Jump to content

any advice?


jay100

Recommended Posts

This is my 1st post here, although I have been reading several posts regarding bars and trip reports, often jealously.

 

I’d love to be able to have the time of my life like many of you do, but for some reason I just can’t get my head around a few things, which prevents me. Whenever I go to Pats etc. I think: "well this time I’m just going to have fun", but I don’t. I end up walking around at bit enjoying some eye candy intentionally not sticking around long enough anywhere for something to actually eventuate.  I return to my 5 star resort, frustrated, consoling myself with the fact that I prevented myself from an STD and that I’ll get a good night sleep enabling me enjoy the sun/ facilities for the whole of the next day.

 

Is it because I’m single (never married) so I tend to idealize the type of courtships and conquests I would like to have? I've got this need to be wanted and desired, making the whole p2p thing so difficult. I wish it wasn't  I envy guys who can just be true to their desires and take what they feel they deserve (so long as no one else is being harmed in the process).

Do I have a problem? Is it better that I just stay “sweet and innocent”? The problem with that is that I just end up roaming the dating sites looking for some connection without actually committing too easily. It takes time and, honestly, not 100% fair to the other party….

Anyway I've just joined this site and the members seem like an understanding and honest lot, so if anyone has an opinion (even if brutal), I’d love to hear it. 

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome Jay. I don't know if I can help, sounds like you've been on the horns of a dilemma so to speak. 

 

I might venture a guess that you don't go beyond walking around because you're afraid to commit, even just to the idea of spending a few minutes deciding if the chemistry is right with a girl out fear that she'll glom on and you won't be able to extricate yourself, and then spend the evening with a girl that you weren't that interested in?

 

Look, try to think of it this way - you go into a bar. Say La Bamba. Or Famous. You sit at the bar and have a drink. Lots of girls will approach you (Famous) or not (La Bamba). But you decide who you want to hang with. If girls come over that you aren't interested in, you say No, I wait for friend. If they persist you continue to decline. If you don't, you'll learn to. Eventually you'll see someone that makes your regions tingle, so you tell her "I buy you drink". If you like what you see/feel in the next little while, you go to room. If not, you thank her and move to a different bar.

 

When you eventually get that girl back to your room, it's your fantasy, you decide the terms. You want romance? Pick the right girl, it's in the cards. You want to feel wanted? Most any good courtesan can provide that. 

 

The deal though is that you tell her "I butterfly man" or she might have a tendency to think you're hers anytime you return to her bar, and you may not want that.

 

Has this gotten the conversation started?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's gotten it started for me, thanks for that.

I guess these smaller and more "comfortable" places are more of the radar.

I know any good "courtesan" can provide me with the feeling of being wanted, but i guess just like in a "normal" bar/club I wanna be able to also be someone else's fantasy too. I know its not realistic in p2p so that's why I'm torn. I remember reading  a joke on here about the way they always say "up to you". Honestly that attitude is somewhat  of a turn off for me - wish it wasn't...

Whats GOTC? I should be in town the following week.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Jay, welcome to Ladyboy Review!   :biggrin:

 

You remind me of a very good friend who once came to Thailand with me.

 

He doesn't like the concept of P4P even though the money was not an issue.

 

And STDs are a big issue with him.

 

I suggest starting out with mutual handjobs.  Safe sex for sure!

 

You might also prefer a shortime room rather than bringing them back to your upscale hotel.  If you want her a second time then bring her back to your hotel.

 

And also suggest you get Hep A and Hep B vaccines.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks.

mutual HJ? I can give myself a better job, and for cheaper :)

Jokes aside, I really doubt that I would be able to limit myself to just that if I was in that position...

How did it all work out for your friend?

Should I get shots before I fly or are they easy to get over there?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Best to get the shots ASAP in your home country.

 

My friend was not into ladyboys.  He stayed for a week, took three ladies, and also took one of them a second time.  This was 10 years ago and he's never been back to Thailand; it's not for everyone.

 

The whole idea of a handjob is giving them the handjob, a mild way of taking the first step.  The first step is often the most difficult.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whats GOTC? I should be in town the following week.

 

GOTC is an annual event (usually February) held in Pattaya. It means "Gathering of the Clan". It provides an opportunity for like-minded people to get together for an evening for drinks, food, and conversation. This year will be the third GOTC and it will take place on February 02. A venue for the event will be announce on this forum next week.

 

Hope you can make it Jay. It would be an excellent opportunity for you to meet many of the members who post on this forum and others. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Jay,

 

As I'm sure you'll agree it's all to do with your personal state of mind.

Everyone is different in this respect (including the writers of the trip reports you have been reading) and each has their own version of their desires, morals, self-image and overall outlook on life etc.

Some members no doubt shared similar thoughts as you and found their own ways to manage these feelings or change their perspective. The bravado displayed at times by many of us is only one part of the story.

 

Now, P4P certainly isn't for everyone but the simple fact that you use phrases such as "I’d love to be able to" and " I envy guys who can .." show that you have a strong desire to at least try it. I feel that only by trying it out (and not just once as this will not give your feelings towards it enough time to have a chance to adjust) will you ever know if it is for you.

 

 

I myself initially had problems with getting my head around what I was doing in Pattaya. The fact that the girls can be so pleasant and treat you as though they really like you was very enjoyable but in the morning when it came to paying them before they left made me see the previous night's fun for what it was and at times this made me feel really down. The more I liked the girl the worse this feeling was.

 

Over time things have gotten easier and now I can enjoy most encounters for what they are. I still haven't completely adjusted as every trip is still an emotional rollercoaster. 

My outlook is that everything evens out in the end. If we want really good times then we have to accept the bad times as well.

 

I first went to Thailand little more than two years ago and I've just bought the flights for my sixth trip so that should show how I feel overall. Yes, at times I've hit a few lows but I can honestly say that I've had some of the best times in my life in Pattaya, done things I would previously never have dreamt of and met some really nice people who were doing the same thing and at times going through some of the same issues.

 

 

Given your level of interest then I feel you really owe it to yourself to at least try it for a while otherwise you'll always be wondering 'What if ..?".

 

Maybe a good idea would be to start with a massage. That way you would be spending time with the girl on a professional basis (yet still with physical contact which most likely would arouse you) then when extras are offered it may be easier to take that step.

If that goes alright then next might be a short time. If you used Soi 6 then you would be able to simply pick a girl and do the buisiness without too much interaction beforehand - that way you could clearly see it as just a service the girl was supplying.

Having said this, I realise the subject of first steps is most importantly based on your feelings so your ideas may be totally different. Whatever you feel most comfortable with will be right for you.

 

 

Whew, am I still talking? OK, I'll shut up for now. Whatever you decide, if you ever have the chance then meet up with some board members for a drink. You might be suprised how normal we are and this should help change your perspective of the scene a little.

 

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

actually reading what you wrote reminds me of my 1st trip to Thailand - two years ago.

I was in Phuket, and eventually plucked up the courage to venture in to the more desirable side of the tracks, where i found myself in a pool hall full of TS and mamas etc. 

Seemed like an easier place for me to hang, i mean I'm just playing pool, right? :)

So i joined a table, enjoying myself. These girls were good! On the other had what did I expect? I play like once every couple of months and this is all they do...

Anyway after a few games I got to talking with one, while being encouraged by her mama, and I just bluntly said that I think I am an attractive guy (never have problems meeting girls) so I dont pay for sex, but asked how much for a conversation. She seemed flexible so I gave her 1000 or 1500 doesn't really make a difference to me, but I'm sure it does to her. Anyway we took a bike to the beach and after 30 mins of me getting through to her that she doesn't have to keep saying "up to you" we got to talking. I asked her, in a situation where she was the one paying and was paying me, what would she be asking for? Her answer both shocked and saddened me. She said that she would just want a guy to hold her, with no sex, for the entire night, something she has never experienced before. Without hesitation I said I'd do that.

We made some more small talk before I coaxed her into going into the water with me. She couldn't swim, so was very reliant on me (love that) and she had the time of her life. Always too scared to venture into the water, this was again, a first for her - she was beaming. 

Back at the hotel and they would not let her in due to a no LB policy. Keep in mind this was my 1st trip and I didn't even know that a guest in a hotel was limited in who he could bring back - and in Thailand of all places!

I could see how bad and humilitated she felt standing there wet at the front desk. I took her to a taxi and gave her another 500 for a taxi home with lots of hugging and sympathy. It really made me sad. I did meet up with her again to take her into the water she so loved, but never spent the night.

Wow, never shared THAT experience before.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And Tex hit the nail right on the head...Good call Tex...

 

Stop being analytical Dude...

 

Stop thinking with your head and start thinking with your heart...

 

Folks who try to analyze pleasure are usuallly gonna end up with a whole lot of displeasure...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And Tex hit the nail right on the head...Good call Tex...

 

Stop being analytical Dude...

 

Stop thinking with your head and start thinking with your heart dick...

 

Folks who try and analyze pleasure are usuallly gonna end up with a whole lot of displeasure...

 

 

ps. when morning comes, slip the money in her bag instead of handing it to her. feels less like P4P that way.

 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

ye, you guys are all correct, i know.

just got jump into the water ....

 

Glad to hear it and thanks for sharing that story. 

I still stand by the opinion that meeting some forum members would help and hey, some of us do 'think too mutt'. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told that by Thai girls.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ye, this forum is great and would love to shoot the breeze with members even tough I have given up the bottle, due to an intese  training schedule and all round healthier diet - something else that is not for everyone :)

Previously, I've just been "sneaking" around looking over at others sometimes disgusted, mostly envious but always just playing solo, both in mind and in company. So its even kind of liberating to be able to "come out" with level headed and like minded individuals... 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I'm at the opposite side. After being rejected and dumped by every girl in my whole life, I've given up the whole idea of any relationships and started going straight for p4p. Not even one night stands. For sex, you'll be paying money one way or the other-trust me, steady girlfriends cost much much more-so why put anything in between? I never ever try to get a girlfriend of any sort-GG or TS. The TS in my country are all girls in the p4p profession anyhow. I can say: just do it!

 

And about the other problems, there are many reliable sites around listing the guest-friendly hotels in the red light areas, you can check them out before you book. And of course there are short time hotels for the deed to be done. Don't know if they take an all-nighter too though.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

well i hear you mate, and yes I guess you do pay always in one way or another.

I dont mind spending money (esp when its cheap like LOS), even if I can "pick up" in a reg bar the drinks dinner etc are gonna add up really fast. It's the concept of it that I need to deal with.  

i really just need to make make nest trip dedicated to dealing with it :) . I'm already in Asia so its really a no-brainer.

Yuzi, you do sound jaded somewhat, are you happy now that you have given up on love and are "free for life"?

I'm sure if one really wanted, it would be easy to find someone in LOS, Phils etc. Almost every profile on every dating site is a sexy chick saying they no longer want young lookers / studs and want an older settled guy who just has a decent heart... (and no, I dont buy everything I read on those profiles)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was jaded, but no more. Once you admit defeat, it's easier for you to cope with that stuff. You don't care anymore. About finding someone over there...well, I can only go to LOS for short times, I'm mostly based (more like stuck) at home here. I dug the dating sites for quite a long time, no avail either. I think love and relationships need some skills that I lack. Not everyone can play a musical instrument, can they? Besides, if that was so good, why did my parents divorce? The first couple I've ever known is existing no more. I was already somewhat disillusioned, you see? I have a brother who's married and another one who's happy in a relationship....my old folks can have grandchildren from them, They don't need me for that. So, I'm happy with this. No drama, no "forgot my birthday/valentine's/anniversary" routines, no jealousy, no periods (this is for GG relationships), no hormonal mood swings (this is for LB relationships). Life can't be more perfect.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...