Luung

Looking forward to it Pimpy man!

A terrible affliction indeed... But I just dont understand why they don't circumsize them when they're toddlers?... Some bastard done it to me when I was a baby for that very reason & whilst I won't ever be thanking whoever it was, it was obviously necessary. At a tangent, (apologies to the OP)... I'm actually trying to grow my foreskin back (as we speak) , because the helmet is an organ which really doesn't need to be 'out of the pod' & rubbing against fabics all day long & with age it starts to lose some sensation & get's covered with a hardened, crazed, outer layer of skin... I was actually considering opening a thread up to document my progress with various 'stage' photographs , but I somehow think it will be of very limited appeal!?... Probably better to folow Fogmastrer & Backdoors antics! Anyway, it's all the rage now & I'd like my shiny helmet back, pleeeeeeeeeesae!

Sounds like a smoke screen for another incredibly profitable beer bar clampdown! No restaurants named... No kareoke bars named! I've already mentioned about the kareokes, they've got police protection & backing in many cases too! And if there's one thing that I will stick up for about Chiang Mai nightlife it's eating out!.. Overall the restaurants are extremly well priced & I very seldom hear anything bad other than the odd remark about the quality of some of the supposedly high end establishments!?.. All I can think is that maybe they're getting ready to give some of the Falang owned eateries a bashing, which they do like to do from time to time? If they should be targeting anywhere, it should be the nightclubs!

If you just want fun & you're coming over here, PM me your number ... I'd definiely buy you a few drinks & a dinner... And if you play your cards right, I might even pay your cab fare home! Only teasing, by the way... Great legs!!!.. Anyway, I'm a 'full on' top & I'd go for you in an instant! Lung xxx

Thanks for the comments lads! I think the main thing that I want to stress here is that you need to carry your licence at all times when you are riding, because if you turn up in court without one for an offence like drink & drive, then your going to get a custodial sentence, period! @Jeffs, Well maybe I should be taking a leaf out of your book, But if nothing else I'll certainly be moderating my behaviour from now on, ... And to be honest, how much of a fukin' hole in the head must I have to be riding around Thailand pissed up on a bike that can bite back! @JaiDee, I really do believe that we shouldn't just keep rolling over all the time (it's the thing about my fellow westerners that irks me above all else) ... People have got to realise that it's a bit like the playground bully syndrome, where the more you cave in, the worse the bulling will continually get!.. However, I did also have the added insentive of worrying about the welfare of my new bike & that above all else made me want to see this issue through to court!.. Anyway, the steering lock's a bit mangled & the stand's been bent, (can you believe these monkey bastards, eh')!?.. Kinda makes you feel like someone else has been wearing your underpants. @Globetrotter &Xyzzy, Admittedly their country & their rules, but as unfair as this is, especially considering the amount of drunk BIB wobbling about out there on any given night... In this actual instance, this would have been a million times worse back in the UK... Only difference being , the breathaliser wouldn't have come out of a Chinese toy shop & they wouldn't have been trying to steal a brand new bike!.. Anyway, I won't ask, Xyzzy. I knew this fukin' bike would get me in trouble!

I've already posted this on PLB, but I thought it should be posted here too, because I feel that this is not only important information, but a sign of things to come... So please bear with me & listen to this... DON'T DRINK & DRIVE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE NOT CARRYING A LICENSE! Late Friday night I was stopped on a Police 'drink & drive' road block/(extortion point), about one minute's ride from my home in CNX. I was completely swarmed by the BIB, pulled over to a police box & then breathalised, where I was found to have 149 milligrams of alcohol in my system, my new bike was then confiscated & I was thrown into the back of a police pick up full of pissed off, drunk, truculent, Thais & then transported to a holding cell where we were all given the option of paying 20,000 baht or face the court the next day!.. A couple of Thai's accepted this offer & got loved ones or friends to come in with the money, but to the BIB's surprise & anger, I declined as I'm not after an easy life so much that I'd just roll over for these greedy fukin' bastards!!! I spent the night in a holding cell with somewhere around twenty stinking Thai blokes & two ladyboys who were looking at custodial sentences for possession of meth, (they actually happened to be old friends from Shamrock bar & believe it or not, whilst one was crying her eyes out because she was going to get her head shaved, the other one was really looking forward to getting shagged senseless by young Thai blokes). The next moring I was then sent to a court holding cell where I was given a translator who unfortunately couldn't really speak any English (fukin' brilliant!!! And I had to pay for her)... Anyway, get this, she showed me the charge sheet & it had my bike down as a Honda Dream, not my shiney new CBR!!!!.. Yes, you've got it, on top of everything else, they were going to try to have me go home on some shitty old dream while some lucky copper rides off on my fukin' new racing bike!!!.. And then get this, the little bitch said that I had to sign it otherwise I could stay in the cell until Monday, needless to say, I again declined. And then there was the court hearing late in the afternoon where she completely fluffed up her lines to the disgruntled, non Falang lovin' judge who handed me a custodial 15 day prison sentence & a 6000 baht fine, because SHE had pissed him off! FFS, (I can tell you for nothing, that I nearly pissed myself with terror)... So it was back to the cells again with nightmare visions of me losing half my clients & my lovely life in Thailand!.. But then hey, as if by the hand of God, the honoree Dutch consul (who happens to be a friend & in that day representing someone else) walked into the cell & said he would step in to negotiate... Anyway, long story short, he was initially told, guess what?... Yep, that's it, 20,000 baht for me to walk!!!.. But after a little persistence he got it down the original court figure of 6000 baht, which was to be receipted & official... And also my bike back, undamaged! Now as much as this really was one of those, one off, interesting 'Thai' experiences that you really couldn't ever get out of 'Lonely Planet'... I can promise you that I really won't ever be after repeating it as I'm far too old to be trying sleep on stone floors with no bed clothes, whilst looking at 4 open bog doors & Thai delinquents behaving like chimps at a tea party! Admittedly it wasn't quite the 'Bangkok Hilton', but believe me, it was bad enough! NB. These fukin' bastards are on a real win, win, here, because the craic is to get the 20,000's pocketed & then make themselves look really good by providing the court with 'real' people pulled in for their drink drive cleanup campaign!!! NNB. And this is the important bit... I watched three Thai's get custodial sentences (& I felt for these poor sods), because not only were they over the limit, but they didn't have their driving licenses on them... And this could happen to any of you too! NNNB. It’s important that people should know about the current consequences for D & D, especially if it's getting caught for D & D whilst not carrying a license, because with the financial situation as it is in this country right now, thing’s will only get worse! And finally, you know what?.. If there was a genuine, sincere, fair & comprehensive, drink drive clamp down, I wouldn't have had a problem with any of this other than the charge sheet nonsense... In fact, I wouldn't have even been drink driving in the first place!

So many Clash fans here!!!... Its funny, I was talking to a twenty year old kid the other evening (something I don't usually do unless they're LB's)... Anyhow, he was a trucullent little fucker & at one point in the conversation I remember him saying, "Oh, and I suppose you're one of these baldie fossiles who still thinks the Clash is the coolest thing on the plant"!.. Little shit, just lucky for him that he was doing a mauy thai course otherwise he'd have got a real telling off! Saw the Clash a few times, but the best was easily the imfamous Rainbow gig in 1978, just a shame that the crowd started ripping all the seats up!.. Loved the Clash & the whole Sandinista's thing... For anyone who's that interested, try downloading 'The Future's Unwritten', Juliuan Temple's documentary about Joe Strummer, it's brilliant! @Jeffs... Yeah, but at least Charlie Harper hasn't changed into a complete wanker like Jagger has!.. He was my punk role model as a kid! @Jim Slim... Spent three nights sitting on top of a mate of mine's, wodden shack, newsagent's during the Brixton riots, begging people not to smash the place to bits... An no one did, as luckily they could see that we were their own, so it was pretty civilised as far as riots go... But fuck it was scary, brother Jim, really fukin' scary!.. One of my favorite tunes, by the way! I've posted this before... But who cares, it's worth another go... Cause I love it! http://youtu.be/oYVDqL_8HbY?t=1m52s

It's funny, you know, I never thought I'd look at another western transexual again.. At least not until this scene took off! Can't believe the quality of some of these photos... Great art if nothing else... 'He says with a box of Kleenex in one hand'. Thanks for the great Newhalf info Tomcat... I've always said you can happily put me in my box after I've done one of them. EDIT: Whooooooooooooops!.. First one's a repost, can't delete it BB?

I just like to hang around, so that I can pick all the loose change afterwards, Rukki. In all seriousness, I could well do without the ugly scenes myself, but I was waiting for someone whom I was rather concerned about has it had been a crazy day all round... And besides, the owner had bought me a drink & asked me to hang around... Anyway, my friend turned up just after the event as we were all spilling out of the place & she was just as much of a spaced out mess as the rest of them... Kinda wish I hadn't bothered I think the drug testing in Banana Plaza's a great thing, it's just a shame that you can only really do it within those sort of confines... But aside from that I do think that the violent behaviour's definitely worse right now during a seasonal depression & maybe that would also correlate with the availability of certain drugs, especially meth wich can induce 'ultra' violence in some of the meakest of people? But dunno, who does? @Mardhi... Sure you're not going a bit PLB?.. It almost sounds like you could be sticking up for them!? Yeah, there's 'nearly' always a reason & there's two sides to any story, but the OP's talking about disproportionate reponses in difficult times. He's been attacked himself & given his own reason for his particular fracas, 'he just wasn't interested' & I'd be equally sure that if he could see a reason for his friend getting bashed & vandalised he'd have given it!... And this sort of thing's happened to me almost a handful of times too, as it has others, for little or no reason, at all... Just can't remember if it was high or low season, in my case?

Great!.. Just as I was considering putting myself & my bike on the train down to Bangkok!? WTF!!!

But it isn't the bar owners who've resorted to beating up on their customers JaiDee... Well, at least not yet!? Anyway, sounds a bit more like meth rage to me Globetrotter, especially with a bit of wanton vadalism thrown in, (who knows?); but desperate times indeed & the usage is at epidemic proportions right now & these kids really 'crank out' on this stuff!.. Ive seen a few too many nasty incidents recently myself & only two weeks ago I watched two LB's in one of our CNX bars smashing bottles & going for customers, the incident eventually culminated in the sweetest & most feminine of the LB's in this particular bar smashing some poor bloke over the head with an oversized flower pot... (Shame, it was a nice looking piece of Celadon ware)!!! I'd been watching these girls for a few hours & there was definitely madness in the air & it was obvious that they all had that 'particular meth thing' going on, coupled with Thai wiskey & God knows what else??... And I also knew that it was unfortunately only a matter fo time before the night would end badly!

Brilliant, thanks ever so much for the advice lads, thats a real help! Did I ever tell you that I used to shag the manageress at the Paragon disco in Brans Hatch DC? I've been slung off the track in my old BMW too, 7.30am on a race day, long story... Anyway, beautiful selection of muscle bikes you've had in the past!!! Any chance of PM'ing me your dates Willy, I'd hate to miss you this trip!... And really good advice regarding theft, boarders & rental prices, it's just about what I figured! And I'll finally get a chance to meet upo with you too DC, although it's probably going to be in Patts, still, that ain't bad, is it??? Look forward to catching up with you too brother PDogg, it's long overdue! And as for my fluffy bunny Sam, sorry about February mate, hopefully next time around! Right, fuck the plane... I'm going on a bike ride! ... Let's just hope I've still got the thing at the end of the trip to ride back home on! Second thoughts... Maybe I'll take Sam's advice? Oh fuck, what do I do? I'm back where I started OK, one last question... Are there a lot of hotels or guest houses with gated security to be had in Snooky at reasonable cost?

Has a rule Thai's hate facial hair, but it's starting to become fashionanble in some quarters. Is it an actual gottie DT, that's a horrid thing that hangs off the end of your chin (Rasta stylie). I've got a close cropped Van Dyke (a man's breard)... Sort of thing the ole' Conquestadors walked around with (called a bablo, a true Van Dyke is more of a Guy Fawks loooking thing)... And all I can say is that the responses are mixed. GG's Don't like it for sure, especially as it's greing/peppercorn now... But when it was all black n' silky (kinda like Synbad, only sexier), 50% were all right about it, I just got a lot of, "yoo man Arabia", comments that irritated me! With the LB's I'd honestly say that about 70% genuinely like it (probably a macho 'guy look' thing) & I've even heard comments spoken in Thai, "Flang, hair under chin, look good", that type of thing... And then maybe there's 10% who really don't like!.. But the one's who really dont, DON'T! (unfortunately the ex included) The key is having it cropped short DT & being generally otherwise well groomed, if it's long they'll just think your some dirty old cunt who didn't even wipe a hot, clean, flannel around his knackkers first thing this the morning... But fastidiously groomed, there ain't so much of a problem. And smell nice, that'll really help too!!! Tune in next week for uncle Lung's fashion tips for men... Where I'll be showing gentlemen of diserning taste how to attractively dress to the left for both maximum visual impact & comfort

Thanks for your quick responses DC & PDogg, its much appreciated, but sorry, it still doesn't help me much. OK, I've got to be a bit more specific. So I'll get a ticket for having my lights on during the day???.. You can't turn them off on a new bike, with vrtually any new bike on the market the lights come on with the ignition, WTF!.. How do I get around that one? Are you saying that I'll be better off renting a scooter?.. I was told that it wasn't the type of place where I'd want to be riding about on a sports racer? Is it going to be an aresole of a ride from the boarder to Snooky? Or will I be able to open the throttle up? Is the terain more suited to off roaders & smaller step throughs & scooters? How much to rent a small scooter? Will you be going back to the UK on the 19th October DC? What are the chances of some cunt stealing the bike? This is a pic of the bike, if it helps... It's the ideal thing for doing the highways down to Pattaya... But is it the wrong bike to be riding to & around Sihnookville on? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese help me

Hi all, I'm going to be doing my first Sihnookville reckkie sometime between late October to mid November & I'd like some advice from any bike riders out there. I originally considered doing this as a bike trip on my new Honda CBR250R, sports racer, maybe riding from CNX to Patts & then along the coast eventually ending up in Sinookie? And it seemed like a good idea until I talked to a few people who said that it just wasn't the place for a sports racer, in fact quite the opposite, being virtually tracks & un-made roads??? Anyway, I thought I'd get some advice from some of you lads who may have been out there lately... Am I going to have a ball cruising/racing around on my new baby or is it going to be a cumbersome hinderance?..Is it the type of place where you wouldn't want to entertain the tuktuks & songtows?.. Is it the type of place where you're better off on foot??.. Is there a lot of out of town sight seeing to be done?.. What sort of state are the roads in getting you there? There's still some incredibly cheap flights out on Air Asia for the end of October & it really has me in two minds what to do for the best? Advice pleeeeeeeeease, I'll need to book soon if I'm going to fly

I'd 'rodger' the first & the third one's to within an inch of their lives Hefe As for the other three, maybe I'd do a cheese & wine afternoon with them or a Tea House with hot scones...something like that?.. To me it's amazing how they've actually gone for that really 'stayed', middle class, middle age look... Almost trying to 'live it' a little bit too much, me thinks!??... they look like they'd just love to be in a PTA or something of that ilk...

But seriously... Uniforms equals uniformity... And progress comes through critical and creative thinking. These are university students for fucks sake!.. The best enquiring minds being squeezed into uniformity! Thailand well & truely deserves to remain in a rut! Many thanks to the various websites for providing the pics!!

But that unfortunately entails waiting for them to grow up a bit Hefe... Kinda defeats the object... DAMM!

Same as you can get a hard on with some of them & others you may not... Chemistry We've all got different tollerances & levels & of course it all depends on what type, what amounts, what quality or when consumed?.. And then of course, their 'current' emotional state?.. And again, then I suppose, on whether they've been up all night the evening before on either the piss, meth, yabba, or loaded full of zanax... Or maybe even a night in the local police station? It's never fair, a bit like one bloke will get superb 'wood' every time & a happy customer with every errection, just because he's got low blood pressure & some other poor bastard will be hit or miss 75% of the time because of high blood pressure, high colestorol, high blood sugar or any other amount of ailments that will effect him (& not others).

This is the sort of stuff I join forums for Rukkie! Just glad its not one of my stories... But it so easily could have been

Not so fast Willy, what about Barbra the transexual taxi driver from the 'League of Gentlemen'???? Looks like you're in luck 'iloveshemales', the fantasy village of 'Royston Vasy' was actually based on 'Alston, Cumbria'!!!...

Please don't be envious, I'd really like to think I had settled life & a fiance right now! I've just read through my post & it comes across as a real 'brag post' & that really wasn't the intention, BB had mentioned my name & I felt a need to respond... But maybe I had too much to say & too little time to get it all down, usually I try to be more considerate of others who are either, unable to play because they're stuck in some sort of a rut, or through lack of experience or exposure find themselves at the mercy of the mecenaries out there. In all honesty, it does help just to fess up & say that you havent got a lot of money, (much of the time). Yeah, you'll get the odd ladyboy sap, wanabee star, who'll give you a huff, toss the hair & then give you one of those 'look down their nose at you' stares, but on the whole most are receptive & once you get to know them & get talking, you really wouldn't believe how much disrespect & dislike they have for blokes who flash a lot of cash, really, it's true!... They'll just keep smiling & take the money & saying, "Dahhhh-lingggggg-ng-ng-ng"... Has you said, look at where they come from, the reasons are obvious. Could you have any respect for some squeeky clean 'mont' who enjoys spunking more money on piss in one sitting than your entire family has to eat & pay the bills with for a couple of months!? And for what it's worth, in all probability, the GG ex thinks that if she can hang on by the skin of her teeth, then she might well get some sort of safe harbour when I finally sell my home in the UK. Long term game plan, me thinks. The Korean cougar is back in Seoul & hasn't bothered contacting in over a month... And I figure she won't (but then I did manage to shit the bed just before she went). The ex Pattaya 'fun time' LB eventually blotted her copy book so badly that I now wish that she'd never even exsisted & the time & (small amount) of money that was spent feels like a complete & utter waste now... I most certainly don't feel sated, even with the freebies thrown in. And as for Sassy bar... Well, I do bring a lot of custom their way, they're drunks & they're completely crazy... It really is a right place, right time thing... But it most definitely ain't worth the two day hangover that comes afterwards! Anyway, I've now found a cute little LB freelancer who'll come round for 500 bat once a week wearing something tight & perform incredibly perverse acts... And that will do me for now The grass always seems greener on the other side, 'JustSumGai'.

From one uncle to another... Thanks! Heres a few more

It's Sunday funday... A little something for the weekend. Did have the name of the girl in the middle, but it's gone now... Could anyone help me out here?

Here's an old friend of mine, Pukky from Chiang Mai... She was, once upon a time, the cashier at Shamrock Bar & a regular at Marina Bar after that. I had posted about her some time ago & remember saying how proud I was that she'd quit P4P, embarked on a beauty course & was now a very well respected makeup artist & hair stylist for a major 'hi so' weddings emporium up here. We'd also rekindled our friendship & got really close, dating & spending quality time together... She had a completely feminine demeanour, was educated, spoke perfect English & had real quality about her too. Anyway, we'd spent a lot of time in the sack together when she was P4P, but now I had to build things up slowly... So when we eventually got to do the filthy deed together, man, had it worth the wait, it was electric!!!... But unfortunately, that most definitely wasn't the way it had grabed her, because... One week later she'd closed her Facebook account & was refusing to answer the phone! The next thing that I saw was roughly about another two or three weeks after that, 'he'd' rekindled 'his' Facebook page, gone completely Thai & changed back to a boy! Fuck, Pukky made me pukie, I'd never felt so queezy in my life... And what a real shame to think that I'd have that kind of effect on someone!.. Still, it has been said that Im a bit of a bum deal.