a big Cowpoke hat and kept annoyingly asking the boss to play Country and Western music. Luckily the boss was wise enough to play deaf. He did indeed mention Garden parties and hand-shaking, i must admit though that i thought that he was refering to Queen Victoria and Prince Albert.

it was fun though when we had to throw a bucket of water over him and Sunny to seperate them.

All joking aside, what I do remember about that night was my discussion with a couple of guys. One a Canadian, and the conversation as usual at that time turned to Trump. We were discussing Trumps qualities or lack of. When it was mentioned that he had been elected partly because of his business background I then said that he had been declared bankrupt about 5 times. The guy got right off, saying I knew nothing about running a business and going bankrupt was part of doing business!. As he had more than his share of beer, he started to get rather heated. Probably good that his mate cooled him down, otherwise we might have been rolling around on the ground fighting over a clown!.

Strange how some people cannot have a discussion without becoming belligerent.