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The Cargopants interview

 

   This interview took place over 2 afternoons in the Katty Bar with Jimmy Cargopants and myself. Jimmy was in Jomtien for a few days last autumn, it was the second time that we had met.  He had graciously agreed to be interviewed for this Katty Bar Klub project as long as I gave my word that unlike many interviewers whom he has known, I wouldn’t stoop to stereotyping Australians, as he is a proud member of that nationality, and also that I would show him the interview before publication so that he confirm accuracy. This demand rather upset me as I do consider myself to be honest and fair, but of course I agreed to his terms along with his demand that he could refuse publication if he deemed it prudent.

   But sorry Jimmy… I lied.

THE INTERVIEW DAY 1.

  “Jimmy, thanks for coming today. It’s lovely to meet you again, Thanks also for doing this interview as I do think that it’s just as important in the historical annals of the Katty Bar that the BM supporters share the limelight equally with Emmy and the kittens.”

 “Fair dinkum BBG... Am I getting paid for this by the way?”

“No! But let’s start by talking back through your life. My researchers in Australia inform me that you are in fact now OZ’s premier male model, is that true? And how did it happen?”

“Some say that I am BBG, but you know how people love to label others. Me, I never talk about it ….

“Have a beer Jimmy?”

 …. Okay! It all started when I taught English in China for a few years. Not doing anything much really one day, I was just hanging around passing the time and happened to be sitting outside a café drinking coffee, when 2 or 3 sheila’s walked by looking at me and then came back to sit at the next table, they seemed to be giggling a lot and I couldn’t help wondering why.

Strewth Cobber! They wouldn’t stop laughing. I wasn’t until I stood up to go that I saw that the zip had broken on my shorts and my didgeridoo was hanging out. Was I embarrassed? Was I? No not really, I used to do it a lot around that time if truth be told…

Anyway we got talking and they invited me back to their place, I wasn’t too sure about going because quite honestly two of them looked like the back end of a Wallaby, but I thought about the offer for a nanosecond and said …Yes!

That was the event which really started my modeling career Blind Boy, but I really don’t want to talk about it anymore today …

“Want another beer Jimmy?”

…..Okay! They took me back to their place, big house, and they gave me a drink which must have been spiked because the room started to spin and I couldn’t feel my arms and legs. It was great! But when I finally recovered consciousness it was a bit scary. I couldn’t move and the room I was in was different, it looked like a dungeon, lots of very nasty looking things like whips hanging from the walls.  I realized eventually that I was also stark-bollock naked and chained to a table.  Oh yes… I remember now, I also had a massive black dildo shoved up my arse. 

   Now that was confusing because my personal dildo is pink and I thought I’d removed it before I left my room. I don’t often wear it while outside because it makes sitting down a bit difficult at times and it sometimes drops out which can be hard to explain when walking in a crowd.

Moving on from all that, those 3 kept me prisoner for weeks, using me for their sexual gratification. That’s all I was BBG, a living sex-toy, just someone to be used and abused. Some men I know would love that, but it was very difficult for me, at times I had to resort to fantasising about some good looking Wallabies I had known when I lived in Tasmania. Thank god I did, they really helped me out.

It was only after I escaped that I discovered that they had been selling nude pictures and videos of me on the internet. It also seemed that my photos had appeared in quite a few Asian magazines: ‘Saigon Shemales’ .. ‘Gaijin Gayboys’ …’Szechuan sexy-men’ and others. Obviously there had to be a bit of photoshoping going on with my hair and eyes, and they had to make my dong look smaller. But I looked okay. When you are starting out in a modeling career BBG, the photographers and magazine editors hold all the cards. Wasn’t much I could do about it anyway really after they’d all been published.

They’d given me the name… ‘The Aussie Stallion’…  It was because of those shoots that when I returned to Australia I was chosen for the well-known Cosmopolitan- Cargopants special issue. You haven’t got a copy of that have you BBG? If you have please don’t show it because I want to put all that behind me now”

 

image.png.6bdc06cd94c4a282ad44972e3838aa42.png

of course I won’t Jimmy…, I’m well happy to respect your wishes…oops!.  It’s all very interesting and informative so far I must say. I never even knew that there are Wallabies in Tasmania. But let’s move away from your modeling days for a while, do you like staying here in Jomtien?”

“I do BBG, love it. As you know I stayed at the Katty last year also, i had a great time then too. I don’t know who told Emmy that I’m an Aussie but she really went to town on my behalf to help me feel as though I was home from home. It was only after I fell into a deep puddle in the median outside the Bar that I realized that Emmy had dug a Billabong for me so that if I got bored I could camp by it.  I don’t know who it was that suggested that she should buy a ‘Billy’ for me to boil in my room. I heard that she went shopping for days trying to get one but to no avail….. Er… were the billabong and Billy suggestions anything to do with you BBG?”

“Nope! Must have been Quinn!”

 “Well, never mind, the most wonderful thing was that August changed her name to Matilda for the week I was there.  Emmy thought of everything. Must admit I got a bit fed-up with all the waltzing though. Personally I would say to our American BMs that if you stay at Katty then don’t tell Emmy where you are from,  or you’ll possibly get all the staff acting out the battle of the Alamo in your room all day and night..”

Thanks Jimmy, now a bit of a personal question for you… Have you ever been married?”

“Once, a long time ago, I forget her name now… Oh yes, Matilda it was. Mind you, every woman in Australia over forty is probably called Matilda thinking about it. Except that is for some posh ones from somewhere like Gundiwindi or Hobart. They might have gone a bit uppity and renamed themselves Sheila nowadays, delusions of grandeur if you ask me. A lot of the younger ones nowadays though seem to prefer Kylie for some reason. All the old traditions are dying out.

Anyway, the missus Matilda, I have to confess Cobber that the marriage didn’t last long, only one night actually. We were courting for weeks but she never let me touch her, I found it very strange to be truthful, but I respected her wishes and of course I knew that we had the rest of our lives together to have children and start a family. I must have been a bit naïve back then, when I think back the hairy legs should have given me a clue, plus she never put the toilet seat down.

Have you sussed it BBG? It was only on our wedding night that I found out that she was a bloke.  Sometimes I still break down and cry, I really do. When she left next morning she pinched all my Cargo pants.

“Okay Jimmy, thanks for all that, I really am grateful, after one afternoon I feel that I’ve learned so much from you about Aussie culture. Shall we have a drink now and try to prise Sunny’s hand from inside your shorts?”

“Okay BBG, we’ll continue tomorrow if you want and yes, let’s have a beer.  Don’t worry about Sunny’s hand though.”

End of day 1….

to be continued…

Edited by blind boy grunt
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Only in the Pattaya area would this type of conversation sound perfectly normal and par for the course.  Good work chaps and bring on the next part....:character00274:

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Day 2 …The interview continued.

“Jimmy, good afternoon, how are you feeling?”

Hi Blind boy… I’m fine but very tired ,it was a long night, too many beers.

“Did you and Sunny have a good time?”

“Not really, I never saw her after the bar shut. You know that I’m a bit of a music fan. I had the urge to write a song for Sunny. It’s in my blood really, I sometimes can’t help it. As you know I love music especially Aussie rock and roll.”

“Oh, you mean bands like AC-DC Jimmy?”

“No- bloody hippies! I mean the real rockers in Aussie music, people like Frank Ifield, Judith Durham, Rolf Harris… You know - the people that started it all.”

“Mmmmm, dangerous ground there Jimmy, so what was the song called that you wrote last night? Are you going to sing it for us?”

“Well, I have named it ‘Sunny Hunny Bunny Blues’ I’d sing it for you but that wouldn’t be advisable I think. Anyway really to sing it I would need musical accompaniment.”

“ Okay! You are never going to believe this Jimmy but your luck is in. I happen to keep behind the bar my Double Bass for just such an occasion as this, I’ll just get it.”

“Oh Christ!”

“ Here we are Jimmy, this damn thing gets heavier as I get older. Thinking about it I’d like to get Quinn here too with his acoustic guitar but I really shouldn’t.”

“Why not? Is he a crap player?”

“No, he’s great, excellent, but every time he bends down to get the guitar from under the bed he does his back in. Don’t worry though I can plink-plonk the bass with the best. You’ll be okay…Are you ready? Let’s Rock!

Jimmy cargo and the Sunny Honey Bunny Blues! Bring it on Jimmy!”

Plink plonk thud plonk plonk….

   You know me Sunny,

you know my name is Jimmy ‘C’.

You are my Honey, my Duracell-bunny, It’s so very funny…

That my nose is runny, You must be my allergy…    

 So please don’t embargo, me Jimmy Cargo.  

I’ll remember you Sunny…  Please don’t forget me.

 

    So things can happen to us in the Katty,

happen to me and happen to you.

Remember the time of Quinn’s gymnastics?

When from the back of a mo-bike he flew.

Remember the time in Kylemore’s Korner ?

When he tried to conquer Teya and bonk her..

Remember the whim of that girl so slim,

when she realised that she could also bonk him...

 Chorus Blind Boy… Hit it!

But waltzing Matilda,

I should have killed her, why i never did is a mystery.

Waltzing Matilda she was a mister I should have killed her…

But she was bigger than me.

I'll dream of you Sunny, when I’m not sleeping,

 I'll dry your tears when you are weeping,

I'll protect you from Blind boy and also Quinn,

I’ll protect you from Archie, be careful of him.

I’ll protect you from lies and un-vital statistics,

 I’ll protect you from charlatans and mystics.

I’ll protect you from Duke though he fancies Mona,

 I’ll protect you from QG and his talk of Corona.

I’ll protect you from PD though he's after Teya,

 I’ll protect you with bullets and also with prayer.

I’ll protect you from love and also from hate,

I’ll protect you forever while for you i wait.

I’ll protect you from heartache, and also from pain,

I’ll give you sunshine you’ll never know rain.

I’ll protect you from the dangers of mongers and strangers,

I’ll be your rock when everything changes.

I’ll protect you from Woodie and Nosher now,

though they’d soon be sorted by Sophia and Dao.

I’ll protect you from Rom and his marker pens,

I’ll protect you from BB and his magic lens.

I’ll protect you from high-blown creeps and Professors,

From glory hunters and sordid serial lechers.

I’ll protect you from believing in a life after birth,

I’ll protect you from nothing and what nothing’s worth.

I’ll protect you today and again tomorrow,

I’ll protect you forever from darkness and sorrow.

    Chorus Blind Boy… Hit it!

I'll dress you in silk silver and gold,

you’ll be in my will, when I get old.

 I’ll buy you a Ruby of burgundy red,

with gems and sapphires a crown for your head.

We’ll chose them from Paris or New York City,

you’ll look like a Queen, oh so pretty.

Or we can buy them from Soi Buckhao market,

we'll take the baht bus, no need to park it.

   So my dear Sunny it’s easy to see,

I’ll protect you from them,

 who’ll protect you from me?

 

 "That was great Jimmy, i've seen and heard loads in the Katty but never anything like that if you don't mind me saying. Great song! But i'm getting a bit embarrassed watching you singing with your hand down Sunny's shorts. I'm off to the bar, see you later."

" Bugger Me Blind Boy, Come back!!!  She's another Geezer!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

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Is there to be a continuation of the story. We need to find out if there was a conclusion to Jimmy's constant interference with Sunny's pants. Did he change hands, did he move to other parts of her body, or did he go on to explore other creatures in the same vicinity?.

Many questions to be answered.

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Hey @Jimmy Cargopants I've written a couple more lines for your ode to Sunny, as you seem to have forgotten bbg and I wouldn't like him to feel left out:

My Sunny, though I'm now far away,

I think about you night and day.

And I'll protect you from Grunt's lascivious thoughts,

Whenever he sees you in those slitted shorts.

 

Screenshot 2020-04-30 at 16.56.32 - Edited.png

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O my god, I'm weeping .....and so is Sunny!! It should be noted that BBG is recalling an interview we'd had many months ago, and much of it is now made up with words put into my mouth which I'd never used .....all the big words as it were.

The song bit is true though - BBG with his upright bass, Quinn with an old acoustic more battered than Willie Nelson's, me in Frank Ifield mode - a bit like Gene Vincent and his Blue Notes but way less cooler. Shame there are no pictures of that (none of us own cameras).. Now the true story about the song ---- We named our one original composition together (wait for it..) "Sunny". I was supposed to stump up with lyrics but caught stuck after "Sunny...", repeated about fifty times. It was hardly Dylanesque. When I finally came up with a rhyme ("dunny") the fellas sacked me as chief songwriter, I was told to go away while Grunt and Quinn huddled together for twenty minutes to thrash out a proper lyric (with too many big words in my humble opinion). Man we rocked the house then. Rocked the wicker furniture anyway .. rocked something! We were off our rockers and had soi dogs running in all directions. Even the girls looked up from their phones for about five seconds...

Good memories all, especially as we reflect back in these less than normal times. Who'd have guessed six months ago that the whole world would be ordered to stay in their room?? Strewth that's a turn up. If only I was quarantined in a room with Sunny..... with her shorts and bonzer bits. *Sigh*

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10 hours ago, blind boy grunt said:

your hand down Sunny's shorts.

I seem to recall Jimmy's first trip report a few years back about Patts when he went upstairs to a short time room in Soi 6 with an attractive young lady.

But when she got her kit off he realised to his horror she had a willy. He tried to wrestle his money back from her hand without success (you are very unlikely to get money back from a Soi 6 ladyboy!). And thought she had broken or sprained his thumb!

Am I right Jimmy?! You have come a long way since then! :biggrin:

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41 minutes ago, Quietguy said:

I seem to recall Jimmy's first trip report about Patts when he went upstairs to a short time room in Soi 6 with an attractive young lady.

But when she got her kit off he realised to his horror she had a willy. He tried to wrestle his money back from her hand without success (you are very unlikely to get money back from a Soi 6 ladyboy!). And thought she had broken or sprained his thumb!

Am I right Jimmy?! You have come a long way since then! :biggrin:

That is about eight years ago! First trip to LOS. Yes that soi 6 one was a thug  and a very unwise choice. The other big embarrassment was my first pick of the trip - a freelancer in BKK. It wasn't quite my first ever rodeo with a lb but close... It went very well but we got a taxi back to Sukhumvit and as we parted on the street I quite sincerely told her I love you. There's some hard core mongering action :blush:

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1 hour ago, Quietguy said:

I seem to recall Jimmy's first trip report a few years back about Patts when he went upstairs to a short time room in Soi 6 with an attractive young lady.

But when she got her kit off he realised to his horror she had a willy. He tried to wrestle his money back from her hand without success (you are very unlikely to get money back from a Soi 6 ladyboy!). And thought she had broken or sprained his thumb!

Am I right Jimmy?! You have come a long way since then! :biggrin:

God! i wish that i'd known about that! Possible B-side to Sunny Hunny Bunny Blues in the making...........

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1 hour ago, blind boy grunt said:

God! i wish that i'd known about that! Possible B-side to Sunny Hunny Bunny Blues in the making...........

Broken Finger Blues (a C&W number)

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12 hours ago, blind boy grunt said:

God! i wish that i'd known about that! Possible B-side to Sunny Hunny Bunny Blues in the making...........

 

11 hours ago, Jimmy Cargopants said:

Broken Finger Blues (a C&W number)

The Ballad of Jimmy Cargopants

Let me tell you the story of Jimmy C

A man from Oz in a strange country

He didn't know the ways of this strange new world

and thought that men were men and girls were girls.

Chorus: Big Jim, Big Jim C.

 

He went to Pattaya's Soi Six where

he'd heard about  the friendly girls there

Barfined a beauty and headed upstairs

But Jimmy was shocked by what he saw there.

Big Jim, Big Jim C.

 

She took off her clothes and asked for his dosh

Jimmy was taken aback and said 'Oh my Gosh!'

'You've got a todger - I'm not paying you!'

She said 'You took me upstairs, so payment is due!'

Big Jim, Big Jim C.

 

Our Jimmy made a dash for the door

But he got caught and wrestled to the floor

From his tightly clenched fist she prised the money

Saying 'I hab not pussy but you still owe me, honey!'

Big Jim, Big Jim C.

 

So the lesson of this sorry tale

is don't go upstairs with a gal who's genitals are male.

If you do you might not linger 

And end up wiser, poorer,.... and with a broken finger!

Big Jim - a wiser Jim C!

 

 

 

 

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nice one QG...and saves me doing the B-side too! 

If it's C/W though...doesn't that mean that only old people will listen to it? excluding me i hasten to add....

make it into a blues.... easy...just put a load of 'lordy Lordy' and 'Honeychild' into it...  sneak in a 'Woke up this morning' and it's done.

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29 minutes ago, blind boy grunt said:

make it into a blues.... easy...just put a load of 'lordy Lordy' and 'Honeychild' into it...  sneak in a 'Woke up this morning' and it's done.

Your song doesn't have any lordy, lordy, Honeychild or Woke up this morning in it.

It sounds more like rapping than blues, are you into grime?

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i may regret asking this but what is grime?

but no my thing wasn't rapping, i don't do rapping!  it is simply the anguished cry of a young man suffering from the hopelessness and helplessness of unrequited love.  Or simply not being able to get his leg -over perhaps..

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The Ballad of Jimmy Cargo Pants sounds like poppy Will Smith rap such as Girls Ain't Nothing But Trouble that actually has the line, "Hi my name is Sheila".     :drinks:

 

 

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The folk history of America
Is the history of it's heroes
Big workin' men like John Henry,
Paul Bunyon & Big Bad John

But today I'd like to introduce a new folk hero
He didn't work in a mine or on a railroad
Or any of those strenuous occupations
He worked in a beauty salon & his name was Bruce

Well at the beauty salon every morning at ten
Big Bruce arrived & kind of tip-toed in
He wore bell bottomed pants & a polka-dot tie
And whenever he spoke, it was just to say 'Hi'

Big Bruce
Big Bad Bruce

And everyone knew when he swished into town
You could smell his perfume for miles around
He stood six foot five, & weighed 106
With a curl in his hair & a smile on his lips

Big Bruce
Big Old Bruce

The boys all say he's from Abilene
Where he had a social group called
The Lone Star Queens
Some say Hollywood or Beverly Hills
Where he got arrested for passing
Three dollar bills

That's Bruce
Dumb Old Bruce

Then came the day of that terrible fire
Something went wrong in the number five dryer
Into the chaos of those matronly dames
Went Big Bad Bruce just a fannin' the flames

Big Bad Bruce
Big Bad Brucey Woosey

Well the flames grew higher & the fire got worse
And someone heard Brucey cry,
'Mercy I forgot my purse'
Into the fire with a squeal & a shout
We waited an hour, but he never came out

Poor Bruce
Poor Old Bruce

Where that salon once stood, there's a grocery store
But his name will live forever more
In the annals of time & the hall of fame
As the gay young cat who went down in flames

Big Bruce
You might say this has been kind of a fairy tale

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