Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

[Lefty]

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too—big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife—even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But, believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things, but it's all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, chest, and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures—like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

 

 

http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,11150

[BigTel]

Love it Lefty      

[duke007]

I love sucking Pinoy cock at the moment, thats my lastest fad

[SiamSam]

    Very good Lefty. 

 

I don't want to burst your bubble but I never felt that way in your company. Although I have to admit I admired your boots once or twice. 

[KenW]

Lovely Lefty, lovely. Fine xmas humour.

 

Reminds me of the "I'm not gay" threads that disgustingly littered Pattaya LBs site back in the day. Those dickheads, they couldn't even keep it to one thread. It was like as if every new guy who came onto the site had to start a thread of his own absolving himself of all the implications of these faggot LBs whose cocks he couldn't wait to suck.

 

And reminds me also of the snooks I cocked at all that, which got me kicked out of that place. Remember that Lung?

[xyzzy]

Sounds like you are having a tough time with all this. Perhaps you just need some space. Maybe a camping trip to Brokeback Mountain.

[Lefty]

    Very good Lefty. 

 

I don't want to burst your bubble but I never felt that way in your company. Although I have to admit I admired your boots once or twice. 

I know where your eyes were trained now. I never wore boots in your company.  

 

Nasty nasty boy.

[deepthroat]

This is hilarious Lefty. I gotta start checking The Onion.

 

I'm going to post this over to PLB. This is something they need to read.   :)

 

EDIT: On second thought, I've been silent over there most of the past 6 months so that I won't be noticed on my next trip.... so why poke the beehive 3 weeks before my next trip?

 

It would be fun to see someone post it over there though.

[Lefty]

Lovely Lefty, lovely. Fine xmas humour.

 

Reminds me of the "I'm not gay" threads that disgustingly littered Pattaya LBs site back in the day. Those dickheads, they couldn't even keep it to one thread. It was like as if every new guy who came onto the site had to start a thread of his own absolving himself of all the implications of these faggot LBs whose cocks he couldn't wait to suck.

 

And reminds me also of the snooks I cocked at all that, which got me kicked out of that place. Remember that Lung?

I hate those types of threads too. So many guys who have a natural attraction to LBs, be worried if it means they are gay. So the fuck what? 

[Lefty]

This is hilarious Lefty. I gotta start checking The Onion.

 

I'm going to post this over to PLB. This is something they need to read.   :)

 

EDIT: On second thought, I've been silent over there most of the past 6 months so that I won't be noticed on my next trip.... so why poke the beehive 3 weeks before my next trip?

 

It would be fun to see someone post it over there though.

 

Your second thought sounds the better one to me. Have you really ever benefited from posting there?