Welcome back you horny homos, kinky twinks, budding bottoms and turgid tops! As we continue to work to make The Male Escort Review be all that it can be, we are back with more advice on how to pay for play with all you gay lays!
TWe know that many of you are new to the escort scene - and even if you are an experienced pay for gay, you may have never written an escort review before. That's where we want to help.
The Male Escort Review only works because we are a cum-unity. If our members don't give us the dickalicious details of their dirty deeds, we won't know which asses we want to seed!
Yet, many people are put off by the idea of writing escort reviews. They may worry that they aren't "really writers." Other dudes may feel uncomfortable talking about their sinful sexperiences. Still more don't understand exactly what we are looking for in a racy readable review.
These dudes may end up simply reading reviews, or else put through reviews that don't fit our sexpectations. But that's not good for anyone. The Male Escort Review is only valuable for all of us as long as reviews are a renewable resource.
That means that we need to get as many writers as we do readers. In other words, we need you to kiss and tell.
Remember, The Male Escort Review is here to help you keep out of the woods. Before the Internet, hiring raunchy rent boys for the bump and grind was a shot in the dark. You'd never know if you were going to get a man or a scam! But, now you can check out the goods, find out the low down on how they hoe down so that you can shake your ass and go to town!
So, we'd like to take a little time out of our sexcapades to talk about how you can write the best reviews possible.
That way you can help cum-tribute to our community!
First Off - Worry About Busting Your Nut, Not Getting Busted
When we talk to horny homos about why they don't post reviews one of the most common responses we get is: "I don't want to get caught."
This is because some of our members are married and have to tongue the tuna in between their man meat marathons. Some are in the closet and don't want to risk their identities getting back to their bosses or families. Still others are worried about the long arm of the law coming out and hauling their ass into jail, just because they wanted to get their ashes hauled.
Bring on the chill, babycakes. You've got nothing to worry about. The Male Escort Review takes your privacy seriously and will never give you information out to anyone. Unless you post your real name on the site, you can be assured that your beards, bosses and babies will never find out what you are up to.
Even more importantly, our reviews are labeled as "for entertainment purposes only," which means they cannot be used against you or anyone else in any court of law. You still have Freedom of Speech, even after four years of getting fucked by Bush.
Therefore, the only cops you'll ever have to deal with are those who are moonlighting by tripping the dick fantastic with bad boys like you!
Secondly - The Devil Is In The Details!
A common problem we find when it comes to the escort reviews is that many of the men want to skip right down and write their story - without filling out the form at the top of review.
This is a big bad. We put those forms in for a reason. Quite simply, details that are not important to you - and might, therefore, not end up in your narrative - might be very important to other Friends of Dorothy.
Most of us have some fetish or other. Some of us like "straight" boys who are just in it for the money. Others only do tops, while some need to switch it up. Others really care about body hair.
For every size queen out there, you'll find a happy homo with a tight ass who likes to hump a smaller pole. And that's not even starting to get into the cut/uncut debate or the way some of us feel about facial hair!
That's why we insist that you go through all of the check boxes provided and let us know as many details as you can remember.
A dude may be very handsome and good in bed, but have a single feature that could leave one of our members turned off even though they've just laid out $200 based on your recommendation.
We've tried to make the form as easy as possible - and will continue to refine it per suggestions from our members. But, in the meantime, we need to know the real deal - so we are sure they'll find the guys who will make them squeal!
Third - Tell Us About The Connection!
A good deal of the people who visit Male Escort Review are retired, self employed or otherwise have a lot of free time on their hands.
That said, a lot of us are very, very busy people, who don't have that much free time in our day. Between work, family and other obligations, we need to find escorts that we can hook up with quickly.
For that reason, one of the first things you should include in each and every review is how easy it was to contact the escort. Let us know if they responded to emails or phone calls quickly and discreetly.
Don't feel bad if you have to say that it took a while to get in touch with them. That's fine for many of us - in fact, I like the boys who are in demand and tease me by making me wait for their wang!
It will just let the people who don't have the time to wait around know that they should look for a more available dude.
Fourth - Don't Write A Porn Fantasy - Keep It Real!
Many of us guys like to feel like we are the kings of the world when it comes to scorching the sheets. This can lead us to temptation and make us want to exaggerate our sexual experiences.
That's fine when you are trading stories with your friends - but it's not appropriate on Male Escort Review. Here, it's all about keeping it real. So, don't write an involved, improbable porn fantasy. You don't want to build up people's sexpectations only to have them let down when they go down.
If the guy is six inches long, don't write that he's got "10 inches of monster cock." If you fucked twice, don't tell us you did it four times. You don't have to tell us about every burp, fart or awkward moment, but you do need to tell us the real deal.
We are all grown men here and nobody is going to think less of you if you had a quickie or simply got one bang for your buck.
There are plenty of web sites where it's completely appropriate to write out your pornographic fantasies, but this is not the place to go searching for bragging rights. Instead, just lay out your story as realistically as you can remember.
You'll be doing everyone a favor.
Tip Five - Keep Away From The Superlatives!
A lot of us get very emotional or excited after a date with an escort. If we've just had a monster orgasm, we may be really pumped out. If the dude didn't quite live up to our sexpectations, we may feel unreasonably down. Some of us like to party and play, which means we might not be in the most rational frame of mind.
This is not the time to write your escort review. Chill out, smoke a cigarette or have a glass of wine. Then, the next day when you've had time to reflect is when you should dish the dirt on how he made you squirt.
Otherwise you might end up writing that the dude was "the best escort I've ever been with!" or "I had the worst experience of my life," when neither might really be true. That's why we highly recommend keeping the superlatives to a minimum.
They don't really help other guys, because we all know that almost all escorts are somewhere in the middle of the sexy spectrum. If we end up with 200 reviews saying each bit of man meat is the hottest escort in the world and another 200 saying that the rest are a bunch of limp-dicked fat fucks, it doesn't help anyone.
We love your enthusiasm, but it's better for everyone if you write a rational, reasonable review after you've come down from your sexual high, so that we can more accurately evaluate how your horny hoe down went.
Finally - Don't Be Coy!
Now it's true, at Male Escort Review, we are not looking for porn fantasies. But, on the other hand, we are not a bunch of virgin spinsters either!
For every complaint we get that an escort review seems physically unlikely and more probably a fantasy, we get another complaint about a review that simply doesn't give us enough information to let people know if the burly boy is worth a roll in the hay.
I know that some people believe think it's better not to tell and to keep those "special moments" special, and that some people are uncomfortable writing about sex; but you've got to give us something to work with.
It doesn't help people if you talk about how it was meeting him and what he looked like but then decide to become discreet when it comes down to what you actually did when it was time to play ball.
As we noted before, each of us has their own penile preferences - and some of them are very specific. So, while we don't want you to exaggerate about your sexolympics, writing "then what happened will remain between us" is equally useless.
Guys need to know what the fuck felt like, who was on top, who initiated the contact, whether there was kissing or not and what kind of sexual style the escort used to make you cum!
All of this information is what helps people make an educated decision about whether or not they want to hire a specific escort.
It might be nice to say that we are with these dudes for their sunny personality, what they do with their cock, balls and ass is what we are really after! So, don't be shy, let it all hang out and put your best cock forward!
Let's Get Ready To Write The Right Way!
See, that wasn't that hard, was it? Certainly nowhere near as hard as the boy I banged last night!
Now you know the basics it's time for you to take the bull by the horns, set up a date, come back and share your experience with the rest of the class. Think of it as show and tell for the grown ups!
We can't wait to hear what you have to say, and we hope to keep you cumming back for more!
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