paultain

So now Billy is taking care of his dad’s pet shop for a few weeks to give his old dad a break. And one day a little old lady came in, “Hello missus, what can I do for you today?” “Oh it’s you Billy!... Listen son, I just lost my husband last year, after 50 years of marriage, and I’m quite a bit lonely, with no one to talk too!... And I was wondering, do you have anything that talks, just to keep me company, for my last days on this Earth?” “Well missus I got this cock-a-too, that talks like a good-en for $200!” “Oh no, no! ….Billy I’m only an old age pensioner, and can’t afford that on the pension I get!” “Ok missus, I understand!... What about this African Grey Parrot, even a better talker at $100!” “Oh no Billy!... I can’t afford that son!... Have you got anything cheaper?” “Well what about this budgie here for $20!” “Ahh that’s more like it!.... Does it talk though?” “Fuck aye missus!... talk your leg off it would!” “Well alright then!,,, I’ll take that, although I still can’t really afford it, as I only get a small pension, but I need something to talk too!” So the old lady took the budgie home, even though her purse was a fair bit lighter. But two day’s later she came back into the shop…. “Hi Billy!.... I thought you said that budgie talks!... I’ve had it for two day’s now, and it hasn’t said a word!” “Fuck me missus!... I can’t understand that!... It should be climbing all around its cage, talking its head off!” “What cage?” “A cage just like this one!” “Well how much is the cage then?” “Well normally $20, but saying it’s you, I’ll give you it for $15!” “I can’t afford this Billy, you know I’m on a small pension…. Ahk give me it anyway!” So off she went home with the cage. But two days later, she came back into the shop, with an angry frown on her face…… “Here Billy!... I’ve had this bloody budgie for 4 days now, and it still hasn’t said a bloody word!... Are you taking the piss Billy?” “Fuck no missus!... I can’t understand that!... It should be climbing all around its cage, and standing on its perch, talking its head off!” “What bloody perch?” “A perch just like this one!” “How much is the bloody perch then?” “Eeemmm, $5 missus!” “Give me the bloody perch then!” And off she went out of the shop mumbling away, about her being a poor old age pensioner, and she couldn’t afford this shit. But 2 day’s later, she come flying into the pet shop, with steam coming out of both ears……. “Listen pal!... Are you taking the piss, or have you sold me a fucking dud budgie?... I’ve had that fucking budgie for 6 days now, and it still hasn’t said a fucking word!” “Fuck no missus!... I can’t understand that!... It should be climbing all around its cage, standing on its perch, and running up and down its little ladder, talking its head off!” “What fucking ladder?” “A little ladder just like this one!” “How much is the fucking ladder then?” “Eeemmm, $5 missus!” “Give me the fucking ladder then!... you fucking rogue!” And she stormed out of the shop shouting abuse back at Billy, wile he gave a sigh of relief. But the next day, she came in like a storm trooper, grabbed Billy by the throat, and had him pinned over the counter, with a clenched fist, ready to punch Billy in the face….. “Listen you little shit!... 7 days now I’ve had that fucking budgie, and still not a fucking word from the little bastard!..... I’m going to fuck you up Billy!” “For fuck sake wait missus, wait missus!... I really can’t understand that!... It should be climbing all around its cage, standing on its perch, running up and down its little ladder, and dinging his little bell, talking its head off!” “What fucking little bell… you little shit?” “Aammm a little bell just like this one!” “How much is the fucking bell then?... you piece of shit!” “Eeemmm, well eeemmm, $5 missus!” “Give me the fucking bell then!... you fucker, taking advantage of old age pensioners!” Then dropped Billy from her grasp, and off she went raging. But the next day she came running in, kicking the door off the hinges with a baseball bat, and Billy tried to run behind the counter, but she jumped over the counter beating Billy to it, got him down on the ground, and shoved the baseball bat in his face…… “Right! I’ve had enough!... 8 days and out of pocket $50, and still not a word from the little bastard!.... I should rip you a new asshole with this bat!” “Wow, wow!..For fuck sake wait a minute missus, wait a minute!... I really, really can’t understand that!... It should be climbing all around its cage, standing on its perch, running up and down its little ladder, dinging his little bell, and looking at himself in his little mirror, talking its head off, cause he thinks he’s talking to another budgie!” “A fucking mirror!... How much is the fucking mirror?” “Only 5$ missus, only 5$!” “Give me the fucking mirror!.... But I’ll tell you what!.... if the little bastard doesn’t talk this time!... you’re a fucking dead man!” So she once again stormed out, and threw a brick threw the window for good measure. But the next day, Billy was putting new glass in the window, when he spotted the little old lady, coming down the street, ran back into the shop, and hid in the back room. The little old lady came quietly and gently inside, with a sad expression on her face. Billy pop his head out from the back room…… “Oh, eemm, are you all right there missus?” “Yes! Yes! Fine!” “Eemm Sooo aahh, how’s your budgie?” “The budgie’s dead!” “Oh Jesus missus, sorry to hear that!... Eemm Sooo aahh, did the budgie talk?” “Yes! Yes! It did!... just before it died!” “Sooo aahh, what did it say?” “HAVE YOU GOT ANY SEED?”

A couple of months later, Billy is back at work, when his old dad called him, to come over to Cyprus for a family get together, and that his cousin from Texas was coming over also, and wanted to see him there. Besides that, his old dad wanted a break, and needed Billy to look after his pet shop, for a few weeks. So Billy flew over to Cyprus, and rented out a car at the airport, and thought he would drive all the way to his dad’s home, taking in the scenery driving on the country roads. But not long into the journey, the car broke down, so Billy got out, lifted the bonnet/hood, and stood there scratching his head, looking at the engine, as he didn’t have a clue what was wrong with it. Just then a big white horse, stuck it’s head over the gate, “All right there Billy!.... What’s up?” This frightened the shit out of Billy thinking, “Fuck me!...A talking horse!” But stupidly answered the horse, “Oh man!... this piece of shit just broke down on me, and I don’t know what’s wrong with it!” “Well check your carburetor Billy!” “The what?... What’s that?” “That thing in there Billy!” And the horse proceeded to give Billy instructions on how to fix it, all the wile with Billy’s heart pounding, over the shock of this talking horse. Sure enough moments later, the car started up, and with his heart racing, Billy drove like crazy to get out of there, until he reached a pub five miles down the road, where he stopped to recover from this shock, and ran into the pub. Billy stood at the bar out of breath, and the barman came to him, “All right there Billy!... haven’t seen you in a wile!” “Quick!... Give me a double whiskey man! Give me a double whiskey! ” “Ok! Ok! Billy!... keep your hair on man!” And pours him a double whiskey, which Billy knocks back in one gulp, “Quick! Quick!... Give me another double whiskey man!” ” “Ok! Ok! Billy!... take it easy man!” And pours him another double whiskey, which Billy again knocks back in one gulp, “Quick! Quick!... You better give me a triple whiskey this time man!” The barman realizing that Billy was in some sort of distress, pours him another drink, and asked, “Here Billy drink this and calm down, and tell me what’s wrong mate!” “Well (gulp) you’ll never believe this!... but five mile back up the road, my car broke down, and just as I did, this fucking horse popped his head over a gate, and told me what was wrong with the car!” The barman gave Billy a funny look, “Aye right Billy!... are you on medication or something?” “I’m telling you man! A fucking horse told me what was wrong with my car!” The barman gave Billy another funny look, “Yeh! Right billy!.... and what color was the horse?” “It was a big fucking white one man!” “Aaahh Right Billy!..... your lucky there mate!” “Whys that man?” “The black one knows fuck all about cars!” Anyway a couple of days later, there was a big feast at his old dad’s farm, where they were having the family get-to-gather. And after the feast, Billy and his cousin from Texas, took a stroll around the farm, “Hey Billy?... what’s that growing over there?” “Those are apples man!” “They’re apples!... for fuck sake Billy, back home in Texas, we grow peas bigger than that!” “Yeh man, right!” Billy started to get the hump as they walked down the road a bit, “Hey Billy?... what’s that growing over there?” “Those are cabbages man!” “They’re cabbages!... for fuck sake Billy, back home in Texas, we grow Brussels sprouts bigger than that!” “Yeh man, right!” His cousin stops him again, “Hey Billy?... what’s that growing over there?” “Ah those are good old Cyprus potatoes man!” “They’re potatoes!... for fuck sake Billy, back home in Texas, we grow them this big!” As his Texan cousin held out his hands a meter apart, “Yeh man!....... but we only grow them to fit our mouth’s!” To be continued!

Anyway they both reached London, and Billy didn’t have to go back to work until the following week, so he thought it would be nice to go up to Birmingham with 5$ for a few days. So they rented a car, and drove up instead. 5$ was taking a short-cut through the country lanes, when suddenly they came across a massive big hole in the road which was impassable. So the two of them got out of the car, and stood there looking down this big hole, “I wonder how deep that is Billy?” “Fuck knows!... but I can’t see the bottom!... I’ll throw a stone down it, to see if we can hear anything!” Billy looked around for a stone, and threw it down the hole, but they didn’t hear anything. Then grabbed a bigger stone, and threw it down the hole, but still didn’t hear anything. Then the two of them grabbed a big bolder, and threw it down the hole, but still didn’t hear anything, “Fuck me man that’s deep!..... can’t hear anything hitting the bottom!” Then Billy say’s, “I know man!... lets throw that big lump of a tree trunk down it!.... We’re bound to hear that hitting the bottom!” So the two of them struggled rolling this tree trunk over to the hole, and kicked it over the edge, but just in a split second a goat came flying out of the forest shouting, “For fuck sake Billlleee!” and jumped straight into the hole. Standing there scratching their heads, a farmer came out of the woods, and shouts to Billy, “How’s it going Billy?..... Ya didn’t see ma goat anywhere, did ya?” “Funny you should say that man!.... We just saw a goat come flying out of that forest, and jumping down that big hole there!” “Ahk sure! it couldn’t have been my goat!.... I had it chained to a tree trunk!” “Oh! Eeemmm, well eeemmmm!.... I think we better go back down the road and hit the motorway!..... What do you think 5$?” “Well, eeeemmm! … I think we better!... God look at the time we better get a move on!” Finally they were both sitting in a pub in Birmingham, when 5$ spots something in the newspaper he was reading, “Look at this Billy!... Their looking for a couple of blokes to clean all the windows on a small block of flats!.... That will give us a bit of extra cash, for LOS!” “Man, I’ll do anything to get back there!” So they both got the job, “Right Billy you do the front, and I’ll do the back!” Starting at the top, in a cradle, Billy soon got into the routine of lowering himself down, cleaning that level of windows, lowering himself down to clean the next level of windows, and so on. Half way through the day, he came to a window that was half opened, and inside was a cracking looking woman in a bath rob, with a baby in her arms, but didn’t notice Billy cleaning the windows. Billy thought to himself, “Fuck she’s nice, I wouldn’t mind shagging her for a couple of hours!” But just then she gets one of her big beautiful tits out, and started to breast feed the baby. Billy is now hypnotized by this, with his eye’s wide open, and mouth gaping, cleaning the window with one hand, in a slow circular motion to a stop. Just then the woman notices Billy gaping through the open window, and lets out a scream, “Jesus missus!... it’s only me Billy!” “Oh! It you Billy!... I didn’t recognize you there!” “Missus! I think that’s wonderful the way mother nature works!..... I’ve only seen that once before, a couple of days ago, coming up in the train through France!” “Oh, well then, in that case do you want to watch Billy?” “Oh, missus!... do you mind if I do?” As he scrambled through the window. “No, no Billy!... I don’t mind at all!.... sit yourself down there on the sofa!” So Billy makes himself comfortable on the sofa, and she gets her tit out, to continue feeding the baby. But having Billy watching her, she gets a bit frustrated and horny. Billy interrupts her a couple of minutes later, “God missus, isn’t it wonderful how mother nature works!... It’s simply fascinating!” “Well!... in that case, do you want to have a go yourself Billy?” “God missus, would you mind if I do?” “Oh no Billy!” So she throws the baby on the sofa, and grabs Billy by the head, and shoves it into her big round breast, where Billy starts to suck like a goodin. Now as she watches Billy sucking away at her nipple, she’s really getting horny, licking and pouting her lips, with her pussy dripping wet underneath her bath rob. She couldn’t stand the frustration any longer, and interrupts Billy, “Eeeemmm hhhaaa, Billy! Hhhaaa, is there anything else you would like to eat?” “Aye missus!..... you wouldn’t have a Farley’s Rusk in the house would ya?” To be continued!

So Air Force One was on its way back to the USA, and funds were getting low, so the two musketeers thought it better to go by train to London, as it was the cheapest way to go. Well, they were sitting in one of them compartments than sits about six people, nice and private like, when going through Spain, some Spanish guy, boards the train, slides the door of the compartment open, and enters. But just before he sat down he noticed Billy, “Ahk Billy, how’s it going mate?” “Ahk not too bad man!... we just been to see my mate the Pope, cause this cunt sitting beside me here didn’t believe he was a mate!” “Who’s your mate anyway Billy?” “Oh, sorry mate, this is 5$, but he usually goes by the name of, ‘The Brummie Midget’, because of that Irish twat!” “Ahhh, thank fuck he’s not Irish!....Where is that Irish twat anyway Billy?” “Sssshhhh!... we don’t want to talk about it!” “Oh I see!... anyway please to meet you 5$!” And shook his hand. “Are you guys heading back to London?” “Aye mate!... what about you?” “Getting off just over the border in France!” when Billy asked, “So how’s things with you?.... How’s that sweet wife of yours?” “For fuck sake Billy, don’t talk to me about that bitch!” “What’s up man?” “Ahk, I’m fed up with her… she’s a dirty bitch, that woman is!” “Is she too kinky for you or something?” “No, no Billy, I don’t mean that!... I mean she’s a dirty filthy bitch!” “How come mate?” “Well Billy!... I just came home last night, from an all-nighter at the tranny bars!... came in through the back door of the kitchen, as I normally do!... took a piss in the kitchen sink, as I normally do!... and there was a pile of dirty dishes still lying in it!........I tell you Billy, she’s a dirty filthy bitch!... and if she doesn’t buck up, I’ll be divorcing the cunt!.......... Oh! There’s my stop!...... see you later guys!” So a couple of stops later, a French woman with a baby in her arms, boarded the train, and entered the compartment, “All right there Billy!... just thought it was you through the window!” “How’s it going missus!... sit down there and take all that weight off your feet!” As he glared at her big DD, well rounded, braless firm breasts, freely wobbling, in a thin loose white silk shirt, with large dark brown, rock hard nipples, that wanted to slice through the silk material, mmmmmm……..(What was I talking about?..... Oh yeh!... back to the story)……. Anyway not long into the journey, the baby started to cry, and it seemed the father they got, the louder the crying got, with ear piercing screeches, until it was pretty unbearable. 5$, thinking how long they had to put up with this shit, asked the woman, “How far are you going missus?” “Oh, a couple of hours yet!.... I’m going all the way up to Paris!” “Well, for fuck sake, can you do something about that baby’s crying…. It’s giving me a headache!.... What’s wrong with it anyway?” “I know what’s wrong with it!..... It’s hungry!” “Well can you not feed it, with a Farley’s Rusk (a soft baby’s teething biscuit) or something!” “Oh no! The baby’s too young for that!… it’s still in the breast feeding stage!” “Well do something missus!... anything is better than listening to that all the way up to Paris!... please feed the dam thing!” “Are you sure you don’t mind guy’s?” 5$, still with a frown on his face answered, “Not at all missus!.... I’m a family man myself, and I’ve bought and worn out the T-Shirt, about that, and quite use to it!” “Well in that case!” She wipes out one of her big rounded….(right cut it out Paul)… giving 5$ a boner, and proceeded to feed the baby, who was now quietly sucking away. Not a minute went by, when Billy burst out laughing, slapping his hand on his knee, and rocking back and forth, annoying 5$, “What the fuck is the matter with you Billy?..... Behave yourself, and stop showing us up!” “Ok, sorry man!” Another minute went by, and Billy burst out laughing again, slapping his hand on his knee, and rocking back and forth, but trying to hold in the laughter, with his other hand over his mouth, “For fuck sake Billy what’s the matter with you?” “Fuck man! That’s the first time I seen this shit!” “What!... you never seen this before?” “No man!” “For fuck sake Billy!... this is the wonders of mother nature working at its best, and just about the most natural thing ever!..... So get a grip Billy!.... and stop showing us up!” “Ok, sorry man!” Another minute passed, and again with Billy bursting out laughing, but now he’s almost rolling on the floor, “I told you to get a grip Billy, and I told you it’s the most natural thing in the world!..... The trouble with you Billy!... You’ve been fucking far too many ladyboys, for far too long!..... This is the most natural way to feed a baby!” “Yeh I know!... But surely the baby’s not going to eat all that!” To be continued!

Sorry guys, 4 weeks to go, and I’m bored! So it’s time for a bit of entertainment for you, and something to occupy my time! (Our elders will know the origins of this one) Every body knows 69Billy!!! A true’ish story Billy and Fie Dollah, were sitting at the bar in La Bamba, when Billy turned to 5$ and said, “You know!.... every body knows me man!... every where I go, people come up to me and say hello, and I’ve never seen them before in my life!” “Aye right Billy” 5$ sniggered. “No, no, 5$!... I really mean it man!” and just then a stranger walks in, and to prove it to 5$, Billy shouts across the bar, “How’s it going man?” “Ahh Billy! How are you? Nice to see you finally in the flesh!” and came over, gave Billy a strong hand shake, and bought the two musketeers a drink, wile Billy turned to 5$, “You see!.... everybody knows me man!” “Fuck off Billy!... he must recognize you from the forums, or something!” They jumped on the bikes, and drove up to the ‘Rolling Stones Bar’, where ‘Lam Morrison’ was playing away like a good old boy. And no sooner the two musketeers sat down at the bar, Lam immediately stopped playing, and shouts down the microphone, “Ahh Mr. Billy is here!... Sawasdee Mr. Billy, can I play you something special?” Billy turns to 5$, “You see!.... everybody knows me man!” “Fuck off Billy! …Pattaya is not so big, and the amount of times you come here, you must bump into these people here all the time!” “No man!... It happens every where I go… All over the world!... Even a lot of famous people know me!” “Famous people?... Like who?” “Take your pick man!” “I suppose you know Obama?” “Oh yes man!... me an him are old mates!” “Right Billy I’ll soon sort you out right now boy!” And 5$, takes out his phone and calls ‘FatBoyUK’ back in London, who works for an airline, “Hi mate, can you fix me up two very cheap tickets to Washington DC?” “Why?” “Billy here is trying to tell me he knows Obama, and they are old mates, so I want to call his bluff!” “All right 5$, but don’t tell any body where you got the tickets!... I’ll email then to you in a half hour!” “Thanks mate byee!” “Hey 5$, what are you doing man?” “Right Billy, I’ll have two tickets to Washington in a half hour, and first thing in the morning, we’re hitting the airport!... And we’ll see if you know Obama or not!” “Ok man! Up to you!” So the two of them fly to Washington, and walk up to the gates of the White House, “Billy we’re not even going to get past the guards!” “It’s cool man, I tell you, everybody knows me!” Billy walks up the guards, “How’s it going guy’s?” “Ah Billy!... come to see the boss?” “Yeh man!... and let my mate here through as well!..... he’s Ok!.... he’s not the Irish one!” “Ahh, in that case all right, so long as it’s not that other fucker!” They walked into the White House, and bumped into Obama in the corridor with papers in his hand, “Ahhh Billy!... long time no see mate!” And gave Billy a big hug, “I was just about to go into a press conference, to announce I just killed Bin Laden!.... nothing really important, so I’ll just cancel it, and we can go to the oval office, have a coffee, and shoot the shit about the old days!.......... Who’s your mate?” “Ahh it’s Ok, he’s not Irish mate!” “Thank fuck for that!........ Remember that last time you brought that Irish twat in!!” “Yeh!...sorry mate!” (Billy puts his head down in shame, then lifts it up) “Did you get the War Room repaired, after that time?” “Yes! But it took us six months, to get it back to working order!.......... How the fuck did he get those wire cutters in here in the first place?” “Don’t know mate!.... probably up his ass or something!......... sure anyway he was only kidding around mate!” “Call that kidding around!..... We couldn’t start another war for six months because of that Irish twat!” “Yeh! I know…sorry mate!” “And Billy!... that was a big mistake taking that Irish twat over to the Stock Market in Wall Street, with those wire cutters!...... man that was more shit!...... the rich couldn’t make any money out of thin air!..... Farmers and businesses had to sell products at the real prices! …..and the poor wasn’t getting fucked over!..... It was terrible Billy!” “Yeh! I know…sorry mate!” “Lucky we sold all our gold too China, that time you took him to Fort Knocks!” “Ahk sure! …. Paul gets a little bit excited when I take him places!.... you wanna see him, when I take him to Pooks bar in Soi 6!..... Sometimes I’m ashamed to be with that crazy bastard!” 5$ is stunned at the conversation, “Are you two guys talking about Irish Paul?” “Ssshhhuuu! I don’t want to talk about it!” So the three of them are sitting in the Oval Office, shooting the shit about the old days, and 5$ sitting there in a daze about the whole thing, when Billy turn around to him and said, “See I told you even the famous people know me!...... everybody knows me man!” “Ahh Billy!... I think that was just a fluke!” “Ok then!... name another famous person!... and I bet you I know him!” “Eeemmm, I suppose you’re going to tell me you know the Pope?” “Of course I do man!.... Him and I go away back!... For fuck sake, we use to be alter boys together back in the old days!...... sure how the fuck do you think I got into fucking trannies & ladyboys!” “Right that’s it!... I’m going to sort this out once and for all!” So 5$ picks up the phone and calls FatBoyUK, “Hi mate! Can you sort out a couple of very cheap tickets to Rome?” “Fuck off 5$!.... do you want to get me sacked?” “Ok mate!.. sorry!” and hangs up, with a disappointed look on his face. Obama turns to him and said, “What’s up with you 5$?” “Ahk!... we want to go to Rome and see the Pope, but I can’t get any cheap tickets!” “Sure you can use my Air Force One, I’ll not be using it today!” “Are you sure Mr. President?” “Ahk no problem!.... anything for Billy!... and just call me Sammy!” So they flew over to Rome, and entered St. Peters Square, which was jammed packed with thousands of sheeple, penguins, and dog collars all over the place, waiting for the Pope to appear on the balcony to bless them. Stuck in the midst of this rowdy bunch of hooligans, Billy turns to 5$ and say’s, “Listen man!... the Pope is not going to see us in this crowd!.... I’ll tell you what I’ll do!..... I’ll go round the side entrance, and go up to see him, come out with him, and give you a wave!” “Sure what about the guards?” “No problem man!.... everybody knows me!” So Billy disappears into the crowd, then 15 minutes later, the crowd starts roaring, and sure enough there was Billy, standing beside the Pope on the balcony waving. Then after the blessings were over, Billy made his way back to where 5$ was, to find him, stretched out on the ground, with the paramedics all around him, resuscitating him, after he collapsed, with a mild heat attack. Billy, very concerned got on his knees, and lifted 5$’s head up, “Man! What happened to you?...... don’t tell me you got religion or something!” “No, no!... it’s not that!.... It’s just when I was standing there, and saw you come out with the Pope, I over heard the two nun’s that was standing beside me, when one said to the other, “Oh look there’s Billy!”, and the other one answered, “Oh yeh!.... that’s Billy all right!..... But who the fuck is that twat beside him, in the dress & pointy hat?”” To be continued!

Doing a little bit of research on the Stra8 forums, I came across this information; There seems to be a growing tread in several ago-go bars in Walking Street this year, of having a PRE-PAYED system. Bars include; Casanovy agogo; Where the mamasan brings out a menu type card with : barfine 600; ST 2000; LT 3000; Super Girl ago-go; Super Baby ago-go; Hooty's ago-go; Passion ago-go; Airport ago-go; do something similar. Not un-like our friend Pook, doing it in her two bars, PookSwan; Pook Soi 6: There's a risk it could become a growing trend if enough folks pay up front instead of smiling and moving on. Whilst the majority of BM's would adopt the 'walk away' routine, there are enough newbies and non-forum mongers arriving in town every day who won't know that paying up-front is not the usual way to do business. Hence, any place that tries out this model is likely to continue using it. Apart from the high risk to GG mongers, and LB mongers alike, paying up-front for a LT, and turns into a ST, or a bad performance in a ST, you have no way of limiting the impact upon your wallet. Although Pook is only using this system for ST, it seems she is trying to follow this trend, probably to see how it goes first with the ST, and who is to say she won’t try it on with the LT’s at a later date, following in the footsteps of the other bars mentioned. Let's all hope it doesn't grow over time to become the usual way of negotiating. It has been disgust, and suspected, by members of the Str8 forums, that in this system, the mamasan’s or the bars are taking another cut out of it, on top of the bar-fines, generating extra revenue. Not unlike our suspicions of both Pook bars, of doing the same. Some of the members of the Str8 forums have reported, after they refused and protested about this paying up front system, the bars in question quickly changed their minds, and allowed the customer to carry on as normal. This has also been reported by a few LB mongers, refusing to pay up front in the Pook bars, which also quickly changed their minds, and allowed the customer to carry on as normal. On the Str8 forums, and thanks to the internet, the GG mongers are discussing and uniting, to refuse to pay into this system of the mentioned bars, with the attitude, “There’s plenty more where they come from, in the normal beer bars!” And we should unite with the Pook bars also, making sure the other LB bars in the circuit don’t get any other funny idea’s. I think if we all did this, it would be a matter of weeks before this system will be thrown out the window. Personally, as the Pook bars are my favorite bars, I would never pay up front for any thing, or in any case. I think that this system of Pooks, will come back and bit her on the ass.

Guys.... I'm picking up the profits of by book sales sold in the Canterbury Tales from Dave there, this coming June. I am taking a bike ride to the 'Fountain of Youth orphanage' along with 69Billy, and 5$, to hand our donations 'directly' to Sister Mary, and spend a couple of hours with the kids, and see how things work there, somewhere between the 23rd of June, and the 7th July. As I have posted what we are doing (in my TR), on other non LB related forums such as 'Addicts', we have accidentally drummed up (from posts and PM's) a few more donators, that want to come along with us, to make their personal donations. There is simply nothing to organize here..... no piss-ups, no volley ball competitions, no hotel venue's, or company sponsors, to worry about. All we have to do is Post and PM, the date & meeting point, a couple of days before hand, wile we are there. If others don't turn up, and can't be bothered getting out of their beds, it's no big deal... I know that 3 good guys are going for sure, but it would be nice & better for the kids if others would tag along also. I know there is a shit load of LB mongers in town that period, and it will be interesting to see the reaction of this post, or is it going to fall on deaf ears, with no reaction at all! Anyway you are welcome to join us, on our little quest if your in town! Thanks in advance Paul

As we say back home.... "You and I could talk the leg off a donkey"...LOL Man, I can't stand using water colors, your absolutely right in what you say, "the fear of only having one chance or your fucked…" I guess that's why I use oils, as it's more like sculpturing a piece of clay, being able to move it around, alter it, or simply get a rag and wipe it off, before it dries. I shouldn't think I set any bar high on the subject of Dear.... but I think I just got into her head a bit more that others. The way she felt about herself, she was trying to only do cashier and barmaid, and Karl looked after her by giving her a bit of extra cash, as he did need someone he could trust. But I guess the same surrounding got to her a bit, and she went home. She doesn't have a phone, and wont tolerate one, and it rare she would use the net. Anyway, the thing that is motivating her now is, "When are we going on our next holiday?", so she's picking me up at the airport in June. I don't mind at all, as she's a great pal, but I'll be giving her a good talking to, to move on. As you said;"BM’s, on the whole, don’t like ‘old hands’ who are forum newbies," Yes I agree with you there, as it happened to me also..... They tend to assume your experience,looking at the date you join, and not by your experience in the field. Reading your posts, I could tell right away you were a well seasoned monger in the field, and sometimes laugh 'that was me also' Anyway, glad your considering posting your art, and I look forward to it, and thanks for the contributions of the Dear sketches. Cheers good buddy

President Thomas Jefferson I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike, founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites, to support roguery and error all over the earth. President John Adams The doctrine of the divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Georg Carlin “I got to tell you the truth folks; I got to tell you the truth. When it comes to bullshit…Big-time, major-league bullshit… You have to stand in awe… Of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims….RELIGION! Think about it! Religion has actually convinced people that, there is an invisible man… living in the sky… who watches everything you do, every minute of the day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things… he has a special place full of fire, and smoke, and burning, and torture, and anguish. Where he will send you to live, and suffer, and burn, and choke, and scream, and cry, for ever and ever, till the end of time. BUT HE LOVES YOU! HE LOVES YOU! He loves you, and he needs money! He always needs money… he is all powerful, all perfect, all knowing, all wise… But some how he just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no tax’s, and they always need a little MORE! Now! You talk about a good bullshit story… HOLY SHIT!”

Cheers Lung for the nice lengthy response, and I’m glad it filled in the time for you on a boring afternoon. Regarding the crazy tattooed twat; LOL….. I have to learn to stay out of those places myself, as I got a bad habit of going native anywhere I go. And yes it does take a day or so to wind down from it, when realizing that being full of drink, what could have gone wrong. And the twat being full of drink and drugs, he was totally unpredictable. In training, of a predicament like this, it is best not to keep your distance, but to close the distance between you both, by acting a little crazy, throwing him off guard, to get your hands close or on the weapon, then its all down hill from there. In this case he probable thought I would have shot myself in the head…..LOL We learn things like this also when we were kids back in N. Ireland, in the case of drive-by shootings. Best to hit the deck and roll towards the car as close as possible that is doing the shooting, as the shooter is shooting through his window, the rest of the door makes it difficult for him to hit you, in those split seconds driving past. Hitting the deck at a distance, or running away makes an easier target. The Art; Nice to know somebody knows about Frazetta, and yes him and Boris, was a big influence on me as a teen. I do oil on canvas, only using 7 colors, but I won’t do the detail they put into their work, as I won’t spend any more that 10-15 hours at any one painting….. If I start I have to finish it the same day, as if I take a break like sleep, I loose interest in it the next day, and find it hard to continue. I’ve did a few of my favorites of Frazetta & Boris, but I don’t put in the detail like they do in the backgrounds. You must remember these; (as you can see I finished off with an easy background) The wildlife has no influence at all, it’s just something I tried out a few years back. Just simply getting photos off the net, and putting a few animals together from separate photos, and then putting a weird but easy background to them, keeping the painting within my time limit. I don’t see the point in spending a few weeks putting in every detail when it’s only going to sell for $200 at the most. You’d be better off on the social…LOL You have to laugh at this one; I took two separate photos of single tigers and put them together as a pair, only to find when I was painting in the stripes on the head, I realized it was the same fucking tiger, and had to quickly alter the stripes on one of them… I had a good laugh to myself finishing it. This one was three separate photos rolled into one; And of course the odd test peice; Regarding Dear; Yes I thought you might be interested in that, as I remember reading your posts wile over there you tried to bar-fine her, and I remember you saying something like, “She said, I would be no good for you!” I couldn’t comment at the time, as I didn’t know myself what her plans were. I did get an email from Karl during that time saying, I set the bar too high, as she was turning a lot more than you down. Like I mentioned before, I posted this TR on 3 Str8 very homophobic forums, and to my surprise I got a great reception, and quite a following. And of course I get loads of PM’s that they can’t or ashamed to post, with questions like ‘who is good to start off with’, ‘the best bar for a newbie’, and ‘does such n’ such a bar have ST rooms, as it’s close to my hotel, and I fancy trying it out, wile the wife’s out shopping’ etc. But one guy who doesn’t belong to any LB forum told me he was quite fawned of Dear, and bar-fined her around Aug-Sept for 3 nights in a row, but never stayed or took her anywhere during the day. Just paid her off in the mornings, and picked her up in the evenings in the bar. He told me she was in tears the first night he took her with the same, “I ladyboy, what can I do!”, and after reading my TR, he regrets not keeping her during the day, and not treating her properly, as right now he’s still got it real bad for her. Lung as you can see in the photos, Dear is a totally different person, and even 5$ can vouch that she is a very funny comical character that seems to not have a care in the world, for those few days, and a great pal to chum around with. You’re Sketches; I loved your sketches, and especially the ones of Dear, and like I said you should have a thread of them, and would appreciate you posting those few of Dear on here. I was very surprised to find you were banned on the other forum, and I must have missed something, as I don’t understand it. You should still open a thread of your talent though here. Many thanks Paul

LOL...... Talk about giving a pig a bad name...... By the way! when are you having you're piglets..... LOL But fair play to Tar for sticking too her guns though! Yes I told you they will be scheming now.

Cheers Lin good buddy, but we're not as bad as you ...LOL Thanks Lin

Thanks Willie, Nice to get a response like that mate!

Coming soon The Three Musketeers Return to Pattaya June / July 2011 (LOL..... Beat you to it, Fie Dollah)

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Afterword A couple of weeks after I left, Dear depressed and unhappy, got fed up working for Pook, and at the same time, Lita of the EZY Bar (whom Dear didn’t like), left to start up the Famous Bar in Soi VC, and took most of the staff. So Dear went to work for Karl who was looking for staff, under the pretext that she would be the bar tender, and cashier around September 2010. During that period between September until the start of November, she would only go with a very few selective customers, turning most of them down. At the same time Karl was having some issues with his missus Lita, and in his tantrums did show up to open the bar several days (sometimes weeks) during that period, leaving customers and staff getting fed up with showing up at the door to find it closed. This made him loose his staff, and customers started to stay away, including Dear who was disgusted with her life anyway. She left the P4P scene completely, and went back home to the suburbs of Bangkok, and got a job selling copy handbags in a shop of a shopping mall, for a low wage, but a lot happier. Like myself, Dear is not one for mobile phones, nor does she have a lap-top with internet connection, but she still keeps in touch by email once a month or six weeks, by internet café, as she usually does when she was on the P4P scene, sometime checking her mail after 3 months. She told me, although very happy, she wasn’t sure about that job, as selling copies, they were always prone to police raids, and the staff would take the brunt of it, and not the owner. So mid December, she managed to get a better job in a hair salon, with a little bit more wage, and feels a lot better, and she has been working there ever since. I got to give her 10/10 for trying, and struggling with a low income. So I guess my lectures worked, although I think I over done it a bit, as in my opinion, as she is only 24, she has still got some shelf-life left for the P4P scene, and should have given it a few more years, and save the big money, for school or to start her own little business. Tar, also left the P4P scene, and started a pig farm, but that lasted about 6 months, and wasn’t any good for a proper income, so now she is working in a hair salon ever since also. So good luck to them both.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 22 Up bright and breezy, breakfast, but none for Dear as she didn’t want any for the first time, as that skinny thing eats like a horse, it was very rare to see. Then shopping of last minute stuff, and then back to the room to do the bulk of my packing, wile Dear was writing something. Then to join Fie Dollah and some of the lads out in the swimming pool. Still bitched like an old woman about my foot, but that was only to get another foot massage from Dear, which seemed to be working better than a pain killer. Now wile we were all having a bit of craick at the pool, out in front of everyone she came out with, “Hey Paul!... How come you fuck me very hard last night…. When you got a broken foot?” having a confused look, wile she massaged my foot, forgetting the rest of the lads where there. Everything seem to stop for that moment, and we all looked at her, when I said, “Yeh! I fucked you hard all right!..... but I didn’t fuck you with my fucking foot, you silly cow!” “Oh yeh!” with a silly look on her face, wile the rest of us laughed. There was nothing I was going to do today as I had an early 7 am taxi to the airport the next morning. But Fie Dollah, as he threatened the day before, to take an adventure on his own today, stuck out his chest and said, “I took Tar out on a road trip this morning on the bike!” “Oh yeh!..nice one mate!...... where did you go to?” “Buddha Hill!” “Buddha fucking Hill!...... Ya could have walked it up there you silly twat……. It’s as much adventurous as going to the bank!” Come lunch time, and Dear still doesn’t want to eat, and not her usual comical self. Fie Dollah said he wanted to take us out to dinner saying it was my last night, in appreciation for doing tour guide, which was very nice of him. He said I could pick anything I liked to eat, so I just said ‘sausages’, as we can’t get a good one in Holland. So we picked the ‘Queen Vic’ in Soi 6 for that night. So that night we all headed out to the ‘Queen Vic’ where I got my sausages, and still Dear wouldn’t order or eat anything, and just sat there wile the three of us ate. I had to laugh when Fie Dollah ordered for Tar some English food for a change, which was roast chicken dinner, and Tar not understanding what was ordered, she ordered a spicy seafood salad to go along with it. When she saw the size of the plate, she went, “Oh my God!” and when Fie Dollah saw the spicy salad he went, “What the fuck is that you silly cow!” Wile sitting at dinner, a loud rap on the window beside us from the street, with the two heads of Billy and JCS peering through it, then came in and said their farewells, then they got back on the Soi 6 to continue their evening hunt, as Billy’s girlfriend has gone back home. Fie Dollah ordered desert for himself, which was something like apple pie & custard, but it was served too hot, so he let it sit for a wile. Tar said, “Why you not eat desert?” “Too hot!” “Oh you poor baby!... let mom take care of you!” And took the spoon, loaded it up, blew on it, and started to spoon feed him like a big baby. We split after that, after we said our farewells, they went on to some place and I took Dear back to the room, but on the way I tried to get her to eat, but with no luck. After a bit of a session, we actually stayed up all night talking, with Dear crying, and saying things like the first night I met her, so I guess reality had just crept in all day, and the reason she wouldn’t eat, being too upset. So it was back to the lectures, to cheer her up a bit, which worked until the taxi came, and on the way to the airport I dropped her off at her room very sad. Not until I was on the plane, I was sitting changing cash from baht to euros in my wallet, getting ready for my arrival, when I found a letter in it, folded up into an origami heart shape, and read it. Mr. Paul, Thank you for a good time and happy time. Nice to see you. Have a good days. You make me feel good all times. I will hope to see you some place or some where. You are the monster of me now, thank you so much. And I think don’t forget me, we are happy together, so everything we do and we been before now, stay in my mind always. I think if I not see you, I think maybe I’m “chakwow” for sure because!!! I’m do that for sure no have someone help me!!!! Thank you for give my smile again. “You win of my heart Paul” sure! Take care, have a good time! Bye bye Dear THE END

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 21 (continued) I could see a big storm coming in from the sea, so I got the crew out of the temple, and a quick stroll through the workshop, with a bit of explaining about that on the way. But the next stop should have been the dolphin show, but I was given the excuse that it was too hot for the dolphin to perform. Of course I took Miss Buffalo Cock a couple of weeks before, and the excuse then was, they were cleaning out the lagoon. I remember 5 dolphins in that lagoon in the beginning, and the last few visits; I saw that go down to two, and the year before they had only one performing. So I think they simply died off to be honest. Anyway everyone’s hungry now, especially Dear who rubbing her stomach, and pouting her lips again, so it was off back to the restaurant again, where we had a great meal, and watched a traditional show, where the rain came down monsoon style, so we sat there and took it easy, until it blew over climbing up the wooden steps of the cliff, and back to the car park, to get out bikes, and a baht bus for Billy. When we got back to the room bringing some food with us for later as the weather was bad, and my foot was killing me now, dear got on her knees removed my shoes, and gave me a gentle foot massage, which helped a bit. Being as it was going to be my last night tomorrow, we had a hell of a hard session in bed all that night.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 21 (continued) Then we entered the temple where I gave the crew a shorten version of the place, than the long drawn out stuff that the tour guides were doing The Brummie midget did it again!

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 21 (continued) At the bottom of the cliff, there is the restaurant, where after all that so far, a cold drink would be in order, before we go any farther. So as I started to take the crew over there, the tour guides started to get on my piss with, “No, no! this way sir!..... and you need to take a hard hat sir!” “No, no madam!..... we are going for a drink, and we don’t need hard hat for that….. and we can pick them up over there ourselves when we continue!” she knew by my tone of voice not to continue the conversation. After the cold drinks, we picked up the hard hat, and posed for a few more photos, before entering the grounds of the temple, which is the hard hat area. With Dear making silly poses for the camera. On the way over to the bells, the girls saw a bunch of workmen’s tools, and thought it would be a good idea to act the fool with them, and then let them ring the bells for good luck.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 21 (continued) Then we walked a short way to the view point to take a few photos, and now I’m starting to limp, and dreading the climb down the steep steeps of the cliff. On the way down the wooden steps of the cliff, we took some more photos, and this is where you can see Dear when she moans about being hungry, as in one photo you can see what she does, rubbing her stomach, with the lips pouting like a big baby. I at this stage was having a hard time down the steps, so the other two musketeers, helped me down a bit.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 21 (continued) At the shooting range, we let the girls go first, and again they were over the moon with this, as they also never did this before. Then the musketeers took over, and this is where things get nasty. That fucker Fie Dollah cheats, by finding the automatic switch, and emptying the whole magazine into the target in one blast. Then the Thai guy comes round to check all the scores with a pen and paper, slowly adding up every ones scores, until he came to Fie Dollah’s target, and just burst out laughing saying, “You win mister! You win!” because his target had a massive hole in it, that you could pass a tennis ball through.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 21 Got up the next morning, but acting the fool in the room I broke my toe again, and I say again as I did it the year before, same room, on the corner of the same bed, and the same fucking toe. I have only a couple of days to go, and the last time I did it, the girl I was with then, got me a bunch of pain killers, just to get me through the whole journey home, But now I’m just about to got out on a day’s outing with the other two musketeers, and we will be walking around most of the day. So fuck it, I put my shoes on right away, to keep down the swelling, and just got on with it. Fie Dollah, Tar, Dear, and I drove around to meet up with Billy and his girl in Soi 8, where Billy decided to baht bus it to the ‘Sanctuary of Truth’ wile we would go on our bikes, and meet him there at the ticket office. Hard luck for Dear, we didn’t have time for breakfast. So in the ticket office, the guides first start to make their long drawn out boring speeches about the place, and what it had to offer. I haven’t time for this, so I ignored them a carried on with ordering tickets for a few thinks, that they didn’t even bother to mention, but as I was I started to get pissed off as they kept butting in making thing more complicated, and confusing…… well confusing for them. So I had to tell them to be quite, that I knew what I was doing. So I made sure every one got their tickets, and got out of there, leaving the staff there standing even more confused, “Right guys over here first!” and directed them to the ATV’s, where I made the guys only get tickets for the girls, as I knew they would enjoy it more, than three old grumpy git’s. Sure enough it was the first time the girls were ever on these things, and they really enjoyed it, when they went around the circuit, and wanted to go again. They were surprised, as all they thought they were going to, was a silly old temple. Then it was little pony & carriage ride for the girls, to our next stop, which was the shooting range, wile the three musketeers walked to it, with me really starting to feel the pain of my toe.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 20 It’s a Buddhist holiday today, not that it makes much difference in Pattaya, but after that trip, we used it as an excuse to take it easy today, and recover from it. After a late breakfast/lunch of Thai food in the market, Dear and I joined Fie Dollah and Tar by the pool for the whole day. Laying there having a chat, Fie Dollah mentioned he was going to attempt to go on his own to the ‘Sanctuary of Truth’, as on the way to the crocodile farm a few days before, I stopped and had shown him the road to it. When he mentioned it, I automatically thought about Billy and his girl, and thought as the six of us had a great time the night we went out to dinner, it would be a bit of a blast if all of us went there the next day. And although I had already been myself, it would be a good idea to go with them, to make sure they took advantage of all the recreation facilities that were available there. So I told Fie Dollah, I would hunt down Billy that evening to arrange it for the next day. One thing (among others) I laughed my head off and will never forget; as it was one of those Buddhist holidays, therefore the bar by the swimming pool was closed, and the barman had the day off. So any drinks or food had to be ordered at reception. Wile ‘Fie Dollah’ and I, with our 2 girls Tar & Dear, were out by the pool that afternoon, each couple sharing a sun bed, along side a couple of old guys, who were trying their best to hide their fascination, in a deep conversation about a load of bollocks, and from time to time giving a quick side glance, almost forgetting what they were talking about. This is because, Dear, now and again, in a bikini would get into a doggy style position on the sun bed, with her tight ass up in the air, giving me one of her looks, as if to say, “Please fuck me, I’ve been a naughty girl!” not caring that the old boys eyes were hanging out. At the same time Tar was only wearing a thin cheese cloth smock (and fuck all underneath it), and now and again would get her tits out (sure they were always falling out, no matter what she wore, as she had a hell of a body). ‘Fie Dollah’ and I, started to feel sorry for the poor old guys, trying to carry on as normal as possible, with the expression, “Move along folks… there’s nothing to see here!” Now I’m sitting on the side edge of the sun bed facing ‘Fie Dollah’, with Dear laying down on it behind me. ‘Fie Dollah’ was doing the same facing me, with Tar lying down behind him. Both of us guy’s having a bit of craick with a few yarns. At one point in our conversation, Tar, who was lying on her side, started to snuggle up to ‘Fie Dollah’s’ back, and mumbled something. I thought as it was rainy season, she felt a bit of rain, because ‘Fie Dollah’ answered back, “I know… I feel it to!” So I asked, “What did she say?” “She said she’s horny!” “Sure she’s always bloody horny!” “Aye but… she’s got a bloody big hard-on… and it’s poking into my back!” Tar shyly giggled, hiding her shame behind ‘Fie Dollah’ as that thin cheese cloth smock wasn’t about to hid anything, when ‘Fie Dollah’ ordered, “Now go and order me a cup of tea at reception!” Tar couldn’t make a move, as she couldn’t get rid of the hard-on, until ‘Fie Dollah’ persisted again, wile we all pissed ourselves laughing. Fair play to Tar, as she got up with her back to the old guys, and with one hand, grabbed the smock, and pulled it out about a foot in front of her, turned, walked past the two old guys, around the pool, and into reception to order the tea. We were almost rolling on the ground laughing, and the two old guys couldn’t hide the fact that they were eavesdropping, because she still couldn’t get rid of the hard-on, and had to walk all the way back from reception, around the pool, and past the two old guys, who must have thought ‘fuck it’, and eyed her the whole way back pissing their selves laughing at Tar, walking still with the smock pulled out a foot in front of her, still trying to hide the hard-on. The two old guy’s were veterans, and if they had never been with a ladyboy, I’m sure they were out on the hunt that night, because it was written all over their smiling faces. I’m sure they wondered a bit, as they were seeing up close, just how soft, gentle, loving, and fun, being with a ladyboy can be. Anyway, the sun going down finished off a nice relaxing day, and Dear and I when again for some Thai food, in the ‘Hole in the Wall’, where Dear mentioned once again about her favorite dish, which was done by an old lady on Jomtien beach in the evenings. After dinner I managed to catch Billy in one of the bars, and told him all about the boat trip, which I could see he was thinking he should have went, but it was a pity he already arranged other plans. So I talked him into going with us the next day without much effort, and arranged a meet-up with him. We just had a couple of drinks with Billy, and then went back to the hotel, where after a bit of a session in bed, the hunger got to us again. So I thought I would take her to Jomtien beach, to see what all the fuss was about with this dish she was always harping on about. So we headed out to Jomtien just before midnight, where it started to piss it down with rain. Just managed to get under cover by the old lady, before it got too heavy, and found the dish she was talking about, was Chinese which I knew this dish very well. I use to travel 30 kilometers to get the dish in an old famous Chinese restaurant in Maastricht, which was served only in the winter. I explained to her, that it was traditionally made by the hill tribes of north China, only in the winter, and made from usually mutton and five-spice. She was happy for the little lesson, and she happily stuffed her face with it, as she always thought it was Thai- Muslim food because of the meat. Later, the old lady confirmed what I said, but thought it was weird that I knew all about it. As we were in Jomtien, I thought it would be a good opportunity to call into Sally’s Bar for the first time. But because of the rain and the Buddhist holiday, it was a bit boring, but the music was good, and I was glad I didn’t come on my own, as I don’t think I would have taken any of the selection in there. So one drink and we were out of there, battling the hard rain all the way back to the hotel, passing 3 motorbike accidents, because the roads were so wet.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 19 (The road trip continued) Got back in the boat and off we went heading back to Kanchanaburi, but we left a girl in the pink hat behind, waving it from the barges still moored there, I think she was having a shit or something. The boat owner with his little boat pulling the two barges did a dangerous ‘U-Turn’, and we all thought he was going to sink, but he got close enough that she could jump on his little boat, then another sharp ‘U-Turn’, got his little boat close to our barges so she could jump on, all in the space of 3 minutes, then carried on down river, as if it was such a big deal. We all remarked, if it happened in Holland or England, they would have just left her there. We still had almost two hours to go, and we asked the DJ not to play any hard music, just slow songs at a low volume, to go with the relaxing mood we were in. Still waving the little shop boats over for coffee and snacks, and still taking in the beautiful sites, until we finally reached Kanchanaburi. We all piled into the coach, and the 6 hour drive back to Pattaya was easy, and seemed to be faster, and in no time at all we were in Pattaya just before the bars were kicking off. Now I started to worry about the key of my bike, but as we came close to the parking place where I left it, the guy immediately came to meet us with the key in his hand, which I exchanged it with a 100 baht, for him taking care of it. Everything was in order, except the cable of the starter was loose, so I kick-started it, and drove to Soi Buakhao where I knew I would get it fixed right on the spot, on the way to the hotel. For the guys who ride bikes, and are not aware… there is a couple of mechanic in this place; http://www.pattayaphotoguide.com/?CuuRUpfrkcRF7CAA Although I didn’t know what was wrong with it at the time, the little mechanic there sorted it out in a minute, and actually didn’t want any money for it, but I tipped him anyway. And for the newbies that rent out bikes…. If something happens to the bike…. Never take it back to the place you rented it out, as this is where you will get scammed. Always got to a place like this and get the bike fixed, where you will be charged the proper price for the repair, and the bike will be in good working order, when you return it. Needless to say, when we got back to the hotel, we were going to have a quite night in, and showered went to the market around the corner for Thai food, then it was back to the room, for a bit of a romp, and a few movies.

The Three Musketeers and a Few More! (Continued) Day 19 (The road trip continued) The Monkey Training School, the Death Railway, and ‘Hell’s Fire Pass’. We thought we were simply heading back down river to Kanchanaburi, but as it was still a mystery tour, we moored along side another barge that was there by the riverbank of this temple, and disembarked through the other barge to shore. Lita herded us all into a monkey training school, and to our surprise there was no cover charge, nor was donations asked from us. Inside there was a little arena for a bit of a free show on how the monkeys were trained to harvest coconuts, and a few other tricks. These monkeys would be trained, and hired out to farmers come harvest time, so that’s how they make their money, and the show was only for educating the Thai’s. The show began with this little evil looking monkey, starting off with his hands cupped together and gave a wei, when the lady trainer said “Sawasdee Ka”, and then proceeded to show how they are trained, first using gadgets on the ground, before they are sent up the tree to twist and kick off only the ripe coconuts. Then went on to do some tricks, but all the wile giving me dirty looks as if to say, “I’ll knock fuck out of you mister, if you keep looking at me like that!” This little evil monkey had to do a trick, which was 10 numbers painted on small wooden tiles, face down on the ground after being shuffled by a member of the audience. Then the monkey was asked to pick out number 5, and sure enough he did it. I’m sure the monkey cheated, as the number must have had a mark on the back, and wile the audience clapped, he was still looking at me as if to say, “Aye! I suppose your going to tell everyone how I did that!” I’m sure the lady trainer noticed this mental conversation between me and the monkey, because she came straight for me, to volunteer to beat the monkey at the same trick, but I was allowed 3 chances, as I’m only a mere human. First she made me face the audience just like the monkey did, and told me to wei to them, so I cupped my hands together, bowed, and said, “Sawasdee khrap”, and she turn and said to me, “Aahhh! That’s a good monkey!” “What was that?” “Oh, nothing sir!” Then she asked me to pick out number 9, so I went over and right away, I picked up number 6, turned it upside down, and said, “There you go missus!” “No, no! that’s number 6!” So the comedy started with me and her arguing, then I eventually had another go and actually picked out number 9, so I beat the monkey, and won a banana. Now that I had '69' in my hands, I started to tease her, that it was my favorite number, and did she know what I meant, with a nudge and a wink. Then ‘Dear’ was asked to compete with another monkey at basket ball, and the monkey got the ball in the basket the third go, but ‘Dear’ got it on the second go, and won another banana. Thinking we had won a free breakfast was short lived, as we were not allowed to leave the compound with the banana’s, and had to feed them to the monkey’s on the way out. That evil monkey I beat, now had a big smile on when he saw the banana, “Well you can fuck off mate… you cheating bastard!” And I gave the banana to the gibbon…. Fuck him, that’ll teach him. Just outside the monkey compound we all climbed a steep embankment, onto the tracks of the “Death Railway” and walked up towards the Japanese Buddha, through the ‘Hell’s Fire Pass’ and took some photos, where Fie Dollah, FatboyUK, and I, posed for a photo, with Fie Dollah saying, “Right lads! Lets show the guys back home, the day we had building the bloody railway!” Bloody was a good word for it, as the tracks were splattered with blood, from big bastard snakes, that were chopped up to bits by the wheels of the train, as they tried to cross the tracks. Everywhere we walked, there were bits of big snakes all over the place, and at that point ‘Fie Dollah’ was winding up FatboyUK, who would shit himself if he saw a snake, “Watch out for snakes jumping out of the bushes and biting you!” That big fella was a bunch of nerves the whole way up the tracks, watching out for any kind of movement in the bushes, and couldn’t wait to get back on the boat. One rare thing we did see was something like a komodo dragon, about the size of the average crocodile, chopped in half by the tracks. As it was so hot there we left our shirts on the barge, and when we got to the gates of the Buddha, I ask the guys not to go any farther out of respect, as we were improperly dressed to enter, and advised them that there is a dress code when entering a temple. All the Thai’s passing us, were mostly taking photos of us with the girls, as it was a rare occasion to see so many LB’s in one place, and they were over the moon with us. And as we made out way back down the embankment, some of the Thais stopped us, asking could they take photos of us with our LB’s. So Dear and I stopped to pose for some snaps, when I heard ‘Fie Dollah’ shouting at the Thai’s from behind me, “Here I’ll give you a pose mate!” and the Thai’s taking our photo all started to jump about, all excited, and giggling like school girls, pushing past Dear and I, to quickly take photo’s of ‘Fie Dollah’ and Tar. I turned to see what all the excitement was all about, and there was ‘Fie Dollah’ who pulled one of Tar’s tit’s out, bent over, with his tongue on her nipple, with a big smile. And after the snaps where took, ‘Fie Dollah’ was getting a pat on the back from the Thai’s saying, “You vely good man… thank you, thank you!”…….. dirty, dirty, bastard!..... I recon it’s people like ‘Fie Dollah’ that gives us farangs a bad name.