The Sharting Thread

[deepthroat]

So, with all the "shit" going around the forum today, I thought it was the perfect time to finally create my long-threatened SHARTING thread. In my mind (and those of all other like-minded 7 year old boys) there's not much funnier than a good story about shitting or farting. So combine those two topics and you have a comedy thread of thermonuclear proportions.

What got me thinking about this is my friend from Spokane who I met up with in Pattaya last trip. He said that the night before, he'd been lying in bed with his GG telak and felt a bit of gas, so he made like to fart and the felt something warm and wet running down his leg. He ended up having to call housekeeping to change his sheets and was humiliated, but it was either that or sleep in his own mess.

My only real experience that I can recall was with a GG back in the states that was madly in love with me. She was a few years older and I was thinking of dumping her anyway (no pun intended). We were madly going at it one night, I was plowing her like the back forty when she started to come, screaming and shrieking and clawing, and then - GAG. I could smell something awful.

Turns out in the midst of her ecstasy she lost bowel control and shit herself and my bed something fierce.

I don't know that I've ever been more disgusted in my life. I went from "about to cum" to "thinking about homicidal clowns" in about 2.3 seconds. Fully engorged to limp.

Anyone got some LOS sharting experiences to share?

[Manarak3]

I can chip in my "Nam Pla Story" from almost 3 years ago (part of my july 2009 trip report)

The nam pla story!

So, in the evening when I met SamplerDoc, we went to a small restaurant where I ate some rice and something else I don't remember.

Sometimes I like to eat my dishes "medium spicy" as the thais say, so I tried the nam pla - where tiny slices of chilli were swimming - using the tip of my fork.

It was spicy enough, alright, so I emptied the whole nam pla into my rice.

The rice tasted good and spicy with that addition, and I washed it down with a Leo.

I forgot completely about that rice... until noon the next day.

It was my first morning / lunch in Patts, and I went to explore restaurants for lunch, especially I wanted to find some food courts with tasty and cheap dishes.

So I pocketed a Pattaya guide at reception of PBR, put that in the backpocket (asspocket) of my shorts and off I went.

I checked out a few places (but not central festival, otherwise I would have lunched there) and finally ended up at the royal garden mall, where I climbed the elevators until I reached the food wave on the last floor.

That food court didn't have many customers, as almost every venue I visited in Pattaya. All restaurants were pretty much dead.

With Chinaman, we went to "Great American Rib" on Thepprasit road. We walked past half a dozen restaurants that were completely empty, with the staff watching TV.

At GAR, we were the only customers!

Back to Food Wave:

The food court is made for foreigners, everything is covered with plastic, and the dishes look bland. There is even a stall with russian dishes, pelimenje, jarkoye, etc.

There are specialized stalls for fruits, dishes from Isaan, Thai Royal cuisine, vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, etc.

I ordered some fried rice, some fried pork neck from Isaan (I love that dish!! mmmmhh) and a big plate of watermelon.

As I said, there weren't many customers.

I went to sit outside, there is a nice view of Pattaya bay (I'll attach the pic in the next post).

Two tables away from me, an arab sat down with his "conquest" from the night before, no doubt. He ordered lots of food.

Anyway, I eat my pork neck, rice and watermelon.

Did I already say I love the fried pork neck ??

At the end of my meal, I did what I often do at that moment: I felt like a nice fart was in order, I didn't sit outdoors for nothing.

But I am also experienced in my body's ways in Asia, so I first probed cautiously.

There was something wrong with the probe!

Do you know that feeling as if you put toothpaste or arnika on your asshole?

Well, that was unmistakable, so I rose and went slowly to the toilet, doing small but quick steps, like the japanese geishas when they walk with those dumb wooden shoes.

I was just hoping that the probe had been small enough so that a dark stain wouldn't give away my botched attempt at a satisfying final fart for concluding my lunch.

The toilet was very pleasant and clean and the damage to the aft hull wasn't as great as I expected. The containment field (i.e. underwear) had done its work, and I then only had to purge the system.

The whole place filled up with a smell of nam pla, and my ass was burning!

Water, water and more water, mixed with tiny slices of chilli!!!

bah !

So, newbies, DON'T EMPTY THE WHOLE BUCKET OF NAM PLA INTO YOUR FOOD, DAMNIT.

When my ship was ready to sail again, I stuffed the damaged aft containment shield into a pocket, and headed to the exit.

Now something strange happened - I gave the girl my food court card, she processed it and then said something in an english that I couldn't understand, pointing at my ass.

Uh, I thought. Oh shit (my face must have had a strange expression).

She gestured some more, before I understood that she meant the Pattaya guide in my backpocket.

Phew !

So I give it to her and she rips off a 10% discount ticket from the backside of the guide.

Hmmm... I didn't even notice that I had that discount with me!

Amazing Thailand!

Nothing to do with my trip report, but I reached page 379 of John Burdett's "Bangkok Eight" and the story is really really great.

(there's a bookstore on suk, between soi 5 and 7 I think, where you can have a three for two deal on burdett books)

[williethepimp]

Nice idea for a comedy thread DT,my "sharting" episode was of the extreme nature...(Not a LOS experience however)

My life up to a certain point was a serious of ever embarrassing episode ,almost always associated with the quaffing of large quantities of alcohol.

I was out for the evening with my more sober brother,we had already consumed quite a few scoops of the amber nectar,and then we won the pub quiz,the prize being a gallon of Guiness.With only an hour left before closing time,i proceeded to demolish as much of the gallon as I could,ie ,the majority of it in fact..

on the way home,I felt the urge,and actually thought I'd go into a neighbour's garden to relieve my load.....but before I could,an unstoppable force....a tsunami of turds...the full load deposited itself in my boxer shorts......not a little bitty "shart" but the full monty.....To make matters worse,I was staying at my brothers house....of course I bolted for the bathroom and cleaned up the best I could,but I couldnt hide the evidence...a huge shite stain on the back of my trousers and down the legs.......I left early in the morning to avoid facing even more embarrassment....

[deepthroat]

I wish you guys could see my face and hear my guffaws as I read your posts. Ah, the sweet innocent laughter of a 7 year old! :)

Love it.

[Manarak3]

ok, here's another one...

nothing to do with the LOS or LBs, and it was a loooooooooong time ago in a country where most people can spell "Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte" correctly.

I worked in a sausage factory (grin) for some months to get some dosh and it was time for the summer festival party.

The factory invites everybody for a party with its products (excellent sausage products) and beer. lots of beer.

I drank about 4.5 to 5 liters in 3 hours.

Needless to say, I was completely pissed.

I made it back to my place on the bicycle, I think I fell about a dozen times (judging from my general state, that of my clothes and of the bicycle), even the police asked if they could help, luckily I had just 200 meters more to cover when they took notice.

I was staying at a friend's place, and luckily the friend was asleep when I came back at about 2am.

I sneaked in, straight to the bathroom and started puking into the toilet... and fell asleep! (in hindsight, I suspect I passed out into ethylic coma).

I woke up at around 6am, and had made a big big big mess in my sleep!

The problem was, the mess didn't go into the toilet, as the other end of my body (the head) was already inside while I slept!

I was panicked, and hoped my friend did not get up in the night to pee or something, LOL.

Still totally drunk and sick, I cleaned the rug and the ground and everything.

If he saw something, he never mentioned it.

My intoxication was so bad, that during the next six month even a small gulp of beer would make me sick, and only after one year I was able to drink a full glass of beer without feeling nauseated.

[deepthroat]

Great story. Sort of reminds me of when I went to see a "Planet of the Apes" triple feature at a theater when I was in my preteen years. I brought a box of "Chicken In A Biscuit" crackers with me (crackers that are flavored like - um - chicken).

I ate the entire box, then ended up puking my guts out. To this day I can't think about the crackers without feeling sick to my stomach.

[williethepimp]

ok, here's another one...

nothing to do with the LOS or LBs, and it was a loooooooooong time ago in a country where most people can spell "Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte" correctly.

I worked in a sausage factory (grin) for some months to get some dosh and it was time for the summer festival party.

The factory invites everybody for a party with its products (excellent sausage products) and beer. lots of beer.

I drank about 4.5 to 5 liters in 3 hours.

Needless to say, I was completely pissed.

I made it back to my place on the bicycle, I think I fell about a dozen times (judging from my general state, that of my clothes and of the bicycle), even the police asked if they could help, luckily I had just 200 meters more to cover when they took notice.

I was staying at a friend's place, and luckily the friend was asleep when I came back at about 2am.

I sneaked in, straight to the bathroom and started puking into the toilet... and fell asleep! (in hindsight, I suspect I passed out into ethylic coma).

I woke up at around 6am, and had made a big big big mess in my sleep!

The problem was, the mess didn't go into the toilet, as the other end of my body (the head) was already inside while I slept!

I was panicked, and hoped my friend did not get up in the night to pee or something, LOL.

Still totally drunk and sick, I cleaned the rug and the ground and everything.

If he saw something, he never mentioned it.

My intoxication was so bad, that during the next six month even a small gulp of beer would make me sick, and only after one year I was able to drink a full glass of beer without feeling nauseated.

Bloody hell,that was a proper drink! That takes sharting to a new level.....nice post manarak