Humour or...

[SiamSam]

I thought we should start a joke thread. Here's my first contribution:

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender feeling slightly awkward tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year,

rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history,

the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English -they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

[deepthroat]

Got a sure-fire pickup line for you to use next time you're in a gay bar:

"May I push your stool in for you?"

[SiamSam]

They say there are only two things wrong with Canada:

January and February.

This is me in Canada training for my upcoming trip to Pattaya

[bumblebee]

Not sure what kind of diving that would be considered SS. :D

[DownLoLarry]

looks like the bloke is drunk up there on bareback Mountain waiting for a ladyboy to wonder by and pay a quick visit.

As for John and Jim joined at the hip they should try Thailand for their next vaction. Except they'd both have to be sidesaddle on a motobike.

[Emerald]

Last night I shoved a grape up my fat wifes huge arse, she let out a little "Wine"

Also last night I ordered a Chinese take-away, the bloke comes to the door and says that will be £20, what I thought you robbing bastard, so I said to him whats the name of Katie Prices disabled son? he says, "Harvey Price" so I gave him £10 and told him to fuck off.

Emerald

[SiamSam]

Not bad Emerald. Keep 'em coming.

[deepthroat]

How do you make your wife scream twice?

Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on the curtains.

[pdogg]

How do you make your wife scream twice?

Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on the curtains.

Also a variant on that theme substituting Martha Stewart for "your wife".

A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a mustache"

[SiamSam]

So this guy goes to see his doctor complaining about having these weird dreams over and over again. He tells his doctor that on some nights he dreams he's a teepee and then other nights he dreams he's a wigwam. He tells the doctor the dreams are driving him mad and asks for his advice. The doctor thinks about it for a moment and then says the cause of the problem is simple. He says it appears you are "too tense".

Think about it... :D

[Dabbler]

"Two tents" :)

To stay with the old West theme... A cowboy gets captured by an Indian tribe. The Chief tells him that he'll be sacrificed in 4 days, but that he can have one wish every day until then.

So the cowboy says that he wants to talk to his horse; he says something in the horse's ear and the horse leaves at full gallop.

Two hours later the horse is back with a beautiful blond bar-girl on his back. So the cowboy spends the night with her in his tent.

The following day before sending the girl back with the horse, he again says something in the horse's ear. Two hours later the horse is back with a beautiful bar-girl on his back: this time she's a brunette. So the cowboy spends the night with her.

Same deal on the third day, except that the bar-girl is a red-head. So the cowboy spends the night with her, and before he sends the girl back on the horse, he yells in its ear: "A posse, you dumbass! A posse!"

[williethepimp]

A bloke with a rather large cock goes into the doctors,pulls his cock out ,and lays it on the doctors table........

the doc sez...,so,whats wrong with it?

the bloke sez....Nowt,its a fuckin beauty innit?