pdogg Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Move to Phoenix, Arizona where... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2.. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! OR You can move to California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought. OR You can move to New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature." 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car). 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. OR You can move to the Deep South where.... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc. 5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too. OR You can move to Colorado where.... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. OR You can move to Pattaya where.... (guys: you fill in the comments) 2 Quote Link to comment
pacman Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 You can move to Pattaya where.... 1. Your ex-wife would be considered ugly but 18yo girls call you "handsome". 2. You go to nightclubs & discos with a Seniors Card from home in your wallet. 3. It's not considered unusual to have beer for breakfast. 4. You can bump into a lady & say "sorry buddy" & have a 50/50 chance of being grammatically correct. 5. You're the only person at the urinal not wearing a dress. 3 Quote Link to comment
Kahuna Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Move to Phoenix, Arizona where... 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! And this morning I do wish that were true...When I got up at 7 am in the Valley of the Sun (that's Phoenix for you non-Yank folks) it was 26 F that's -4 for you Celsius folks..........By any measure that is damn cold... It has warmed to 28 F now...Really toasty.... The high today will be around 55 F............. I just might have to wear socks............ Quote Link to comment
Hefe Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 You can move to New York City where... 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. This one made me laugh out loud. I worked in an large open office type floor with a large percentage of expats & foreign born folks & every time someone would ask for a suggestion of how to get somewhere all the native NYers would get up & stand around offering completely different variations of subway & bus routes much better than everyone else's. Every Time! Quote Link to comment
TEXASMAC Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Sorry, I have hooked up with an apartment in Hua Hin. Does that count? Quote Link to comment
TEXASMAC Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Also pd, you aren't even close about the south. Now 10 years in Texas, then before that Florida and Atlanta and your comments make them seem like Rhodes Scholars. Quote Link to comment
pdogg Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Btw, the comments about American cities in the original post are not mine. Copied fromone of the many forwarded emails that get sent to me. Paccers comments about Pattaya are original and all invited to chirp in. Quote Link to comment
pdogg Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 1. Your ex-wife would be considered ugly but 18yo girls call you "handsome". 2. You go to nightclubs & discos with a Seniors Card from home in your wallet. 3. It's not considered unusual to have beer for breakfast. 4. You can bump into a lady & say "sorry buddy" & have a 50/50 chance of being grammatically correct. 5. You're the only person at the urinal not wearing a dress. Well done Paccers! Quote Link to comment
williethepimp Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 1.condoms are for sale at the till area at the 7/11 2.You have to check when buying condoms that they are big enough circumference. 3.Youre not insulted when adressed as "papa". 4.When you ask for milk in a cafe,waitresses will occasionally grab their tit,as if to suggest.......???(has it only happened to me?} 5.pumpooey(fatty} is a term of affection..... 1 Quote Link to comment
EyeMahk Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 1. You can get laid for $15.23 (or $18.28 if you want to pay a bit more) 2 Quote Link to comment
ArchieBunker Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Here are mine and it didnt take a lot of thought!!!! 1) ...you and your buddies have a conversation while at lunch about the merits of different blow job bars and nobody bats an eye! 2) ...when you want to dress "formal", you wear a shirt with a collar 3)...if you pass three places with live bands, at least one of them os playing HOTEL CALIFORNIA 4)...between August and May there is a soccer game on in a bar no matter what time of day/night 5)....you cannot swing a dead cat without hitting someone who has an outstanding Interpol arrest warrant 3 Quote Link to comment
Tomcat Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 In City with more than a Thousand Bars , Restaurants and Cabaret Shows the biggest nightly attraction is three slum kids break dancing in the middle of Walking Street 1 Quote Link to comment
ArchieBunker Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Thats a good enough reason in itself NOT to schlepp to Walking Street!!! I ahve a feeling if I lived/spent a lot of time on Pattaya I would hardly go there. Kind of like living in Vegas and not going into the casinos!!! Quote Link to comment
Hefe Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 1- you see beautiful women everywhere ... but you always check if they actually are genetic women or ladyboys 2- you are disappointed if they really are beautiful genetic women 3- after a week you begin to fantasize that perhaps you actually are "hansum" 4- you find footprints on your toilet seat 5- you are taking a piss at a lav shared by a bunch of bar beers & some guy from behind startles you & starts massaging your neck expecting to get paid after you just pissed your leg 1 Quote Link to comment
Tomcat Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 You can move to Pattaya Formerly known as Pattaya "Beach Resort" in many western travel brochures until the trade description attorneys got involved Quote Link to comment
ciobha Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 You can move to Pattaya where If you get out of bed at Lunchtime you are considered an early riser It is normal practice to get a motorbike taxi for any journey further than 50 metres If there isn't a 7/11 within 50 metres you have wandered out of town It is quite normal to a look at beautiful girl and wonder what size her cock is 2 Quote Link to comment
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